Josh was freaking the fuck out.
He liked his best friend.
He didn't even think he liked boys. That was Tyler's thing!
He had gotten an hour of sleep because he spent the whole night panicking. He had no idea how to approach this. Did he tell Tyler? Did he not? Suppress? Release?
What did that make him? Bi? Pan? He had no fucking clue. He still liked girls. Tyler was the first boy he had ever liked. And it was terrifying.
Josh and his five friends (including the guy he has a crush on) were sitting at the picnic table at their campsite, eating cereal out of red plastic cups and using plastic spoons. It was nine thirty and after they finished breakfast they were going to pack up and head home.
Josh had to sit in a car with Tyler for half an hour.
How was he supposed to survive that without freaking out even more?
"I don't wanna go home," Tyler spoke, making Josh's heart flutter. "I'm gonna be bored out of my mind. And I have to avoid my family even more than I did."
"Come live with me. You can cook me food," Ashley offered.
"Hell no," Tyler scrunched up his nose. It was so cute Josh was going to melt.
"Cooking is Jenna's thing," Sarah piped up, nudging her best friend.
"Nuh uh," Tyler shook his head. "I can cook too."
"You can?" Hayley asked in surprise.
"Yeah he makes good ass homemade pizza," Josh replied, not even realizing he spoke. Everyone looked at him and his face got hot. "Sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" Tyler asked, setting his feet in Josh's lap. It was something he did on occasion and vise versa but Josh was already losing his fucking mind and a part of Tyler was right by his dick.
"I don't know," he cleared his throat. "I have to piss I'll be back."
"Thanks for the imagery," Hayley laughed as Tyler lifted his feet so Josh could get up, walking off. He didn't respond as he made his way to the communal bathrooms that were about two minutes from where they were camped out.
He entered one of the stalls and took a shaky breath, running a hand through his faded hair. He was too panicked to think about how he needed to re-dye it.
He paced around the small space for a few minutes before he heard footsteps outside of his stall. He stopped.
"Josh?" A soft voice asked. It was Tyler's.
"Yeah?"
"Hey, are you okay? You looked kinda freaked out."
"Mhm," Josh nodded even though Tyler couldn't see him. He took a deep breath before opening the door and meeting Tyler's cute yet concerned face.
"Are you positive? You know you can tell me anything."
"I'm sure..." he trailed off, not wanting to look Tyler in the eye. "Hey could you catch a ride back with Ashley or Sarah by any chance? I have to meet my family for lunch as soon as we get back," he lied. "It was the only way they'd let me go."
"Oh uh," a look of hurt flashed across Tyler's face for a split second but it was gone in the blink of an eye. "Yeah. I'm sure Sarah and Jenna would be fine with me going home with them."
"Cool, thanks," Josh forced a smile on his face and began to walk out.
Suddenly, a hand grabbed his wrist and he looked over to see Tyler, a distressed look on face. "Are you mad at me?"
Josh took his wrist out of Tyler's grasp and guilt filled up his whole body when he saw how sad Tyler looked. "No. I promise. I'm just stressed about a few things. It's not your fault."
Tyler didn't meet his eye. "Okay," he replied quietly before walking out of the bathroom.
If Josh wasn't fucked before, he was now.
---
Josh pulled into his driveway and turned his car off, sitting there for a few minutes. He still had no clue what was going on. He had spent the whole car ride blasting Post Malone so he didn't have to think about Tyler. It didn't work. All he managed to do was think about how hot Tyler was while Ball for Me played in the background.
He got out and took his bag and pillows and blankets inside, deciding to worry about the other stuff later. As soon as he walked inside he was met with a loud bark and he set his things down to look at an overly happy Jim. "Hey, buddy!" Josh greeted excitedly, bending down to pet him. "Were you good while I was gone?"
"He didn't pee in the house if that's what you meant," a voice said and he looked up to find his mom standing there. "He crawled up next to me on the couch while I read the whole time you were gone. I could tell he missed you. We picked a good dog."
"Hey, Momma," he smiled, standing up to hug her.
"Hi, honey. Did you have fun?" She asked, hugging him back tightly.
"Yeah," he fake smiled. "I'm gonna go unpack my stuff. I'll get the tents and stuff in a few—"
He was cut off by the sound of thunder rolling over the house. Suddenly, raindrops were falling out of the sky. It wasn't even cloudy when he was driving. Josh almost laughed to himself. This had to be a sign from the universe: you're doing a pretty shit job there, Joshua.
"You can get it tomorrow," Laura laughed softly. "Hey, I love you. I missed you."
"I love you and missed you too," Josh smiled weakly before going upstairs with his things, Jim following behind him.
Josh set his pillows and folded blanket on his bed along with his backpack. He opened it and began taking stuff out but scrunched his face up in confusion when he pulled out a shirt that didn't belong to him. It didn't belong to Tyler either. He knew Hayley had worn it on the trip but he honestly had no idea if it was hers or Ashley's. It must've ended up in his bag by accident.
Holy shit, Josh thought. Tyler and I have been acting like a couple this whole time. We have each others' shirts too.
He started panicking again, feeling his head rate pick up. Jim, who was sitting on the bed, cocked his head to the side in confusion. He knew something was wrong.
"I'm okay, Jim," Josh replied distractedly. "I just," he continued shakily. "I just gotta return this to Hayley."
Josh glanced outside and saw it was now pouring. He hated driving in the rain but he had to give Hayley her shirt back. He had to.
Grabbing his keys and phone he hurried down the stairs, his shoes still on. "Josh?" His mom called. "Where are you going?"
"I gotta to give this to Hayley really quick it's important I'll be back soon," he explained quickly.
"Okay, drive safe. Please. It's pouring out."
"I will, love you," he replied before walking out of the house. As soon as he left the part of his porch with roofing over it he was soaked. He ran out to his car and got in, sighing when the rain was beating down on him anymore.
The drive to Hayley's was quick even though Josh was driving slower than usual to avoid sliding. The whole time he drove however, his knuckles were white around the steering wheel.
Hayley. Shirt. Tyler. Couple. Crush. Like. Love.
He was still panicking.
As soon as he pulled into the driveway belonging to Hayley's aunt, he parked and hurried out, getting drenched by the rain once more.
He went up to the porch but Hayley didn't have roofing over her front door so the whole time he waited there he was getting more soaked. He froze for a second and just stood there for easily a minute before ringing the doorbell.
Hearing footsteps approaching, the door swung open and Hayley opened the door. "Josh?"
"You um," he ran a hand through his wet hair, stress radiating off of him. "Your shirt got mixed up in my bag. I came to return it."
"Oh," she took the shirt from his outstretched hand. "I could have gotten this another day when it wasn't pouring out but thank you."
"Mhm," Josh replied distractedly, feeling his throat start to tighten. He felt tears building up like water in a river, nearing the dam that occupied it.
"Are you okay?" Hayley asked in a gentle voice.
That's when the dam broke. "No," Josh choked out, shaking his head. Tears started to fall from his eyes. "I like Tyler."
A look of sympathy flashed across Hayley's face and she pulled him inside the house and into a hug. "It's okay, Josh," she soothed as he cried into her shoulder. "It's okay."