I sat in complete shock for about ten seconds.
That's what I love about you.
Love?
My mind was reeling, but I knew one thing. There was no way that I was just going to sit here and let him run off after saying a thing like that.
I jumped out of my deck chair as fast as I could, heading towards the house, and catching up with him before he even opened the door.
"You can't just say something like that, and run off right after!"
He turned quickly at the sound of my voice, his face still tinged red from when he had tried and failed to explain himself earlier.
"It was nothing. I—"
"Nothing? Because you really don't seem like the type who would just throw that word around for fun."
"I just meant that I loved that about you, but not that...that I..."
"That you what, Thomas?"
His hand had slid off the doorknob by now, and he had turned completely to face me. He was only a few feet away, but I didn't step closer.
Don't push it, Alex. A small voice in my head reminded me, but even as I looked at his confused and embarrassed face, the reasonable voice in my mind was getting harder to hear.
"You know what I'm saying." His voice was much smaller this time, and his eyes which had been looking anywhere but at me, suddenly found mine. He didn't look away, and I found myself getting lost in his mesmerizing eyes, almost forgetting what we were even talking about.
"So, just a slip of the tongue then?"
I couldn't help stepping closer to him then. At the word tongue, his eyes darted down to my mouth, then quickly back up. He was blushing even harder now, and I'd never seen him look so uncertain of himself.
"Y-yeah, that's what it was."
The slight stutter at the beginning of his sentence sent my heart in a flutter. It was adorable, and so unlike Thomas.
"You didn't mean anything else by it?"
"Umm, I don't know."
I raised my eyebrows at that, and he shifted uncomfortably.
"I'm finding it really hard to remember what I thought which you standing so close to me."
I grinned at the totally honest answer, and was surprised when he smiled back.
"Well, do you want me step away?"
By his time I was standing directly in front of him, my head tilted slightly to look up into his eyes.
"No...Yes? I don't know!"
He moved his hands in frustration, eyes flashing.
"You're so goddamn confusing, Alex! One minute I'm sure that I feel nothing for you at all, and then you get this close to me, and all that goes flying out the window. And part of me wants to push you away, but that part keeps getting smaller and smaller."
Maybe he saw the look in my eyes, or maybe he just knew when I leaned forward slightly I had every intent to kiss him, because he put his hands on my chest.
"But I know one thing. I'm not ready for this. This kiss or anything. Up until a few months ago, I wanted nothing to do with another man, you know why. And the fact that you know, and that you've been so wonderful about it is part of why I'm so confused."
Of course I felt the rejection, but I nodded anyways. What he said made sense. I wasn't a bit enough idiot to force anything on him after what he told me.
"And I know that I still have feelings for Joan. I dated her for three years, it's not like that just goes away."
That hurt worse than anything else he had said. I'd completely forgotten about her. What had it been...six months since we were married? Yes, that was probably too soon.
One of his hands moved from where it was pressed against my chest, to lift my chin that had dropped as this realization came upon me.
"But I wouldn't let you get this close just to repeat what you already know."
He was smiling ever so slightly, and that coupled with his hand on my chin, was enough to raise up just the smallest amount of hope in my heart.
"I'm saying that I might take this really really slow, but let's give this a try."
I couldn't believe my ears. Who was this, and what have you done to my Thomas?
"This?"
I had to be sure. No way in hell was I going to let there be a misunderstanding about this.
"This. Us."
He gestured between us with the hand that had been on my chin. I missed it the moment it was gone, but he let it drop to his side instead.
"You better not be messing with me."
I warned, and he laughed.
"I'm not, I swear. But when I say slow, I mean slow, okay?"
The was just the hint of uncertainty in his eyes, and I knew that I was the one that should be reassuring him.
"I get it. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I'm kind of stuck with you anyways, so take however long you need. But someday you'll get tired of just looking at these awesome lips, and that's what I'll be waiting for."
"And you just try and keep the drooling down to a minimum and I think we'll be good."
"Jerk."
"I'm just saying that you tend to stare a lot, which—"
"Oh for God's sake! Just fuck already! You guys have been standing there making cow eyes at each other for hours."
Up until then I'd completely forgotten about Raymond. And I was quite content to forget about him.
"Son of a bitch."
Thomas was looking at me, eyebrows raised, and a very amused smile on his face.
"What are you looking at?"
"I just don't think I've ever heard you swear before."
"I'm 21 years old! I can swear if I want."
He put up his hands in defense, unable to contain his laugh any longer.
"You go right ahead. I'm not stopping you. But if you'll allow me," He put his hand in my shoulders, and turned me around to face Raymond. "I think that's the man you wanted to direct that at."
"How do you know that wasn't meant for you?"
"See you around, Alex."
He let go of my shoulders and turned to go inside, still laughing under his breath. As soon as the door closed behind him, Raymond spoke again.
"The sexual tension was so thick I could have cut it with a knife. What the hell is your guy's problem?"
"There's plenty wrong with us, but what's wrong with you? Do you realize that you just ruined probably the best moment I've ever had with him?"
He had the grace to look slightly guilty.
"Oops? Nobody told me."
"No one needs to tell you. Why don't we try something?"
"Okay." He looked suspicious, but probably realized that he should listen to me after what he just did.
"While you are staying at our place, why don't you try keeping your big mouth shut, and I might just be able to get my husband to kiss me. Sound good to you?"
"Damn, remind me to never piss you off again."
"You haven't answered my question."
"Yes it sounds good. Now cut me some slack. You'd have said the same thing in my position."
"Maybe, but probably not."
"I have to admit, you guys looked pretty cute together. Tell me if he ever come around to liking you. I'm definitely rooting for you."
"As nice as that is to know, don't think I'm letting you off easy because of that."
"I wouldn't dream of it. In fact, before you can yell at me anymore, I think this is a fine time for me to be on my way to my room."
And with that he hurried off, going through the same door Thomas had walked through a few minutes before.
And finally, I was left alone to daydream about everything that had just happened between Thomas and I.