"WHAT THE FUCK FELIX?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! I TELL YOU I WANNA TALK AND YOU ACT LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT!" I yell and he just scoffs and rolls his eyes.
"Well I have no choice now. What do you want to talk about, hmm?" He gives a sarcastic smile and it's my turn to roll my eyes.
"Why are you being like this? You're acting as if nothing's wrong." I ask him, desperation being heard in my voice.
"I don't see any problem! What are you talking about?" he says, Is he acting dumb? or am I really just making this up.
"We used to be inseparable or let's make it simpler, we used to be FRIENDS! Now it's like you can't even stand being in the same room as me!" I tell him, and I can feel tears slowly building up.
But I won't give in.
"Are you obsessed with me or something? I can hang out with other people! You don't own me!" He says. He turns away from me.
"I know! I'm not saying I own you! I just want to know, what's happening between us? Why do you seem so far away?" My breathing is getting shorter and I feel the pain in my chest arise.
But I won't give in.
"There's nothing happening! I'm just being myself! You're just making things up in your mind!" He says, he keeps his back to me and walks slowly away from me.
"I know that's not true! I saw the way you looked at me when you found out Jisung was my soulmate! Is it because of him? Or is it because of me? TELL ME HWANG HYUNJIN!" I scream the last line at the top of my lungs but he still doesn't turn to me.
He keeps silent at this slowly walking away from me, and the faster it gets my chest gets heavier. My eyes are still fighting to stay dry but I'm losing a battle in me.
But I still won't give in.
"I don't know what you want to hear from me, Felix. I think you need to talk to Jisung about this, I think you're just tired." He says as he leans against the railing, looking at the night sky.
How do I tell him that it's him I want to talk to? How do I tell him that maybe I am obsessed with him? How do I tell him he's being such a bitch and I want him to care for me again? How do I say all this?
I feel my eyes swell up and I can feel myself shaking with frustration.
But I don't want to give in.
"Don't worry, I'll let Jisung know that you guys should talk, He'll probably agree with me that you have a wild imagination" He says with a small laugh, and he still doesn't look back.
I can feel myself give in.
"FUCK YOU, HWANG HYUNJIN!" I scream out loud for the whole world to hear.
"Fuck me? Why? Because you're imagining things?" He says.
"No! Because you're basically telling me that everything I feel isn't real and you're making me think that I'm making shit up!" I tell him as I stare at his back as he faces the view.
He's so beautiful, I'm about to give in.
"FINE! Then tell me LEE FELIX! HOW DO YOU FEEL" He says with anger as he hisses my name.
"ALL I FEEL IS PAIN! EVERY SINGLE TIME I LOOK AT YOU!" I yell with conviction.
"SO IT'S MY FAULT?" He yells back, still his back facing me.
"Yes, Because every step to took away from me, felt like a shit ton of brick being thrown to my chest! Every time I would look at you and you would look away it felt like I was being hit by a bus! Every time I wanted to talk to you but you would find a way out, I felt like I was drowning." I tell him, with a soft voice. My breathing gets deeper and my chest becomes heavier.
"You know me Hyunjin. I wouldn't tell you unless it hurt that much. I don't want to be your burden." My voice starts cracking and my vision gets blurry.
"I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry, Hyunjin"
And just like that, I gave in.
Once one teardrop fell, the rest kept following and it doesn't seem like stopping. I'm gasping for air while I try to muffle my cries but it can still be heard. I cover my eyes hopefully he doesn't see or hear me.
"I just want you back." I whisper to myself as if he were listening.
I start shaking from all the release of frustration then I feel a hand around my waste and as soon as I look up, a pair of soft lips kiss mine.
He pulls back and I look straight in to Hyunjin's eyes. This is the first time in a long time he's looked me in the eyes and his sparkle so brightly. He pulls me in to kiss me again and I throw my arms around his neck to pull him closer. I hold on to him tight as if he might disappear again if I were to let go and he snakes his arms around my waste holding me close.
There we were kissing under the stars and just like that, every bit of pain I felt, forgotten and gone.
How did such a scary situation turn in to a fairytale moment?
We pull away to catch our breathes and I rest my forehead against his. I keep my eyes closed and our arms are still around each other.
I slowly open my eyes and look up to him, and I'm met with he soft and gentle gaze that I think I love. I feel a small tear run down my check and he wipes it away gently.
"It was so hard to stay away from you." Hyunjin says with a soft and warm tone.
"I tried my hardest, but my heart just wanted to be right by your side." He caresses my cheek as he says this and his eyes ar blocked into mine.
"I'm sorry, I caused you pain but...." He trails off, and he slowly lets go of me.
He takes a few steps back and my body suddenly misses his warmth and his touch. His eyes look away from me and look down to the ground.
"But what?" I ask softly, not really sure if I wanted to know the answer.
"but I'm not your soulmate. Jisung is, and we have to repeat the rules of fate." He says, with a sad tone.
And I feel my heart break in to a million pieces. I can't believe I betrayed Jisung just like that. I let my emotions take over me, I completely forgot about Jisung. Fuck.
Hyunjin must have seen the realization in my eyes because moves a few steps back, away from me with his eyes still on the floor.
"I'm sorry, Felix but I have to go." He says and Hyunjin runs inside, leaving me alone on the roof.
I can't believe I did this to Jisung. I should have kept it in.
The realization is so strong that I curl up in to a ball and I start bawling my eyes out. I'm pulling my hair hoping that that pain will take my mind of the pain in my chest, but it's no use. I start screaming and shouting hoping that the tension will release but of course... it doesn't.
I'm an idiot.
I'm the worst person ever.
The tears don't stop as I stand and scream at every corner of the roof. Then, I look up and see the stars.
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING HELP ME!" I scream at the sky as if it were going to drop down answers.
I spend all my energy on screaming and bawling to the point I don't realize I passed out on the roof. I cry myself to sleep hoping that everything is okay the next day.
I wake up at 5 in the morning with a sore body and a really swollen face. I'm still on the roof. I check my phone and see a bunch of missed calls from Chan and Jisung. I don't bother calling them back because I'll see them in a while, I'll explain then.
I stretch a little bit before I stand and go down to leave the building. As I enter the lobby, I recognize some of the staff members we've worked with before. They look at me with shock but I just bow and say good morning and move one, just to avoid having to explain myself.
I walk all the way to the dorm and as I soon a si enter, I see Jisung having coffee on the table and Chan asleep on the couch, they must have waited for me. My eyes meet with Jisung and he jumps out of his seat to run and hug me tight. I don't deserve this.
He pulls away and he looks straight into his eyes and he looks at me with so much sadness. He was about to speak but instead I grab his hand and slowly bring him to my room.
As soon as we get in I close the door and sit right beside him on my bed.
"What happened to you? Chan-Hying and I were so worried" He says but I don't have the strength to look him in the eyes.
"Minho even said that last night you looked like you were in such a rush but no one knew what for!" He continues and I stay silent. Keeping my eyes on the door.
"Felix, I know we've been busy but I'm your soulmate, you should talk to me if anything is bothering you." He says with such compassion.
I can feel his eyes looking at me, searching for a reaction but
instead I feel tears silently running down my face. I feel Jisung reach over to try and dry them but I grab his hands and I set them down. I look into his eyes and I see the worry in them which make me feel the guilt even more.
"I'm sorry, Jisung" I tell him softly.
"There's no need to be sorry Fe-"
"No, I'm sorry because I did something wrong." I cut him off and he looks curiously at me.
He doesn't say anything and I take it as my cue to continue.
"I kissed Hyunjin."
"Oh..."
"I'm sorry..."
The silence was ringing in my ears. I closed my eyes hoping if I open them, everything will go away but I opened them and I'm stuck in this position. I can't even look him in the eyes.
"We have a shoot at 10 am later, you should get so sleep in while you can..." Jisung says awkwardly. Then he stands up and leaves my room.
I lie down on my bed, I don't even bother changing. I feel the tears falling but I don't mind them anymore. I close my eyes and let my exhaustion take me.
What Have I done...
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WHUUUUT!! A NEW UPDATE IN JUST A FEW HOURS???? IM ON A ROLL!!! HAHAHAH
I just have enough free time to finish this chapter and since u guys wait for me patiently, I have to make sure you don't wait too long :-----((
You're all amazing ILY ALL <3