My heart is in my throat as I try to comprehend what's happening right in front of my eyes.
"Clara? What are you doing here? Thomas... Thomas what's going on?" I gawk between the two people standing before me, my blood pressure sky high.
"Sophia, this isn't what it seems." Thomas starts explaining, but Clara just scoffs and pushes past me.
"Yeah it is, Tom, why lie. You were caught." Clara says with a fake laugh.
"No. Nothing happened!" Thomas yells and points his finger accusingly at Clara.
"Whatever, either way Sophia, now you know what heart break feels like." Clara says bitterly at me, and I want so desperately to lunge at her and claw her eyes out but my legs just won't move. She did this on purpose.
How could she?
I watch her walk away until I can no longer see her then my eyes slowly crawl back to meet Thomas's.
Painful tears cascade down my cheeks as I stare breathlessly at the man I love.
"Why?" I ask, barely above a whisper. I want to yell, but for some reason my voice is broken.
"Nothing happened, Sophia. Please believe me." Thomas begs and steps towards me as his hand reaches for my arm, but I jerk it away.
"I don't believe you Thomas! You know why? Because you're fucking drunk again!" I say through a hoarse yell, trying to will my voice to fight for me.
"No- I mean, yes, but I... I was just so."
"So what? Angry? Upset? So was I But you know what I did about it? I fixed it! Michael is gone, he's not a problem anymore." Tears start streaming down my face, and I'm trying my hardest not to let the sobs overtake my voice.
"And I did it all without fucking him!"
Thomas's eyes are red, and he's starting to cry too. His jaw is slack as he tries to think of what to say.
"I didn't touch her, I swear. Please believe me. I love you so much. I don't know what happened."
I roll my eyes and choke on a fake laugh "What happened is you got drunk, blacked out, and picked up a lesbian at a bar."
"It wasn't like that Sophia. I have absolutely no memories of tonight past sitting down at that bar."
"Yeah that's what happens!" I scream and turn to start running towards my car. My fight or flight instincts have kicked in and I've done enough fighting for today.
Thomas chases after me and begs me to listen to him, but it's falling on deaf ears. I already know the truth. Tonight liquor caused him to cheat on me, just like I'd always feared it would.
"Just leave me alone!" I shout as Thomas stands in the way of my car door.
"No no no Sophia oh fuck no don't do this!" Thomas stammers as he shakes his head.
"I didn't do this, Thomas, you did. Can't you see that? This is your fault, not mine!"
"I know it is, I just can't lose you. I've never felt this way before. I've never wanted someone the way that I want you. I'm sorry I messed up, it will never happen again."
"You said that last time you got drunk, remember? When you promised my parents that you would be good to me, and never make me wonder if I can trust you! When you said you'd stay sober!"
"I broke your trust by drinking but nothin else happened. I would never betray you like that! It just isn't me!" He defends but I roll my eyes. How many times is he going to say the same damn thing.
"Fine, you didn't sleep with her, but you kissed her didn't you?"
Thomas is silent as he tries to respond, but his hesitation is answer enough.
I can't do this. I can't go through what my mother went through. The uncertainty used to almost drive her crazy. If he had just been drunk I could have looked past it, because honestly I figured he would be, but cheating on me is unforgivable.
"I'm leaving Thomas, and we're done. I'm really sorry, I desperately wanted this to work." I say, not making eye contact with the man that holds my broken heart in his palm.
My body threatens to convulse as I fight back violent sobs. I can cry at home, but right now I have to try and show a little resolve.
"Sophia..." Thomas whispers, silent tears streaming down his beautifully pained face as he finally moves away from my car door.
I awkwardly climb inside and start the engine. I pull away as fast as I can, not daring to look back at what's behind me, knowing damn well it was supposed to be my future.
I get to where I'm out of sight from Thomas's apartment building and pull over. I can barely see through my blurry tears, and I don't think I could drive any further even if I wanted to. My whole body is shutting down, and my mind is betraying me.
I can't stop picturing Thomas with Clara and it hurts so much. I've never felt a pain like this before. I've never felt so absolutely alone and helpless.
I put every ounce of energy I had into Thomas Crane. I staked my whole future on one man, and now he's blown it all to pieces.
What's worse is that seeing him cry almost broke me. It almost made me forgive him because I just can't stand to see him so upset.
I have to be strong. I have to realize that I'm doing what I'm supposed to by leaving him, and that this is the only way to move forward.
My phone lights up with a call from Isaac, but I ignore it. I know I'm the one who told him to call me, but I just can't face him or Fiona right now. I don't want them to know that everything we've been fighting for is now worthless. I don't want them to see me like this.
I stay in this car, in this spot, for god only knows how long. I stay here until there are no more tears left to cry, and the morning sun is peaking its head up at the horizon.
Now I just feel like a zombie. I feel like the shell of a woman, an empty carcass that's been tossed aside.
I feel dead.
My weak hand twists my key that's resting in the ignition, and my car springs to life. I drive slowly back to my apartment where I collapse onto my bed.
I want sleep to take me, but it doesn't. I just lay there as the sun begins to peer in through my curtains, wishing that I could just go back to last week when everything was perfect, because Thomas Crane ruined me for all other men, and now he's gone.
***
Thomas POV:
That's it.
As I watched those tail lights turn the corner I knew all of my happiness had gone with them. Sophia was the only hope I had in this messed up world and in less than two months I had thrown it all alway.
It may have only been two physical months, but if you count how long we had been talking before hand it's eight months.
Eight beautiful months of getting to know her inside and out, even when I didn't know that's what was happening at the time.
I'm so grateful that she tricked me into falling in love with her, because even though it feels like there's a knife in my heart, I wouldn't trade loving her for anything.
I wouldn't go back and change anything. I wouldn't chose to miss a single second of getting to love that beautiful woman.
Now all of my big dreams have gone up in smoke. The woman I wanted as my wife is gone. The future mother of my children, the smile I've become addicted to. It's all been ripped from my hands like a nightmare.
And it's all my fault.
I limp back inside my apartment and close the door, my back turning against it as I slide down the cold wood.
I lost my whole world, and I can't even remember what happened.
I've blacked out from being drunk before, but I've never woken up having made such a huge mistake. I can't believe even my unconscious mind would hurt Sophia, but I guess it would because it did.
I don't deserve her.
All I know is that I will never touch another drop of alcohol for as long as I live, and that Sophia's father was right - losing her is punishment enough.
I just wish I wasn't too late.
***
A/N: And you all thought Michael was the villain. I snickered so many times as people commented 'omg I love Clara' at the beginning because this has been the plan all along. I never thought I'd get this far, this is my first book ever and I just want to thank you all for experiencing this with me! Now, excuse me while I go cry in the corner.