#CYECChapter26
"WHAT'S going on? Why are they together?" Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa nakita ko kanina. Halos kalahating oras nang nakalapag sa harapan ko 'yong iced coffee at croissant pero hindi ko pa rin nababawasan iyon.
"I was tailing Rysie for years, and all I could say is that she's not into Adam," Hope said, shrugging nonchalantly.
I raised a brow at him. "And why were you tailing her at the first place?"
"I just find it odd. The day she showed up in Briena town, I was sure as hell that I know her. She was really familiar to me. Then I remembered I saw her once in Vera City. And she was wearing a college uniform. And that was the same month she showed up in Briena town to work in a bookstore."
Nang sabihin niya iyon ay saglit akong napaisip. I clearly remember what she told me that day she showed up at the bookstore.
"Hello po! I'm Rysie. Galing po ako sa main branch ng Paria and nai-transfer po nila ako rito dahil kulang daw po kayo sa tao."
"Ah . . ." tanging nasabi ko saka ako tumango-tango. Pinagmasdan ko siya mula ulo hanggang paa. Mukhang mas bata siya sa 'kin. Maikli ang buhok niya at may bangs din siya.
"Ikaw na lang po talaga ang nandito?" she asked, breaking me out of trance.
Agad akong umiling. "May inaasikaso lang si Sandro, 'yong manager. Pero papasok din 'yon kapag maayos na ang lahat."
"Ah, 'yong nakapatay po sa isa niyo pang katrabaho?"
Natigilan ako nang sabihin niya iyon. Paano nakarating sa kanya ang balitang iyon? Napakalayo ng lugar na 'to sa pinanggalingan niya.
"Ah. Nabasa ko lang po sa diyaryo no'ng nakaraan saka napanood ko rin sa tv," bigla niyang sabi na para bang nababasa niya ang naiisip ko kaya tumango lang ako. Naibalita na pala sa publiko ang nangyari. Napabuntonghininga tuloy ako.
"I'm Ciem by the way," pagpapakilala ko sa kanya saka ko inilahad ang kamay ko. Agad niyang tinanggap iyon at ngumiti nang matamis sa 'kin.
"Alam mo naman na siguro ang mga gagawin?" paninigurado ko at agad siyang tumango. "I've been working at the main branch for eight months na po. So, yes po. Alam ko na po ang mga gagawin," nakangiting sabi niya kaya tumango rin ako.
"Weird. She told me she's been working at the main branch of Paria for eight months. Paria doesn't hire anyone without a college diploma. How did she get in if she's still in college?"
"That's why I started tailing her. Pero wala naman akong masyadong napala. She's too good at everything. Nagtaka lang talaga ako na ilang beses na silang nagkikita ni Adam."
"True. They weren't that close. I clearly remember introducing them to each other when Adam picked me up at work."
"Or maybe that wasn't the first time they've met?" Hope said, his forehead creased. He's like trying to solve a puzzle that doesn't make sense.
"What are you trying to imply, Hope? Na matagal na akong niloloko ni Adam?" Wala na. Naubos na ang pasensya ko. Hindi na kinakaya ng utak ko lahat ng mga nalalaman ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit bigla na lang bumalik sa buhay ko si Hope. Bakit ba siya bumalik sa buhay ko? Para lang guluhin ako?
"You know what, Hope? If you're trying to make me doubt Adam, just . . . stop it already. I trust him. And I know he has a reason for lying to me." Now that sounded insincere. Who am I trying to fool?
"Sure, let's say that. But your boyfriend is a lawyer, Ciem. Don't you ever forget that," madiin niyang sabi at saka siya tumayo para tuluyang umalis sa harapan ko.
And what the hell did he mean by that?
***
IT'S 3AM, and I'm still wide awake. I didn't even try to close my eyes. I was afraid of having nightmares again. I have this feeling that something will happen to me once I fall asleep.
And I know this is a bad thing. It's like . . . my somniphobia came back. Or maybe it's been always there with me, and I just fooled myself that I was already cured.
Ramdam ko ang pagbigat ng mga mata ko pati ng dibdib ko. Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko.
Why am I feeling this way again?
I thought I was fine.
I thought I was happy.
Turned out I was wrong.
Nang makaramdam ako ng antok ay agad kong kinagat ang sarili kong braso. Sa sobrang diin nang pagkakakagat ko ay napahinto ako ng magsimula itong magdugo.
Agad na dumaloy ang hapdi sa balat ko, at maya-maya'y kumirot na ito.
Mabilis akong tumayo at pumunta sa banyo para hugasan ang sugat ko. Habang dumadaloy ang tubig sa braso ko ay napatitig na lang ako sa salamin at pinagmasdan ang sarili ko.
Ilang araw na akong walang tulog at kitang-kita 'yon sa mukha ko.
I know I should sleep, but I just couldn't do it.
Few hours later, the sun was beaming through the curtains causing me to stir. I groaned when the first beam of sunlight hit my face.
Picking up my alarm clock on the side table, I looked at the time.
It's 7AM and I still haven't slept at all.
Letting out a long sigh, I placed my clock back on the surface and slowly began to sit up. I put my hand to my head which was throbbing. Crawling out of my warm bed, I walked to the bathroom and searched for my pills, but I failed. I've seen nothing. Adam has thrown them all away few years ago before I started taking treatments from his friend. And now it sucks. I don't have any pills left!
"Hey, everything alright?"
Nagitla ako sa biglaang presensya ni Adam sa likuran ko. Nakauwi na pala siya.
Mabilis akong lumingon sa kanya at marahang tumango. He's still wearing the same corporate attire that he wore last night. Napangiti ako. Ang guwapo niya pa rin kahit walang ligo. Yumakap ako sa kanya at alam kong hindi niya inaasahan 'yon. Ganito lang talaga ako, biglang naglalambing sa kanya. "Sorry, hindi ako nakasama sa inyo ni Adlei umuwi kila Tito at Tita."
Naramdaman ko ang pagyakap niya sa 'kin pabalik at saka niya isiniksik ang mukha niya sa leeg ko.
"It's fine. I should be the one apologizing for leaving you here all alone. I should've slept here."
Mahina akong natawa saka umiling. "Ayos lang, ano ka ba? Alam ko namang na-miss ka rin nila Tita."
Adam called me last night and told me that he'll be staying at his parents' place. And I said it was fine. I actually told him to take his time and stay there a little longer. Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung paano siya haharapin pagkatapos no'ng nakita ko kahapon. Hindi pa rin 'yon mawala sa isip ko.
I hope you're not doing anything that will hurt me, Adam.
I hope you're still the same Adam I used to know before everything happened.
***
"NO one wants to hire me," I said, letting out a deep sigh. "Four years of break was really a big deal, huh. I mean—how could they blame me for taking a break for that long? It's not like I wanted to get sick! It's not like I wanted to have that f*cking Somniphobia!" My voice broke.
I'm slowly getting tired of being rejected from work. I applied for eleven f*cking jobs for the past few weeks, and no one was interested to hire me. It sucks. I couldn't do anything about it, because deep down inside me, I know a part of it was my fault. But I couldn't blame myself either.
Adam threw me a sideway glance, and fixed his eyes again on the road.
"Calm down, baby. You don't have to worry about being unemployed. Your fiancé is a lawyer, remember?" Adam said, flashing me a reassuring smile as he drives.
But I suddenly heard Hope's voice inside my head. "Your boyfriend is a lawyer, Ciem. Don't you ever forget that." It kept playing through my ears, and it's starting to annoy me.
"Are you really okay with marrying a jobless woman?" I asked Adam.
He chuckled and smiled at me. "I love you because I love you. Are we clear about that?"
Napangiti ako sa sagot niya at tumango. I tried ignoring Hope's voice inside my head. It's trying to distract me, but I should not let it distract me. I love Adam, and I always will.