By the time Kitwana awoke it was already nighttime. He stretched out inside the small, abandoned den he had picked as a 'nest' and stepped out of it. The jungle looked so different at night, it was hard to look beyond his beak but hopefully, there was enough moonlight to move around.
Feeling thirsty, Kitwana walked over towards the spring, emerging into the clearing a few seconds later. The others had returned from wherever they had gone to eat and were contently lying around the place.
"I've never been so happy about being wet in my entire life," Umoja said underneath the small waterfall, purring in delight.
"This is life!" Nurisha said, swimming around in the water. "It's almost a pity we won't be staying here."
"Oh, Kitwana, there you are!" Kalere cried out as she flew down from an upper branch towards the ibis. "Makuu was looking for you!"
"He's awake?" Kitwana asked, relieved.
"He awoke a while ago," Kiburi responded from the water. "He wanted to talk to you, but you needed the rest."
"Where is he now?"
"He went towards the grassy plains that way," Julisha said, pointing at a direction with her snout. "He asked that when you woke up we tell you he'll be there."
Kitwana approached the spring and took a refreshing drink. He recalled Makuu had apologized to him while being delirious, but he wasn't sure if he really meant it or if he was just saying things because of his state at that time.
"What's on your mind, kid?"
Kitwana jumped back in surprise when he heard Kiburi's voice much closer, and when he looked up he noted the crocodile had approached him, looking at him curiously... but he also saw a bit of concern in his eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"You and Makuu didn't seem to be on precisely good terms the whole way here, but from the way he spoke about you, I guess you used to. What happened between you?"
Kitwana looked away sadly. "I don't want to talk about it..."
"Well, I see he did rub off some things unto you."
Offended, Kitwana glared at Kiburi. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're bottling things up, keeping things to yourself. That's something Makuu does very well too; the problem is that when you do that, it affects you. It affects your mood, your reactions, and eventually there'll come a moment when you can't bear it anymore and explode."
"I think we should give these two some privacy.." Jafari whispered.
"Agree." Said Julisha, then the other animals quietly retreated into the jungle.
"How do I know this?" Kiburi continued. "I knew him since we were very young. True, we didn't get along because he was... difficult to treat, but back then I didn't know all the things he had gone through."
That comment sparked Kitwana's curiosity. "What do you mean? What happened to him?"
"That's something only he can tell you. My point is the way he acted, and he still acts to some extent, is the result of bottling up all those feelings of pain and sorrow."
"If it's bad, why did he do it?"
"It's... the crocodile way," Kiburi responded a bit reluctantly. "I guess you noticed that crocodiles are not very emotive like other animals."
"Well, sort of...."
"Anyway, my point is you shouldn't judge him if you don't his whole story," Kiburi said in a gentler tone this time. "Deep down, I think he might be a good crocodile... sometimes." He had to be, otherwise, he wouldn't have saved Kiburi's life since he had no obligation to take that shot for him, yet he did.
"Kiburi, right?"
"That's right."
"Are you the crocodile who was banished from the Pride Lands by Simba?"
Kiburi winced. "Yes."
"Why did you do it?"
"Excuse me?"
"What did Simba do to you that you wanted him dead?"
"I d-didn't want him dead! I just wanted..." Kiburi stopped right there, not knowing what to say. He himself didn't know what he wanted at that time, other than beat Makuu to win back Akina.
Kitwana knew he had hit the jackpot when he didn't receive an answer at all. "And why did you have it against Makuu? Did he do something to you?"
"Other than rob me of the love of my life? Not much." Kiburi said sarcastically, turning away this time.
Kitwana blinked. "Does that mean... Akina?"
Kiburi nodded slowly. "I loved her, but Makuu stole her from me."
"Did she love you?"
"Are you always that curious?!" Kiburi growled, annoyed, but answered the question. "She would have if he hadn't gotten in the way!"
"But you're not sure, are you?" Kitwana pressed.
"I am sure she would. We knew each other long before Makuu appeared, even back then I loved her!"
"If that's true, I don't understand. You claim you love her, but you were willing to hurt her."
"Wha-?! How dare you?!" Kiburi snapped, stepping out of the water, baring his teeth. "I would never lay a claw on her, I never did!"
"I didn't mean physically," Kitwana said calmly, though he was trembling at the sight of Kiburi's teeth. "But you were willing to hurt, or maybe even kill, Makuu. That would have definitely hurt her, don't you think? Wouldn't you be sad if something happened to your mate?"
Kiburi's resolve started to crumble, but as he opened his mouth to say something, nothing came out.
"You say you love her, yet you were willing to take away the animal she loves the most in the Pride Lands. You only wanted revenge on Makuu, but you didn't stop to think of how Akina would have reacted had you actually succeeded. Would she have accepted you knowing you took her spouse away? You really think she would?"
No response.
"See? If you had loved her as you say you do, you would have thought of her first and you last. I might not have gone through it, but from what I've seen, love is not selfish. Sometimes, when you love someone, you have to think of what's best for them, even if it will hurt us..."
As he spoke, realization dawned unto Kitwana as he recalled what Makuu had done, and he felt guilty, recalling Makuu had said something like that back then when he nearly drowned.
Hate me all you want for this, but one day you'll thank us for it.
He finally understood.
Kiburi started running towards the prairie but turned around to see Kiburi one last time. "Thanks, Mr. Kiburi!"
Kiburi stared at him in confusion as he ran off. Why did he thank him? He had no time to ponder that and instead went into the water. He had a lot to think about.
XXXXX
It has been a while ever since he stopped to admire the night sky. The last time, he was just a hatchling, and he asked his mother why there were so many stars in the sky. Nyota told him a legend about the Great Lion Kings and Queens of the past, and how each had a star in the sky, from where they continued to watch over the Pride Lands.
He had to admit it was a beautiful night. The stars, the cool breeze, overall the peace and quiet. The gentle grass gave a ticklish sensation on his scales, though sadly he was too nervous to enjoy it. Would Kitwana come? And if he did, what could he say to him? He had no idea of what he said while being delirious, or anything he said was directed at Kitwana.
"Makuu!"
Makuu was momentarily relieved when he heard Kitwana's voice, and he saw the white spot coming closer. Much to his surprise, though, Kitwana came and hugged him. "You're okay!"
"Yeah... I guess I am," Makuu managed to respond, though he was still a bit stunned by the sudden affection. "I have the feeling it'll leave a scar, though," He started to feel awkward when Kitwana didn't release him. "Are you alright?"
Kitwana saw through the sugarcoating, recalling crocodiles didn't hug. "Oops, sorry, I kind of forgot you are not fond of hugs..."
"It's not that exactly. I didn't think you'd ever hug me again after... well, you know."
"Me either, but I had a talk with Kiburi that made me realize a few things."
"You talked to him? What could he have said?"
"It wasn't quite what he said, rather it was what I was saying to him. He's not a bad guy, he's just a bit misled."
"Tell that to me, I had to put up with him for most of my life."
"Well, after talking to him, I understand you a little better," Kitwana then sighed and turned around, looking down sadly. "I'm not going to lie, though... When you gave me away, I was mad at you. I thought you didn't want me, and then I blamed you for not being able to even open my wings..."
Makuu wanted to add he wasn't completely wrong about the last part but chose to let him finish.
"But when I look back at what has happened, I realize that if you hadn't given me away, I wouldn't have been present to save Dalila, I would have never learned as much about humans, I would have never met Zumberi... So in a way, I think you did the right thing, and you only wanted what was best for me, I just didn't want to see it."
Kitwana sighed again. "And you were right. I'm not a crocodile. I never was one, and I'll never be one. I'm just a toothless, ordinary ibis."
He nearly chuckled when Kitwana said 'toothless', but now was not the time for that. He had his own share of the blame for what happened too. "Don't say that ever again, kiddo. You might not be a crocodile, but you're not an ordinary ibis either. An ordinary ibis wouldn't have been brave enough to go into the humans' vehicle to save a friend. An ordinary ibis wouldn't have made it alive out of the Outlands, or face a human. An ordinary ibis wouldn't have saved my life."
"I will not deny it, I didn't like looking after you at first. I thought it was because I didn't like kids, or because I didn't like you, but... The truth was that I was afraid," He expected Kitwana to make a silly question, but continued when he said nothing yet. "It's hard to admit it even now, but I was afraid of the responsibility that came with looking after a child because I feared I wouldn't be a good caretaker or a good father. I was afraid I'd make a mistake and lose whoever was under my care."
Kitwana recalled Akina had said something about it, back when she mentioned Makuu didn't want a clutch. "Is this why you don't want to have... with Akina?"
Makuu looked away sadly. "What kind of father would I be if I couldn't take care of my siblings?"
"Siblings?"
He guessed there was no escape from it any longer. He'd have to talk about it, recall all those memories he had buried and tried to forget for so long, but it was the least Kitwana deserved after the things he made him go through, even if it had been unintentional. "I guess you know what happened when Scar the Tyrant usurped the throne, right?"
"I heard it didn't rain for years, the hyenas overhunted and bred out of control, and caused many herds to flee," Kitwana responded.
"Yes. Even Lake Matope was gone except for a small watering hole. It was a hard time for the float since most of the newly-hatched offspring had been eaten by starving hyenas or dehydration from the lack of water. I was but a hatchling at that time, most of my clutch was gone except for two remaining siblings: my brother Ukuru and my sister Ungwana.
"Eventually, the hyenas were so desperate for food they started digging the nests that were yet to hatch to feed on the eggs and unborn hatchlings. They were eventually, driven away, but Pua's mate lost her life trying to defend her nest. The worst of all: instead of punishing the hyenas, Scar said it was our fault for intervening when the hyenas were just trying to feed, he didn't even care it was the float's young.
"After this, Pua led the float out of the Pride Lands to escape the hyenas, and find a new watering hole and available prey. But the journey was hard, there was little water, many perished in the Outlands, including...." Makuu took a deep breath and spoke quietly. "My mother."
"Your mom?" Kitwana repeated, feeling compassion for him. They weren't that different, after all.
"Before she died, she made me promise I'd look after Ukuru and Ungwana. But I was very young, I could barely take care of myself and I had to take care of my siblings."
"What happened to them?"
Makuu sighed sadly and looked away. "Ungwana was the first to go..."
XXXXX
He was the first to notice Ungwana was gone, but the rest of the float was still asleep; she couldn't have gotten far, she was small, and her footprints were still visible. Makuu followed the trail left by Ungwana as quietly as he could, leading him a good distance away from the float. Eventually, he could hear Ungwana's yelps and cries; she was just behind the rock.
"Ungwana!" he called out for her as he rushed around the rock.
There she was, trying to catch a cricket-a considerable meal for hatchlings their size-that was on the trunk of a tree. "Look, Makuu! There's a cricket there, just like the ones in the Pride Lands!"
He was momentarily relieved that she was unharmed, but he noticed a shape on the upper branches of the tree. A large vulture had set his eyes on Ungwana. The bird dove down with outstretched talons.
"UNGWANA, LOOK OUT!"
His scream was deafened by one last shriek from Ungwana as the vulture's claws closed.
I was too small to have stood a chance against the vulture, it wouldn't have made a difference if I tried to save her.
That day, I lost my sister to a vulture.
It didn't take long before Ukuru followed suit, a few days later.
"It was YOUR fault!" Ukuru growled at his brother.
"I couldn't have done anything! I couldn't do anything against a vulture!"
"Makuu is right, Ukuru," Pua said patiently, though his voice was echoing with sadness. "What happened to Ungwana was tragic, but pinning the blame on others isn't going to bring her back."
"If we hadn't left the Pride Lands in the first place, NONE of this would have ever happened! Mama would still be alive!"
"She would have been eaten by hyenas!" Makuu protested.
"It's better to be eaten by hyenas than to die from lack of water!"
"You don't know what you're saying!"
"Stop acting as if you cared for me, Makuu! If you did, you would support me instead of going against me!"
That stung. "Perhaps I would if you stopped behaving like a hatchling!"
"Don't talk to me like you're better than me! You're NOT my father!"
Finally, Makuu yelled. "And sometimes I wish I wasn't your brother either!"
"Makuu!" Pua scolded.
"Fine! I don't need you! I don't need any of you! I'm going back to the Pride Lands!" with that said, Ukuru darted in the opposite direction, running off towards the canyon.
"Ukuru, don't go that way! It's dangerous!" Pua called out and ran after him when he heard no reply.
Makuu quickly regretted his words and darted after them, but Pua turned and gave him a stern look. "Don't! It's too dangerous for you! Go back!"
"B-But Pua, what about...?"
"I'll bring him back, you stay here!" with that, Pua was off.
But being a crocodile, and a young one, he didn't listen, and went after Pua despite the warnings of the other adults.
In the following years, he wished he had listened to Pua.
I will never forget that sight... a honey badger had found Ukuru before Pua did, and he paid it dearly. That day, I lost the only family I had left. The worst of all was that the last words we exchanged were hurtful, and I could never get to tell him I didn't mean any of it.
XXXXX
Kitwana stared at his adoptive father, his eyes glossy from the tears.
"Having truly lost everything, I snapped," Makuu said sadly. Kitwana could tell he was doing his best not to weep. "I blamed the Circle of Life for my losses because I didn't want to pin the blame on myself, even if it was my fault they were gone. Pua didn't deserve the things I made him go through because of my selfishness, he was almost like a father to us after mother passed."
"Is that the reason you took me in?"
"You were the same as me. You lost your mother and had no one else in the world. It almost felt as if history was repeating itself; I was not fond of the idea of looking after a bird, but I just couldn't find it in myself to turn my back on you either."
"At least you got to know your mother." Kitwana pointed out, sitting down on the grass.
Makuu felt sad for the chick. He had a good point there, and he couldn't help much with it, since he only spoke with the ibis for a few minutes, and when he got back she was dead. But it didn't mean he didn't have much to say about her.
"From what I could see in those few moments we spoke, I noticed she really loved you," He said gently as he lay down next to Kitwana. "She knew her journey was ending, but she wanted yours to begin so badly that she was willing to entrust it to a crocodile of all animals. In a way it was cute."
"I never thought I'd hear that word from you."
"Great, you've been Kiburied."
Kitwana couldn't help but laugh a bit. "Does that word even exist?"
"From this moment, it does, just don't tell Kiburi I made up a word inspired on him or I'll never hear the end of it."
"If he heard you..."
"Precisely."
It had been a while since they had a good time with each other, and a long time ever since Makuu felt so... happy. Sure, he had been happy other times, like when Akina finally accepted to be his mate, or when he became the leader of the crocodiles (though nowadays it was more of a bittersweet feeling since he had to beat his one-time mentor to do so), but nothing compared to this. It reminded him of the good times with Ungwana and Ukuru, back when nothing mattered.
"Hey, Makuu, when you were... injured, you kept telling me you were sorry."
Damn it, he had completely forgotten about it. "You mean when I blacked out?"
"Sort of. But I wanted to be sure... Did you really mean it, or was it a product of your mental state?"
The crocodile was silent for a while, before sighing and speaking. "I didn't want to say it under those circumstances. I would have preferred to choose a more appropriate way... I'm sorry, Kitwana." It wasn't easy for him to say those two words; he always tried his best not to use them at all, so naturally, it was hard to apologize. "For not being able to give you what you needed more than anything else: love"
"You can't blame yourself for that. You said it so yourself, crocodiles are not openly affectionate like other animals. Remember how I felt awkward when I saw that monkey couple rubbing and caressing against each other?"
Makuu chuckled. "That's how we react to mammalian love."
"Hey, Makuu... Think we will make it back to the Pride Lands?"
"I don't think so. I know so."
"But what about Mr. Kiburi? He is still banished, right? What will happen to him if he can't come with us? He'll be alone in the Outlands."
Shoot, he was right. Kiburi was not allowed to go into the Pride Lands, and without a float, he had little chance of survival in the Outlands. It pained him to admit it, but he owed him his life. "I know that..."
"Isn't there a way to help him? He doesn't seem as bad as he sounded, couldn't we talk to King Simba and tell him he's changed? Perhaps he'd be willing to give him another chance..."
"I'm afraid it's not that simple. Kiburi did try to kill Simba, I don't think he'll forget that so easily, let alone forgive it."
"It doesn't mean we can't try, does it?"
Makuu sighed. "I guess not."