warning; cutting, drugs
t h o m a s
I walk into school, being greeted by my normal friends. It's the usual popular crowd I'm surrounded by and I'm in the center of it. I'm the most popular kid in school, and I'm proud to say it. I want to think I'm not cocky like some of my other friends, but I do have a small dilemma concerning that.
We'll get to that later.
"What's up, homie?" Aaron (Burr) asked me, putting his hand on my shoulder. I flinched and tried to brush his hand away, but it didn't even budge.
"Nothing." I reply, my eyes scanning the halls in front of us.
"Whatcha looking for?" Aaron asks, wiggling his eyebrows in a strange way.
"Nothing." I reply again, continuing to scan the halls. That's when I see him.
Alexander Hamilton.
He's putting books in his lockers. He's smaller than everyone else around him and there's a pen tucked behind his ear. His hair is in a ponytail and his clothes are all black. He always wears long sleeves. I'm kind of scared to find out why. I hope he isn't suicidal. Although, the way Aaron and the rest of my "friends" treats him, he might as well be.
"Look, Alexander Hamilton." Aaron nudges me, pointing to Alex. I think he notices though because he quickly scurries off.
Someone laughs on the other side of me. Charles Lee.
"Don't worry, we can get him later, Aaron."
They both laugh. I feel sick to my stomach.
~~~
I can feel the tension between me and Aaron. Honestly, I don't know why we're still friends. I think it has something to do with the fact that it's just to boost each other's popularity, but I hate him. I hate his actions, especially right now.
"What are you?" Aaron harshly punches Alex. I strip down to my boxers. We're in the locker rooms, changing for gym class.
"Nothing." Alex mumbles, not even holding his face anymore. He's in his boxers like me. I put on sports shorts.
"Good." Aaron mumbles, letting go of Alex. Alex sighs and stays limp against the locker until Aaron leaves the room, leaving Alex and I as the last people in the locker room.
I feel my face turn red as I take off my shirt. I reach for my new shirt and notice Alex staring at me. I turn to face him.
"What?" I ask. I ask it softly, which surprises me.
"Y-You... Why don't you hate me?" Alex is holding is left arm and whenever he moves it, he flinches. Oh my god, did Aaron break his left arm?
"I do. I'm just not stupid enough to fight." I reply harshly. I don't know why I did that. I pull on a short and begin to leave.
"You have a soft side," He suddenly announces. I turn around slowly. He talks again, softly, "You like me."
And that's about it.
"No, I don't," I reply, shooting a middle finger at him. I throw a shirt from the floor at him, it's probably his, "Put on fucking clothes, I'm not gay like you."
~~~
a l e x
I take the knife in my hands, delicatly feeling around. I like to get to know my knives before having personal contact. I laugh a bit to myself.
"I'm gonna name you... Mike." And I'm smiling again, but deep down I'm just sad.
I like Thomas. I've fallen for his good looks, great abs. I love his eyes, the way they sparkle in the sunlight. I love his voice and I'm convinced he doesn't hate me. I don't even know why Aaron and Charles hate me. It's so stupid.
I place the knife to my skin, smiling at myself in the mirror.
I cut once. Once for exisiting, of course. Exisiting is always the first reason.
I cut twice. One for telling Thomas. The second reason usually varies how what I did wrong that day.
I cut a third time. For my mother's death. If James and I had raised enough money, we could've paid for her admission to the hospital. This is also always the third reason.
And I'm done. I place down the knife, looking at my damage.
"Alex?" James knocks on the door and I jump, realizing I didn't lock the door.
I quickly lock the door, sliding down to the floor, "Brushing my hair. Come back later."
And he's gone. Just like everyone else in my life.
~~~
t h o m a s
My head is spinning as I take the drugs from Aaron and eat them. They're pills he stole from his sick grandmother. He said once he took them, he felt sick. That's funny to me, because these drugs are supposed to cure you.
Anyway, I take the drugs.
Aaron starts swaying around his room, knocking a bunch of stuff over. None of his parents are home, but his sister is. I haven't taken enough drugs to really get high, but I've still been hit pretty bad by a headache that won't go away. Happens the first time you take drugs. At least, that's what Aaron said.
"Aaron? Thomas?" Berlin, Aaron's sister, opens the door. At the sight of her brother waltzing around and me in pain on the bed, she gets her phone. I'm in pain and kind of high, but I have enough sensibility to know that't not good... I don't want to get caught.
I blackmail her with her nudes.
I feel like a terrible person.
~~~ (there wasn't really a point to that thing, but i wanted to show how terrible of a person thomas was)
I go to school on Monday morning feeling fresh as hell. My usual friend group isn't going to be attending school, since they were caught stealing from a 7/11 and got arrested for a week or two. Apparently, it isn't that big of a crime and Charles's rich family narrowed down the prison time.
People are staring at me, probably wondering where Aaron and Charles are. When I finally can't take the looks anymore, I go outside and examine the landscape.
That's when I hear the sniffling.
I'm scared for a moment and walk towards the sound. I'm quiet, because if I'm too loud, I'll scare them away. Because of my friend group, most people probably tend to think I'm a bully. I'm really not if you get to know me.
I poke my head around the corner. Of course, the boy sees me. Yes, boy.
To be exact, Alexander Hamilton.
He sees me, but he doesn't even run away. Instead, he stays there, crying. His breath is getting harder and harder for him to catch, I'm assuming he's having a panic attack. I run to his side to help him and... he falls onto my shoulder.
That's when I notice what's accompanying him behind the school.
A razor blade. Blood stains the concrete and his bare, pale arm.
"Oh my god..." I whipser, taking his wrist gently and putting my sleeve on it until the blood has stopped. Alex is still crying, he hasn't said a word to me. I'm scared for when he does. What if when he gets enough energy, he'll push me away?
"A-Are you mad..?" Alex is mumbling, but I can hear him.
"No... Why would I be mad? I- Why don't you hate me?"
He's silent for a moment and I sigh, realizing he might say that he does hate me. I flinch at the thought.
"I don't hate you," He says quietly, "because you don't hate me, like the entire school."
Tears begin streaming down my face too, because I realize just like Alex, someone can see the real me. Not the bullying, tall monster that I am too most people. I shudder at the memory of people running away from me because I'm taller than them.
I don't answer Alex, just look at his wrists, pull them up to my face, and kiss them. Alex turns red and so do I.
"I-I'm sorry." He murmers, getting into my lap. I turn even more red.
"Don't be sorry," I whisper, cradling him close and taking his razor in my spare hand, "Let's both be happy we found each other." I hide the razor in my jakcet pocket, hoping I don't poke myself with it later by accident.
"O-Ok."