Chapter 22
C A T
I sit on the couch that faces the garage door and wait for it to open. It was past six, my parents should walk through that door any minute now. When it does my stomach turns into knots. They haven't seen me yet since mom had to put her brief case down by the laundry room and dad had to hang up his coat. Dad turned around first, when he laid eyes on Harry and I, he froze.
"Charlie what's for dinner?" Mom called from the Landry room, her voice sounded as if she was coming closer. She turned the corner and looked at us.
"Hi," I say quietly.
"What- How- Who-Why?" My dad stuttered at his words.
"What are you doing here? How are you here? Why are you here? And who the hell are you?" Mom spoke for him.
"She came back here to see you guys, I drove here, once again she wanted to see you guys, and I'm Harry, her friend." Harry spoke for me.
They completely ignored Harry and turned to Charlie, "Charlie you knew about her being here and you didn't call us?"
"If I did you wouldn't come home would you?" Charlie shot back. Mom and Dad just looked down which meant yes. Knowing they wouldn't come back home because I was here, hurt. It hurt a lot.
"I shouldn't have took you back here." Harry said quietly to me.
"Its fine, I would've had to face them someday." I say.
"Do I have to remind you she's your daughter?" Charlie continued.
"I would've had two if it wasn't for her." Dad said.
"What if you didn't have any? What if both of them died in that car crash? Would you still blame Cat?" Charlie yelled which made the room silent. I looked to my parents to see if they would answer. Charlie made a point that I never thought of.
"Why are you sticking up for her? You hated her just as much as we did!" Mom changed the subject.
"She's my sister! And I finally woke up out of my little haze and realized it wasn't her to killed Shailene! It was the drunk driver! It's messed up that I finally realized it before her own parents!" Charlie yelled.
"Charlie it’s okay if they hate me, I'm just lucky you forgave me." I say turning to Charlie. I didn't want to cause a fight between everyone.
"No, Cat this isn't right. Our parents think that you killed Shailene. Our Parents think you're a murder. It's not okay Cat. It's never going to be okay. I know you Cat; you don't let anyone know how you're actually feeling. You convince everyone that it's fine or you're fine when it's not and you're not fine. So be honest with me; do you really think this is okay?" Charlie says.
I find myself lying to him for a reason, "Yes Charlie, I've learned how to deal with it."
"Cat look at me." Harry speaks and I look at him. "Do you really think this is okay?" He repeats Charlie's question.
I was about to lie again and tell him the same thing I told Charlie but I couldn't. I couldn't lie to Harry which was weird; I could lie to my brother but not him. Maybe it was because of Charlie's betrayal towards about my sister that I lost a bit of trust towards him. With Harry, I've grown to know him. I know that he will protect me and he's showed me that he trusts me as long as I trust him. Which I do.
I shake my head, "No, I'm not okay with my parents hating me. They act as if I don't care about Shailene; as if she had no meaning to me; when she did. She had so much meaning to me. She was my little sister. She looked up to me and I did my best to be a role model for her. They act as if I meant to kill her. They act as if I don't think about her and what I've done to her. Them thinking I killed her and that I'm a murderer is only making me believe it. There’s not one day that goes by that I wish that it was me that was dead instead of Shailene. She had her life taken away at such a young age. Sure I was young when the crash happened but she was only a kid and wanted to go to high school and have a boyfriend and get detention. And I've done all of those things and she didn't get to. If I had the chance to go back and fix that day I wouldn't waste a second. I have my bad days and you've seen those bad days Harry. And I imagine you know how I feel during those days." I say.
"All you feel is guilt. And that guilt consumes you. It eats you inside and sometimes it's too much to deal with." Harry says. I nod at his response, that’s exactly how it feels.
"See, that’s how she feels. And she feels this way because of us." Charlie says to our parents.
My parents look at each other as if they feel guilty. But my Dad turns back to me, "If you feel that way, you feel that way. You let it get to you and that's not our fault."
His words felt like knifes stabbing me in my opened chest. Harry must have seen that I was hurt because he took my hand and pulled me off of the couch.
"It was nice meeting you all but I think it's time for us to go." Harry said which caught me off guard.
"But you guys just got here." Charlie said.
"Harry where are we going?" I ask as he pulls me further towards the door.
"They're treating you like shit." His voice was hushed so my parents would hear him.
"That's what I expected when I walked through the door Harry."
"How can you just let them treat you like that?"
"You learn how to deal with it."
"And how have you been dealing with it? Hiding how you actually feel?" He asked.
He was right, that was how I deal with things. I don't show my pain.
"Exactly. I'm not going to have you stay here if you're not wanted."
"Then where are we going?" I ask.
"A motel until I think of a living situation for you." Harry says.
"Why can't I just go back to Boston?" I ask annoyed.
"It's not safe." He says.
I roll my eyes at his repeated statement. Harry looks angry probably from my action but I don't care at this moment. I just want to go back to Boston with Annabelle and the boys. I don't care if it's not safe. They are my family.
Harry grabs my suitcase next to the stairs and starts walking out the door.
"Where are you going Cat?" I hear Charlie.
"A motel I guess." I say shrugging my shoulders.
"God, why do they have to be so stubborn?" He says mostly to himself.
"I call you when we get the motel okay?" I ask.
"Yeah okay. Be safe." Charlie says.
I just nod before going outside where Harry's waiting. I go to the passenger side, while Harry puts my suitcase in the trunk. When he's done he gets in the driver’s seat. He starts the car and bcks out of the driveway.
"Look, I know you want to go back with Boston but you can't."
"I know it's not safe." I say in an annoyed tone.
"It's not that it isn't safe, I don't want you to get hurt." Harry said.
I don't know what to say, so I don’t speak.
The rest of the ride was silent. When we arrive at the motel Harry goes in to get a room while I stay in the car. When he comes back out he motions for me to get out of the car. I grab my suitcases and follow Harry to our room.
"Harry, this motel looks like shit." I complain.
"Sorry princess I don't exactly have money for a five star hotel." Harry snaps. His tone caught me off guard and it reminded me of the days we first met.; when he was an asshole to me.
"Jesus Christ you don't need to snap at me!" I yell.
"And you don't need to complain about every damn thing!" He yells back.
"Is this how you're going to be like again?" I ask.
"Again?" He asks but also yells.
"Yes are you going to be a dick like you were when I first meet you?" I yelled.
He didn't say anything he just walked to our room. I trailed behind with two suitcases in my hands. We reached a door, which happened to be the very last door. He opens the door with the key and walks in holding the door for me.
I mumble thank you and look around. And may I just say, the room looks shittier then outside. It small but not too small. There's two queen sized beds with one pillow each. In front of the beds, there's wires on the floor where a TV was supposed to be but there wasn't. By the window there was a small round table with a chair beside it. And that was it. There we're no paintings on the walls; just the beds, chair and the table. There was a door on the other side of the room which I believe is the bathroom. If the room looks like this I can't imagine what the bathroom looks like.
"Wow." I say quietly to myself.
"I'm going to go for a walk. I'll e back in a while." He says. I just nod not wanting to talk to him.
When I hear the door shut and when it does I break. It was as if the door shutting was a trigger realizing the bullet. Only the bullet was everything that was wrong in my life and the gun was me hiding my feelings and not letting people see how I felt. I sit on the bed and cry. I cry about everything that has happen today; knowing my parents still hate me, that I was reminded of the crash, knowing that I might not see Annabelle and the boys again, and Harry. The way he snapped at me didn't feel right. It hurt - it hurt a lot. There's only so much I can take until I reach my breaking point. And right now it feels I hit that peak. And it makes me disappointed in myself that I'm here alone in a motel room crying.
After it feels like hours of crying, I've ran out of tears. When I stop crying the feeling is still there; the sadness, the disappointment and the anger. It feels like it's not going to go away either. I decide to go to the bathroom and clean up before Harry gets back. Where he went off too I have no idea. If he wants to be alone and act like he is then let him.
When I open the bathroom door it's exactly how I expect it to be; disgusting. I don't look around much for my own sake. I got up to the mirror by the sink and clean my face. I take off the mascara that was on my cheeks and under my eye. My eyes were red from crying but there wasn't much I could do about that.
Hearing the door open makes me walk out of the bathroom. Harry walks in holding a beer. I ignore him and decide to call Charlie and tell him I made it to the motel.
"Don't bother unpacking, you're leaving tomorrow." Harry says when I’m off of the phone.
"Where am I going?" I ask.
"You’re going to stay with an old friend." Harry says taking a drink from the glass bottle.
It puts a unsettling feeling in my stomach knowing I have no idea who this old friend is. "And who is this? Who am I going to be staying with?"
"Someone who hates Caleb just as much as we do." He says which didn't really answer my question.
"Who then?" I ask again.
"Caleb's brother, Elijah."
Hearing Harry say that made me choke on the air. "His brother?" I yell.
"He's a nice man." Harry says.
"You must be drunk out of you mind to think that I'm actually going to stay with someone related to Caleb." I yell.
"He's my friend! I wouldn't let you stay there with him if it wasn't safe." Harry says.
"I bet you if I told the boys and Annabelle what you we're saying they-"
"Would be okay with it. They are all good friends with Will too." Harry intuits me.
I laugh meanly. I walk past him to my suitcase and get my pajamas. I walk to the bathroom and change. When I walk out Harry isn't in the room. I look out the window and see him the beer bottle, only it empty. What catches me off guard is he through it. I see the glass shatter on the pavement in front of Harry. He has his back towards the window but I can tell he's angry without looking at him. He runs his hands threw his hair and starts pacing. I decide not to look at him anymore because the longer I do the more I become afraid of him. The problem with him is he's bipolar. Sometimes he's like this; angry. Other times he's caring and that's the Harry I've grown to like.
I walk over to my bed and climb in after shutting off the lights I shut my eyes but I don't fall asleep. I hear the door open after a couple minutes of lying there. I hear him climb into the other bed after coming out of the bathroom from changing.
I stare into the darkness unable to sleep. When the day comes to an end I get an uneasy feeling knowing that I'm going to have to sleep. I don't like going to sleep because while I wait for myself to close my eyes and dream about a happy world I wish I lived in, all I can do is think. I think about stuff I don't want to think about. The silence doesn't help either. It just makes me think even more. I'm afraid to sleep because of what haunts me.
Ever since Caleb showed up at the crime scene and almost killed Annabelle and I, I've been having nightmares. I don't even have to be asleep to have nightmares about it. I think about it whenever I start thinking to myself. It's like my fear is eating me alive.
"Choose one." Caleb says.
"Choose one for what?" Annabelle asks. But her and I both know what this is for. He wants to kill us with the things he used to kill someone important to the boys.
"How you die of course." He said.
When he said that it was hard to breath. It was like someone was stomping on my lungs and not taking their foot off. It made me sick at my stomach. I realized there might not be a lucky break for me this time. Sure, I have Annabelle but she's nothing against Caleb. The same goes for me. We are going to die right here and right now.
As he explains all the choices for my death all I can hear is my heart beating rapidly fast. I don't want to die. It felt like hope was lost for me at the moment. I want to live my life. There's so much that I haven't done and if I die I'll never get to do those things.
The exact same feeling I felt when I thought I was going to die came back. It was hard for me to breathe. It felt like my lungs were closing in on me so I wouldn't be able to breath. It felt like no matter how much force I put into myself to get the feeling away it came back.
"Harry?" I asked softly.
I didn't think he would reply straight away but he did. "Cat what’s wrong?" It didn't sound like he had been asleep. When I heard his voice the feeling went away and the memory faded away.
"I'm scared." I confessed. I felt like a five year old saying that to their parents. I'm twenty-three, I shouldn't be scared.
"Come here." He said. I slowly made my way to his bed being careful not to run into anything. I stand and the side of his bed and Harry turned on the light on the bedside table. He was in a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants. His hair was a mess from laying on his pillow.
"It felt so real Harry. Like I was back at the crime scene again." I said quietly. It was so quite I wonder if Harry even heard.
"Come here." He says. I look at him confused.
"Come lay with me for tonight." He said. I stared at him wondering if I should go and lay with him.
"I'm not going to see you for a while after I drop you off at Elijah’s house." He said. I felt my heart skip a beat. I didn't want him to leave me and I didn't want to live with Will. I looked at him before climbing in next to him. Our legs tangle together as he pulls me in closer to him. I burry my head into his neck.
"You're safe with me Cat." He said. His fingers combed through my hair. In this moment I did feel safe. I remember when Alex kidnapped me and I had the dream about Niall and Harry coming to rescue me. I ran into Harry's arms and I felt safe. I have the same feeling right now as I did in the dream. I felt protected around Harry.
"I know." I said. His thumb makes little circles on my back making me feel relaxed. And I slowly fall asleep. I fall asleep in Harry's arms realizing I've fallen for Harry.
I enjoyed writting this chapter :) and I'm going to introduce you guys to some new characters next chapter!