July 20
Time moving faster now than ever before. I'm about 99.9% sure that ever since Kevin announced he was leaving the days are over in the blink of an eye. I've given up anime and reading cold turkey in an attempt to spend more time with Kevin and I have. Any moment that neither of us were working I'd spend with him. Kevin didn't seem to care though, he actually seemed to like it.
In fact Kevin's noticed how desperate my attempts to spend time with him are, so now he's been setting aside chunks of time to spend with me. Honestly it's gotten to the point where I can't distinguish who's more upset that he's leaving. He say the same thing every time I'm over, that he doesn't want to leave me, but it's for work. No matter what it's for, it's taking Kevin from me and I don't like it. Because his work taking him from me, is like they're tearing my heart out slowly and painfully.
I often think about the fact that I'm also in love with him. I wonder if I wasn't in love with him, would it hurt less? Probably not because I'd still be upset he's gone as he is my only friend in the world. Another thought often crosses my mind though, that thought being does Kevin feel this way? Does Kevin have these feelings or different ones. That's not something I can quite ask so I often ponder it even thought it's pointless.
I guess this is what my life is anymore, pondering pointless questions I'll never know the answer to, and feeling an unbelievable amount of angst.
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Two short ones before bed, but this is ending so quickly and ugh I don't want it too ;-; These two need a bit of editing but I'll do it tomorrow after school. xx