"The biggest assholes wear the best masks...</3" - Facebook friend - Emily
I'm currently sitting in my bed, three weeks from the therapy fiasco. That's what I'm calling it. My laptop is sitting on my pajama clad lap. I felt so stinky for sitting under my covers for the whole weekend. I only got up for food or the bathroom - that's it.
I've started a Tumblr blog to express myself through pictures and shit like that. Most of them are quotes on assholes. Look me up? Hazel. So far - I have twenty followers.
So, if you have a Tumblr, that's basically where I spent many months. Occasionally, Josh or Quinn would drag me out the house and remind me I had 'friends.'
It wasn't the same. I wanted Logan, but I had to forgive him.
Anonymous: Hazel is your life as fucked up as you make it up to be?
Hell yes.
"Hazel-bay?"
My door squeaked open, and Mom popped her head in. She had an unusually big smile and she looked too excited for words.
"Yeah?" I close my laptop. Mom's aren't suppose to find out your drugs
"You have visitors." She sang.
I groan in annoyance. That is until my daily dosage of Quinn and Josh walked in, carrying in a suspicious pink basket.
"What's that?"
"A picnic basket," Josh cheered.
"I know that." I rolled my eyes. "But why do you guys have it?"
"Because..." Quinn tugged me off the bed and to a standing position. He eyed my crinkled band tee and said, "First, you need to take a bath."
Josh sniffed my hair. "You stink."
"I know." I sighed.
After a much needed shower, changing into warm clothes, and getting in Quinn's car (against my will), the three of us were driving towards the park near Brinch View Elementary.
"It's too cold for picnics." I pointed out.
"It's suppose to be sixty today." Josh retorted.
I sulked in the back. I really wanted to go back home, crawl under the covers in pajamas, and slowly die away on Tumblr.
"Up and at 'em, Haze!" Quinn warns, snapping his fingers in my face.
Reluctantly, I unbuckle my seat belt and step outside. It's actually warm for December 29th - three weeks after my birthday.
It's actually warm enough to take my puffy white winter coat. I also pull off my sweater and leave a long sleeved A&F shirt, jeans, and my tan ugg moccasin shoes.
"Are we allowed on school property?" I ask while my daily dosage set up the blanket.
"Of course," Josh replies, a little too quickly.
Whatever. Going to jail for the holidays didn't seem too bad.
Out of the picnic basket comes three pairs of mittens, three thermal cups, and a big box of Cheez-it.
"Some picnic." I commented after a while.
The three of us sat in a circle, our knees touching like link-bond friends. We sipped out hot chocolate with our mittens on and ate plenty of cheez-it crackers.
"Wanna hear a joke?" Josh asked.
"No." Quinn replied.
"Yes." I said, desperate for a laugh.
"Okay." Josh giggles very girl like. "Why did the mushroom go to the party?"
"Why?" I anticipate myself to laugh. Josh never fails, I hope.
"Because he was a fun-gi."
I stayed silent, waiting for the punch line. When he didn't say more, I gave him a confused look. "Huh?"
"Mushrooms are fungi and the mushroom went to the party because he was a fun-guy." Josh explains.
Quinn snorts, "Worst. Joke. Ever."
"Oh I get it." I smile a bit. "But it's too late to laugh."
"It would make me feel better." Josh pouts.
So I let out a short giggle. "So funny!" I lie. Josh grins at this, which makes me smile and stare into his eyes. I've started to take notice of people's eyes more often. What? They're fascinating
"Could you two tune back to reality?" Quinn muttered.
I looked away and stared at the black and white checkered pattern of the blanket. The design made me dizzy and I was forced to look up.
Bad move.
Across from us, sitting against a tree, is Logan. And he's with Addy. The worst part was - Addy was giving Logan a blow job, right in the middle of an area where kids could see.
Where ex-girlfriends can see.
Quinn turns to see what I'm looking at and he instantly tenses up.
"Don't!" I shout, grabbing his arm before he can get up.
"Why not?" he asked, his mood turning from annoyed to pissed.
"What, what?" Josh wondered, trying to spot the situation.
"Let's just go." I suggested, already putting our empty cups and boxes away.
"Logan's here." Quinn growled in Josh's ear. Josh stays silent and quietly helps me fold the blanket. Quinn kept staring at Addy and Logan even as we're walking to the car.
"You okay?" Josh mumbled in my hair.
Instead of replying, I crush myself to him. Those damn tears could take a hike. Let me just hug Josh and the tears will go away.
His free hand wrapped around my waist and squeezed me back.
Quinn joins us after a minute and finally asked, "Why do you guys keep hugging?"
I pull away from Josh and latch onto Quinn. "I need a hug."
Our hug soon turns to a group hug. Josh hugs me from behind and Quinn just stands there and hugs me closely. The closeness keeps me from breaking down and crying.
I didn't look at Logan when we pulled away, nor as we drove away.
"We're sorry, Haze." Josh tells me from the passenger seat.
"S'okay." I sniffed back the tears. "You didn't know he was gonna...be there."
"Want us to take you home?" Quinn inquired.
"Yeah."
I already felt exhausted. It was only eleven in the morning. I end up falling asleep on the car ride home. I woke up to someone carrying me to my front door. Quinn was holding my legs and Josh was gripping my upper body carefully.
"Hello?" I hear Mom asked in a quiet voice. I remembered she's sick.
"It's us, Ms. Grey," Quinn replied.
The door opens momentarily. I yawn and stretch as best as I can.
"Oh," Mom giggled, clearly amused.
"Hi, Hazel fell asleep in the car." Josh said, not paying attention to my awoken state.
"You guys are back earlier." Mom replied, opening up the door to let us in.
I get sit down on the couch where I stretch properly. Josh and Quinn are telling my mom what happened. I escape to the kitchen and eat yogurt.
Cheez-it crackers didn't hit the spot.
The door closes and Mom walks in with a tiny smile.
"Josh and Quinn are your friends?"
"Yeah," I smile, "My daily dosages."
"Look." Mom eased into the kitchen seat. I join her and sit opposite of her. "I know you were doing well at the therapy office, but I could only afford one hour."
I nod in understanding.
"And I can see you're getting better...with this. I just wanted to let you know," She coughs, then continues. "..That heartbreak’s are never easy. But it's life. I know you loved the guy. It was incredibly unbelievable to hear. So, just know that there's a roller coaster called life and there will be more bumps on the ride."
I nod. "Thanks, Mom. It's nice to know you care."
"I do." She drawls. "Now, I need to go to bed because the pills are kicking in."
"Happy sleeping," I watch her go until she's gone. I finish up my yogurt, go upstairs to my room, and happily change into some leggings and a baggy shirt.
Even though Logan will forever taint my mind, my life was taking a turn for the better.