(And with the gif, just imagine it's not Violetta! I searched long and hard for a comfort gif that did not have Violetta's face. It's not too bad. Enjoy!)
"WHY ARE YOU here?"
"I wanted to be a friend, something you need. I'm here for you."
I push myself off the floor and fall into his arms. He catches me and adjusts me into a more comfortable position with his arms still around me. He whispers into my ear as I continue to cry. He slowly lowers us to the ground and tightens his grip on me as he pulls me closer.
We sit there for a long time. Eventually I manage to stop crying, but we continue to sit like that. My head rests on his chest as he runs his fingers through my hair.
It was intimate and I hated how comfortable how I was. It felt wrong to feel this way with somebody who was not my boyfriend, especially because that somebody is Leon. But there was something about his presence that felt different to everybody else's. He calmed me in a particular way.
Leon was special to me, he had a place in my heart that nobody would ever be able to replace. He would always be a safe place, even after everything that had happened between the two of us.
My parents' divorce was a difficult time for me, but having him made it manageable. He has always managed to comfort me in ways that nobody ever could. It was that connection to my parents which made him the best (and probably only) person to be there for me. He understood my relationship with my father better than anybody else.
He knew how angry an upset I was when I found out what had happened between my parents. He knew how hard it was for me to actually forgive him. But then he also knew how much it meant to me that we somehow patched up our relationship. He knew what my father meant to me.
Leon has always been my best friend. He has always known me better than I know myself. He knows exactly what to say, even now when it seems like nothing could ever work. I feel my heartbeat slowly start to steady. His fingers lightly stroke my back in a soothing manner.
"It's going to be okay. I know that it's tough right now, but things will get better. We're all here for you. I am here for you." He kisses my head and we continue to sit there.
Maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.
MY FUNERAL DRESS is a straight knee-length dress with three quarter sleeves. It has a belt that I continue to fumble with. It has a high neckline and I paired it with black heels. I have a pair of diamond earrings that my father got me for my sixteenth birthday and a simple necklace that belonged to my mother.
I somehow manage not to cry while we walked to the casket. It was an open casket and I was dreading it. My mother had taken care of most of the planning as I continued to mourn in my room, sometimes joined by the comfort of Leon's voice through the phone.
He had been an incredible help during these last two days. I was ashamed to say that I hadn't spoken to Tomas at all, but thankfully he didn't know that I was well connected to Leon.
I walked near the front alone. I focused on the ticking of my watch as I looked at the ground. My heels sunk slightly into the ground. I held the white roses in my hand tightly, letting a few thorns prick my palm.
The procession is beautiful, and I hate that. Something this dreadful should not be beautiful and it should not bring tears to my ears because the words float in my ears in a calming manner. I try to focus on the parts that I can agree with: my father has obviously found peace because he is a good man and there was a melancholic mood that froze our bones, but I could not agree that the future would get better.
I hated the idea that I still had a future. I didn't want one without my father. He would never see me walk down the aisle, he never had the chance to see his grandchildren and he never had the opportunity to find a love that he could grow old with.
Eventually, I had to speak. My rose still clasped tightly in my hands. My voice was hoarse, a result from too much crying, and I knew that the makeup could not hide my pale face and sullen mood. My voice shook with each word. I kept my gaze fixated on the trees that were in the background.
"If there was one thing he would have wanted for me, it was to be happy. My happiness was a priority for him. As soon as I moved in with him, he looked after me in a singular way. He has been my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my confidante and my dear father. He has been everything I could have ever needed and more. I never deserved him.
"It was an honour beyond anything to have been his daughter. I only wish that he was given the chance to live his life to the fullest. He had many mistakes to atone for, but he was getting there. He was brave and honest at the end. He had the courage to right his wrongs, something I never could do. If I die half the person that he was, I would have stretched the limits. My father will always be the best man I have ever known."
I walk a few step forwards and place the rose on his casket. I love you. I let my hand linger a few seconds longer before finally pulling myself away.
I stand in the back as more people say a few words. Leon helps my grandmother to the casket and sets her down on her chair again gently. He searches the crowd for me and we lock eyes. He asks me if I am okay, with his big, brown eyes. I answer with a simple, slight shake of the head. If he is dismayed or shocked, he does not show it.
I walk away when the last person places their rose. I can feel Leon's presence behind me and Tomas' eyes burning holes from afar.
I carry on walking.
Funeral! We definitely have some Leonesca going on here and some Tomcesca which is standing in the way.
I am ashamed to say that I am using death is a cruel way, but hey.
Things are finally about to start happening. It is the best part.
Thanks for reading 🙈 Sorry for any errors 💚
~Lexy 😈