⚠️ Mentions of suicide in this chapter if triggering skip the dream ⚠️
No reply.
He didn't say anything.
Like he knew I wouldn't like the answer.
"I-" he clears his throat "I was hoping they weren't going to do anything to us especially after last time"
"Of course they're are going to do something to the gang! Who wouldn't try getting even after that event!" I yelled raising my hand to make a point. "Or were you also hoping that they forgot about it! How the hell would they forget?! It was basically a war zone!" I was now standing with my hands clenched to try preventing me from punching anything. "There shouldn't have been any hope of them not doing anything".
"At least I still hold hope!" he shouted "At least I didn't give up!'
Like he knows anything.
"Yeah, I gave up hope. I gave it up after he died right in front of me!" pointing to the bottom left picture "I gave hope up when you dragged me away from him when I was trying to save him!"
"He told me too! He wanted you to get to safety but you wouldn't listen!" he calmed "He didn't want you to die with him"
It would've happened either way.
With him or not.
I didn't say anything else. Knowing I'll regret what I would say.
We both were now slouched in our seats catching our breaths from the yelling. That's when four boys walked in.
Damian, Cole, Alexander and Elijah.
We were just staring at each other. Me in my seat. Them awkwardly standing by the door behind Finn. Or at least everyone but Damian seemed awkward.. he had the nerve to have a smirk. I noticed recognition showing on the others faces when they looked at the projection but it still seems like Damian hasn't, given the fact he keeps staring at me.
I looked at Finn with a tired and bored look "So I'm guessing this is the new 'inner gang'. Were you ever going to tell me Finn?"
"Well I was" he sighs but mumblings "until you decided to have a yelling session"
Cole was the first to speak out of the group of boys, "When did you think we were the new inner gang?"
I looked at Cole "well when you get 4 new students at school then later getting a call from someone you haven't talked to for 2 years and learning about the old inner gang murder. I just put the pieces together especially when you guys froze a bit when I said Finn's name over the phone"
Looking back at Finn raising an eyebrow I asked, "How do you know of them?"
"him" Cole answered pointing to the bottom left picture. "I was actually his best friend"
I stood up quickly slamming my hands on the desk in the process looking at Cole wide eyed.
"He always told me about you, Violet. Called me all the time actually" he softly says.
I couldn't say anything.
I knew he had a best friend in another town but I never met him. I didn't think I ever would when he passed.
Now his best friend is standing in the same room as me. The person who knew as much as him as I do.
"Is that why I felt like I knew that name" I said the no one particular. I'm sure no one even heard from of soft it was.
" I guess so" Cole says just as softly.
I was still staring at Cole taking in his best friend in. He looks different than I imagined him to be from what he has told me about. Thought he would be more scrawny than muscular. Simple looks not god- like looks. From what he told me about his personality of playful, full of jokes, and pulling pranks. You wouldn't think of that of him when you first see him. More of seriousness, and responsibility. Again I don't know him personally.
It was a minute of silence of me just staring until I felt something wet going down my cheek. A tear. Not bothering to wipe it away when I should I left it there until hearing someone clear their throat that I do wipe it away looking away.
Bringing my attention back to Finn, "If you have som-"
Black dots started form in front of vision till I felt my legs collapse I knew I was about to faint.
Before I hit the ground I felt a pair of arms catching me then seeing a pair of silver eyes looking down at me in concern that darkness finally consumed my vision.
Just like that day.
The day I regret.
The day she walked in on me at my darkest moment.
⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️
*Dream*
Empty.
That's all I've ever felt since he passed away. The day Luke died.
It's been a year. I would say everyone told me it would get better but I'm alone.
Growing apart from the inner gang by the month. By the week. By day.
No one ever called, texted, or came to see me if I was alright. If I was getting better.
I haven't seen any of them after Luke's funeral. I locked myself in my room till then and left the gang mansion the day after.
I knew they know where I live now when I got a package of little things I left there. Yet I never got any visits. Nothing.
Leaving me in the dark.
To my dark mind.
To my dark thoughts.
Thoughts one shouldn't have but is left to think of it.
November 9, 2017
To whom finds this letter ,
I am not sorry for what I've done. I am sorry to the ones that now may carry regret from my decision.
It's been about a year now when he died.
3 months after everyone started to leave my life like I didn't need help but her.
6 months I decided to let her go. She wanted to leave to spread her wings, away from the harsh memories of this town.
It's 11 months since he died.
8 months since I have heard from anyone.
5 months that I haven't seen her but the occasional letters, texts, and calls. Apparently, she's staying with a friend named Cole couple towns over.
Today I decided that it was final in feeling alone, empty, and sad.
Next month would've made it the anniversary of his death. You might think that that's the reason that I decided to do this, to an extent it may be why but it's not.
I have a few words to say to the people that made my life different in a good way before everything had happened.
Finn,
I've known you since I was a kid. You helped me when my parents were killed and trained me to become strong when I was ten. You were only 15 at that time I didn't think you would take responsibility of me but wasn't surprised. Father was fond of you whenever he saw you playing with me. I knew that if anything would happen you would be there and I guess you thought that too. It wasn't until I turned 13 that you allowed me into the gang only on strict rules but I was okay with because that's how I became best friends with someone special, Luke.
I'm thankful that at the age of 14 you forced us two to confess each others feeling, getting sick of our consent flirts but not acting on them. At the age of 14 you have given me a wonderful boyfriend. You dealt with our arguments and our teenage ways of sneaking out and pulling pranks. Without you I wouldn't have dated a wonderful guy for four years.
You were my father figure giving me advice cheesy jokes, and threatening guys away from me before Luke had came along in my life.
My brother figure always annoying me whenever possible, and pulling pranks but on serious times you would always come to me for a shoulder to cry on, to give me advice, and always knowing when something is wrong.
You were someone very important to me so when you had left my life. I was heartbroken.
You may of had your reasons, I wish I could say I could hear what it was but I can't.
I'm sorry. I love you.
Violet
Dear Inner Gang,
When I came into the gang you quickly made me into the family and I'm grateful to say that you guys were the family that I had lost and always needed. Feeling the void in my heart.
Like Finn you may have had a reason to why you left but I won't be able to hear why.
Leaving my heart with another void in my heart.
I love you guys.
Violet
Dear Isabella,
I'm glad that I met Luke's little sister.
You instantly became my best friend and my little sister.
We had lots of sleepovers, mall trips, movie nights, and gossips especially on who we shipped in the gang. They were all my favorite memories so I'm glad that they were made with you.
I love you, always and forever.
Violet
Luke,
Thank you for everything you have done to make me happy and laugh.
I'll see you soon. I love you, always and forever.
Violet
Silver eye mystery boy,
Thanks for coming up to me that day when I was ten, laying down on the mat crying in the gym where I was waiting for Finn to come and train me.
Thanks for cheering me up and forgetting about my parents even for a short period of time.
I wish I saw you again when you left abruptly two days later.
I also wish I got your name.
Violet