Adele opened her eyes as she woke up in the middle of the night. Her head was on Francesco's chest. She could heart his fast heart beat. She was laying on him with her outdoor clothes on. They hadn't gotten changed by the looks of it. When O'Neil had convinced Francesco to go home, he had wordlessly come out and had come home. Since she was embracing him on the sofa when they had sat down she had fallen asleep. She didn't remember what they talked about. Maybe they hadn't. They were just holding each other sitting on a sofa next to the fire place that was burning gloriously. She always loved watching the flames. Of course. That was why they had ended up on the sofa, now she remembered. She was shaking when they had come home. Francesco had started the fire in the fire place and had made her a cup of hot tea that was left on touched on the tea table by the looks of it. She moved slightly and looked up only to see Francesco sitting down wide awake. His eyes were fixed on the fire place and its burning red hot flames. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. As she had moved, his head turned to her.
She asked "You are awake? Did you sleep at all?"
He took a deep breath and shook his head. He then silently looked away towards the flames again "Do you need anything sweetheart?"
Adele pulled away and sat up properly next to him as she reached her hand to his hair strands. She stroked his hair gently. He didn't let anyone else touch his hair. Even their children didn't dare touch his hair. From the time they were toddlers he warned the kids "only your mummy can do that" whenever they crossed that special line that only she could cross at home. There were many other things that she only could as she was special.
Adele whispered " I don't need anything. I have you next to me. I feel safe when I am with you... Do you need anything? Tell me what you need..."
Francesco sighed and glanced at his wife "Sweetheart. You know, reverse questioning is not allowed."
Adele pleaded "Please Francesco. Let me in this once. You always take my needs into account. You never tell me what you want."
Francesco replied "You and our children are all I have in this life that's worth living for sweetheart. You are all I ever dreamt about. Our children are a part of you and I would like nothing more than their happiness. You know you have given me all that I need. I needed a loving family that I never had..."
Adele shook her head "This is not what I am asking right now. Francesco. You don't tell me everything and you know it's true what I am complaining about. You know exactly what you are doing. You have always refused to share what's happening inside you. What do you need right now. Tell me. If I can't provide it then I pray for it for you..."
Francesco closed his eyes and then rested his head against the sofa "You want me to pour my heart out? I don't need a doctor Adele. I don't need to be cured."
Adele said "Francesco I am no longer trying to convince you to get treatment for suffering trauma. I know you no longer see nightmares as often but at times you do. You still talk in your sleep sometimes... You still change your expression when you see and touch certain things that remind you of the past... Please talk to me. I want to know as your wife and not as a therapist... I want to know what you feel and what you need. Tell me."
Francesco opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. Remained silent.
Adele leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder as she stared into the fire place "Francesco, you are suffering. I hate this. I can't do anything to help ease your suffering if I don't know what's happening inside you..."
Francesco asked "What has brought this detective side out? Is it O'Neil? Is that it? He put you up to this?"
Adele said "He did talk to me but that's not what has brought this on... Today when you walked out of that building ... I saw .... I saw ..." She bit her lip.
Francesco slightly moved and kissed her hair "You saw what sweetheart?"
Adele took a deep breath "I saw a look in your eyes that I haven't seen in a very long time... Your eyes... They scared me Francesco... You looked like the old Francesco who intimidated me and scared me. Your eyes had nothing but ... I don't know how to describe it... You had nothing in your eyes but something that promised hurt and death..." She then reached her hand to wipe her tears that escaped from her eyes. She had to hold it together.
Francesco noticed the change in her voice of course. He quickly turned her towards him and then embraced her tightly "Shh. Sweetheart. Don't cry. It hurts me to see you cry. It hurts more than feeling my own pain to see you cry."
Adele said "But I cry for your pain. He hurt you so much. You don't mention him. You don't talk about him. He hurt you and I can see a glimpse of what's been done to you in your emotionless eyes..." She wiped her tears with his shirt and cleared her throat trying to stop crying "But don't you see? It's not about me Francesco. It's about you. It's about your silence. It's about your denial. Tell me that nothing can take the pain totally away. Tell me how drinking vodka hasn't eased the pain. Tell me how starting the family and having good memories hasn't eased the pain. You don't have him in your life but the injustice lives on. You live with the pain. You are living with it. It's easier to live with the pain. But it doesn't mean that the pain is gone.... its there everyday when you wake up. It starts when you open your eyes. You go to sleep and you don't have to live with it when you sleep but even you get haunted by the memories that stays with you always. You can't escape it. You can only live with it. Talk to me. Tell me what you need... I want to help you..."
Francesco looked into her eyes as though searching for something "Is it bothering you that I have pain inside me? Tell me. Have I been a bad husband not doing my duties for you? Does it bother you that I live with a deep pain that gives me nightmares?"
Adele was shocked at his response. It was typical Francesco "I don't know why you make this about our marriage when you know I am happy being your wife. You are my knight who saved me from death. Your uncle was going to murder my entire family because of what my father had done. I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you Francesco. At first I was scared of you but I did have feelings for you. Then I fell in love with you when you proved you were committed to me. You were only fifteen but stood up for me in front of your uncle. Francesco I always love you in sickness and health. When you question our marriage you question my commitment to our vows. A marriage is about taking care of each other in sickness and in health... I don't believe in divorce for any reason. I am catholic."
Francesco said "So am I Adele. So am I. But I do believe in divorce when one half causes pain to their other half. If one half don't fulfil their duties then separation is the holy thing to do..."
Adele gasped and looked into Francesco's eyes "Where is this coming from Francesco? I am happy in my marriage..."
Francesco asked "Are you Adele? If I hurt you then I don't deserve you. Then the vows are voided..."
Adele was bewildered "Francesco. You are becoming defensive and making it about me when I question your well being. I worry for you. It's my duty to be a faithful and loyal wife to you. I love you. You have my trust and love. Something is wrong and you don't want to tell me. You have wounds that haven't healed. They say time heals. It doesn't. Time allowed you to get away from the cause and the source of your pain but it didn't stop the pain. The source is near again and it does bring back memories for you. Don't deny it. Please answer my question. What do you need? How are you really?"
Francesco said "You haven't answered my question Adele. Does it bother you that I am not well?"
Adele said "Pain is part of who you are Francesco. I fell in love with you unconditionally. I want you with your love and pain. It breaks my heart that you suffered in your childhood while my childhood was heaven. It breaks my heart that you were hurt so much by your psycho father and there is no justice out there or court of law to lock him up for domestic abuse of his children since he will pay bribes to any judge or kill anyone who will try to convict him. There is no justice for what happened to you."
Francesco looked away and stared into the distance "Adele. I don't think I ever deserved you. I still don't think I do. I don't wish to torment you for my problems. I just love you too much to let you go. I don't think I would have ever granted you divorce. I would have taught so hard to be a better husband for you to do my duty to my family and to protect you and keep you safe. But if I have ever hurt you, tell me Adele... Then our vows are voided and you don't owe me a life time of loyalty..."
Adele thought over his words. She looked at him closely trying to think of what had been bothering her so much "You know. It's not your fault Francesco. It's his fault. Stop blaming yourself for the sins of your father. It's not your fault you were born. It's not your fault your father beat your mother. It's not your fault your father beat you or your brother. It's not your fault he pushed you to hold a gun and kill someone when you were nine. It was never your fault. It's his fault. It's not your fault you were his son. Its not your fault that your uncles, aunt or grandparents didn't acknowledge his cruelty to his family. It's the lord's test for you. You didn't cause any of this. Your father committed the sins. You happened to be born into your family and were tested by the lord to go through what many others didn't have to go through. When you were getting beaten up, my father took me to camping trips and took me fishing. When you were watching your mother suffer at the hands of your father I was using finger paint to paint our garage wall pink. Francesco he is no longer dictating your life. He is alive. But he gets to see that you didn't become like him. Your wife and children love you and respect you. It's not out of fear. It's out of love. When you show love to anyone they understand it. They remember it. I can't believe how much you hate and despise yourself. I can't believe how much you despise yourself to a point that you think you don't deserve me or this warm family. You built this family Francesco. Your father left you with nothing but pain and trauma. You didn't choose this life but you have to live through it. I am sorry Francesco. But you never hurt me. If anything I feel I hurt you. I always doubted you when you abducted me. I doubted your honour. I thought since you are a criminal you had no sense of what consent was which is everything in life. You believe in consent because your father refused to give you any choices to consent to anything that he did to your life. You believe in consent. You are the most honourable man I know. If anything I should ask you, does it bother you I ever doubted you? You allowed me to have consent for everything while your father never allowed you to give consent to anything. So it's not your fault what happened to you when you didn't consent to anything. Your mother was pregnant with you when she ran away. You also feel guilty for that. You think if your mother wasn't pregnant when she ran away your father would have forgiven her. Isn't that right?" Adele stopped seeing the visible change in Francesco's expression. She didn't know where it all came from. She had nothing to lose. What was the worse that could happen? He was already torn with his father turning up.
Francesco slowly pulled away and stood up silently. His chest was rising and falling as it seemed he was having conflicts within him. There was a fight inside him.
Adele said "But there is even more pain... Far greater pain than I can imagine is within you that you don't like to take about. The pain of betrayal. It's your mother. Isn't it. Her memory is there with you..." only her and O'Neil ever dared mention his mother. Even Costanzo kept away from the topic of their mother. It wasn't worth risking the wrath of Francesco.
Francesco balled his hands into fists as he shook his head "You said it all Adele. All that pain to one side Adele and my mother to one side... You were there Adele. You watched her act in denial. She forgave and forgot. How can she Adele? She still loves my father, the man who's hand is tainted? She pretends it never happened. It hurts the most Adele. Her betrayal and denial hurts the most..."
Adele stood up and stood in front of him. She slowly reached her hand up around his neck and stood on her tip toes as she got closer to him. She whispered "But it's not your fault. That's all that matters. It's her choice. Not yours. I am sorry Francesco. All that matters is this. Right here." She lowered one of her hands to his heart "This. Your heart. You have a big heart. You have a tormented soul. It's not your fault. I don't have a tormented soul and it's not my fault. We all have to come from somewhere. Your pain is part of you and I am sorry. But your love is part of you too. Mercy is part of you too. Please have mercy on dark souls. Let the lord do the justice. Please Francesco. You are capable of anything. Please don't harm those who wronged you. It will hurt you even more. Please don't think of those who wronged you. Their memories become stronger in you and will hurt and sadden you. Think of our family and what we have. No one can take it away from us. We have a family that no one can break. Your father destroyed your past but he can't destroy your future. Don't let other people's choices hurt you. You can sleep at night knowing you did not hurt your family."
Francesco looked into her eyes as he shook his head "I am sorry sweetheart.... I can't. I can't do that."
Adele paled "Are you going to kill him?"
Francesco said "Something like that. This time it is different. He is influencing Vincenzo, our son. If anyone hurts you or our children I can't show mercy sweetheart. I am sorry. I can't. You ask too much of me... If anyone hurts you or our children, they pay." He then attached his lips to hers.
Adele was frozen as she was kissed passionately. As Francesco pulled away and she caught her breath she whispered "Please Francesco. I am not asking you to forgive and forget. Just have mercy."