Luke's POV*
I'm completely sure this school doesn't understand that Thanksgiving hasn't even passed yet by the looks of the Christmas decorations and winter formal posters already plastered all over the building. It's now Tuesday, two days before we go off into Thanksgiving break, but by the looks of this place, you'd think it was the middle of December.
Although, I don't think I really should be complaining because here I am, in line to buy winter formal tickets, while gaining whispers and dirty glances from everyone around me. I don't go to dances, never have, not even with Michael, so it's probably a shock to everyone that I'm in line for these two useless pieces of paper about 4 weeks ahead of time, but this is what Calum wants and in the last couple of days, I've seemed to find myself ready to practically do anything to make the boy happy as can be because his happiness brings me this odd feeling of happiness in that weird way that only ever gets mentioned in movies and books fictionally.
I'm surprised by how fast Thanksgiving's come this year actually. The days have been coming and going in flashes since I've asked Calum to officially be my boyfriend.
The two of us have been almost inseparable, almost as if we're in this fantasy world where it's only us, where we only matter. And sadly, we both know sooner or later we're going to have to snap out of it but I'm not ready for that just yet because I'm still in eternal shock he even said yes.
I know of his conflicting feelings for Michael and I know of all his past troubles with relationships, which makes it all even harder to process or even believe he actually agreed to a relationship with me of all people. Calum just didn't give me a yes. He gave me his trust. After countless times of betraying his trust and giving him every reason not to, he's given it to me again willingly and I don't want him to regret it.
The line began moving up when suddenly, my phone decided to vibrate in my pocket and a body came pushing me roughly out of line before I quickly got back in it, turning to see just exactly who caused it. Michael.
His thin green hair comes into full view as his wide grin caught me before he turned in place and continued to walk down the hall.
A few seconds later, another body came pushing into me out of line. Their hand smacked my ass hard while passing. Tightening my fist trying to restrain on punching whoever was the culprit this time, I turned back in line casually, looking for who could have done it this time, hoping it wasn't Michael.
I looked around and tried desperately not to anger myself, possibly over nothing but a slip of a hand, while steadying my breathing once my eyes lock with Tyler's for the first time in weeks. I stood there, in the middle of the line frozen in place, as little flashbacks in my head I've been trying to keep tucked away played out. Moments of him pushing me up against a room wall forcefully, roughly stroking my groin rapidly while pinning me onto a bed against my screams, begging him to stop.
Tyler eyes me up and down, licking his lips before biting down on the bottom one, walking away pleased. Watching him walk further, he meets up to Michael at the end of the hall, the pair eyeing me as if they want to start something. And as much as I feel the need to go punch the both of them in the face, I can't. My stomach falls as more flashbacks of Tyler's aggressive touch plays out, causing me to shiver in disgust and blanking out completely from my surrounding.
I hear laughter escape the both of them while they turn the corner and a female voice calling out for me, snapping me back into reality and releasing me from the memories of Halloween night.
"Luke? C'mon, you're next," Quinn says, smiling up at me worriedly. "Are you okay?" she asks while I look in the direction that once held Michael and Tyler, making sure they're now gone. I knew the pair wanted to start something, but I wasn't going to give in even if I was capable of it. Michael wants nothing more than to make me out to be the monster everyone thinks I am, that I think I am.
"Yeah, sorta just lost it in my head," I tell her vaguely. I haven't told anyone I remembered what happened that night. It sort of just came to me one night when I was staring up at the ceiling while going through withdrawal from my orange pills. At first, I thought I was hallucinating because of withdrawal, but my skin grew cold, my body felt numb and then I knew that's what happened. I didn't do anything willingly with Tyler. It was forced, all of it. I didn't come onto him as much as I try to tell myself that to make the situation seem okay, but I don't plan on telling anyone. It's not like anyone's going to do anything anyway. No one ever does and no one ever believes me, not with my so-called reputation.
"Hey, it's okay," she says, patting my shoulder over the table separating us, knowing that's all she can ever do to comfort me regarding the subject. "One day, karma's going to catch up to the both of them."
"Well, karma needs to hurry the hell up," I laugh lightly, trying to shake off my discomfort, pushing back the memories of Halloween night from flooding into my mind further.
"So, Luke Hemmings is finally going to a high school event? Only took you about four years," she remarks, pulling tickets out of a rubber band when I tell her I need two.
"Calum's good for you."
"How do you know the ticket is for him?" I ask after the school bell rings and the hallway almost empties as student try to make way to their next class.
"I know we haven't all talked in a while, but I've seen you guys together lately, inseparable and I see the way you both look each other. Besides, I've known you for years, Luke. You wouldn't be caught dead at a dance, let alone a winter formal, but here you are, buying not one but two tickets," she says while smiling and handing me the tickets as I hand her the money. "Sometimes, I think you forget you aren't the only smart kid around here in honors."
Footsteps begin to fill the empty, silent hallway, causing us both to look toward the noise, catching sight of a taller boy with brunette brown curls coming for us calmly. Harry.
Looking back at Quinn, I raise my eye brows before she mouths we're okay just as Harry meets us in the middle of the hall by the ticket table.
"Hello, beautiful," he says, kissing Quinn on the head. "Luke," he greets lightly.
"Harry," I mock his tone and serious expression. Harry's never liked me, it's been years, but if I were him, I'd be more grateful because if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't even be with Quinn, in a dark twisted way, I think to myself as he looks at me timidly.
"You two should talk to Calum," I say, mostly looking at Harry. "Seriously, neither of you can avoid him forever."
I know Harry's been ignoring him. I can tell by the way his sudden angry confidence toward me deflates within seconds at the mention of my boyfriend.
"I don't know how to," he says softly, adjusting his book bag on his shoulders, "but I am. If he was going hear how we became friends from anyone, it should've been from me. He didn't deserve to find out the way he did," he says as Quinn looks up at Harry, guilty.
"I don't think he wants to talk to me," she says, grabbing her book bag from the chair as my phone vibrates within my pocket again.
Choosing to ignore it, I listen as she continues, "I remember what happened that night. It took a while, but I do. What I said to him, he didn't deserve that. It was his business and he shouldn't have been called out like that. I shouldn't have been so ruthless."
"It doesn't matter. What matters is that his two friends haven't spoken to him in almost a month. He knows my side of what happened, and why you two were his friends to begin with, but now it's your turn to get him to understand. He deserves to understand and he deserves an apology, Quinn," I say honestly, feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket yet again and knowing it's most likely Calum or Ashton wondering why I'm not in Chemistry yet.
"Even though he won't admit it, he misses you guys. Yeah, you two were dealing with your own shit, we all were. That doesn't just give you the right to abandon all your friends who went through the same thing, who are still going through the same shit. Everyone got hurt. Almost everyone got spiked and fucked up the only happiness they had. You two weren't alone in that so don't act as if you are," I spit, a bit angry with the pair as I'm leaving down the hallway to the library, deciding on skipping chemistry, knowing Calum's on free period and checking my phone in the process.
Calum did text, said he was in the library and once I enter, his laugh becomes audible, causing a smile to form at the sound.
Walking further to his table toward the back, behind a book self, I place my hand with the tickets behind my back, continuing to walk forward to his table.
"Love," I say, catching his attention from the college papers all around him that he seems to be engrossed in.
Calum looks up at me a little bit tensed, causing my smile to subside a little, but not stopping me from talking at all. "I guess we're officially going to the winter formal together because I got these two blue tickets and they're not refundable," I tell him, sitting on his lap and revealing the tickets from behind my back as he smiles up at me.
"We still have like a month, though," he laughs, putting a hand through my hair.
"There's usually a certain amount of tickets because the gymnasium can only hold so many hormonally fucked teenagers," I say dramatically.
"For someone who doesn't like school events, you sure know a lot about them."
"I know. It's sickening, I tell you."
"I love you so much, you know that, right?" Calum asks, laughing.
"How much?" I ask after placing the tickets on the table with his college papers, then straddling him and looking around to make sure the library is indeed empty, although it won't even matter with the way the bookshelves are arranged and hiding the table.
"A lot," Calum whispers, attaching his lips to mine softly, "I didn't think we were actually going to go." He smiles brightly at me.
"I'm fine with it as long as I get to see you in a tux," I say, nibbling at his ear.
"If anyone's going to wear a tux, it's you, but I won't really look forward to seeing you in it. I'd probably enjoy slowly taking it off you," he remarks, kissing at my neck.
"I don't know what's gotten into you lately." I moan quietly at the feeling of his lips on the slowly faded purple mark he left on my neck Saturday as he sucks down hard, gripping at my waist and pulling me closer.
After a while, he licks over the newly fresh purple mark on my neck, proudly saying, "Mine and only mine."
Kissing at Calum's cheeks, I get off his lap and end up sitting next to him to prevent myself from getting more arroused than what I already am, causing him to whine in displeasure.
"The last thing I want is for me to take your virginity in a library, Hood," I laugh as he swats at my chest, pushing me into the chair next to him. "How can I help?" I ask, referring to the endless supply of college papers scattered across the table.
Calum doesn't answer me, but instead of focusing on the college applications, he grabs the winter formal tickets, staring at them fondly. "Thank you," he says, pecking my lips, "I know how much it isn't your thing and it means a lot to me." He smiles as he puts them into his book bag.
"C'mon, let me help you finish these before you miss deadline," I tell him, grabbing one of the papers and stealing his pens.
Calum doesn't look away from me, but instead kisses me on the cheek as I'm reading over the paper of information listed that's needed for his scholarship.
"I love you," he tells me.
"I love you more."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Calum's POV*
The remainder of the school day was spent in classes and during free time finishing my college applications. I did get most of it done this morning, thanks to Luke, but I still have to finish the one for NYU partially and give it to the guidance counselor, which is why I'm still in the library right now, writing my ass off.
Luke left about ten minutes ago after I begged him to leave, seeing that school is well over, and he didn't need to be here any longer, helping me when I was almost done and when he's been helping me all day to begin with.
But Luke, being the pain in the ass boyfriend he is, decided to pin me up against a book shelf teasingly, trying to persuade me otherwise and it almost worked after a while, almost.
Now, I'm just filling out a simple information column on this last sheet, when I hear a familiar voice snap me out of focus while clearing their throat nervously.
"Can we talk?" Harry asks when I lift my gaze to him and I'm nodding my head.
He looks different, better since the last time I've seen him. His skin doesn't look an unhealthy pale, his eyes don't look sleep-deprived and his posture seems more upright. There's something different, and I don't notice until he's rubbing at his eyes freely that he isn't wearing his glasses that he normally does and his hair's grown out to fit his round face.
"Is your girlfriend making you talk to me this time?" I retort harshly as I begin to slip my papers back into an envelope to safely seal.
"No," he says lowly. "You just need to hear me out, okay? And afterward, if you decide on never talking to me again, I personally wouldn't blame you."
"You haven't talked to me in weeks, a month soon, actually."
"I was fixing things with Quinn. Well, trying to. I haven't just been off having fun for a month. This last month's been hell and you should know that. I've been trying to pick up pieces of a shattered puzzle and you're the last piece," he says and holds his hand up to silence me before I can even add in a side comment.
"Yes, the day I talked you in English wasn't a coincidence. Yes, Quinn told me to talk to you because Luke asked her to. That's all true and you know that, but after a while, I didn't see it as me having to talk to you, or me being forced to.
"I didn't just agree to it because my girlfriend of my whole high school life told me to. I agreed because at the time, I knew you were having a hard time. Luke was a dick and rumors were being spread about you every other day. You needed a friend and I was willing to be that friend in any shape or form for you. And I know that's hard to believe because lately, I have been anything but a friend, buts it's the truth.
"I could've stopped talking to you whenever I pleased. I didn't have to continue, but I did because I enjoyed your company and I enjoyed your friendship. Sure, the way things came about was wrong, the way you found out was probably even worse, but no one bribed me to do anything. No one forced me to do anything beside talk to you that one time in English. I decided to continue because I liked the thought of having you as friend,Calum, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you and I'm sorry I've been ignoring you for Quinn lately," he finished and I closed my eyes, trying to think of what to do or even say. I knew all of this, most of it, well some of it, but I didn't know how he saw it.
"I thought it was some joke when I first found out. 'Lets all play Calum into thinking he has friends,'" I retort in fake laughter.
"You do, though. You have me, you have Danielle, even Quinn," he says and I nod. "I'm sorry for lying to you and I'm sorry the way our friendship came about."
"Danielle misses you. She misses the curly hair. I think I have, too," I say, smiling at him, bringing my hand to ruffle his hair before he leans back into his chair in relaxation at the decrease of anger in my tone toward him.
"It's okay. The whole thing was a big mess. Luke shouldn't have told you two to do it and the both of you shouldn't have listened. I didn't need it at the time. I was fine alone," I lie to him and he shakes his head in disagreement.
"I'm glad he did, because right now, we wouldn't be friends and I wouldn't be friends with Danielle, either," he tells me, fixing his hair while standing up.
"So, Luke bought two winter formal tickets today. Spill."
"It's moments like these where I question your sexuality, Styles."
"So does Quinn, but I love her so," he laughs off, shaking his hair out.
"He's taking me to the winter formal," I tell him nonchalantly as if it's completely normal that Luke and I are going to a formal together because it should be. I need it to be. The both of us seem happier these days, less paranoid and I can't help wanting to hold days like these closer than most.
"He's hasn't been to one since the 8th grade when we had those really shitty childish, holiday-themed dances where they'd give you cookies and water," Harry laughs off, "He really cares about you a ton if he decided to take you."
"It surprised me actually. I didn't think he was serious or if he'd actually pull through."
"Pretty convinced that kid will do anything for you," Harry says, so sure of himself. "I haven't seen him that way since Michael and before," he finishes vaguely as I choose not to question the before so.
"It's kind of odd for me at times, when I look back over the course of the last three months and how far we've come together. If you told me back then I'd be his boyfriend now, I probably wouldn't believe you. I probably would've still been wrapped in a fake relationship with Vanessa who keeps trying to contact me for some odd reason."
"Wait, what? Boyfriend?" Harry speaks, a bit loud as I stare at him confused.
"What?"
"You said boyfriend. You said 'I'd be his boyfriend.'"
"No..." I trailed off.
"Calum," he speaks sternly, a hint of amusement in his voice. "You're blushing," he finishes as I bang my head into a table, hiding it within my arms.
"Yes, we're boyfriends, if that's what you call it," I tell him muffled, still having my head resting in my arms.
"It only took you guys long enough," he laughs. "I'm assuming no one knows then. I honestly thought you guys would only be friends with such history."
"We've been through a lot more than 'friends' should and no, we haven't really told anyone. Don't think I'm ready yet," I tell him, lifting my head from my arms and sighing.
"You will be. Within time, you won't give a shit what other people think because this place isn't forever, and these people here aren't forever," Harry tells me.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I spent the rest of the time filling him in on everything he's missed with Kass and Danielle and we had the discussion of colleges he's applied to, which are a handful. I can't seem to really remember. He said something about always needing a back up to a back up.
Later on while I was leaving, I made sure to drop off the last of my college applications at the guidance counselor before heading to the hospital and visiting my mom.
She's actually fine now, still on sucicide watch and being monitored for the medication her lungs need. She seems okay and I don't think I've ever seen her this content before, this calm. She seems happy.
We talk about Luke often, and she's becoming very okay with the subject of my homosexuality to a certain point, which I couldn't be more thankful about.
Over the years, all I've ever wanted was to be accepted by her and I have, to some specific degree. There still is a fine line we don't cross while communicating about Luke and I's relationship or even future for us, that is.
She knows I won't end up with a girl, even if Luke and I don't end up working out. She won't ever have actual grandchildren and in ways, I know that still gets to her, hurts her to the point where she won't admit it. My mom had this future written out for me perfectly. College, marriage, kids and I know it hurts her to know I can't provide the fairytale image she once held and I never was going to be capable of it, so I never push a subject when she seems uncomfortable because the effort she's giving me now is more than what I expected from her ever.
Today, we talked about her plans to move back to California after I go off to college. She says there's nothing more here for her after she finishes her book and I leave, but I know it's bullshit. I know she's trying to put distance between her and my father, but I don't call her out on it or blame her for it because she's choosing to let me finish school here when she can easily pack us up like she's done countless times before.
My father hasn't come to see her since the one time when she was unconscious in the beginning of this all, but he does ask me about her often, just as she does him. I'm glad they aren't together. I think I finally understand that them not being together is what's best for the both of them and all of us individually.
My mother has her own personal issues she needs to get over before she can even consider another relationship and my dad seems happy, happiest I've seen him in my seventeen years of living.
Now, a little over an hour later, after wishing my mom goodnight, I'm now perched on the couch next to Steven and Kayla while our dads argue in the kitchen over who's cooking dinner tonight and whether or not we're having tacos.
"Those two obviously haven't had sex in a while," Steven says, causing Kayla and I to laugh in unison.
"Who knew adults could be sexually fustrated," I add, resulting in more laughter.
"Aren't they both going on business trips soon? This isn't going to do their relationship well at all," Kayla says while Steven puts an arm around her.
"Would you two stop arguing and go make out somewhere if neither of you are going to make tacos?" Steven yells, his voice being somewhat audible throughout the spacious house.
Kayla and I swat at Steven, telling him to shut up as he goes on yelling and egging our fathers on from the living room.
"Steven Fields, if you don't shut up, you'll be eating the dirt from the garden for dinner," my father yells back. At this point, Kayla and I are holding our stomachs in laughter at the look Steven's face holds from the comment.
"Yeah yeah yeah," he mumbles to himself, huffing in annoyance when the sound of the stove in the kitchen flickers.
My phone rings again and I tell the two I'm going to take it and to call me up when dinner is done as I'm heading down to my room in the basement.
Taking out my phone, I see the caller ID is Vanessa and reluctantly, I pick it up, knowing she wouldn't call me twelve times in a day unless it was something important.
"Calum," she says, swallowing a lump in her throat and trying to steady her breathing, "we need to talk."