Chapter Twenty-One
Shelter
Part One
"You've got it all wrong, Princess,"Johnny drawled, stepping up to Skye and wrapping his arms around her. "You're supposed to be with me."
She stood there for a moment, frozen in fear, before she took a deep breath and closed her eyes to think straight. "No, Johnny," she snapped. "I've got everything just right. You're the one who's wrong. I will never be with you." Fear surged through her body, adrenaline pumping. She was trying to stay strong, to not give in, but her pounding heart was driving away her confidence. His touch, so familiar and sickening, violated her, bringing back the horrific memories of his assault.
He pulled her into him more, as she struggled a little, and nuzzled his face in her neck. His warm breath brushed her hair, chills springing down her spine in response. He kissed her ear, whispering, "You will be, Skylar, I promise."
Screaming loud enough to shatter glass, Skye bolted upright in bed, only to be stopped short by skinny hands gripping her shoulders. Tears cascaded down her pale face as she gasped for air to scream again, shaking erratically in the grip someone had on her. "Please, stop!" she wailed, eyes squeezed shut from fear.
"Skye sweetie, it's okay," Leah soothed, giving Skye's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "It's just me. It's your mother."
Relief crashed over Skye in a wave, washing away the horror of what was only a dream. I'm safe, she reminded herself. Johnny can't hurt me again. She stopped pulling away from her mother's grip, even though she was still somewhat afraid of contact, and let out a quivering breath. Although, when she remembered the events of the night before, shivers ran down her entire body, chilling her to the bone. But maybe I'm not safe. Johnny is out there, somewhere, and he never got what he wanted. He never got me, all of me.
Sweat ran down the sides of her face, along with a few tears, as she peeled her eyes open. The room around her came as a surprise. She was in the guest room, greeted by warm brown walls, dim sunlight coming in from the shaded window, picture frames that hung on the walls, and one person whom she knew cared about her very much. Leah was with her, watching over her, and that was all that really mattered. She had to try to believe that everything would be okay, no matter how strong her fear of Johnny really was.
Leah sighed beside her daughter. "After the ambulance arrived, I pushed them away but asked that Joe would stay and take care of you. I thought it would be safer if you were in a familiar environment when you woke up and Joe agreed with me. So that's why you're in the guest room. Because we figured you'd want to be far away from that room and the terrifying memories it holds." Leah's voice faltered as she spoke. She hadn't even looked at Skye as she spoke; only stared at the bedding with weary eyes. And suddenly, without warning, she broke into sobs, falling on weak knees beside the bed.
"I'm so sorry, sweetie," she cried, patting Skye's knee. "I—I'm just so, so sorry. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now, and I only wish I could do something more. I wish I could help you, sweetheart. What he did to you was unforgiveable. And I'm terribly sorry I let it happen."
At her mother's words, Skye trembled, gulping down her own sobs. Images of the Johnny were scattered throughout her mind, replaying the many different times he'd abused her, including little from the night before. She couldn't help the stray tears that slid down her cheeks as little forms of her misery, nor could she bear the pain that pierced her heart when she thought of her mom blaming herself. No matter how much she did blame her mother for inviting Johnny into their lives, she couldn't blame her for what Johnny had done to her. It wasn't Leah's fault, but Johnny's. He was the one who stole away Skye's freedom; no one else had. And she kept it from her mother to save her. She'd given Leah no reason not to trust Johnny, and neither had he—until the night before, that is.
Turning towards her mother, she let herself fall against the bed so that she lay beside Leah's head, running her fingers through Leah's dark hair. She hushed her, trying to cope herself with the dark feelings that burdened her heart. She hated seeing her mom grieving in pain. It ripped at her tainted soul until there was nothing left but grief.
"Don't be sorry, Mom," she whispered, too afraid to find her voice. "You couldn't have known he was going to hurt me. No one ever gave you reason to believe he would do what he did. So, please, don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. He did. It was all him."
Leah looked up at Skye, frowning, as tears trickled down her face. "I should have known, Skye. I'm your mother. I should have known that something was off between you two. Only, instead, I let my stupid feelings towards that man cloud my better judgment. And now you're hurt, again. And I—I'm just so sorry, sweetie." Sobs broke out again, her body shaking erratically against the bedding.
"You are my mother," started Skye, grabbing Leah's hand in hers, "but that doesn't mean you should have known something was wrong. Mom, I know it must be hard for you, seeing as how you're my mother and you care about my wellbeing, but you can't blame yourself for all that's happened. Johnny is a twisted, sick man. He's a betraying, deceitful, liar, with low self-esteem. And it was he who hurt me, he who abused me and betrayed us both. You and I both know he is the one responsible, neither of us. So there's no need for either of us to blame ourselves. He did the wrong."
The room went silent, Leah's sobs subsiding as she must have been taking in Skye's words. Skye could feel the pounding in her head, along with a tingly pain that pierced deep inside. Something took a tight grip on her heart, squeezing it like a juicer, and she felt a pang of utter strength beckon her away from Leah, back into a sitting position. She held her mother's hand in hers tightly, not once letting it go, and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"Please, let this go, Mom," she pleaded. She felt warmth spread throughout her body, like warm water rushing through her veins, and suddenly wanted to brave telling Leah everything. She needed not to hold anything back any longer; part of her was free from Johnny, she didn't need to protect anyone anymore.
"It wasn't your fault in any way, and you couldn't have done anything to stop him. Truth is—as I'm sure you don't know—Johnny has been abusing me since shortly after you married him. It started out small, whenever I did things he didn't like he'd hit me or push me around, but as time carried on he got a little more aggressive. And this year, he grew much, much worse. He became more possessive of me, always telling me what was 'best for me', and started to tear me down, piece by piece. His aggression became worse with each passing day and, in the past couple of months, he's hurt me more times than I can keep record. He was the reason I broke my ribs; he was the reason I went to the hospital three months ago with 'stomach problems'; he was the reason for all the times I told you I was okay when in reality I was not; he is the reason I'm afraid.
"He told me that everything he did to me had to be kept a secret or he would hurt all those that I loved, particularly you. He convinced me that it would be better to hide the secret and take the pain than to spill it and face far worse problems. Johnny knew how to control me, Mom. He's been doing it for a long time now. So when he overheard me and Rachel talking about him a couple days ago, and walked in on my miserable attempt to tell you everything the next day, I guess it pushed him over the edge. And that's why he...that's why..."—she let out a long, deep breath—"That's why he tried to rape me."
"He said that I needed to be 'punished' for spilling our secret. And he saw forcing himself into me, making me 'his', as my punishment. He'd warned me before, but I didn't want to believe it. I'd fought him, struggling with everything I had, while he told me he couldn't stop himself because he 'loved' me. I still don't understand why he did it, everything, but something tells me that the main reason he abused me for so long was because he wanted to be sure he had power over me; he wanted to be in control of me, whether by my fear or weakness, so that he could one day steal me away from you. I think he thought that if I feared him enough I would willingly give myself away to him. But I couldn't ever do that. And all I want now is for him and the memories to disappear, out of our lives for good, so that we can really be a family again, just you and me."
After telling Leah their story—Johnny and hers—she collapsed on the bed, sinking against the mattress and pillow. Tears were streaming down her face, crystals of mixed emotions—sadness, fear, anger—just to name a few. Her head ached from stress. She couldn't believe she'd actually told Leah the secret she'd tried so hard to keep hidden for so long. In one way she felt relieved to have told Leah, but in another, she was worried how her mother would take it all.
Giving a quick glance in her direction, she stifled a sob. Leah knelt beside the bed, with a stunned expression, completely speechless. She knew that look; it was Leah's way of hiding all her emotions inside, afraid they would come out wrong and hurt someone else. She'd given it to her daughter many times before, whenever something went wrong and she didn't know how to handle the situation.
"Mom?" Skye whispered, unsure of her own voice. It was then when she figured the information she'd given Leah was too much to handle all at once, and she regretted it. The healing process would be a lot harder than she'd thought—for both of them.
Looking at her daughter with sad eyes, Leah pushed Skye on the shoulder lightly and stood. She shivered, bitter sobs on the brink of her lips, and crawled into the bed beside Skye. They stayed there, in cold silence, for minutes that felt like hours.
Eventually, Leah gained enough courage to speak. "I'm sorry, Skye," she said, slowly. Her voice was raspy and quiet, sobs caught in her throat. "I just can't believe he did all that to you. I don't know what to say, sweetie. I wish you would've told me. You didn't deserve to go through any of that."
"It's okay, Mom, I know. I wish I would have done things differently, but the thing is, I didn't. So now we have to move on, get over the past and survive the future. I don't want you to feel any pain for what happened to me. I've suffered enough pain for the both of us already. There's no need for more."
"But Skye, I let this happen to you," Leah whispered. "I should have taken better care of you. You're my daughter. I'm responsible."
"I don't blame you, Mom," Skye added quietly. "You have taken care of me just fine. You couldn't have known I was in trouble because I never gave you reason to think I was. And there's no possible way you're responsible. Johnny is responsible. He did everything to me. He tricked you. He made this happen. You had nothing to do with it."
More silence filled the warm air, heavy and oppressive.
"I never really asked you about him," Leah finally said. "I should have made sure you were all right. I mean, you hurt yourself Skye—that was a sign. I should've followed up to it better."
"I hurt myself because of what Bryan did to me," Skye corrected. She turned herself so that she was looking at Leah, holding her gaze. Touching her face, she managed a small smile. "Mom, stop blaming yourself, please. I want you to trust me when I tell you that it wasn't your fault. It never was your fault, all right? Please, just try to forget it ever happened? I want us to move on, no—I need us to move on. It's the only way we'll ever forgive ourselves for what happened."
"I'll trust you Skye, I really will. But I want you to promise me, promise me, that you'll come to me if you're ever in trouble. I don't want you to get hurt like you've been ever, ever again. And in return, I promise to be a better mother to you."
"You've always been a good mother to me," Skye told Leah in confidence. "And I'll always love you the same way I always have: with all my heart. Don't worry about me, Mom, I promise to come to you if I'm in trouble. I love you, Mom. I could never blame you for what happened."
They embraced each other in a hug, crying despite the small smiles on their faces. Skye's body warmed at her mother's touch, so soothing and safe, and she sighed in relief. She didn't care that Johnny was on the loose in that moment, all she cared about was the fact that she was with Leah, safe, and no one could sabotage it. Not even Johnny.
Drawing herself away from Leah, she fell against the bed in exhaustion. Her beaten body was still caught in the healing stage, battered and sore. Her eyes became heavy, sleep so close yet so far away. She couldn't grasp onto sleep, only wish for it. A restless heart kept it much too far away as she thought about what was going on around her.
She knew that Johnny was out there, somewhere, most likely waiting for the perfect time to make a move. But she also knew that he wouldn't get the perfect time—the cops wouldn't allow that to happen. And for that, she was grateful. In a way, she wasn't afraid of him. She knew that he could still be a threat, but it didn't matter. As long as he was out there and her loved ones were not, everything would be okay. Her only hope was that Jules had made it to her house safely.
She looked at Leah, who quietly lay beside her inhaling and exhaling normally again, and her smile quivered. "What's going to happen to us? Are we going to be safe?"
Leah stared deep into Skye's crystal orbs, face contorted in thought. "We are going to be safe," she replied, voice small and quiet. "The authorities are going to make sure we stay safe; all the while, they'll be searching for Johnny. They're not going to let him get away, Skye."
"So there are police here, right now?"
"Yes, sweetie," Leah confirmed. "One's outside, one's downstairs. They're here to protect us, but they've assured me that they won't be in our way. They've given me their word that they won't be a bother to us. Although, Chief would like to talk to you, get the facts straight about what Johnny did to you. You don't have to if you don't want to, though. He assured me it was up to you. We understand it's not an easy thing to discuss. "
"I don't have to?"
"No, sweetie," Leah soothed, rubbing her daughter's shoulder, "you don't have to if you don't want to."
"I'll do it," Skye added hastily. "I'll tell him everything."
Leah looked at her daughter carefully, eyes furrowed in confusion as if she hadn't expected Skye to do it. "Are you sure, sweetie? You certainly don't have to. I'll manage for you."
"I want to, Mom. I mean, maybe it will be good for me to talk about it some more. It felt good getting it all off my chest by telling you, even if it was hard. And I know it won't be easy, but I should be the one to tell him. After all, it happened to me. I have to share it."
"Oh Skye," Leah sighed. "You're so brave, baby. I'm proud of you." She kissed her on the forehead softly. "I've always been proud of you."
Skye smiled a little, despite the unnerved feeling that overwhelmed her body at the thought of telling a practical stranger of Johnny's abuse. She knew she wanted to be the one to tell the Chief what happened between her and Johnny, not Leah, but it didn't make it any easier to think about. Part of her was still fighting that it had ever happened; part was still fighting the nightmares.
"I love you, Mom," she whispered. A stray tear fell down Leah's face and she wiped it away with her shaking hands. "Please don't cry about this anymore. I'm going to be okay, soon."
A cry trembled from Leah's lips as she managed a small smile in return to Skye's. "I know, sweetheart, I know."
Pulling away from Leah, Skye rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling, eyelids threatening to close. Her head spun a little but she didn't care to ask for Joe; she wanted to be sure a few questions were answered first.
"Are Rachel, Victor, and Jules safe?" she questioned, winding her fingers together on top of her stomach. Everything threatened to go back into the abyss of a dark slumber, filled with an escape of nightmares and dreams, but she strained as best she could to hold it back. "Are the authorities keeping them safe too?"
Leah sighed beside her as she moved herself in the same position as Skye, staring deeply into the warm ceiling's color. She hesitated before speaking, lost in thought, and took a few long breaths.
"Yes, Skye, they are. In fact, Jules and Victor are downstairs as we speak. Joe and I tried to get them to leave and get some rest, especially Victor because of his minor injuries, but they wouldn't. They're quite stubborn young fellows. They must both really care about you. They're both quite gentleman if you ask me."
Skye heart warmed, tension released, at the sound of Jules's name, security wrapping a blanket over her spirit. She thought about his smile, the same charming smile that gave her strength when she didn't feel any, and couldn't help but allow her own smile to form at the corners of her lips. He gave her peace just by the small thought of him being close to her, even when many things had gone wrong around her.
After a few moments caught up thinking about Jules, she pulled her mind away to wrap around everything that Leah had told her. She'd mentioned that Victor had stayed, despite his injuries, and refused to leave. The reasonable part of her figured he'd only stayed because Rachel wasn't around and there wasn't another place to go but home where, as Jules had once mentioned, was quite low on Victor's list of places he'd want to be. But then there was another part of her, one that churned her insides around in confusion, which told her he had entirely different motives. She'd noticed something seemed off the night before but what it was wasn't close to her comprehension.
Biting her bottom lip, she thought about the ways he'd looked at her and shivered, unnerved by her own imagination. Gentleman they are, she reminded herself in her head. Both of them. Jules and Victor are both gentleman. Victor would never be that stupid, he'd never do anything to risk relationships. Jules is his best friend.
Snapping away from the thoughts that didn't seem to fit right with her, she took a breath and calmed her hammering heartbeat. "Yeah, they are," she murmured. "And Rachel? Are the authorities going to keep watch over her too?"
"They will be," Leah confirmed. "Once she gets back from her cousin Savannah's house, if Johnny's still on the loose, they'll be at her house making sure she's safe. Johnny wouldn't be able to get to her even if he tried."
"You're sure about all of this?"
"Yes, sweetie, I am and so are they. Although, if you have any concerns we can always talk with the Chief some more about it—anything to make you feel better about this."
Skye let out a long breath. "I understand. Thank you, Mom. Everything's really going to be okay now. Johnny can't hurt anyone I care about."
"That's right, baby," Leah soothed. "Johnny's not going to hurt you or anyone else ever, ever again. He will be caught soon. There's only so far he can get without being discovered."
"Mhm," Skye murmured, letting her eyes fall shut as the warmth of the room enveloped her in a blanket. She felt sleep trying to pull her away, to steal her away into the pit of dreams, and reached for Leah's hand to grasp onto. As the darkness started to take over her before she fell under, she squeezed Leah's hand and hoped that nightmares wouldn't consume her.