I feel that Tim's eyes in my back. If looks could kill, I'd be dead now. What an arrogant little upstart. Has Nay been his girlfriend at some time? That would explain why he embraced her like that. But the two of them seem to have separated again, otherwise Nay would not have asked about that Maya. Why did they go their ways if they quite clearly feel something for each other? I can't stop myself, but I don't like that fellow. And yes ... I'm jealous and in fact so extremely so that I'd like to ram my fist into Tim's face – several times in succession. I've never been so overwhelmed by my feelings! Deep inside me a tumult is developing, and while I'm picturing my fist in Tim's face, I'm getting goose bumps. I'm scared that my thoughts are showing the horrible pictures that always assail me whenever I think of being touched. Calm down! I tell myself again and again.
Finally Nay calls me back to reality from my fit of madness. "Tim's usually not like that!" she apologises. Aha, so that's what she's thinking!
"Why did you break up if you're so keen on each other?" I ask impolitely.
She flinches. "I ... we've never been a pair!" she says. "I've always known him, but we've never been together. I don't know why all of a sudden he's reacting so ridiculously."
"Well, maybe he thought I'm your boyfriend ..." I state, and for a moment I like the idea. None of the usual horror scenes are afflicting me, but something else is here, and that feeling is getting me all worked up.
She shakes her head. "That's not a reason. You know, I've been running after him for so long. That has never interested him, and I've never acted as stupidly as he's doing. I've always been nice and friendly to his many girlfriends ..." She breaks off and looks at me with annoyance. Her face is saying: Why the heck am I telling you this?
"Maybe he thought you're not interested in him ..?" I think out loud. "Probably he's grasped that he has to say something to you and wanted to do it today ... and then you were here with me ..." That thought gives me a pang. One plus one is two ... he wants her and she wants him ...
"At fourteen I told him he doesn't know how to kiss!" her chatter penetrates my thoughts, then she slaps her hand over her mouth in shock.
I have to laugh. "Doesn't he really? How do you know that?"
She blushes and sighs. "We were both invited to Kay's birthday party. It was the first time Kay invited girls. Anyway, somebody or other had the brilliant idea of playing spin-the-bottle. When the bottle pointed at Tim, Kay said that he wanted me to go with Tim into the broom cupboard and kiss him for ten minutes. I'd always been keen on Tim and was quite excited, but when it got to the point where he began to kiss me he was so big-headed and full of himself that I got mad at him. Just to annoy him I said that he had to do a lot of practice before he could kiss well. After that he didn't speak to me for almost two months and was constantly with some girl or other."
"So you did kiss?" I ask and try not to sound jealous. But from her reaction I can see that I didn't succeed.
She doesn't answer me but just silently holds a menu in front of my face. I look up in irritation and see that we're standing right in front of the Italian counter. That had not occurred to me at all. What is this girl doing to me? Why am I so much not myself?
"What would you like?" she asks and sounds rather normal.
"I think, pizza with mushrooms!" I say quietly.
"A good choice. I think I'll take the same!" Then she orders two pizzas and two Coca Colas.
"So you've kissed, but you were never really a pair?" I ask again, more gently.
"Yes!" she sighs. "I dream of him, but he looks on me only as a chum."
"But now he wants more! You must have noticed that!"
"Okay, but now it's annoying me!" She puckers her nose and looks incredibly sweet. I have to smile. "Why is it annoying you now?"
"Because I've just realised how insensitive he is! He is constantly flaunting his conquests in front of me, and now he's piqued because I'm here with you ... he's a total hypocrite!"
"So you did want to make him jealous, didn't you?" I annoy her.
"No! But if I'd known that I just have to bring another boy along to catch his attention, I'd have done that four years ago after he'd linked up with silly Dina. But then I'd never have seen his real face!" she says, offended.
"Would have ... would have," I laugh. "You're really sweet!" Did I really say that out loud? To judge by her face ... yes! Damn it! Our conversation comes to an abrupt finish, because the meal is ready. In silence we go back and finally reach the table where the others are waiting for us.
Tim beckons Nay to come to him, but she doesn't react. She sits down in the corner so nobody can sit next to her.
I slide in in such a way that I too have contact with nobody. I'm hot, and roll up my sleeves. Tim looks at me with contempt.
While we're eating Kay and Tanja are talking the whole time. It's obvious they want to distract us. Tim looks from Nay to me, and that amuses me somewhat. It seems I really have touched a sore spot on that arrogant snooty-nose. But he doesn't have to worry about that. I can never have a close relationship with Nay ... as much as I would like to. It must not happen. Sadness overwhelms me, but I try to look bored. That's not so easy. Nevertheless I'm quite satisfied with myself.
When we've finished eating and rush off in the direction of Cinemaxx, we come across many people on the way. Panic rises up in me and in fear I break out in sweat. Nay is suddenly at my side. She looks at me worried.
"Everything's okay ... nobody will touch you!" she whispers to calm me.
How comes she knows I have problems with being touched? This is the second time today she's helped me.
She's too good to be true. I take a deep breath and weave my way at her side through the crowds without touching anyone. I'm relieved. With this girl you surely could do anything. She's unique!
"Box office one is quite empty!" I hear Tim say standing next to Nay, when we reach the cinema.
"Well then, let's go!" says Nay and sets off. Suddenly Tim is next to me. He looks at me in fury. Nay looks back and places herself like a barricade between Tim and me, and looks at him with a warning. What a comical situation! I could almost laugh!
At that moment it seems that others have also noticed that nobody is standing at box office one, because people are coming toward us from the right. It's getting more and more crowded and just as I'm trying to get out of the way somebody gives Nay a hard push and she and Tim both fly on top of me. I'm completely shocked.
"Get off!" I scream in panic. Nay scrambles away from on top of me and Tim. Only idiotic Tim stays lying on me. He makes no effort to move.
"Get. Away. From. Me," I say energetically. But Tim just grins.
"What's up, are you scared of being touched, Rockefeller? That is your name, or did I misunderstand Nay?"
"Tim, stop being an arsehole. Leave him alone. You know he doesn't like being touched. For sure Kay told you that, so get off ..." Nay calls out and tries to pull Tim off me.
"Tell me, do you like this weirdo?" Tim asks acidly, still on top of me.
"I don't even know him properly!" Nay cries out. "Your behaviour today is really intolerable!"
"Oh yes," he snorts in wrath, "then probably I should go home." He supports himself on his wrist, and with his bare arm he strokes first my lower arm and then my head. Then he pauses there and stares at me.
Visions fill my head: people with tumours on their heads, the swellings bloody and pussy. Dead, empty, bloodshot eyes, mouths that stay open and whisper: Run, or you'll be the next! And I want to run away, but I can get moving. I'm caught! The noises have stopped and I see only movements. Above me Tim's arrogant face. Tim's mouth moves, but I hear nothing. I close my eyes and hope to escape from the horrifying thoughts, when suddenly something hits my face. My eyes open! Tim's face is lying on mine, I feel the touch of his naked skin on mine and an icy cold runs through me. I shoot upward. Adrenalin is pulsing through my body, and in panic I roll Tim aside. I stare at him. No tumours. But why is he lying so still? Too still ... Damn it!
My thoughts are again filled with the dead eyes, and it's too much for me. I leap to my feet and race outside like a maniac. I hear Nay calling my name, but I take no notice. I want nothing but to go ... I must escape from them ... quickly ...