Chapter 6
Disobedience has a price
Sweat dribbled down my face as I jumped up from the floor I lay on high alert even now the nightmares still haunted me.
I had been in this cell for three days surely they would let me out now. To be honest I don't think I could take anymore.
In the cell next to me was the man I had helped bring in. I watched the man sleep he looked so peace at ease but I knew different I had heard his sobs all the way through the night after he was flung back in here. Jackson had made sure to make me watch as he burned half his face. I shut my eyes tightly I wouldn't cry, I couldn't.
I could never find peace when I was awake I had to watch him being tortured in the worst ways known to man this was Jackson way of punishing me. When I finally fell asleep I was tortured by memories of the past.
I would never be free and neither would the man in the cell next to me. Maybe that's why I felt oddly connected to him.
Tonight he would die. They would kill him after interrogation the longest you lived was another night. This was his last few moments and he knew.
I felt a few tears escape. He was going to die and it was because of me. I could have saved him the pain and torture if I had put a bullet through the back of his head if I had followed the order given but I didn't.
I couldn't.
And now Jackson was teaching me a lesson.
A lesson of disobedience.
"Those who disobey orders are faced with the consequences, consequences you have caused. For disobedience is not tolerated here and all actions have deadly consequences. You do well to remember that."
Just then the man started to wake up.
He looked in his late thirties or early forties. I wondered if he had children, a wife who would be frantic with worry. My heart seized and whispers began to fill my head.
She would never find his body; his children would never know what happened to their father. They would be forever searching left wondering.
Wondering.
It reminded me of my father the day he left.
He had told me he loved me, he would always protect me as tears made their way down his cheeks.
"I love you my little angel, you're the only good thing about me and I need you to understand that I love you I'm doing this to protect you, I will always protect you okay don't you ever forget. You mean the world to me, daddy loves you very much you hear me" Tears strolled down his cheek.
"Dadda I love you too but dada why are you crying?" my seven year old self said with tears. Upset that her beloved father was crying.
"You're not going somewhere are you dada, momma said it's us three forever"
"Sshhh" he said while he hugged me tight.
"You were always a clever girl I'm so so proud of you okay. Don't ever forget how proud I am of you, do you understand me promise me my beautiful little angel"
I nodded
"promrise dada"
"That's my good girl come on I'll put you to bed."
That night he put me to bed and read to me two bed time stories, even then I could feel something bad was going to happen to I hugged my father tight before I went to sleep.
"My beautiful little angel" I heard him murmur and my eyes drifted into darkness.
Then when morning came he was gone. My mother was left to explain to me that he had left us. She looked like she'd been crying the whole night.
For hours to hugged me so tight and wouldn't let me go. A few days later we left our house in central London and moved to Edinburgh where Aunt Gracie lived.
Over the years I'd sometimes catch her late at night watching her wedding film and crying her heart out. Other times at photos of her and my father and looked deep in thought.
And that's when I promised myself I would hate him, him for what he had done, for leaving us. For hurting my momma.
The man's children in the cell next to me would probably hate him too they would think he left them, his wife, and his children would all hate him thinking he had disappeared.
Suddenly tears started gushing down my face.
"I'm sorry I'm so sorry" I crocked.
He didn't speak at first but a few minutes I heard a whisper.
"It's okay doll face, it's not your fault I knew this day would come I'm paying for the bad things I've done in the past. I've been waiting for death to catching me up for a very long time." He looked haunted.
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss in life is what dies inside us while we live. And believe me I died inside a very long time ago." He eyes were sad. So very sad.
Just then the double doors clanked and then I along with the man beside me was dragged out. We were then shoved into a room.
And I was made to watch and they beat the man into oblivion.
"Noooooo" I screamed
"please please stop please" I begged.
"I'm sorry please I'll never disobey again." I cried.
But the men wouldn't stop I recognised two of their faces.
Dylan and Matt. The two people who had helped me out when I had got here.
My friends. But they wouldn't stop they couldn't for if they did that would be disobedience too.
"It's okay" I heard him croak. He tried to give me a reassuring smile but I could see his eyes were fading fast.
There was blood everywhere and then I saw the shiny metal thing in Matt's hand.
A hunting blade.
"Nooo" I jumped in front of the man on the ground as he continued to cough up blood. But within seconds Dylan had me in his iron grip. His hands holding my face in place so I would watch.
The man looked up to give me once last reassuring smile he was trying me tell me everything was okay.
The tears streamed down my face as I cried.
Matt then did what he had been trained to do. Kill.
No remorse.
No sorrow.
No nothing.
He was a mere puppet in Jackson's game.
And just like that the man before me went limp.
Dylan let go on me and I dropped to the floor my legs couldn't move they were weak. I was weak.
Jackson was then behind me his malicious smile had return he was showing me he had won.
"I hope you learnt your lesson disobedience is not tolerated here. This is your fault when you failed to take your order to sentence the man to this. You did this."
"oh and John was his name I'd like you to add the list of your kills continue disobeying me and I promise you that list is going to get larger very fast."
John.
Realisation dawned on me.
I had killed a man.
I didn't even know his last name and yet here his lifeless body was next to me and I had done that and I would never forget.
I was a murderer.
"Take her away; I'm sick of looking at her face." The bastard replied.
I was then dragged back to the room that had kept me prisoner for the last year.
Cell number 507; my room.
Blood was everywhere.
All over my hands, clothes, it was like I was drowning in it. I heard the door lock behind me and all of a sudden I felt trapped.
I couldn't breathe.
I was gasping for air while sobbing.
I felt to strong arms behind me.
"Shush it's okay everything's going to be okay try to take deep breaths for me"
Eli.
I turned round and threw myself in his arms.
I cried for the loss of that man.
I cried for his family.
I cried for my momma.
I cried for my father.
I cried.
And Eli just held me tight.
"Shush everything is going to be okay I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you. I won't let them hurt you"
This only made me cry harder my father had said the same thing.
"I hate them all"
After what seemed like hours I curled up next to him and clung on to him. I wouldn't know what I'd do without him.
And without thinking I kissed him. At first he seemed a little shocked but then I could feel him responding.
Everything faded making me forget who I was, what I had become, my mate, my mother, my father, the man who I had gotten killed.
It was just simply me and him.
I hadn't felt for one whole year. But today I had felt so many different emotions. And Eli had taken my first kiss right here.
Eli.
My protector.
My saviour.
I hadn't realised I had been so lost until I had met him and now I wanted him to never leave. He was my new home.
My safe heaven. I told myself, it helped convincing myself I had something in a world where nothing was yours, even your owns self.
"God Clarii, I've imagined this moment from the second you arrived in all the ways I imagined it, it was never like this, I wish I could take you away from this keep you safe from this. You're too good to be in a place like this."
His finger traced my cheek slowly moving to my chin and then my lips.
"Promise me you'll always be here that you won't leave." His hand stopped moving and I felt him tense for a second.
"I need you to promise me" I needed closure. Something that was mine, permanent, a little control in a world of uncertainty.
I needed him to promise.
"Promise me please" I pleaded. I needed to know the only thing close to me would not be taken away too.
"You know I can't promise that, god Clar I wish I could but every day we face a new danger not just from the operations we do but from the enemy within this very building. And I don't want to lie to you but for today I'm here and so are you so I'm thankful." With that he pulled me firmly back in to his embrace.
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I am strong, because I've been weak.
I am fearless, because I've been afraid.
I am wise, because I've been foolish.
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