Harry
I stood there watching her go until she disappeared completely from sight. Nothing stopped me from running after her other than knowing that she would want to be left alone right now. It killed me not to though. Every ounce of my willpower was being used in order to keep me where I am.
I need to hear her say it, whatever it was she stopped herself from saying even though I have an educated guess as to what it might be. But Emma needs space, even if all I want is to chase after her. So I will give her some space... an hour should be plenty right? I don't know. I really don't.
Needing a distraction, I walked in the opposite direction from the way Emma had left. My feet trudged in the sand as I slowly made my way. Digging my hands in my pockets, I looked up and sighed heavily. Don't ask me why, but I had this feeling in my gut that everything was going to change between Emma and I tonight, and maybe not in the way I want it to.
If I were twenty-one, I would head to a pub but sadly I'm not yet. Stupid American law. So I made do with hanging out in the outskirts of the crowd that had formed for the concert. Local bands were performing, some of them turning out to be more talented than I had expected. I didn't stay long before traveling up the boardwalk towards the part of town where Emma and Natalie's flat was located. With the amount of time I spent watching the bands and how long it will take me to get to her place, Emma will have had over an hour to herself. Normally I would wait for Emma to come to me, but something tells me that if I don't chase after her now, she won't come back to me on her own.
When I finally made it to her doorstep, I barely had to knock before she opened the door. Her eyes were pink and a trail of tears stained her inflamed cheeks.
"Go away Harry," she mumbled, avoiding my gaze.
"No," I replied sternly.
Emma visibly stepped back, her hand on the door knob, beginning to close the door in my face. I pressed my hand against it, stopping the door from shutting.
"Harry, no. Leave me alone."
"Not until you hear me out," I told her as I stepped into the doorway.
Emma squeezed her eyes shut, fighting internally over what she was going to do; let me in or kick me out. I hoped she'd choose the first option.
She took another step to the side and opened the door up wider. "You have five minutes before I shove you out of my appartment." I followed her to the living room where she fell onto the fluffy couch. I sat down beside her and turned her body to face mine so she would hear me when I spoke to her.
"Ever since I watched Natalie tackle you to the ground at the bowling alley and I helped you stand back up to your shocking full height, I've been hooked. You're taste in music and tv shows isn't what I expected, it's better because it's a mix of everything imaginable. But that's all of what I knew about you until recently. You were such a pain in the ass when it came to sharing anything that was bothering you. You weren't really willing to trust me. I practically had to pull teeth to get you to share anything personal."
"You had your charming ways..." she whispered softly, an imperceptible smile pulling up the corners of her lips.
"You were quite the charmer yourself."
"How? All I ever did was try to push you away."
"It was your laugh, or the way your eyes lit up when you talked about surfing or some new song that sparked your interest, the way you could sit and read for hours without moving to do anything else, the way you stood up for me when people were being asses. It was you being you, that's how you charmed me. By being a real person who was down to earth and accepted me for who I am, not the person that people say I am."
"Harry... Anyone who got to know you the way I do would accept the real you. How could they not? You're such a gentleman, you're funny and sweet, always thinking of others and putting them first. Anyone would love you once they got to see that part of you."
"The question is, do you? Do you love me?" I asked her point blank.
Emma finally looked at me, her ocean blue eyes wide with shock. Within their depths I saw fear. But it didn't matter to me at the moment, all that mattered was that I was about to finally find out the truth.
Emma
"It's not that easy Harry..." I breathed, my vocal chords disobeying my brain when I begged them to remain silent.
"What's not easy?" he questioned, his eyebrows furrowed as a flame of anger ignited behind his eyes. "I asked you a simple question."
"Yes, the question is simple but it has a complicated answer," I stuttered, moving down the couch so I was further away from Harry.
"Fuck, Emma. Just tell me, would you? Do you like me? Do you want to be with me? Would you ever want to be with me?" Harry asked me, exasperated.
"I'm telling you Harry, it's complicated!"
"I don't care if it's complicated! What do you want, Emma? Just tell me what the bloody hell it is that you want! Because I am tired of asking myself that question and getting the wrong answer over and over again!" Harry yelled at me, standing up from the couch, his anger finally getting the best of him.
"You want to know? You really want to know?" I shouted back at him as angry tears rolled down my cheeks.
"Yes! That's all I've ever wanted to know," he said in a voice that was only slightly calmer than the one he used before.
"Fine!" I stood up. "I want to explore new places with you and visit old bookstores and cute little thrift shops all around the world. I want to drink coffee and tea with you at neat little cafes that you've discovered and listen to good music together. I want us to share our stories and listen to your voice every night until it lulls me into a peaceful sleep. I want to be happy with you. I want to be someone that you never lose interest in, someone you want to be around 24/7 because you can never get enough. I want to be one of the few people that you want to experience your life with. I want to hold your hand so tight that I fear my wrist will break because your touch gives me comfort when everything is ripping me apart. I also wouldn't mind kissing your lips all fucking day because they make my knees go weak and make my problems disappear instantaneously. I want to cuddle with you at night while I sleep to help keep my nightmares away, and then wake up to your messy curls in the morning.
"I want the cute good morning texts that you'll send in the afternoon so I can wake to them when we are apart. I want to be kissed on the forehead by you because it makes me feel so damn loved. I want the tight hugs that come with the long goodbyes at the airport. I want to hold your hand every second possible. God damnit, Harry, I want it all! I want it with you, every day and every night for as long as possible. Because I don't know if this, what ever this is between us, is going to last and it scares me. It fucking scares the hell out of me because for the first time in my life... I feel... I want to trust you with everything and it would be so easy now since you practically already do know everything and - " I stopped talking when I nearly began to hyperventilate.
"Shh, it's okay, Emma," he said as he pulled me into his chest, holding me tightly in his arms. All of his anger had vaporated into the air.
"No Harry, it isn't! Can't you see? I have never met anybody else that gets my heart racing like you do. I've never... I've never experienced such a world altering love and I'm not one to get attached. I can't get attached," I said as the tears fell harder.
"Why can't you get attached?" Harry asked me confusedly.
"Because when you're attached things can go wrong, so wrong. Then when they do all you are left with is a broken heart. I don't want to end up with a broken heart, Harry."
"I would never break your heart."
"You still don't get it!" I cried as I pulled away from his grasp, pushing him in the process. Harry stumbled backwards with a scared look in his eyes.
"Harry, it wouldn't have to be you to break my heart! It could be Anna, or Natalie, Justin, Niall, Louis, Liam, Zayn, it could be a number of people because I have been stupid and opened up my heart! He... if he finds out he could... Vick could hurt you. He could hurt any one of you like he hurt my dad.." I whispered as the fear began to set in.
"Oh, Em, no kitten, he won't," Harry said after recovering and pulling me back into his chest. "He's in jail, remember?"
"But he promised he'd kill you!" I whimpered, my fingers grasping tightly onto the soft fabric of his shirt.
"And how is he going to do that from a jail cell?" Harry asked me gently as he rubbed circles into my back, already calming me down.
"A friend could -"
"He may have friends but I have Paul. Nobody beats Paul, you know that," Harry cooed to me.
"But-"
"What have I told you about buts and what-ifs?" Harry smiled at me.
"To not think about them because they will drive me crazy," I answered in a small voice but still, I smiled back at him.
"Exactly, so stop worrying so much and just do what you want. Just like I'm about to," he murmured as he leaned down slightly so he could press his lips against mine tenderly.
My hands let go of the now wrinkled fistfuls of his shirt and moved up to his neck, where I played with the hair on the nape. I immediately lost my train of thought the second I felt his lips on mine. He kissed me slowly, taking in every second that it lasted. I felt his tongue hesitantly graze on my bottom lip to try and deepen the kiss. Without hesitation I opened my lips and let his tongue begin to mingle with my own. The longer the kiss lasted the weaker my knees grew and I eventually had to grasp onto his shoulders if I wanted to remain standing. Harry pulled his lips away, breaking the kiss. He tightened his grip on me with his left arm as he lifted his right hand to push a stray strand of hair behind my ear, brushing his thumb along my cheek.
"I love you, Emma," he whispered as his beautiful green eyes never strayed from looking into mine.
"I love you, too, Harry," I whispered back, my voice far quieter than his, hoping that I could still keep that secret to myself somehow.
"Thank god," he chuckled softly, leaning his forehead against mine.
"And that's why I can't be with you..." I choked out, trying my damnedest not to cry. I closed my eyes but that just pushed the tears that had formed out of the corners of my eyes. They quickly cascaded down burning cheeks.
"Emma, don't say that. You can't possibly mean it," Harry said frantically, wiping away my tears with the pads of his thumbs.
"As... as much as I... as I want to b-be with you, Harry, I want to protect you more. E-even if it means saying goodbye," I stuttered solomnly.
"I... No. I refuse to leave. You can't make me give up. I will never give up on you, Emma," Harry hurried to promise me.
"You say that now! But days or weeks or months from now, you'll get tired of all of this. You won't want to put up with me anymore."
"That's not true," he denied, shaking his head.
"Oh, come on, Harry! What guy in their right mind would waste their whole life chasing a girl who can't let go of her past so she can be happy?!"
"Me. I would spend my whole life chasing you. Because I know you Emma, you won't be able to hold out forever. You said so yourself, you love me. Love overpowers fear. Everyone knows that. So all I need to do is be patient like I have been, even if it's for the rest of my life. No matter how much time passes, you'll still be the only girl that I love."
"Wait, are you saying that you don't love your mom or Gemma?"
"Of course I love them, but not in the same way I love you. How weird would it be if I wanted to shag my sister? Horrifyingly weird. No. I love you in the way that I want to grow old with you, have kids and watch them grow up and have kids of their own. Everything you told me that you wanted and everything you forgot to mention, are the same things that I want. And I only want them with you, nobody else. I never will. You're it for me, Em."
He poured his heart out to me, laying his heart and pride on the line. Yet, all I could do was stare.