Oh no no
You don't love me
And I know now
No no no
You don't love me
Yes I know now
Coz you left me
Baby
And I got no place to go now
(No no no - Dawn Penn)
Dawn Penn's soulfull voice fills the trailer, singing over a reggae rhythm that almost mimics a heart beat. I softly sing along, even though the words come out a bit raspy. The lack of sleep has done me no good, but as a mother and an employee I have my responsibilities, even more so now I am a single mother. I cringe when the thought hits me again. It's like all the feelings of the break up are catching up with me today.
Behind me Ben stirs on the couch, but he doesn't wake up. He wasn't pleased when I took him out of bed in the wee hours of the morning. I couldn't bear staying in the house for any longer, so I got him out of bed and into the car. When we got to the set I didn't really know what to do with Ben, so I just took him to the trailer that is assigned to Tom and Chris. They're both in Makeup right now and will be here shortly to get dressed. I just hope they don't mind the presence of my little boy. Ben has eaten a banana for breakfast and drank some milk, after that he just curled up under the blanket I brought and went to sleep again. He probably was tired already from dealing with his crazy mother.
Paul comes in and hands me a large paper cup of coffee. "Kora went to Starbucks and she got you some too, to wake you up."
"Thanks." I fold my hands around the warm cup and lean against the small kitchenette in the trailer.
Paul comes to stand next to me. "You shouldn't make a habit of this. We need you on set, no sleeping at the job today."
"I know," I drawl. "And I'll be fine. Luckily everything is prepared, so I just have to stick to the plan. I can do that."
"Yeah, and it's just a tailored suit for Tom today. Nothing too complicated," Paul responds.
"Oh, by the way, can I crash at your place tonight?" I tell Paul what happened between me and Will last night. "He will be out by wednesday, so I kinda want to stay away until then."
"Sure, honey. You can have the guest room any time." He gives me a sly smile. "Are you sure you don't want to ask Tom for a place to stay the night?"
"Already did that," I comment in a dry voice, watching Paul's reaction from the corner of my eye. "I accidentally texted him instead of you last night."
"Accidental my ass!" Paul laughs and gives me a little shove.
"Whose ass?" someone asks from the doorway.
"Your fine ass," Paul says under his breath before he quickly wishes Chris a good morning, pretending our conversation didn't happen. The actor enters the trailer and Paul starts to show him what to wear today. It's just streetwear, actually very similar to what Chris is wearing now. Jeans, a T-shirt and a jacket. Chris is wearing the Thor wig in a low ponytail, combined with the beard and the casual clothes he looks very normal.
"Who's the kid?" he asks, while pulling his T-shirt over his head, his glorious abs on display.
"That's my son, Ben." I move over to stand next to Ben, who is turning over on the couch. He'll probably wake up soon. "I hope you don't mind? My mother will be here later this morning, but I..."
"No problem, Victoria. Don't worry," Chris interrupts me. "I see he brought his own Avenger." Ben is holding the Iron Man figure in his arms.
"Yeah, he's a fan," I smile at the actor. "Although he only watches the Lego version of the Avengers."
"There's a Lego version? Cool!" Chris's face lights up.
"Yeah, have you seen it?"
"No. Or maybe I have. I don't know. There is so much Avengers stuff out there, official, non-official, fanmade... It's impossible to keep track of everything." Chris is dressed by now and Paul checks if everything is as it should be.
"Mummy?" Ben sits up on the couch and looks around in wonder, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Hello, little man." I go sit next to him and he climbs on my lap.
"Good morning, Benny!" Paul calls from the other side of the trailer.
"Good moaning, uncle Paul," Ben says and both men suppress a chuckle. Ben can't pronounce his R's that well yet.
Chris crouches in front of us to introduce himself to Ben. He asks something about the Iron Man figure and Ben happily chats away, he even lets Chris hold the red action figure.
"You and Elsa have kids around Ben's age, don't you?" I ask. Chris nods, letting Iron Man fly through the air with whooshing noises.
"India Rose is a little older, Sasha and Tristan a little younger," the actor says. "Ben would fit right in the middle."
"Right. Hey Ben, you know who this is?" I point at Chris.
Ben nods. "Tho', with the hammeh," he says. I'm surprised he recognises Thor, even without the armor or the hammer.
"That's right, clever boy," Chris answers in his booming Thor voice. It startles Ben a little, but he smiles nonetheless, even more when Chris makes a funny face at him.
Paul puts his hand out to Ben. "Come on, little man. Let's go to the caterer to see if she has something to eat for you." My friend takes Ben outside and Chris follows after putting his phone and wallet away in a cabinet. After all, Thor doesn't have a phone, he uses ravens.
--------——————
I spot Chris coming out of the trailer when I make my way over there. Instead of his shorts and hoodie from this morning, he now wears jeans and a hooded jacket, not a big change. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be in costume?" I quip when we cross paths.
"Unlike you, my brother, I don't need to dress up to make them believe I am a god," Chris jests in the deep voice he uses as Thor, punching my upper arm.
The door to the trailer is open and I jump in, immediately spotting Victoria in the back. I don't think she has noticed me yet, she is unzipping a garment bag with the Gucci logo in big letters on it. She is wearing jeans and a maroon blouse, her long blond hair tied up in some sort of messy bun at the back of her neck, it looks good on her. But then again, most things do. She is a beautiful woman, although I don't think she really knows that. Vicky doesn't have the supermodel looks that make you turn your head on the streets, although she is pretty. No, her beauty is found in the way she holds herself and the way she acts. She has a natural grace, somewhat raw at the edges; this woman is a diamond in the rough. Within the first week of shooting I discovered I really enjoyed having her around. She's funny by accident, kind to everyone, good at what she does and just really nice company.
I take a second to check out the music she is listening to this morning. It's one of the first things I learned about her: she adjusts the music to her mood. Today it's soulful reggae, not too sad, but not exactly happy either. From her out of the blue text last night I gathered she caught that boyfriend of her with another woman, or should I say ex-boyfriend, as they have broken up. A dick move on his end, if you ask me, even if they're not together anymore.
Women try to invite themselves to my hotel room every now and then, but I always keep them at bay. First of all, Luke would have a heart attack if a story like that ended up in the press, and secondly, I think it's a bit sleazy. But it seems out of character for Vicky to try to get in bed with me like this, so I'm curious what made this come up. Deep down I suspect that text wasn't meant for me, but I'll be happy to play along if it gives me some more alone time with my pretty girl. It's like every day I discover something new to like about her, I already look forward to seeing her every morning. I walk over to Victoria as silently as I can and slide my arms around her waist. I love the way she fits in my arms, the whiff of shampoo from her hair. "So, are we going to have a sleepover tonight?"
Her hands freeze in the air, holding up the suit she had just pulled out of the bag. "Tom," she breathes and the way she says it makes me want to hear it again and again, in a different setting, with a lot less clothes on. I can feel her warmth through the thin cotton of her blouse, spreading my fingers over her stomach as if to cover as big a surface as possible. It takes some resolve from my end not to bury my face in her neck, to taste her skin with my lips.
"Mummy, I fo'got I'on man!" a small voice calls from the door of the trailer, behind us. Victoria whirls around and I immediately let go of her. She steps around me, looking flushed and still carrying the suit on a hanger. A little boy with blonde hair like Vicky's climbs in the trailer. I can see Paul behind him, looking in from outside. He nods at me when he sees me and I greet him in the same way. I don't know how much he just saw, but he's Victoria's best friend so I guess it's ok either way. Remembering my manners I reach over to lift the hanger with the suit from Vicky's hand and hang it from a cabinet door. The pretty woman that was in my arms a moment ago hands the boy an Iron Man action figure, which he instantly clutches to his chest. He looks exactly like Vicky, I think and then it hits me. This is Ben. Victoria is his mother.
Of course I knew she has a child, she has mentioned him more than once. But somehow it didn't really connect with me, like I pushed the thought away. The woman I imagined to be in my bed just now, is the mother of the toddler in front of me. I'm not proud of it, but the realisation kind of comes as a shock.
"Loki!" he calls out, pointing his finger at me. Vicky is behind him, smiling, but in her eyes I can see she feels a little uneasy. I've got the same feeling, but I push it away and crouch down to face the kid that's looking up at me expectantly.
"Yes, I am Loki. And who are you?" I ask him in Loki's stern voice, careful not to overdo it in case I scare the little guy.
"Ben!" He puts out his little hand and I shake it.
"Really? I thought you were Iron Man."
"Nooo..." he laughs and holds out the action figure to me. "This is I'on Man!"
Vicky steps in and tells Ben he has to go with uncle Paul again. "You go get breakfast, sweetie. Mummy has to work and dress up Loki for the movie."
----------------------------------
"So... that was Ben?" Tom says tentatively, although he knows that was Ben as he introduced himself to him.
"Yes, I hope you don't mind," I answer, feeling the double meaning of my question heavy in my heart. I'm not just asking him if he minds that I brought my boy to work this morning, but I also saw the shocked look in his eyes when he first saw Ben. I've told Tom about my son multiple times, but it was like he only just realised Ben was real. Feeling somewhat the same now I saw them in the same room, right after Tom took me in his arms by surprise, I can understand him a little. The only thing I could think of was his firm torso pressed against my back, his strong arms around me, his hands warm against my stomach. It made me instantly want more, only to be interrupted by Ben in search of his Iron Man toy.
However, I sensed there was something more to Tom's reaction. It wasn't just getting caught, if you could even call it that, it was like he was shocked to be confronted with Ben. It smarts to think my little boy would be a problem.
"He looks a lot like you," Tom says, pulling me back to reality.
"Yes, I get that a lot." I smile, not really knowing what to say next. Whatever moment there was before, it's gone.
"Tom?" His assistant puts his head around the door. "They need you in ten minutes."
"I'll be out in a minute, Marco. Thank you."
I can see Tom has slipped back to his professional demeanor again, so I do the same. I hand him the items he has to put on and in a couple of minutes Loki is standing in the trailer, putting his tie on in front of the mirror.
"Good?" Tom asks, turning to me. I take a step closer to adjust the tie a little. Not that it really needs adjusting, I just want to touch him before he walks out on set and there will be other people around for the rest of the day.
"Good." I step back again and hold up his jacket for him. He turns and bends his knees a little, so I can easily slip it over his shoulders.
When he turns to me again he looks a little wistful, but the look is gone as soon as I notice it. "Alright, let's report to duty, shall we?"