The school bell rang loudly, signaling that first period did end, but the two of us made no movement to part from each other or to leave this janitor's closet.
Luke wipes away at his tear-stained face, trying so desperately to compose himself in front of me, but still falling miserably as small tears escape his eyes in place of the old ones.
In most ways, I enjoy seeing Luke vulnerable, out of character, emotional, but not in this case. He seems broken, shaken up, and traumatized. I don't like seeing him so, so broken and it gives me shivers, sitting here comforting him, not really knowing what's going through his mind, but knowing I'm the pure cause of it.
He needed me. He fucking needed me and I completely ignored his existence for Michael while he just hurt, while he just hurt, knowing he was innocent of what I never verbally accused him of doing.
He knew what I thought and he tried desperately to reach contact with me. He called countless times. He left voicemails, and he even showed up at the house a few times to my surprise, but I still avoided him. His calls went missed, his voicemails unheard and I can't help but think how the outcome would be different if I just would've given in and picked up a call or even heard a voicemail or two instead of directly deleting them.
But this isn't about me, this isn't about how stupid and oblivious I've been the last week to the reality of things. I've been so locked in my house from the real world that I've forgotten what it's actually like out here and what actual shit life is.
"I'm sorry," I tell him honestly as he removes himself from my lap, sitting directly in front of me.
"It isn't your fault," he whispers, but it is. He knows I'm so at fault for this. Even if I'm not the one who spiked him, I'm definitely at fault and I don't need him to be lenient. His fragile state is becoming scary and worrying. He looks lifeless and at this point, I would want nothing more than for him to even yell at me for being with Michael, or anything for that matter.
"I don't have the best track record when it comes to us," he says confidently, only trying to make me feel better when he should be worrying about himself, not me. "If I were you, I would've thought I meant to fuck Tyler too. I wouldn't have picked up my calls either, or seen you because that would've been the last straw in my mind," he says and he's right. I did assume the worst because of his track record regarding us when I shouldn't have at all, I should've trusted him, but I didn't.
I would've never guessed he was spiked, completely out of it and unaware of what the hell he was doing.
"Who told you?" he asked and I replied with Ashton.
"Yeah, makes sense. He's been a bit worried about me lately," he tells me and I nod.
"I'm worried about you, too," I tell him and it's now his turn to nod.
"You don't remember anything?"
"No," he says, taking my hand in his, intertwining our fingers and squeezing slightly. "I've tried to, honestly I have, but it's like two different stories are jumbled in my head and I don't know which one's true. There's one of me coming into him fully and there's another where I'm just being forced against my cries even in my loopy unstable state."
My heart falls out of my chest as he continues. He seems calm, almost collected, like he's experienced this bundle of emotions before, knowing Luke, the boy's been to hell and back, but still seems to let it never get the best of him, like he expects it, like he expects life to kick him in the face, or almost as if he's immune to the kicking at this point.
"I haven't talked to Tyler since the morning after. He told me I was coming on to him, but if I'm being honest, I don't believe him. I can tell when he's lying to save his ass and we hadn't had intercourse since August. Sure, we had moments, but I never wanted to touch him again, not after I found out he was with Michael that one time," he says, his voice returning to normal, but I can see him shutter at the mention of Michael.
"He's been with Michael?"
"The real question is who hasn't Tyler been with." He laughs, making me smile up at him, staring at his sudden realization. The Luke I know comes back into play fighting against the broke one that seemed to overthrow him for God knows how long.
"Are you going to the police?" I ask and he moves closer to me, straddling my lap as I place my hands protectively and softly around his hips. He shivers uncomfortably and then looks me in the eyes, knowing for sure it's me and no one else.
"No, I just want this to be over with and going to the police won't end it. It never has before," he says vaguely, shaking his head and wrapping his arms around my neck and burying his head into it.
"You should realize I'll support anything you do, even though I think you should go to the police. You don't deserve to have to feel this and walk with this burden while Tyler gets off," I say angrily as it all just suddenly sinks in, the reality of this situation in particular sinking in. Tyler forced Luke. Tyler forced Luke into whatever the hell it is they did that night, most likely knowing Luke didn't want to or wasn't even in the right state for it and all I seem to want to do is punch his face in. Luke's hiding his emotions in, but I refuse to press him on the subject, mainly because I'm afraid how he'll react. I just want him to be happy and not have to worry himself over this. I want nothing more than to take that Friday night away from him, away from his memory completely and wipe all evidence of it just to save him from this confusing hurt he's been feeling.
"Don't get angry," he says, knowing exactly what's going inside my head.
"I can't just not," I tell him honestly. "This whole week's been hell for the both of us, for everyone around us, because someone felt the need to make everyone miserable. Who the hell could just do something like that? Who the hell could be that heartless?"
"I don't know, love," Luke says against my neck, causing me to smile subtly.
"You can't be sweet to me yet," I tell him and he lifts his head from neck to look directly at me as he questions why, bringing his face closer to mine, knowing it's a weakness of mine.
Sliding my hand down his bum, he shivers and I whisper to him it's just me and he nods, biting his lip as my hand goes into his pocket, pulling out the small bag of orange pills.
"Explain," I simply say, causing him to sigh. His blue eyes look exhausted and some of his facial features look of Steven's when he gets off a really good high. He's slightly pale, well paler than usual.
"I had to forget. I just wanted to forget everything," he tells me honestly, hiding his face back into my neck.
"It didn't have to result to this," I tell him and he shakes his head no, mumbling I wouldn't understand.
"Then help me understand, Luke, please. Help me understand," I tell him, bringing his face to look directly at me once more.
His eyes are looking at me as if he's a child, a scared kid, not knowing how to answer a parent after getting in trouble for breaking something.
"I love you..." I tell him, continuing on. "So much with everything in me. I love you and I still haven't figured out why, but I do."
He looks at me unconvinced as he goes into great detail how I shouldn't, how he's undeserving of it, saying all he does is cause me pain when I deserve none of it.
"There's so much I need to tell you. There's so much I've been so untruthful about. There's so much you don't know, yet you still love me and I will never begin to understand why."
"Neither will I," I tell him honestly. I know he hasn't been truthful with me about his past for some reason. I know he's either lied or sugar-coated the parts of the past he told me for my sake.
"I'm just afraid. I'm just afraid of how everything between us will become after everything's out in the open. I'm afraid you'll just look at me differently as if I'm some fucked-up fragile little boy who's had a chain reaction of stupid mistakes that I'm still trying to clean up and recover from," he says, bringing his face back closer to me, making Luke's lips centimeters away from me as the school bells rings again, signaling the end of second period.
His nose touches mine causing the two to move against each other softly as I speak above a whisper.
"You're allowed to tell me whenever you're comfortable. I won't ever hold your past against you because it's just that, your past."
"I love you so much, Calum," he says, making me smile as he's looking down at my lips, moving his nose away from mine.
"I'm going to kiss you now..."
"No, not just yet," I tell him.
"Quinn and Harry," I tell him, not done with our talk. I don't blame him for Tyler forcing him into intercourse, I don't blame him at all for that. He wasn't aware and someone spiked him with the hopeful intentions he'd do something that'd fuck him up completely, but I am angry about the way my so-called friendship with Quinn and Harry came about, beyond angry, but holding him in my arms with his hand around my neck soothes my anger a little. Luke is my weakness, my ultimate weakness, in every situation thinkable.
"I was just hoping you'd forget that if I'm being honest with you, babe."
"Well, I can't," I tell him seriously and he wipes the smile off his face, knowing it's serious once again.
"Did you really think I was that pathetic? That you had to go out and beg people to be my friends? I was fine alone, Luke," I say, tearing my eyes away from his gaze, trying to soothe my anger as best as I can.
"No, no, Calum..." He trails off, lifting my face with both his hands on either side of my cheeks as he continues to talk. "I didn't think you were pathetic. I don't think you're pathetic; that thought never came to mind. When I asked Quinn, I asked because I didn't want you alone. If you remember clearly, it was around the time this shit of a school was so infatuated with you and everything Tyler seemed to spread. I didn't want you to be alone. I didn't want you to be alone and have that kind of weight on your shoulder, so I asked Quinn to talk to you. I hadn't known what would've came with it, but I'm glad the three of you became friends. They were there for you and supported you when I was too much of a dumb shit to. I'm sorry if I made you feel pathetic or embarrassed, I am. I hadn't intended on making you feel pathetic and once I saw the three of you hitting it off, I hadn't intended on telling you, knowing this would be your reaction."
Lifting my hand up his back to the nape of his neck, I bring him closer to me, connecting our mouths as one once I feel the familiar warmth and comfort of Luke's soft lips upon mine.
There isn't lust in the kiss, but need, the two of us needing each other in a sense both of us still can't seem to grasp as the dramatic happenings around us happened within the passing months.
Luke presses his mouth into the kiss, causing the shift of our heads while we move our lips in a lovingly rhythm as he holds mine protectively as I lay back onto the floor with him on top of me, our lips never disconnecting.
After a while, the kiss deepens and Luke pulls away above me as we both pant out, trying to to steady our breathing normally.
Luke uses his hands for support as he comes back down closer to me, bringing his mouth to my ear as he whispers a sweet 'I love you' and kissing my earlobe down to my jawline.
"The bell is so going to ring again soon," I retort, smiling up at him when he lifts his body from mine to return his stare down at me with his goofy smirk that seems to alway have a fluttering affect on my heart.
"Let's just skip," he says, making the both of us laugh.
"That's your answer for everything. It's a shame how an honor student like you is such a bad influence."
He laughs, picking himself up from the floor, then he's sticking his hand out to assist me.
Sitting up with our hands still together, I pull him down to my lap and his huge body falls down as he yells and I just seem to laugh off the pain at his childish antics and how much that really just hurt.
Luke fixes himself in my lap as I wrap my hands around him and burying my face in the crook of his neck, making him laugh at the feeling of my hair moving against his skin as well as my lips kissing at his neck lightly.
"I know it's none of my business, but what have you and Michael been doing the past week?"
"Nothing," I tell him honestly. "He's been over a couple times and I went over his a couple times, but nothing's happened," I tell him, somewhat telling the truth. I remember clearly last Thursday I went over Michael's house and the whole thing was calm and chill. We watched a movie with the lights off, just laying on his bed until one minute, I found him leaning in to kiss me passionately and I hadn't pushed him away at all. I felt guilty nonetheless, but I don't see the need to mention it to Luke and ruin this, ruin the progress the two of us seem to be making over a mistake.
Michael's lips didn't feel like Luke's. They didn't bring me the flutter in my heart and the crave for more like Luke's did, but to deny I felt nothing when I kissed Michael would be wrong. I did feel something, but not something that could compare to the strength I feel when I kiss Luke.
After a while, I realized what I was doing, so I lightly pushed Michael off awkwardly and he kissed at my cheek. Then, we continued to watch the movie and neither of us brought it up again and I could surely continue my life without bringing it up again.
"I believe you," he tells me, kissing my forehead as I shut my eyes, trying to shake the guilt from my head.
"Let's skip," I tell him as we both get up and walk out of the janitor's closet into the empty hall.
Walking further down right before we reach the exit, we're meet with several usually empty extra classrooms, but this time, they aren't empty.
We hear a slam against a wall and Luke and I look at each other before reluctantly walking forward.
As funny as it sounds, that's a sexual slam. I know because it sounds like the almost exact same slam Tyler did to Luke when I left the classroom after our argument a while back.
The two of us look through the small window of the door and Luke's face quickly gasps at the sight as I just smirk knowingly, pleased in a way.
Inside the classroom is Danielle and Kassandra. Danielle's back is pressed up against the wall as her long dancer legs are wrapped firmly around Kassandra's waist with her hands in the blonde's hair as the two attack each other's lips.
Over the course of my absence from reality, I kept in touch with Danielle mostly. She told me the other day she had a long talk with Kassandra, but she doesn't know how she feels or what's to come of it all. She said she was taking it step by step, but by the looks of what's about to happen, they probably skipped a step or two.
Now that I think about it, Danielle never mentioned anything about spiking to me. Maybe she didn't know Luke got spiked too and wanted to save Kassandra the embarrassment and keep her business private.
Pulling away from the door, Luke still looks shocked and I can't help but stifle a laugh.
"If they're gonna get it on in a classroom right after their dance class, the least they could do is be quiet about it," he says and I nod my head in agreement.
"I'm happy though. Kassandra really liked her for some odd reason and she hardly likes anyone ever," Luke tells me and I laugh.
"So she's into girls then?" I ask and he nods.
"She isn't very open about it, but we all know and that's what matters to her. She could care less about anyone else's opinion."
"I'm glad they worked things out."
"Looks like they're in the middle of working things out all right," Luke says and I laugh as we both exit the school and climb into his car.
"I'll bring you back to pick up your car later, love," he says and I nod, closing the door as he begins our drive to his house.
The ride's filled with mindless stupid conversation until I decide to ask Luke if he knew what happened to Steven's ex girlfriend.
"He told you?" He questions, surprised.
"Yeah, he didn't have to, but he did. He was giving me advice about what I should do with the whole us thing and he just told me."
"The whole thing was sad, honestly. He took it the worst and his dad didn't know what to do with him, no one did. They sent Steven to therapy for a while and it helped, but he still turned to drugs," Luke says and it almost seems like he can relate to the whole situation at hand.
"Out of all the things I thought, I wouldn't have guessed something that horrible could've happened to him. He loved her and then one day, she was just gone," I say, biting back tears as I'm replaying his words in my head. I can't imagine how he feels and I probably don't ever want to be able to imagine it.
Luke parks the car silently in front of his house and exits without saying a word to me until he pulls open my side's door open and sits on my lap, closing the door.
"Nothing like that's going to happen, ok? I promise you," he says, knowing I was thinking about him and even my mother suddenly just not being here.
"Your mom isn't going anywhere, and I sure as hell am not going anywhere unless you're coming with me, ok?" He asks and I nod.
"I promise I'll always be here," he says and I attach our lips together softly before opening the door, allowing him to slide off my lap so I can get out the car.
~~~~~~~~~
The whole day was spent cuddled up on his couch under numerous amounts of blankets as I forcefully made Luke watch Supernatural with me on Netflix from season 1.
He was reluctant about the whole thing and refused to set up his Netflix account because of it, but after a while of me pleading and expressing my love for him, and lots of kisses, he broke and that's what led us here hours later.
It's about 5 when we hear his front door open and then slam close as we hear Ben screaming he's home obnoxiously loud.
"Oh god. They're home. No more peace and quiet," Like mumbles against my neck, bringing lips up to kiss me, knowing he won't get another chance for a while since his family has indeed returned home.
"Luke Hemmings," his father yells and Luke responds back with saying he's in the living room with me.
His dad comes into the room and smiles at the two of us molded into each other and I suddenly feel heat rise to my cheeks at the sudden attention, causing Luke to pull away and sit right next to me.
"Hello, Calum. How are you?"
"I'm fine. Thanks for asking. How was the trip? You guys were gone for quite some time," I say reluctantly, hitting pause on Supernatural to engage in polite conversation with Luke's dad until his mom goes to him with a warm smile at the sight of me before coming straight to me and greeting me with a big hug.
"Please tell me you're staying for dinner? I've missed you!" She says to me in her tight embrace as I say sure, not looking to Luke for any confirmation.
I go to sit back on the couch. Liz engulfed Luke with a hug next, squeezing him and tell him how she missed him more than anything.
After a while, his parents left the living room, going upstairs, and then to the kitchen to start dinner.
"Come here," Luke says, placing me on his lap. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to."
"I do. Your family's nice."
"They're annoying. I'm patiently waiting for Ben to realize I'm not in my room and to interrupt," he says and I laugh, knowing he's right and it should be happening any second.
"You're amazing, you know that, right?" I question him, knowing it's the truth because he is amazing in every way possible. He can be the worst in any given situation, but from time to time, he is purely amazing and it never fails to astonish me.
"You bring that out in me." Luke kisses my lips, causing me to kiss him back, trying desperately not to get to carried away as my hand tangles in his hair and is bringing him closer to me.
As we go on, I think the two of us seem to forget we our indeed in the living room and Luke's parents are only feet away, but neither of us seem to care as I straddle myself onto him as his hand goes under my shirt, drawing figures into my hip bones with his fingers.
I know he's reluctant and uncomfortable at one point when he stop to look at me, assuring himself it's me and no one else. I can see the uncertainty in his eyes about this all.
"Baby, it's me. It isn't anyone else but me," I tell him and he nods, now sure of himself and what he's doing.
I don't really know how people react after being forced into something unwillingly and unknowingly and that's the last thing I want to do with Luke. He seems scared and reluctant about the whole thing just as much as I do. I can tell he feels okay with us making out at the feeling of him untensing underneath me.
"I love you," he whispers before kissing my lips again and bring his hand further up my shirt and as if on cue, Ben chimes in at the worst possible time.
"It's me. It isn't anyone else but me," Ben mocks and Luke goes to give him the finger. If only he knew half of the shit that went on he, wouldn't be making fun of my comforting words to Luke at all.
Anger boils, but then dies as I realize he has no way of knowing and I know Luke won't be telling him.
"I've missed you two being close to fornicating so much, I really have."
"I'm glad to see the two of you okay again though," he says and I feel Luke intertwine our hands underneath the blanket.
"We've been okay for a while now. I just haven't felt the need to tell you," Luke says and I laugh next to him.
"Why not? I'm your favorite brother," Ben says, lifting his hand to his chest in mock hurt.
"Because you're nosy and can never shut up about it."
"Well, Calum's my favorite so I'm allowed to get excited over you not being a total dick to the poor kid," he says and leaves, making Luke shoot him the middle finger again as he says dinner's ready.
The two of us get up and walk into the dinning room for dinner.
~~~~~~~~~
The dinner was extremely hilarious. For some odd reason, Jack hadn't come down to join us but no one seemed to question it and I didn't want to be the rude one to bring it up.
There were a few other kinks during dinner, like when Liz asked us how the Halloween party was, Luke immidiately began to shake slightly and started to jumble his words, thinking back to the night he still knows nothing of for sure positively.
I had placed my hand on his thigh, slightly squeezing as he put his hand over it under the table, allowing me to talk for him and tell them how the two of us went matching and had a great time.
Luke looked at me thankfully and dinner after that was followed by small talk and college questions which I still have yet to look into.
I don't even know if I'm staying here for college or if I want to leave. I haven't thought about what I want to do in the future. I haven't really had the time, but during the dinner, I make a mental note to myself on how I really need to look into it and soon. Maybe I'll talk to the guidance counselor tomorrow even.
After dinner, we left and I wished my goodbye's to Luke's parents as they both hugged me tightly, summoning me to come whenever I please as Ben just held a smirk, knowing I'd be back soon but they probably wouldn't know of it.
He hugged me as well and yelled how he'll miss me as he climbed up the stairs, calling for Jack while Luke and I left.
Now, not even 10 minutes later, we're in front of my- well, Steven's house.
Luke brings his hand to my hips, pulling me closer to him, not wanting me to say goodbye as if it's our last.
"I will see you tomorrow," I tell him, kissing him softly. "In the morning since you have no other choice but to take me to school."
"That was the whole point, babe," he laughs and I smack him.
"You little shit!" I laugh at his pleased expression.
"Hey, I'd watch what you say to me, Calum."
"Why, exactly?"
"Because you love this little shit and if I were you, I wouldn't be mean to me before I stand you up on our date on Friday."
I laugh. "Oh, yeah? What date? I wasn't aware of this date at all."
"The one I'm about to ask you out on now. So, would you, Calum Hood, like to accompany me, Luke Robert Hemmings, on a date this Friday night to a quiet little restaurant, just the two of us to make up for everything that's happened?"
"No, I wouldn't," I tell him wrapping my arms around his neck, shutting my eyes before bringing my lips to his to kiss away his frown.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Lucas," I say when our lips part before he brings his full force to mine yet again happily. I'm able to feel his smile against the kiss the entire time.
Pulling away, he kisses at my cheek, wishing me a goodnight.
"I love you, okay? So much."
"Okay," I tell him, smiling at him. "I love you too. Goodnight."
As I watch the blond boy walk down back to his car, he foolishly turns around every few feet to see me there, smiling back at him, knowing my Luke is still within him, somewhere deep within this hurt and pain Tyler's caused and God know's who else, he's still there and he's still fighting.