Author: So I decided to write this simply because I was getting annoyed at all the unfinished fanfictions on the site. So unlike them, If your reading this, then I've already finished it and I've decided it to post it piece by piece. If you're reading this super early, the next part will be out tomorrow, and I hope you enjoy it! Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to casually throw shade at half the platform as I shove my hard-working, finished story right up there.....anyway, hope you enjoy.
Max had his usual apathetic look on his face as he read through the letter from social services. It was mail time at camp Campbell, so the whole room was filled with the regular cast of characters opening mail from there beloved friends and family, of which Max had none.
Space kid opened his box and found a challenger rockets ship sent from his surprisingly famous uncle, Nerf somehow managed to get even more knives, and Nikki got a pretty pink dress from her mother who had no idea what kind of hellion Nikki truly was.
"Cool, fancy toilet paper!" She said as she quickly ripped the beautiful dress into swathes for later use. Harrison pulled open his box with slight hesitation and frowned when he stared at the contents.
"Uhh....thanks...." He pulled out a cross and a book about exorcisms not really sure what to do with them. Nerris pulled out a new packet of glue for her fake ears and readily applied it. Not everyone got mail, mostly because only weirdos send letters in twenty nineteen.
Max's parents had been arrested just after he was sent away to camp because of how much they abused Max. All it took was for one doctor to ask all the right questions, and suddenly his parents were in jail only hours after he went to camp. The social worker in charge of his case decided to leave Max in the care of the camp until the end because it was already paid for, and it saves money on foster care.
Max had other plans though. Since Camp Corpse came around and tried to take control, he wised up to something he never thought about before. He wanted to live with David. He was annoying, he was a pain in the ass, his optimism made him the bane of Max's existence, but he was pretty sure he was the only adult in his life even remotely worth a damn. His disgustingly annoying optimism and pushover nature made him a perfect mark! David was going to adopt him, whether he wanted to or not!
David frowned at Max's death glare. The boy looks extremely creepy just staring at him for the past five minutes with burning determination. He wondered if the boy had finally figured that super murder plot he found him writing about a few days ago. The thought of it made him gulp.
"Well....gooooood morning campers!" He said happily as he looked over his activities clipboard. The collective groan from everyone signified their acknowledgment of David's existence. He looked down the list and finally came across the day's activity and smiled happily at the result. "We'll be doing something very special today called......family......Camp?" He said confused as to what type of camp that was exactly.
"What's that?" Nikki asked. "Is that like Christmas camp?!" She yelled.
"Oh god, our parents aren't visiting again are they?" Neil asked with genuine fear in his eyes. He still can't look his father in the eyes ever since.....that day.
"Well no....." David said as he tried to figure out today's activity. He didn't plan on the parents visiting today.
"Lets just put on a family movie or something and call it a day," Gwen said as she popped an uncomfortable number of anti-anxiety drugs. She always took them when she knew she was probably gonna get a day off.
They had wonderful side effects on her libido. They made her so horny she once tried to fuck a fish. That was a really good date, disappointing ending though. At least she had her super fucking filthy fanfiction.
"Hey, David....." Max said as he started on his next big scheme. "Why don't I teach you all about what family camp has to offer." He slipped that camp into the schedule to replace some shit about an obstacle course.
"Really Max?" David said as innocently as ever. He should know Max's con artist voice anywhere, that kid used it on him more than once.
"Of course David, I know all about family camp. I could teach you everything there is to know." David looked at Max like he'd somehow managed to shit gold at that moment. Max was sort of okay with David looking proud at him because of his plan.
Max's plan was to put the idea of being a father in David's head. If he could make the whole day fun for David and associate nothing but good feelings about being a father in David's head, he could soften him up to the idea of adopting Max later.
Max kept David oblivious to his home life because he didn't like anyone butting in. Not only that, but David was so nice and sweet, he figured that if he could hit David with a savior complex, when he asked if he would adopt him on top of it, David wouldn't dare say no. He had to be careful though. He had only one chance to play that card, and he had to make sure David was practically fawning over him before playing it.
"So you're finally participating in camp activities just because you love....."
"Double desert tonight!" Max interrupted him. He figured he could trick David into thinking he loved camp activities later. David sighed when he realized the catch.
"Fine, whatever," David said. He looked back at the other campers. "Guess what camp Campbell campers, we're gonna be doing family camp for today." Max looked around at the group, specifically Gwen, and decided it would be a good idea to cut down the number of people in the group to prevent David from being overwhelmed. He wanted David to welcome the idea of being a father, and all the sappy shit that came with it, and ten children would only overwhelm him.
"Hey, Davey," Max said as he waved him down to his height. "You should have everyone who doesn't want to participate watch a family movie instead if they don't wanna participate it'll just ruin it for everyone else."
"Nonsense max, why not spread the joy of family to everyone!" David said with a smile.
"God, fucking, damn it," Max said as he crossed his arms. It wasn't what he was planning, but he figured if he could maneuver it correctly, maybe he could still get this done. He needed to get Gwen out of his way first. If David split the campers into two groups then there's a chance he'd be stuck with Gwen.
"You know I just took my pills right?" Gwen asked David.
"Come on Gwen, you can't just sit out this time, where doing family camp!" He said cheerfully.
"Hey, David!" Max said in his con-artist voice. He decided he should really work on that change of voice if he was going to keep tricking David. David was an idiot, but he was gonna catch on eventually, hopefully. He couldn't be that stupid, could he? "This is really only supposed to be between boys, you should have Gwen take all the female campers."
"Really, okay Gwen, I guess that means you get Nerris, Erid, and Nikki." David beamed happily.
"Fantastic...," Gwen said in a defeated voice. Max considered pressing his advantage. He could eliminate other flight risks if he could just sell it cleverly enough. He glanced over at Nurf and knew immediately that getting rid of him would be a challenge. If his plan was going to go off without a hitch, he'd need all the children around David to be completely angelic.
"You should take Nerf and....." He considered his other options, Harrison scared the fuck out him since the....incident.....but he wasn't that big of a flight risk. Preston, however, was too angsty. "......and Preston to even out the groups. Nerfs main family is his mom, and Preston's grandmother was a woman too, so it makes sense."
"Why would that matter?" David asked confused.
"All in due time Davey.....I can't be expected to reveal everything at once now can I? Just trust me, camp man, it just how family camp works."
"I for one would love to get to know my counselor Gwen because we so rarely get to spend time around each other," Nerf said weirdly thoughtfully. Just another reason he didn't trust Nerf not to ruin everything. He's so fucking unpredictable.
"I still don't understand why it matters....." Preston said. "But if it will help me understand Family for my theater performances, then so be it!"
"Okay, I guess that's fine too," David said letting Max take the lead. Hed heard of every type of camp, so he was super happy to learn all about what type of camp Max was leading them through. He was so proud of his favorite camper right now, leading the camping activity.
"Fuck...." Gwen said as he looked at Nerf. "Let's just get this over with...." She said as she swallowed even more anti-anxiety pills.
"Well, let's start with the basics," Max said as he jumped onto a table with an evil smirk. He was glad Gwen was high off her ass on anxiety meds because she knew that smirk too well. If she wasn't high right now, she might have actually called him out on his bullshit. "Family camp is all about family, and how it related to camping!" Max declared. "So for today, David is the dad, and Gwen is a mom, in your respective groups of course."
"That sounds wonderful!" David said.
"Is this all about roleplay?" Nerris asked.
"Finally, I can put my acting skills into good use!" Preston said.
"Why would I want David as my dad?" Neil asked.
"Yeah, this sounds lame," Nikki said.
"It's not just about that!" Max snapped. He was glad both Nerris, and Preston were in the other groups, they were going to take this a bit too seriously. "The idea is to get the personalized camping experience you would get if you where to go camping with your family, instead of getting sent away to a summer camp all summer."
"I still don't get why you would recommend this.....don't you....."
"Shut up Neil!" Max barked at him.
"Well, I think it's a wonderful idea for a camp!" David said. "You get to experience the joy of camping as though your family was right beside you!"
"Yeah, but what's most important is the one on one time. You have to spend with your pretend family member!" Max said. "That's why we were split up into two groups. That way it's more individual!"
"What about people with two dads?" Erid asked.
"Then you get to pretend you have a third parent who's a mom!" Max quickly recovered.
"You know, if this camp is supposed to be about family, then maybe we should invite....."
"No David!" Max snapped. He couldn't wait until another parents day to put his plans into motion. He knew his parents definitely wouldn't show up and he'd be all alone with David and Gwen, but Gwen would derail the whole thing and see through his schemes, and if it took that long to plant the idea of getting parenthood into Davids' head then he might as well forget the whole thing.
"Our actual parents would only derail the whole thing!" Max cleverly decided. "Most of our parents don't know anything about camping so they would have to be taught to, and that's not what family camp is supposed to be!"
"Thank fucking god," Neil said.
"My dads wouldn't know a thing about this stuff." Erid said.
"I wish my father appreciated my dreams of art...," Dolph said getting depressed as though it was the first time he thought about it.
"My parents would just keep looking at me in fear the whole time," Harrison said.
"And my grandmothers too old to even remotely appreciate my ART" Preston said unnecessarily dramatically.
"Now kids I'm sure your parents try their very best to......" David tried to say.
"Everyone shut up!" Max yelled. "Let's just get started already." He wanted to avoid one of David's long-winded pep talks.
"Well Max is leading today's activity, so let's all hear what he has to say." David decided. Max smirked evilly as he considered his options. His terrible parents never took him camping, or let him watch tv, but he managed to steal some old lady's phone a while back and hacked into the neighbor's wifi while he was at home to watch illegal movies and stuff, so he was sort off educated on family-style camping.
"First we need to get camps and supplies to create a new temporary camp!" Max said. "Two separate camps though."
"Why separate?" Nerris asked. Max secretly just didn't wanna deal with everyone in Gwen's group. So he quickly thought of a clever lie to keep them placated.
"Because family doesn't normally have ten kids idiot," Max said. "If we're all together then it'll ruin the fun. The whole point is to get an individual camping experience with a parental figure, so this group is way too big."
"What do we do after that?" Everyone was frowning. Only Preston and Nerris looked excited about this, and Max figured why. He knew the roleplay would just be boring and stupid to everyone else, but he figured that would only make it easier to get close to David and make sure he enjoyed the experience.
"You pretend your a regular family simply going camping for the fun of it, including the activities that come with a simple camping trip!" Max said.
"Awesome!" Nerf said and immediately grabbed a hockey mask and a machete from seemingly nowhere.
"Well we should set out soon, the activity should end the next morning when we crawl out of our tents!" Max said.
"Wait, where sleeping in the woods?" Neil asked incredulously. He didn't know the point of Max's con but he knew that he didn't like it. This all seemed a little too convenient, and Max had that scheming look in his eye.
"Come on campers, there's no time to waste!" David said excitedly. "Or should I say....Family!" The group let out a collective groan at that. Max only smirked, knowing that David would get way too into it.
"Thanks, Max!" Nikki said bitterly as the large group of campers began to exit the mess hall.
"I don't know what you're up too, but I've got my eye on you," Neil said.
"Whatever." Erid said as she walked out. She was definitely not going to participate on principle. She definitely didn't need a mom, and the idea that she needed one bugged her more then she was willing to let anyone see.
Max noticed though, he figured Erid would be annoyed at him. Erid never responded well to homophobia. It was the one thing in the world that genuinely pissed her off. He figured he'd have to mend that bridge later. He may need her help in future schemes.
"Let's get out to the tents and pack up all the gear we'll need," David said.
***
David, of course, heavily overpacked. He had six tents, three medpacks, seven fishing rods, two packs of marshmallows, enough meals to feed the whole camp for a week, a full sized cot, a ton of silverware, bear repellent, snake repellent, diabetic repellent, insect repellent, and a full-sized canoe all somehow managing to fit into his overstuffed pack.
"You do realize we're only going like a hundred feet away from camp right?" Max asked as he looked at the ridiculous amount of supplies on Davids back. David was hunched over with the weight of the massive load, and struggling to move forward.
"It's always best to be prepared," David said. "You never know when a diabetic might show up."
"You have no idea what a diabetic even is, do you?" Max asked. Neil came up next to Max on the walk and gave him the stink eye. "What's your problem?" Max asked the boy.
"You're up to something," Neil asked. "And I'm gonna get to the bottom of it."
"Yeah I'm sure you will, someone with your brain would have totally figured it out by now," Max said. "Right?"
"I....." Neil looked at him confused. "I....." Neil groaned when he realized how stupid he was. Max figured Neil would figure it out eventually until then he might as well torture him along the way. He figured Neil could use the mental exercise being stuck at this godforsaken camp.
"Alright....." David said. "This will be our campsite for the day! Now everyone grab your tents and well set them up together."
"David, it's supposed to be individually," Max said. Neil eyed him warily as he tried to process what he just said.
"I can't wait to decorate mein tent!" Dolph said. "It's shall be completely pure, pure Art!"
"I want mine to let me see the stars!" Space kid said excitedly.
"Okay happy campers, I'll start with space kid while the rest of you unpack!" Max looked over at Dolph coming to the conclusion that Dolph's.....art, may put David off being a dad. He doesn't want David associating his future son with a miniature Hitler, Max already had that effect on people. The last thing he wanted was David associating Max with Dolph. He thought quickly and came up with a plan. Max smirked when he finally came up with an idea. He walked over to Dolph with an evil smirk.
"He Dolphy boy," Max said. Dolph turned to look at him with a questioning gaze.
"What is it, Max?"
"Why don't you go into the forest and search around for some inspiration for your tent?" Max said. "I bet David, or for this activity, dad would be impressed with you, and if you really want to do a good job on this activity that's sooo important."
"Good idea Max, I'll be back in time for my turn on mein tent!" Max chuckled evilly as Dolph ran off into the forest.
"No, you won't....." Max said as he grabbed some rope.
***
"Where's Dolph?" David asked as he walked over to where Dolph's unpacked tent used to be. Max had already packed it up and tucked it away.
"Oh....he went to Gwen's camp," Max said. "He said that since his mom wasn't around much, he thought it would be a good idea to go to Gwen's camp instead."
"Really?" David asked. "Well, whatever makes him happy!" Max smiled as he realized this was just going to be too easy.
"I don't believe you....." Neil said.
"Neil, it's your turn for me to personally teach you how to set up a tent!" David said. "And remember the rules kiddo, you're only allowed to call me dad from now on!" David smiled at the idea. Max knew he would love this, so all he had to do was make it as happy as possible until the end of the day, then when this day was over, David would miss the idea of having his own son. Just step one on Max's ultimate plan. He wasn't sure about step two, but he knew he'd figure it out eventually.
But if David caught onto his plans, then it would all be ruined. If there's one thing he learned while blackmailing Gwen, word spreads too fucking quickly at this camp. The fewer people knew about it the better. So he knew that Neil had to go.....
***
Davids next camp activity was fishing on the side of the lake, and later teaching the campers how to swim as though it was there first time learning. He knew he couldn't do both at the same time, that would end in disaster.
"I caught one!" Harrison exclaimed as he ripped his pole out of the water revealing a huge bass. Max grumbled as again David congratulated him.
"Great job Harrison, you doing a really swell job."
"Thanks, daviiii-dad...." Harrison remembering the rules. David smiled happily at being called dad. He seemed to be loving the idea a bit too much, making Max wonder if this was even worth it. He figured he was in too deep at this point so he might as well go all the way.
"Come on Max, I know you can do a great job if you just try a little harder!" David said as he saw Max grumbling to himself. How the hell do you try harder at fishing? That only seemed to make Max grumble even more as he looked at Harrison with jealousy.
***
David placed all the fishing poles back into his back and stood back up to begin the next camping activity. He looked around confused when Harrison was nowhere in sight.
"Where did Harrison go?" David asked.
"Oh, he decided to go see how Gwen's camp was going," Max said. "He wanted to pretend both of his parents where here."
"Huh, I really wish they would ask me before wandering off like that. There are bears everywhere!" David said as he sighed. "But I guess I can't stop them all the time. We're having a serious talk about wandering off without telling anyone later!"
"Yeah, uh-huh," Max said. "Could you teach me how to swim first?" Max genuinely didn't know how. His parents were really shitty so among many other things, that was something he never really learned.
"Well aren't you an eager camper today," David said. He wondered if he'd finally gotten through to him. He had no idea just how much he was getting into.
"Yeah.....dad," Max said as lowkey as he could. He didn't want David freaking out about it too much.
"Oh, Max!" David said as he suddenly gripped Max into a hug. Max wondered if manipulating this idiot would be even easier then he thought possible.
***
Max carefully made several strokes through the water as he tried to keep himself afloat. The lake didn't exactly have a shallow end, so starting slow wasn't really an option. He kicked vigorously to keep himself up above the water but he was practically doggy paddling at this point. Neil and Space kid where staring at him from the dock in their swimsuits. Neil covered his nipples with his hands somewhat embarrassed by being shirtless for some reason, and space kid just had a swimsuit over his space suit.
"So Max, er....son." Davids' eyes sparkled at calling someone that. The sparkle usually made Max bitter but ever since that incident with parents day, he genuinely enjoyed seeing David happy, though he'd rather die than actually admit to that. "Trying kicking your legs vertically, while keeping your arms moving."
"Uhh, like this?" Max said as he did as he was told. It was somewhat what David had shown him if a bit like a drowning sea monkey.
"You're doing it, Max!" David cheered him on like he was riding a bicycle, another thing Max didn't know how to do. He learned a while back what a family was supposed to be like, and he was going to rip it out of David if it's the last thing he ever does.
"Cool," Max said as enthusiastically as his evil soul could manage. He tried to smile at David but it seemed so unnatural it literally hurt his face.
"Uhh....okay," David said.
"I wanna learn how to swim too!" Max looked toward space kid with a death glare.
"I suppose it's about time for Space kids turn," David said as he smiled cheerfully. He helped Max back over to the edge of the lake and led Space kid back out into the water. Max sat on the small sandy area next to the pond with his arms crossed as he watched David give space kid a swimming lesson.
He stared daggers at Space kid for cutting into his time with David but stopped as soon as he realized what he was thinking. He was not, attached to David. He was just going to use him as his foster parent until he could move out and live on his own. That was all David was to him, just a tool he was gonna use and throw away, nothing more. Max repeated that in his head over and over to make sure it was etched into his brain forever.
Neil walked over to Max and sat next to him by the lake.
"What's going on Max?" He asked genuinely concerned. He knew Max's usual glare but he'd never seen that one before. "Is there something I should know?"
"Just don't worry about it Neil," Max said. "I have it all under control."
"Are you sure your not...."
"I don't need any help, Neil!" Max snapped.
"Okay, okay," Neil said defensively. He didn't want to be in Max's way right now. Max seemed determined to make something happened, and all the creepy disappearances greatly unnerved Neil. He felt like he was in some kind of horror movie with everyone dropping like flies. He was keen on finding out what Max was up too but all the disappearance made it way too spooky.
"Actually, there is something you could do for me....." Max said with an evil look in his eyes. Neil gulped as he looked at Max's face. He was used to being on the good side of the scheme, not the receiving end. It frightened him.
"S-sure...." Neil said tentatively.
"Get lost," Max said.
"Uhh, what like to go to Gwen's camp with everyone else?"
"Yeah...." Max said. "What did you think I was gonna say?"
"That depends on where you hid the bodies....." Neil said quickly.
"What?"
"Nothing," Neil said quickly. He stood up and yelled over to David. "Hey David, can I go over to Gwen's camp?"
"Oh, well if that's what you really wanna do Neil, I won't stop you," David said a little less chipper than he normally was.
"Great, bye Max," Neil said as he walked back toward the main camp. David eventually walked out of the pond with Space kid in tow.
"I guess it's time for smores." He said as he looked out at the setting sun.
"I can't wait," Max said with a rare smile. He was confused when David didn't return it, but the last part of his plan was already in place so he quickly kicked the heavy rock into the lake dragging space kid back underwater. He had a space suit he'd probably be fine.....if not then who cares he's the most expendable.
Max walked after David with a concerned look on his face. They were finally alone and David didn't look happy. Max worried that he wasn't enough for David. Oh god, was he going to have to get siblings too? David cannot be this high maintenance.
"Where'd space kid go?" David asked.
"Oh, he...."
"Went to Gwen's camp," David said solemnly. Max sighed. Why the hell would David be sad about everyone leaving for Gwen's camp?
"What's wrong David?" Max asked. David looked him kind of sadly and picked up sticks and the bag of marshmallows.
"It's nothing, Max." David said solemnly.
"Is it because everyone left?" Max asked. David sighed and resigned himself to this discussion.
"Yeah, I really thought I was being a good dad, but everyone kept leaving," David said sadly. "Maybe I'm not cut out for being a father."
"God fucking dammit." Max cursed as he realized his mistake. He really wished David listened to him when he said to let everyone else watch a movie. He huffed before sitting next to David. He scooted over close to David and grabbed his arm putting it over his shoulder. He cuddles into him as it wasn't beneath him just for the sake of making David feel better, and he hated it.
"Well, I didn't leave," Max said. "And I had a lot of fucking fun today!" He declared with more anger then he intended. He frowned bitterly as David hugged him even closer.
"Thanks, Max, I needed to hear that," David said. "How about we sing a campfire song?"
"Fuck," Max said deeply regretting his plan.
***
The campers made there way back into the camp tired and disheveled from sleeping on the ground last night. Gwen came out with massive bags under her eyes dragging Nerf with her foot.
"So what happened with you guys?" Max asked Neil and Nikki.
"I challenged Gwen for Alpha!" Nikki said excitedly. "It was tough, but I beat her and became head of the pack! I bit her a lot too, it was awesome."
"Nerf imprinted on Gwen, Preston performed a whole play during the chaos. Also, Nerris kept throwing dice at Nikki to protect the 'queen'." Neil said with air quotes.
"How did David's camp go?" Nikki asked.
"Same old boring camp stuff," Max said with a smirk. He managed to make it work in his favor.....somehow. Now David was convinced that Max was the only type of kid who would accept him as a father, which he guessed was a step in the right direction.
"Alright, who kidnapped Dolph and Harrison and hung them from a tree!" David said as he walked out of the forest. Max just sipped his coffee with a smirk.
"Yep, same old boring camp stuff." Mas said as he took another sip of his coffee.
***
"Guys......guys......" Space kid said as he looked around the bottom of the lake. "It's getting lonely down here."