Dr. Jose Luca Grazi
You must think that I'm stupid,
"Hello Jose." I heard that voice as soon as I entered the room, full of confidence. "Why are you here?" He turned around and faced me, a smirk on his face. "I think you know why I'm here, Mikhail." I scowled at him as I closed the door, his laugh filling the room. "Indeed I do." He then paused as he took a seat in one of the chairs facing each other, a small round table in between. "Are you sure you want to ask me?" I could sense the unsaid part of the question. Are you willing to know everything there is?
"Yes," I replied. "I know it isn't nothing to be too worried about, but I'm just at a bloody loss as to why Kaiden won't tell me. I know it's nothing serious. That's the part that is frustrating me." I stated and he nodded, motioning for me to sit down. "You are right. How may I assist you?" He questioned and I narrowed my eyes at him. "You knew it was me when I came into the room without turning around. You hear things that I tell Nicca in moments of privacy." I said and Mikhail grinned. "You always seem to smell things that no one should even smell. I'm not stupid, mate." I folded my arms and leaned back, Mikhail letting out a soft chuckle. "So when are you going to tell Nicca?" I asked and he shrugged.
"When the time is right."
You must think that I'm a fool.
I looked at him, unsure of how to form my question. There were so many things I wanted to know, but so very few answers that I was unsure if I wanted to know. "I'm sure you know that Kaiden is a werewolf, seeing as you are one." He nodded in reply. "The thing is, I have no fucking idea of what it is that he's keeping from me. He told me that it could damage the relationship that we have, but I highly doubt that. Do you know anything of what he's talking about?" I questioned and Mikhail stared at me in silence.
Then he nodded.
"You guys are mates."
You must think that I'm new to this, but I have seen this all before.
"Huh?" I sighed, exasperated. "What'd'ya mean?" I raised a brow and he let out a small breath. "A mate in the wolf world, means the other half of you, the person that you are destined to be with forever, regardless of who you were or are with at the time." He began to explain. "A mate is you find by the smell, the touch or even sight. In his case, he might have known you were his mate from the moment he laid eyes on you, Jose." He finished and I nodded, fully understanding what he was explaining. "He didn't tell me that. Why didn't he tell me that? There's nothing bad about that." I grunted in confusion and Mikhail looked at me waveringly.
"True," He said. "But since he has the heritage of the Chosen Alpha, it's a bit different." I tilted my head and waved a hand at him to continue. "Judging by the two holes on your neck," He pointed to the spot on my neck, one that had never faded. "He's already marked you, meaning he made you apart of his pact, made you his essentially. You probably noticed that you can feel what he is feeling, his emotions, his pain, whatnot." I nodded in confirmation. "That is all normal standard, ya know?" His eyes then gradually darkened.
"But if you, a human, marked him back," He began to warn me. "A Chosen Alpha at that, it would be mere chaos." My heart began to beat because I remembered biting into his neck the second time that we had sex. "What is that supposed to mean?" I pondered and Mikhail looked at me, his face full of some emotion I couldn't recognize. "The thing is, I'm not too sure. If he were to engage in battle with someone else, it would cause you severe pain than it would if he wasn't the Chosen Alpha. You would have a higher chance of dying and since you're human, healing won't help." He concluded and I sat there, absorbing this information. Before I could speak, he continued.
I'm never gonna let you close to me, even though you mean the most to me,
"In addition to that, Isak Pratt, who I'm sure you've met before," He looked to me and I rolled my eyes, thinking of that asshat. "He has the power to kill Kaiden." My eyes widened as he shut his. "I'm not sure how but if he succeeds this time," He opened his eyes and stared at me. "You will die too."
I sat in silence.
'Cause every time I open up, it hurts.
"If he doesn't die, it is often said that these chosen people will kill the person that they are mated to," He clicked his tongue. "Often out of bloodlust." I knew what he was telling me without him having to say it out loud. "Sooooo," I murmured. "Would Isak and the other big guy try to kill me to get close to Kaiden?" I asked, already aware of the answer. "Yes. If the Alpha has no true mate alive, they have to give up their status." He explained and I let out a low growl. "Gotta be fucking kidding me."
I was hella pissed, so fucking pissed.
Not even because of the information, mind you. It wasn't that at all. I could care less that someone was out to get me in order to get to Kaiden. I knew that as much. I was a grown man and I could handle myself. Against a bunch of fucking dogs, I'd try my best.
I was mad because I was hurt.
I remember when I first met Kaiden, I told him that it was hard for me to trust anyone. I told him that if he ever gained my trust, he would have to do his best and try his hardest not to make me regret ever giving him that glimmer of hope.
But boy, do I absobloodylutely regret it.
So I'm never gonna get too close to you, even when I mean the most to you,
"That's not all," Mikhail murmured, sensing the heightened tension in the room. "Because he is the Chosen Alpha, anyway that you see fit in having a child has already been cut off." He said and I narrowed my eyes in confusion. "I'm sorry, what? Can ya explain that a bit better please?" For fuck's sake, this bloke was giving me bad news after bad news. Fucking shite, man. "You could have your own kids if he wasn't a Chosen. You could have birthed them and all." My eyes widened and my jaw dropped.
I knew that I wouldn't be able to have my own pure kids if I grew up gay, always knew that. It was kind of heartwrenching in a sense, to know that this chance was even snatched out right in front of me. It wasn't his fault, Kaiden didn't ask for it, but it would have been nice to know.
"Gotta be fucking kidding me, dude." I shook my head as I looked down at the ground. "Lastly," His last words got my attention. "By the next blood moon, you will either be dead or alive." I furrowed my brows as I waited for him to further expand that thought but he didn't. "It's likely Kaiden didn't tell you in fear that it would scare you, but it will only hurt him in the end. If his wolf hasn't had another mating with you at the time of the next blood moon, Jose, Kaiden will be stuck in wolf form forever and you will die in essence." He finished and I leaned back in the chair, my phone ringing continuously.
I didn't know what to think.
In case you go and leave me in the dirt.
I didn't know what to feel.
What to say.
"If he can, he will leave you behind." Mikhail let me go with those parting words, and those same words are the ones that pierced my heart. What did he mean? Was I just a means to an end for Kaiden?
Why would Kaiden leave me behind?
But every time you hurt me, the less that I cry,
I didn't know anymore. I couldn't recognize anything about Kaiden anymore. "Hey, what's wrong, love?" The bane of my existence asked once I arrived at the house that he was training himself at. "Why do you look so upset?" He questioned and it took me a moment to look past those beautiful and godly looks of his, his smooth and deep voice that swept me off my feet and his kind eyes, to fully realized that I felt deceived.
Why lie to me?
Why me?
He went to grab my shoulder but I quickly evaded those hands of his. Just how many times have I fallen to his touch? What else is there that he's hiding from me? Was I really the only one for him?
Was I?
And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry,
"Kaiden..." I willed myself to look him in the eye and not fall to the seduction of those beautiful orbs. I willed myself to stay strong and stand ground. "We need to talk now," I said in a firm tone and I watched as his face contorted into one of confusion as he stared at me, trying to smell the chemosignals that I was possibly giving off: deceit, hurt and anger. "What's wrong?" His eyes turned blue as I stood in front of him, grabbing his hand. "I know." I stated. "Know what?" He tilted his head as I rubbed his hand, wondering where along the way did I mess up.
"I know what you were hiding from me." I held all emotions from my voice and his eyes widened as he opened his mouth, stammering, and stuttering.
"Jose I-" He began to say but it was clear as day that he didn't know what to say. He was caught in a web of his own lies and they began to spiral out of control. "I don't see why you didn't just tell me." I swallowed. "I mean they are things that make me sad," I looked up at him. "I wouldn't have left you for it. Just how heartless do you think I am?" I fumed, anger getting the best of me. He looked too relieved for his own good, but I wasn't done.
"It wasn't even that amount and the severity of the information that pissed me the hell off."
And every time you walk out, the less I love you.
"It's not the fact that you didn't tell me," "It's the fact you make it seem like my life is so insignificant that I shouldn't know these details! If someone's coming after me because of you, I'd like to know! If I have a chance of dying, I'd like to know!" I spat, my face heating up. "It was the mere fucking fact, figlio di puttana, that you lied to me all this time! I told you, I don't like being lied to, especially not about something like this!" My lips were quivering and my hands were shaking. "I don't like feeling like someone can't trust me enough to tell me the most important things and that exactly what you made me feel like." This was the problem with younger guys.
"Jose, baby, please." Kaiden began to tremble but I didn't care. Did he think about how I would feel when he told me lie after lie of omission? Did he think about me at all?
That was the question.
Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true,
"I respected you enough," I said after a moment of silence, gritting my teeth with every harsh word I spoke. I could feel the pain and anguish cutting through my chest as if it was my own pain but I knew it wasn't. Mine felt much more painful than that. "I respected you enough that I thought you would tell me the truth," I swallowed a hard ball of air. "No matter how hard it is or how much it might hurt me." My voice fell to a whisper and it was clear as the silence in the room where I was headed.
I'm way too good at goodbyes.
"I can't trust you Kaiden," I looked up at him, letting his hand fall out my grasp. "Knowing the degree of things that you kept from me. "I can't believe the things that you tell me anymore because I don't trust your word for anything." It hurt to say that but that's how I felt. He knew that especially when I told him that no matter how intense or how deep the secret may be, I would want to know so that I don't feel insecure about anything.
Knowing less than what I deserved is what got me in trouble last time.
No way that you'll see me cry...
"I'm sorry, Kaiden." I muttered glumly, my heart cracking into two. It was hard for me to say that I felt nothing but I did. I felt the pain that I felt when I walked in on my ex-boyfriend fucking my co-worker. I knew they were totally different situations, but the level of trust that I put into both is equal. I still felt my trust being thrown out the window. I still felt that same urge to cry and question why. Why am I so insignificant? Why do I feel so little? Why? Why? I couldn't be with someone that I couldn't trust enough to have my back. I still feel that no matter what I do, everything always gets ruined. I felt so numb, yet the very flaws of deception flowed through my veins and over the time, I became accustomed to them. I turned my back to Kaiden and started to walk away, willing myself to keep in the tears that threatened to pour out. I gritted my teeth as I clenched my hands into fists, knowing that it was no use.
They began to fall.