request: roasting each other (jokingly obvs.) is an important part of a relationship and i neeeeeeed a hc on roasting moments with tom (like some shaaaade im talking some rupauls drag race shit) love you darling! <3
A/N: I found this rather difficult for some reason so I hope it's good enough!
ー ALRIGHTY
ー so this is basically a daily thing
ー tom's a sassy little shit
ー and you challenge that
ー so y'all gotta have your daily roasting sessions
ー he'd throw something out about the walk, laughing
ー and you'd just
ー "Dude, you walk like an oversized duck."
ー "At least I don't laugh like a dolphin."
ー "At least I don't look like fucking Dumbo."
ー he'd be offended but laugh anyway and just fire back
ー like this would go and on and on
ー both of you doing the offended laugh
ー and being fake mad about what the other said
ー but as tom does
ー he'd finally get bored and pull the spider-man card
ー "well, says the one that isn't spider-man so."
ー "but you're not tony stark ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "
ー "you're not even in the universe."
ー "but I know dinosaurs weren't fucking pink and furry."
ー eventually, it'd only be stopped by one of you saving
ー or one of you just shutting the other up with an aggressive kiss
ー BUT
ー the best roasting sessions where when you were with the boys
ー because y'all would team the fuck up on tom
ー tom would start it as usual
ー to which you'd counter
ー and harrison would jump in and then harry
ー before tom could even get another word out
ー you'd counter mostly everything with something embarrassing tom did while the boys weren't around
ー awkwardly hugging your dad that one time
ー dropping the food *right* out of the oven, didn't even make it to the counter
ー him mumbling some gibberish in his sleep
ー literally anything (that wasn't private, y'all know the boundaries of not being an asshole)
ー he'd get flustered every now and then
ー which was fucking adorable
ー but he had a habit of bouncing back quick
ー the adorable red cheeks would disappear and go right back to coming back with something you did
ー harrison and harry would laugh but then go in on tom
ー harry bringing something up from when they were little
ー and harrison would bring something up from school
ー honestly
ー tom would get so tired of all of you
ー and just leave y'all to a laughing a fit
ー until you'd go find him
ー not even sulking
ー he just ran out of comebacks for the time being
ー anyway
ーafter any good roasting session
ーcame loads of compliments
ーto make up for the joking so you knew neither of you meant anything that was said