Seven | Forgetful
Christian
How ironic, on a Monday Morning. To be "Brand New" and to act that way. As if your personality were planned with the days of the week.
I never understood it until recently. The arrogance of it all- to be all of a sudden 'brand new' and not acknowledge your past.
Please tell me what it's like, to be able to have this power over me. Where almost my every thought, somehow sneaks it's way into involving you.
And maybe it is too much to expect the sorriest of sorry's that formed from this emotional rollercoaster that I've endured from just thinking about you. Yet, I could already see the shift of energy between us because of what happened on a Friday Night.
You touched me and kissed me in only places of those chosen to do so. Why is it so easy to pretend that I'm nothing to you?
'Everything you experience in your life is to help you grow.' Words from my Grandmother, who set the foundation for my beliefs to stand on, echoed throughout my spirit.
What I had to learn through life has mainly just been from observation. I've learned the act of changing is in itself evolution. Growth. It's human nature to shed the skin of the past and take the next step in morphing into the butterfly of maturity.
If we look at our life like a garden, genuinely every one of our flowers are meant to bloom; and there is absolutely nothing more refreshing than growth. However, that flower that once smelled of companionship, comfort and security, now pushes you away with its new scent: a fresh, twisted fragrance of conceited pettiness.
How quickly people forget, watching your garden wilt while you watered theirs.
Growth is expected change. But to change so suddenly in one weekend, most would not understand.
I didn't understand him. How could it be going so good between us one moment, the chemistry was there and at the drop of a dime, you suddenly have no feelings towards me at all? The talks and the hugs; the kissing? What was it all for ? Only for him to have laughed it off?
Sooner or later, I'll stop smelling your roses. The thorns placed around your garden doesn't become worth the same trouble.
I watched as he smiled and laughed walking past my locker with his friends as I place my things away, not taking one look at me. I rolled my eyes. Having put him off all weekend only felt natural. I didn't feel like the person in the wrong.
The way he treated that- interaction was nothing short of disrespectful and left a sour taste in my mouth.
The warning bell rang moments after my phone began buzzing in my pocket. I shut my locker and pulled it out, deciding to wait before the last warning rung.
"Don't even let that get to you." Shae had approached me from the side while I checked why my phone buzzed.
"You saw that, huh?" I responded, face still stuck in my phone. It was Von who had texted me.
"Joel is just being Joel. Nothing new here." She shrugged. I heard her words but they had little impact as I were still reading the text Von sent.
Von : Good morning
I hadn't decided if wanted to respond. Von and I had been on speaking terms since Saturday. Originally, I just needed a distraction from Joel though I didn't know if Von was the right person for that or not, considering our past. Now I've decided to hold him on a short leash for lack of better terms.
"I'm not worried about Joel's conceited ass." I told a half truth. Shae watched my fingers type on my phone and stood on her tippy toes, stretching her neck out to catch who I was texting.
I sent a quick "Gm" text back, and placed the phone back in my pocket, returning the attention Shae was giving me. "And who was that ?"
I took a deep breathe and gave her that look.
"Noooo !" She gasped dramatically, "I thought you said you would never after -"
"I know, I know don't remind me." I tried shooing the conversation away by being the first to start our walk to homeroom. "We're not talking like that, I told him we could be friends first and see where that takes us." Shae followed closely behind me.
"Well, I hope he got his self together. Wouldn't be surprised if he didn't though." She finally caught up to be by my side.
We were coming up on the hall before homeroom. I noticed Joel standing in a circle of his friends at the corner.
"Just ignore him." Shae mumbled to the side of me. She must've felt how much I wanted to say to him. But in the same breathe, I actually wanted little to do with Joel in the moment anyway. I caught his eye in the midst of his conversation. He smirked, winking at me as we walked past. It brushed off of me. He does stuff like this all the time, I won't let it effect me right now. Shae didn't see it, though I'm sure I wouldn't hear the end of it if she paid attention.
We made it into homeroom before the last bell rang. "Everyone please rise for the pledge." The principals voice spoke on the intercom. Shae nor I had risen for the pledge since 7th grade. I had my reasons then, and even more so now that we have the 45th President in office. Too many things I personally can't agree with.
As they got through the pledge and morning announcements came on, my phone buzzed again, lighting brightly enough for Shae to see it sitting next to me.
Von : Can I see you later?
Shae leaned in closely to read it with me. I looked up to see her reaction and she returned a gaze. She was taken back by the way I grinned, already knowing what her feelings were towards Von. She cocked her head to the side, perching her lips as she shook her head no and mouthed the word to me.
I took that as a yes.
I slid the reply icon over, trying to think of a way to say yes without sounding excited.
: Sure
I text. Shae had watched my fingers starting to move on the keyboard and sent a mean scowl to me once she realized what I said. "Bitch, if you don't say no." She burst loudly. Everyone's eyes were on us as well as our homeroom teacher. "Ms. Johnson!" Ms. Beck yelled.
I found my self snickering lowly at my friends expense.
"Sorry." She corrected herself returning her attention to me. I pressed send as she watched and rolled her eyes.
"You weren't gonna do nothing but change your mind and tell me to go anyway."
"I- wow." She silenced herself.
~.•*•*.
The day had went on smoothly. I put my thoughts through just focusing on classwork. Maybe I wanted to feel numb to my emotions. Who knows, but I just needed something to take my mind off of everything.
The closing bell had rung and everyone gathered there things and rushed out how they always do. Shae walked out with me. I noticed the stairs that I would always take to get to that same spot I always seem to find him at. I had recognized as ours.
I hadn't thought about Joel throughout most of the day, but I was simply compelled to go to that spot. And see if he waited on me, like he always would.
"Meet you on the bus." I said, dipping off.
"Here we go." She groaned rolling her eyes at me for the 500th time today. I chuckled, knowing she probably thinks I really do this just to piss her off.
I had a good feeling walking down the staircase for some reason. I just knew he'd be there.
I was right. But he had Tiara with him. They held hands and shared space and a kiss. She pulled him away from the lockers by his hand leading the way out. He turned around for just a second, noticing me as he were being pulled away. He said nothing, instead giving his attention back to Tiara.
How quickly people forget, watching your garden wilt while you watered theirs. Sooner or later, I'll stop smelling your roses. And forget too.