The next scene was to start with a shot of Ana and Daniel's feet as they rushed into a hospital; Ana's brother had been shot in the woods.
Mads was wearing one of the best suits the character owned. It was a cozy look, perfect for autumn. Even though my dress was also flattering, the fact that I had to prepare myself in a great rush had me sweating and wishing for my bed.
"So you went swimming," Mads said while lighting a cigarette.
Mads and I were waiting outside for the crew to finish preparing Josh on the hospital bed and also setting the extras in place.
I give him a little smile. "Yes, I did."
"You were alone?"
For some reason, my extinct was to lie and say yes, but I nodded and stared at the ground.
"Ryan accompanied you?" I didn't reply to his question because I was sure it was rhetorical. "Did you ask him to?"
"No, I thought he was working. I'm glad he was there, even if was only an hour."
"No, it was like two hours. What were you doing? Did he swim too?"
"Yeah, he swam in his underwear though," I said giggling. "and he taught me how to swim."
"You didn't know how to swim? Wow."
"I know. I'm learning quite a lot of things this year. How did your phone call go?"
"Video call. It went Ok. The kids are fine; she's fine, everything's fine."
"Good to know." I watched him take a drag of his cigarette then took it from his hand.
"Are you jealous?"
He looked at me and smiled.
"Of course not. Why would I be jealous? We don't... I have no ownership over you."
"It's not about ownership. It's something else, something bigger than us. Would you be mad if I got jealous?"
"No. If you did, I would assure you that my eyes could not follow any other direction but your eyes."
His words made my heart flutter. "How poetic. Do those words belong to you?" I joked with him.
He took the cigarette from me and took the last drag before placing it away. "I'm not a moron, Reed. I'm able to form my own phrases."
"I know your not a moron. I just say a lot of stupid shit, sometimes. But I know there's more up there" I say touching his temple, "more than you show me."
He takes the hand with which I touched him and held it close to him. "There are some things better kept hidden. If I pretend I'm at least a bit less intelligent than I am, my enemies will never level up their game against me. You get it?"
"Yes, makes easier to navigate through life. But why hide it from me?"
"When we're together I don't just hide it from you; I hide it from myself. Makes me feel a little more innocent."
"But what for?"
"Two minutes, guys." One of the assistants announced in a rush, disappearing quickly.
"We're coming," Mads yelled back. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Mads, with a hand on my lower back, guided me onto the set.
"The innocent have always loved better, Reed. That's why you're able to love me so much."
---
ANNA'S BROTHER, DAVID, LAYS UNCONSCIOUS ON THE HOSPITAL BED. ANNA WATCHES HIM FROM THE FOOT OF HIS BED. DANIEL HAS A HAND OVER HER SHOULDER.
ANNA FROWNS THEN BRUSHES HIS HAND OFF.
ANNA
How convenient, don't you think? The only witness of our meetings is now in a hospital bed.
DANIEL FOLDS HIS ARMS AND CLENCHES HIS TEETH.
DANIEL
Are you implying that I had something to do with this? Do not go around accusing me like you always do.
ANNA
I'm not. I just think this very convenient considering the situation.
DANIEL
The odds seem to be in our favor.
ANNA
My brother's in a coma. You tell me what kind of odds those are? Nevermind. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. Please Daniel, just leave.
DANIEL
Anna
ANNA
Our parents will be here soon.
JUST AS ANNA FINISHES SPEAKING THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.
---
"So... we have a little break. Do you want to do something?" He says taking off his suit jacket and hanging on some random chair.
"I was thinking about something but forget it."
"No, just say it. You know I'm up even for your craziest ideas." He said, making me giggle.
"It's silly, but remember that day in the cafeteria when Jill came over, you started reciting something? I want you to read something to me. I really enjoy listening to you speak."
"That's not silly. I would love to. And by the way, I don't see you ever having a silly idea."
I let out a big laugh. "Well, I've seen myself have a few."
---
"Elise opened her eyes wide. Very wide. Even when they started burning she couldn't close them. She had to look at Stephen as he walked into the house like he was a powerful magnet and she was nothing but a metal pin. The well-brushed ginger hair shone like bronze, and the thick-framed glasses on his face couldn't hide the intensity of his eyes. He knelt down to pet the family's small dog and gave a smile that she knew would end her.
Elise didn't know love; she had never felt it before. Right now the only feeling she thought to compare it to was a dagger piercing her chest, killing her old self, bringing to life everything dead inside of her. Elise was amidst suffering the greatest tragedies of all: falling in love."
As the last word rolled out of his mouth, Mads looked at me with soothing eyes.
"Sounds so beautiful in your voice," I said, and he replied with a smile.
We were back at our special spot, seated on the stone bench amongst the trees. I had my legs on his lap, and he had 1953 in his hands.
"Quit it." His eyes shining in the sunlight gives me goosebumps. He licks his lips slowly. "Your friend is a great writer. Hope I'll meet her someday."
"Abi would love that. I used to make her watch all your movies, you know."
"Poor girl. And which is her favorite?"
"A Royal Affair. She just loves the tragic romance stories, the intense love, the forbidden, the physical cravings."
He giggled. "She should write about us."
"That might be a little too on the nose for me."
---
I was finished with filming for the day, so Mads accompanied me to the makeup room and sat on the couch against the wall quietly as Carmel cleaned off my makeup. I walked over to Mads, sat down, and rested my head on his shoulder.
I closed my eyes for a few seconds trying to concentrate on what Mads had started saying to me, but I felt odd. It was as if my whole body was just...off. I felt like a top, spinning and frozen in place. I could feel my stomach want to bring up what I had eaten that day when Mads snapped his fingers at me.
"Reed. Are you tired?"
I swallow hard and give a little giggle. "Yeah, kinda. Maybe I just need a cigarette."
"I have some if you want."
"No, thanks, I have some in my purse. Continue what you were saying, please."
"I said Sawyer wants to run through the next scene with Christina and me for the rest of the afternoon."
"The scene when she..." I lose my track of thought. I can't even remember the character's name.
Damn it, I wrote it, how can I forget it?
"When she comes back." He finishes. "You know what? Just forget it. Go to your room and rest. I'll meet Sawyer. We can talk later, okay?"
I nod tiredly. "Alright, I'm going to go have a smoke, and then I'll go to my room." I brought his head closer to mine slowly and kissed him. "Good luck."
"Thanks."
He gets up from the sofa and leaves. I picked my purse up before I started feeling weird again. I clumsily walked to the stone bench in the park, trying to fake smile at everyone I walked past on the way.
When I got there, I took the cigarette and lighter out of my purse in a hurry to smoke as quickly as I could. The feeling of my heart racing and then my body calming down. One turned into two, and two turned into three. I decided to stop after the third because I was too tired to do it again. As a last ditch effort, I laid down and closed my eyes waiting for myself to calm down.
I let myself fade into thoughts of imaginary scenarios of Mads, my dogs, and I. We could all go to the beach with the hot sun and pale blue water. In my thoughts, the sky and the sea seem the same. Mads is tanned and strong, and I look really good in a black bikini.
---
"-ke up, wake up. Reed, my love, wake up." Someone said shaking me with one hand and softly slapping my face with the other.
"Mads?"
"No, darling. It's Sawyer; you wanna sit up?"
I moan in response, but he pulls me up anyway. He sits down beside me. My body hurts like a bitch, and my head was pumping like a boom-box. I tried to blink my eyes awake.
"What time is it?"
"Nearly nine o'clock."
"Shit. I should be in my room reading the script."
He laid the back of his hand on my forehead then felt one of my hands. "You're burning up. Are you okay?"
"Yes, I was just taking a nap."
"No, you weren't. You were trembling and sweating. And it's fucking cold out here." He looks down at his feet, kicking cigarette butts with the tip of his shoe. "You smoked all of this?"
I look away from his glare. "I don't know."
"Uhm. Well, do you think you can make it to your room?"
"Of course," I said firmly. But once I'm up I lose balance.
"Yeah, of course. Just pick up your purse and hold onto me. Com'on, don't make that face."
I picked up my purse up and reluctantly held onto his arm. He did not walk in a rush, but instead, a slow and steady pace. I didn't say a peep. Not even when he stopped by a vending machine and bought me a bottle of water, a bag of Lays and a bar of my favorite Hershey's bar: Cookies and Cream.
He knew how they reminded me home. Hershey's is a Pennsylvanian brand, and we used to share a family sized bar every Friday after school. Those times were simpler.
When we got to the dorms, he took the keys from me and unlocked my door. I fell limp on the bed as he placed the food on the bedside table.
"Don't you think you should take a bath first." He suggested.
"Yes." I sat up lazily and started taking off my clothes.
"You should start doing that after you enter the bathroom."
"Nothing you haven't seen before."
He gave me a half-joking half serious expression as he took the robe that I had on my chair and held it up as I took the rest of my clothes off. When I was naked, I turned around and waited for him to slide the robe on like when my mother would help me put on my winter coat. When I got to the doorway of the bathroom, I turned to look at him, but he was blushing and looking down at his shoes. I sincerely have no idea what I was thinking. All I know is that I was walking in some trance-like state. I sat at the edge of the tub, turned on the water and poured in a lot of soap.
As I turned the faucet off, I heard him yell out to me, "don't forget to take off your socks. You always them on."
"Thanks!" I shouted, looking down to see them still on. After I'm completely naked, I enter the bathtub. I hear the door handle. "Hey, you're leaving already?"
"Yes, why?"
I hesitated to answer him, but I didn't want to be alone. "Please, don't."
I didn't hear him move. I made sure that the bubbles that had formed were strategically placed over my body parts. "I'm under a blanket of bubbles if that's what you're worried about."
After that, I heard him walk to the bathroom. He stopped at the door frame and then came closer to sit beside me on the floor.
"How's Jill? Your thing with her?"
He shrugs. "I guess we're good. She's caring, and I try to treat her with all respect a proper gentleman would," he smiled at his own joke. "Jill told me that I'm all she's ever wanted in a guy."
"You're happy."
"Was that a question?"
"No."
He didn't look convinced. "Well, if it was, then yes, I'm happy. I have plenty of reasons to be happy. I'm finally making this work: the movie, my love life, my spirit."
"I can't wait to finish this movie," I say taking a deep breath and letting my body rest in the warm water.
"But then there will be premiers and interviews and so on."
"Stop talking; you're stressing me out." I laughed and grabbed my loofa from my soap dish.
He giggled. "I remember when you had Hello Kitty everything. School supplies, room decorations, clothes. As I see, you didn't lose the habit."
Yes, my dish soap was the shape of Hello Kitty's head, so what? "You were all enablers, buying me all the merchandise."
"Because you asked! Sometimes, I still find you unbelievable, Reed Morgan."
I lean my head back laughing. "Good. I always wanted to be one of those people who leave you surprised."
He sat in silence as I bathed. There was something soothing about him. I felt like a kid again. He had the innocence Mads talked about. You could see it in his clothes, in his 80's hair, styled after Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. It was wrapped up neatly in his evergreen attitude. I never showed him how grateful I was for his friendship.
"Ok, I think I'm going to get out now. You can wait in my room. I'm just going to dry off."
"Okay," he got up and walked to the door, "you're sure you're okay?"
"I'm just fine now, don't worry -actually," I interrupted myself, "it would be sweet if you could fetch me some aspirin. It's in my drawer."
"I will." He walked out of view but then came back. "And Reed? I love you."
"I love you too, Sawyer."
He closed the door, allowing me to get up, dry myself off, and put the robe back on. As I walked out of the bathroom, I looked over the mess I had made with my clothes sprawled out all over the floor. Sawyer was seated on the bed with something on his lap: a little red box with golden lining. He placed it on the nightstand, and raised his head slowly, looking at me with unexpressive eyes.
It was the box of my cherry flavored condoms.
"I don't even need to ask who you're using these with do I? Because I know. And I'm sincerely and profoundly disappointed."
A wave of rage traveled through my body, and I felt my hands tingling.
"And what right do you have to feel that way?"
"I have all the right. Don't act like I'm a stranger, Reed. Don't. It's Mads. Look into my eyes and tell me that is not."
"Yes, it is him," I answered firmly.
"How long has this been going on? I mean that box is pretty empty. Unless you went out on other adventures, which I don't think is the situation."
"A month. Two? What does it matter?"
He brings his hands to his head. "What does it matter? I can't believe this." He holds me by the shoulder tightly and looks into my eyes. "Mads' is married. He has children." He whispers. He knows how paper thin these walls are.
"I love him, Sawyer. It's not just a teenager's dream. This is real. The most real I have ever felt in my life. I didn't choose this alone. "
"Don't be so damn stupid. You're fooling yourself into thinking that that man loves you. He probably just wants to fuck you."
"You know what Sawyer? Maybe I just want to fuck him too. Yeah. I don't regret any orgasm, cause each of them was epic. I don't get sick of the taste of him in my mouth. I don't regret giving away my body to him the way I did, and I don't regret the pleasure I was able to give him. And each time I smell him on my sheets, I don't regret it." I had started talking very loud.
"You will, dear."
"I fucked him in front of you once. I don't mind doing it twice. You're not my dad. It's about time you learn that." I walked over to the door and opened it wide. "Please, leave."
I didn't watch as he walked down the corridor, and I didn't hear any doors being slammed. Sawyer was a calm sea insisting on being a storm, and I was just a little boat sailing through the seven seas.
I walked over to my shelf where I had placed a portrait of the two of us and turn it face down. After I laid down, I grabbed the bar of Hersheys' and let the aroma of cookies and cream invade my senses bringing back memories of Sawyer carrying me on his shoulders and our loud laughter annoying the neighbors.
This night it wasn't laughter that prevailed, just silence and faint echoes of before.