Garrett
After we'd broken up I'd kind of spiraled a bit, but with Shane and Ryland by my side, I think I turned out okay. Shane had reminded me to eat, Ryland had reminded me that I had a razor and to use it and I'd submerged himself in a rigorous self-care ritual, my way of coping in a somewhat healthy way. And although I would go a few days without eating I'd snap out of it, Shane would yell at me and make me eat with them. We'd all three gone to the mall one day and Shane demanded Ryland style me. I'd gone along with it, what was the worst that could happen? I'd actually ended up liking the look Ryland had put together, and generously, Shane had paid for it. Garrett had protested at first, he couldn't put that on him but Shane had insisted. "Sometimes we need help, Gar." Shane made me come over every day, whether I wanted to leave my house or not. Shane had seen me this way before, and he wasn't going to let me slip anymore is what he'd said. He'd tried to set me up on a date, but I'd refused completely. I wouldn't even look at another guy.
"So, I think I'm going to text Andrew."
"I don't know Garrett... are you sure it's a good idea?"
"I don't know."
"I just don't want you to get hurt again, you're doing so good."
"I miss him, Shane, like a lot. And we broke up over a stupid fight, one I started!! I should've believed him... I was being a dick."
"Agreed..."
"Shane!"
"You said it, not me!!" I shrug, he was right and I had been a dick to him that day. It'd been the hardest thing to understand about this whole process, you'd think I'd treat Andrew like royalty considering he was the literal guy of my dreams. I'd spend countless nights hating myself late into the night, crying my eyes out not knowing why everything had gone to shit. Why had I let little things get in the way of being with the love of my life? Andrew had been right to break up with me that night, he may have even saved our friendship to be quite honest. Weeks had gone by and the sting from the breakup had gone, when Shane had told me he was picking Andrew up at the airport I'd jumped at the chance to go. We'd already agreed to hang out when he got back, so I prayed he wouldn't mind seeing me sitting in the back of the car. He hadn't seemed to mind, a little surprised, but not unhappy. The night had gone well, and things were beginning to go well. And then I accidentally brushed my hand against his thigh, I heard him gasp and I'd apologized, not sure how he'd take it. He'd just smiled and gone back to the conversation. The second time I did it was on purpose, I wanted to hear that little gasp again. It was hard not to stare at him the entire night, even just off of an airplane he still looked beautiful. His hat hair really suited his tired eyes, and wrinkled t-shirt, a king in my eyes. Our conversation in the car kept me up at night, my question ringing in my ear every night. Would we get back together? If I had anything to do with it the answer would be yes. I wouldn't pressure though, I'd let him come to terms with what he wanted. I'd be easy this time, a firm constant in his life. He would be able to count on me for whatever he needed, whether it was a friend or more than a friend. I'd go about it casually, building up our friendship and banter was the main thing. If I could do that I knew we'd be just fine
"Anyways, I asked him if he thought we'd get back together or not." Both of Shane's eyes grow wide,
"What did he say after you said that?"
"He said 'if we figured things out'..."
"But what does that mean??" I shrug, popping a Cheezit into my mouth. Shane rolls his eyes at me, snatching the box away. "Garrett. These are for the trip."
"Sorry! You know I eat when I get nervous..."
"So what now??"
"I don't know, all I know is that I can't sit here and watch the boy of my dreams slip away from me." Shane nods, agreeing.
"So what do you want to do then?"
"I don't know! Last night was good, it brought me back to the old days when we'd hang out all the time."
"Well, hopefully, this trip will be a blast from the past then."
A knock on the door ends our discussion, Andrew was here.
"Can I??" I look to Ryland, about to get up from his seat to open the door. He nods and sits back down, I rush over to the door, my stomach flipping inside out.
There he stood, as perfect as could be. He wore a black hoodie, with the sleeves up, of course, typical Andrew style. Dark gray sweats and running shoes to complete the look, and boy did he look good.
"Andrew! Morning!" He's taken aback at first, I knew he would be. He hadn't expected me to be there.
"Garrett, hey!"
"Well come on in!" I usher him inside and shut the door behind him.
"Thank you?" He still seems confused at my being there, but soon acclimates. He looks to Shane, "So what exactly are we doing today? Your text was really vague...' come over? We have snacks'?" I look over at Shane, rolling my eyes.
"That's what you said???"
"He came didn't he??" Shane protests, disappearing into the kitchen. I look awkwardly at Andrew, who's not sure of what to do.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, actually I did." He smiles softly, "did you?" I nod and smile back, the conversation had only been ten words, but it was enough to get my heart rate up. His eyes darted around the room, and I could tell that he was nervous.
Shane comes back into the living room, his camera in his hand. He points it at Andrew and I,
"So! You two are probably wonderin-"
"I'm HOMEEE!!" The door bursts open and in walks Morgan.
"Oh good! The squads all here, hey Morgan!" Shane continues the bit, "so! As I said, you're all probably wondering why we're here."
"I just got home and we're already going on an adventure? I thought I'd be able to at least nap..." Morgan protests, Shane shushes her and waves a hand in her face.
"Oh boo hoo, I think you'll be fine, you can sleep in the RV!!"
"RV???" Ryland shrieks.
"Wait, what?" Andrew laughs, "I've been home for less than twenty-four hours and we're already going somewhere??"
"Yes, Andrew, keep up!"
"Where are we going?"
"Ooh!! The Bahamas? I vote there!" Ryland squeals from his spot on the couch.
"In an RV??" Shane stares at his boyfriend for a while, "you're so pretty... no! Not the Bahamas, do you even know me? We are going to... Wyoming!!"
Andrew laughs loudly, I laugh as well, smiling at the younger boy. He was so adorable when he laughed.
"Wyoming??" Is all Andrew can say, laughing still. "W-why?" He sputters.
"We're going to one of the most haunted cabins in the world..." Shane pauses dramatically, "it's called 'Mary's Place'."
"Wait, more haunted stuff?? Even after the whole boat situation with your anxiety attack??"
"I mean yeah, it'll be fine!! It's not that haunted..." he smirks into the camera. I was guessing that it, in fact, was that haunted. "So are you all down?" He points the camera at Morgan who's already excited, she nods quickly, he moves the camera to Andrew who seems unsure but eventually nods, "Garrett??" I shrug.
"What's the worst that could happen?"
We only spend an hour at the car rental place and it turned out that the RV Shane had rented wouldn't be ready until that night, so we found a place to eat and hang out while we waited for our ride.
"I still can't believe we're going in an RV." Morgan moans, I nod. The thought of all five of us trapped in a moving vehicle.
"I just don't see why you can't get a private jet, Shane." Ryland complains, "I mean flying first class is cool, but I'm over it. And now we're driving?? In an RV??" Shane nods, Ryland seems horrified at the thought of being trapped with us. "You're right, this trip is going to be scary."
"Are you excited to go on this trip, Andrew?" I turn my attention to the younger boy sitting beside me in the restaurant who's been nothing but quiet.
"Yeah, yeah, I just... don't like haunted things... ever since the boat I've tried to stay away, but Shane said this place wasn't that haunted... so." I nod my head in agreement.
"It shouldn't be that bad, I mean it's Wyoming, what are the ghosts there? Dead cows?" He laughs softly.
"Garrett..." he lowers his voice, I look over at him the seriousness in his voice catching my attention, "last night... last night was nice, I'm glad we were able to hang out."
"Me too," I nod a spark igniting in my stomach, stuffing my jacket into my backpack.
"Was it Shane's idea for you to come with them get me or yours?" It had definitely been my idea to go with Shane to get him, but I didn't want to say that. I didn't want to seem too forward, so I lie,
"It was Shane's, I'd just been over when they had to leave so they asked me to tag along, plus I wanted to see you," I add as if to not make it like I'd been forced to go along.
"Oh, okay... cool."
"Are you guys ready?" Shane stands from his spot at the booth. "They just texted and said that the RV was ready.
"God, Shane, it's so late, are we really going to drive through the night?" Ryland complains.
"Wait, all night?? Does that mean I can get coffee?? I'm so tired." Morgan whines, she'd just gotten off an eleven-hour flight and was about to get in a car with four boys for sixteen hours. "Thank God for Xanax." She mutters as she stands.
Andrew
I wake up with my head resting on Garrett's shoulder. I pause for a minute, forgetting where I was, we were moving, but I couldn't remember where we were going.
"Hey there, sleepy head." He smiles down at me. I can feel myself blushing, I sit up.
"How long have I been asleep?"
"Only an hour." He sighs, staring out the window. I look over at Shane, passed out against his window, he'd definitely taken a Xanax.
"Why are we going to Wyoming?" I squeeze my eyes shut, the headache I'd contracted hadn't gone away.
"Oh, I don't know... some haunted cabin thing."
"Oh right... why did I agree to this?"
"Because we wanted to get the squad back together!!"
"Oh right, right. How many hours is this drive??"
"Sixteen I think?"
"Sixteen?? Holy shit."
"Oh come on! It'll be fun!"
"Will it??" I laugh to myself, thinking about the times we'd spend on trips in the past. "Yeah, I guess it will be fun. I'm not too excited for the haunted cabin part though..." Garrett gives me a look,
"Those things are never haunted, we'll just go and film a bit and then leave. It'll be fun!"
"I guess." I smile at the older boy, who seems to be thinking hard.
"In all seriousness though, I did want to apologize."
"For?" He shoots me a look and I realize that he's talking about us.
"I didn't realize how big of a dick I was being until a few days later. I should've believed you when you'd said there was nothing between you and Alex. I didn't handle it well and I never should have put you in that position."
"Hey, no worries, I'm just glad we're talking again, hopefully soon we can go back to how it used to be."
"I just wanted to make sure you knew I was sorry."
"Well, it wasn't just you Garrett, I did shitty things too." He shrugs his shoulders, and I know he agrees that it was both of us.
"I know, I just wanted to clear the air now that we're friends again. I wanted you to know that I'm sorry and that I never meant to hurt you."
"Likewise." I think he can tell I don't want to talk about it, so he nods and smiles, leaning his forehead against the window of the RV.
Part of me wanted to forget everything that had happened between us, there'd been some good moments of Garrett and I dating, but for the most part, all I could remember was the pain. I wanted to start over, we needed a fresh start and maybe this trip would be the start of a healthy friendship. I thought about what he'd said the other night, about the possibility of the two of us dating again. I didn't know how to feel, I wanted for that to happen so bad, I just couldn't see how it'd be different.
Something would have to change.
Someone would have to change.
But I didn't know who that someone would have to be.