A/N=
1)jangdongwoo123 has requested for SugAe and RapSoul in one chapter
Thank you for requesting and please do let me know how it is!
Any requests anyone has then just comment and I'll add it in for you :D
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Anyone can see I was a fool
Soojung grumbled in anger as she started to put her night gown on, it was pretty late at night and someone was at the door, disturbing her from sleeping soon. She wondered who the hell could it be at a time like this? Her husband, Namjoon, followed behind her to ensure that the visitor, at the door, wasn't going to attack his wife or try anything dangerous.
Soojung was going to let this visitor know that coming to someone's house at a time like this was absolutely unacceptable but when she opened the door in rage, she was met with another surprise and this surprise immediately got rid of any anger she was currently holding.
''Jiae? What happened?'' Soojung saw her best friend was at the door, crying her heart out.
''Are you okay, Jiae?'' Namjoon was surprised to see Jiae like this at a time like this. ''Please do come inside.''
''Jiae, what's wrong?'' Soojung wrapped her arms around Jiae as she pulled her inside the house. ''Come on, you can tell me why you're crying.''
''Everything has gone to wrong! I don't know what to do.'' Jiae kept sobbing, stressing about her situation.
''What happened!'' Soojung insisted to know once again.
''Come on, Jiae! We're here for you!'' Namjoon wanted to know what had happened to Jiae for her to be like this. ''You can tell us, Jiae!''
I think I'm crazy
''Jiae! Jiae!'' Suga called out her name as anxiety got the best of him when he saw something that he wasn't actually supposed to see.
''What is wrong with you, Suga?'' Jiae looked over to the bathroom door, where Suga was coming out of from. ''You go to the bathroom and come out, screaming as if you had seen a ghost in there.''
''What is this?'' Suga held the one thing Jiae was scared to see, he could see that she was looking away to avoid looking in his eyes. ''Answer me, Jiae! What is this!''
''It's a pregnancy test.'' Jiae was getting more scared.
''Are...you...pregnant?'' Suga asked Jiae that one fearful question that was going to change his life forever. ''Tell me honestly! Are you pregnant, yes or no?''
I don't care if it's just a short moment
Suga watched Jiae look away once again but the way she was getting very nervous, biting her bottom lip, and the way her eyebrows were furrowing, it was clear what the answer was but Suga had more questions and he needed answers to them whether Jiae wanted to answer them or not, it didn't matter. He had questions and he will get his answers.
''But how? I clearly remember even though we were drunk in that hotel in Las Vegas, I still used a condom!'' Suga argued, he was never the type to go against safe sex. ''It can't be! We had protected sex so how is this possible?!''
''A condom doesn't always work, genius!'' Jiae argued back. ''They're only 97% effective so how is it my fault that we happened to be the 3% that got unlucky!''
''I never blamed you for this!'' Suga replied but now he was in a huge dilemma over his new situation.
Jiae watched Suga now looking extremely stressed as he was pacing back and forth the room, she could see that he didn't wanted this to be the result of their sexual encounter. Based on the way he was reacting right now, she had gotten the answer to the question, of whether he was ready or even considering to take care of the new responsibility they were going to have, she was thinking of asking him which made her heart to break. While the two were just starting their newly formed relationship after that love making moment, it didn't matter anymore if things were going to be like this.
Those cruel words I spat out without hesitation
''So now what?'' Suga looked at Jiae for answers.
''Now nothing.'' Jiae replied, she knew he wanted to get rid of the baby but she didn't wanted to hear him say it.
''What do you mean by nothing?!'' Suga was in disbelief how calm Jiae was being. ''You're pregnant and you're just reacting as if everything is fine! You and I both know that we can't have this kid!''
''I know.....'' Jiae looked down, she was already in the verge of crying but she couldn't cry in front of him, she didn't wanted him to see her break down.
''So? What are we waiting for?!'' Suga replied. ''We have to book an appointment as soon as possible so we can take care of it and deal with what is happening as soon as possible before it's too late.''
Get lost from my sight
''I know.....just consider it being taken care of.'' Jiae got up from her seat and proceeded to turn her back so that Suga wouldn't see her face at all, she was hurt with all the words that was coming out of his mouth.
She understood everything that Suga was saying, feeling and thinking but what about her? Did he not think how scary this was especially to her as she had to carry the baby for 9 months? Did he not even think how stressed and fearful she was when she found out she was pregnant? She knew that he wasn't ready but what about her? Did he think she was ready for such a big unplanned responsibility? She wasn't exactly sure about anything yet she looked down and placed her hand on the belly, that appeared normal due to the early stage of pregnancy.
''Jiae, what do you mean by consider it being taken care of?'' Suga didn't know what to think.
''I'll take of the situation, you don't have to do anything about it.'' Jiae sighed deeply, she knew he wanted nothing to do with this. ''Nothing more needs to be said about this situation, I understand everything. I'm going to leave now.''
I just wanna hear your voice
*Please stop me, Suga!* Jiae prayed as she started to walk towards the door. *Please say something, anything to show me that you care about me and will help me through this! Please, Suga! For the sake of our love, please!*
Suga watched the woman, he loved, proceeding to make her way closer to the door and there was something, inside him, that was yelling at him to stop her and make her stay with him yet it was as if his mouth wasn't following what he wanted to do. He was stuck since even though he still loves her, he wasn't ready for the baby, after all he was only a young adult who had not even considered parenthood at this age.
''Jiae!'' Jiae's head went up before she turned around to look at him, could it be that he had changed his mind after seeing her almost leave?
Baby I was a fool, I was a fool
''Yeah?'' Jiae was feeling hopeful, could it be that he was going to be a man and at least, think things through both sides and calm her fears down as she too was feeing all the fears he was.
''It's pretty late so where will you go? To Soojung and Namjoon's?'' Suga felt like kicking himself since that was not what he wanted to say to her right now. *You were supposed to get her to stay with you, you idiot!*
''Yeah, good night.'' Jiae forced herself to smile to make Suga think that she was fine with all this.
Jiae closed the door shut after she got out and the moment she heard the door shut, on cue the tears, in her eyes, rolled down her cheeks. She was clearly hurt with everything that had just happened and she felt foolish for hoping that maybe just maybe Suga would have stopped her and asked her to stay with him right now. All the words of love the two had spoken to each other ever since that night in Las Vegas to now, it felt like one big joke to her now and honestly she never felt so stupid in her life.
Even that's not good enough
''I knew something was going on between you two!'' Soojung clicked her fingers. ''The way you two smiled and were together for the majority of the wedding, it was suspicious for sure!''
''Honey, not now.'' Namjoon shook his head. ''Jiae, now what? We know what Suga wants but what do you want? Do you want to keep the baby or do you want what Suga wants?''
''I don't know......'' Jiae cried harder, she never felt so confused in her life. ''I just don't know but now I have to deal with everything alone.''
''That son of a bitch, I'm going to kill him!'' Soojung could feel her blood boil, she was so angry that her best friend was in this situation. ''Your cousin is equally involved in this, he can't just bail out whenever he wants! This is a serious situation!''
''Hey, don't yell at me for what he did! I was also in the dark, I knew nothing that was going on between Jiae and him!'' Namjoon had his hands up, he was shocked about what was going on that he didn't expect to happen.
''You're right!'' Soojung grabbed hold of Namjoon's phone. ''I'm going to give that asshole a piece of my mind!''
''Hello?'' Soojung heard Suga speak on the phone.
''YA, SUGA! JUST WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING WHEN JIAE WAS LEAVING THE HOUSE AT THIS TIME OF THE NIGHT AND IN A PREGNANT STATE?!'' Soojung yelled in anger. ''ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!''
Suga sighed, there was nothing that he could say to help defend himself. He knew Soojung was in the right to yell at him, he was at fault right now but he was clueless. He had to think long and hard so he didn't make a decision without thinking about it carefully. His future was at stake so he couldn't risk being so impulsive or careless about what he was going to do.
It's okay to swear at me
''HAVE YOU GONE MUTE OR SOMETHING?!'' Soojung screamed at the top of her lungs. ''ANSWER ME, YOU ASSHOLE!''
''I just don't know what to do right now so please just be with her for a while.'' Suga sighed. ''I don't know whether I should accept this child or not, I have to think about everything and make the right decision.''
''ACCEPT THIS CHILD? YOU ALREADY TOLD HER THAT YOU DON'T WANT THE KID AND NOW SHE'S GOING TO ABORT THE KID JUST FOR YOUR SAKE!'' Soojung never felt so angry in her life.
''I felt like that was what I want back when I was talking to her, that's why I said it...'' Suga knew he had already lost this argument.
''SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR CHILD AND NEVER SEE JIAE AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME!'' Soojung raised her voice once again. ''GO TO HELL, YOU ASSHOLE!''
Soojung angrily let out a deep breath, tightening her grip she had on the phone before turning around to see her best friend crying once again.
''Hey, don't cry Jiae. We'll think of something and help you in this.'' Jiae wished Suga would have said these exact words Soojung was telling her right now.
''We're here for you and will support you during this pregnancy for sure.'' Namjoon agreed. ''You can stay with us for as long as you want and we'll help you whether you decide to keep the baby or abort it but do you know what you want to do with the baby?''
''Seeing how the father doesn't want the baby and I can't support it myself...it doesn't seem reasonable to keep it.'' Jiae hung her head down with her hands covering her face. ''I....don't know how to face him anymore...''
''Forget about that asshole and don't even think about him!'' Soojung hissed. ''He doesn't love you enough Jiae or else he would be doing what me and Namjoon are doing right now! Doesn't he know how stressed you are considering you're going to be the one carrying the baby for nine months if you decide to keep it?! How can he be so inconsiderate?!''
Fool, stupid, I now know I'm so stupid
Jiae sighed, feeling her shoulders fall down drastically after exhaling oxygen but nothing could compare the heaviness her heart was feeling. She stretched her legs, relaxing them as she placed her hand on her belly, trying to feel the tiny foetus that was growing inside her.
''Are you sure about taking this drastic step?'' Jisoo questioned as she stood on the right side of the hospital bed, where Jiae was lying down in.
''Who would have thought that Jiae would be the first one to get pregnant out of the four of us?'' Mijoo commented without thinking before giving an uneasy smile to the rest of them when they glared at her for speaking carelessly.
''None of this matters now....'' Jiae looked away to the corner of the room. ''He never wanted any part of this, he doesn't want us.''
''Forget him! He was never worthy of being a father, he's a coward.'' Soojung crossed her arms.
''But is an abortion right?'' Jisoo asked. ''Don't you feel like you should think about this carefully before deciding to go with a drastic step like this?''
''Yeah maybe you can have the kid and we can help you take care of it?'' Mijoo suggested.
''No! Not only am I young, financially unstable and not ready for a massive life changing responsibility, I can't rely on you guys to help me take care of it!'' Jiae refused. ''This baby will be a burden to me and if I can't fulfill the basic duties of a mother then I'm unfit to have it in the first place.''
''So what's the plan for it now?'' Soojung questioned.
''I've scheduled the abortion....'' Jiae closed her eyes tightly as she gulped her saliva. ''I'm having it done in two days.''
Going through the scattered memories, I long for you every day
Suga sighed as he walked around the park, kicking a can he saw on the pavements he was walking in. It's been a few days since he last saw Jiae, where he got the shocking revelation that she was pregnant, and the earful he had gotten from Soojung rightfully so but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious at all about Jiae's pregnancy condition and the possibility of what could it be if he did decide to raise the child with Jiae. Would he regret it or would things with her be better than he thought? Could his love for her help him to adjust and go on with living and raising the child even though they would be bombarded with the responsibilities?
Suga raised his head up when he heard a huge amount of giggles, it sounded angelic like Jiae's when she giggled as she ran ahead and pulled him to follow her. He looked to his right and saw a huge amount of children running around and laughing with joy in the playground. He didn't know what took over him but he found himself to walk over to the bench and sit down on it, just quietly observing the children playing around and giggling with joy.
''Ahjussi, can you give me my ball please?'' A little boy, who was at a age no older than five, walked closer to him.
Suga stared at the little boy for a while, just being attentive to the details of his innocent face with cheeks so chubby and soft looking, small round eyes twinkling with purity and a small mouth that was shaped in a o-shape. He couldn't help but observe his small height and chubby little legs and arms, he wondered whether kids were always this adorable or was he just noticing this?
''Ahjussi, can I have my ball please?'' The little boy screamed louder, startling Suga and causing him to pay attention and doing what the child wanted. ''Thank you, ahjussi!''
Dummy, idiot, I now know it's all my fault
*RING RING RING RING*
Suga's attention was fully at the children before he got his phone out, looking to see who was calling him right now.
''Hello Namjoon?'' Suga was curious to know what Namjoon wanted from him.
''Suga, I'm not supposed to tell you this but as the father of the baby, you have the right to know that Jiae is terminating her pregnancy soon.'' Suga felt like his heart had been shattered in a million few pieces.
''What? Where? Are you sure?'' Suga immediately jolted up at the news. ''How soon is soon?''
''Even if you rush here at the hospital, it will be too late....'' Namjoon informed him. ''She's getting prepared to do the abortion in twenty minutes..''
*No, it can't end like this! It can't be!* Suga felt like he was losing his grip on his cellphone over the shocking news.
Suga immediately cut the call and ran as fast as he could to the hospital, he had to rush there as soon as possible. He had to see Jiae and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do with the baby right now but the time right now didn't feel right, he had to have more time to properly think things through with her and both of them to mutually agree on what they wanted.
He glanced over at the time and noticed that it would take him longer than twenty minutes to get to the hospital, heck it might even take him longer since he was at the other side of the area while the hospital was on the opposite side but he had to try and give it his all to be there on time even though it seemed impossible. He ran as fast as he could as he prayed with all his heart that the surgery had not started, he wanted a delay, any form of delay where he could stop all this in time.
If only I could you see you once more for the last time
Jiae sighed deeply as her eyes refused to leave the door, maybe just maybe Suga would be at the door and telling her that he wanted the baby and he wanted to be with her and help her to take care of the baby and be the responsible father to their kid but she looked down, thinking about the reality and thinking that her wishful thinking was foolish.
''I can't believe you told him, Namjoon!'' Soojung crossed her arms, she was pissed.
''He's the father, he has the right to know.'' Namjoon replied, his morality refused to let all this happen without Suga knowing about it.
''Well what did he say? Is he coming here to speak to me about the abortion? Did he want me to not do it?'' Jiae asked as she looked at Namjoon with a huge ray of hope.
''Unfortunately he heard the information and cut the call....'' Namjoon told her the truth, dejecting Jiae even more.
''Face it Jiae, he isn't coming!'' Soojung wanted Jiae to face the hard facts. ''He doesn't care and so should you!''
*Please Suga, this is your last hope! If you even care a little bit about me and the baby, please be here and prove it to me.* Jiae gulped her saliva, praying to see the man she still loved.
Jiae's eyes started to appear bigger once she saw the door move but disappointment hit her once she saw that it was the nurse walking in to prepare her for the abortion. Did she still have hope or was this the sign that she had to carry on with her initial decision?
Please come back as if nothing happened baby
''Can I have an extra ten minutes please?'' Jiae requested, placing her hand on her belly as she thought about all this. ''I need some more time.''
''If you wish, I'll be back in ten minutes for the abortion.'' The nurse left the room.
''I'm telling you, he isn't coming!'' Soojung argued her point once again. ''If he was willing to leave you at this state then he's going to do it again and again! Don't be foolish, Jiae!''
Jiae closed her eyes shut, the tears were already falling down her cheeks as she thought about everything that had happened and all that Soojung was saying to her. Suga never seemed like he cared about any of the pregnancy to even begin with so why would he even come here? Was Soojung right to say that thinking Suga was just going to magically change and be the father she needed him to be for their baby was just nothing but wishful thinking? Her expectations was much higher to what the reality had to showed her, a huge difference like the difference between the sky and the ground so then was there really any point in even wasting any time?
''Soojung, Namjoon, call the nurse. I'm ready for the abortion.'' Jiae gulped her saliva as she had confirmed her final decision, looking at the belly and placing her hand on it once again but this time it was for the last time. ''I'm sorry that umma has to let you go right now. I pray that you forgive me for this.''
Soojung got back inside the room with the nurses.
''Are you completely sure, Jiae?'' Namjoon asked for the final time. ''There's no going back once this is done.''
''I'm sure.'' Jiae closed her eyes, nodding her head.
''We have to move the patient to the operation room immediately, please stand back.'' The nurses requested to Soojung and Namjoon before moving Jiae, who was on the stretcher, towards the operation room.
Yes I know I'm late late
Suga immediately ran past the doors and went towards the board, where it stated what each floor was specialised in, before running up the stairs to reach the fourth floor where everything was focused on pregnancy related areas. He hoped that he was there on time and that everything was fine even though it didn't seem like he had a chance since he was fourty five minutes late. The journey took much longer than he expected but whatever the outcome was, he had to be there, undo what he did wrong by running away from Jiae and ask for her forgiveness.
''Where is she? Where is Jiae?'' Suga immediately ran towards Soojung and Namjoon, who were at the waiting area.
''What are you doing here?'' Soojung glared at Suga.
''Where is Jiae? Where is she?'' Suga repeated his questions once again, demanding to know the answer.
''In her room!'' Namjoon pointed at the door, making Suga to barge in the room.
Even if I'm sorry now, nothing changes I know
''Suga....'' Jiae was surprised to see Suga here, panting and trying to catch his breath.
''Jiae, I'm sorry! I'm sorry for everything I've done! I was an idiot! I was stupid!'' Suga walked towards Jiae, who was on the bed. ''I'm sorry for carelessly telling you to do the abortion, I'm sorry for not even asking you to stay there with me, I'm sorry for not even considering your part of the pregnancy where you would have to do all the work yet my fear caused me to say some foolish inconsiderable things that I regret saying. I'm sorry for not contacting you or even trying to meet you throughout this whole week and a half. I'm sorry for hurting you and causing you so much pain. I'm sorry for everything.''
''You can't just come here and say sorry and expect things to be perfectly fine!'' Jiae angrily spoke to him, words couldn't describe how hurt and disappointed she was by him. ''I waited for you, praying that you would be here and hoping that you would change in time and stop me from doing all this. Soojung kept telling me that it was stupid to think you would be here but I still believed in you however you didn't show up! You didn't come here in time!''
Even if I regret it now, nothing changes I know
''I know but please know that I tried! Damn it, I tried my hardest to be here on time! I ran all the way from the other side of the city and prayed with all my heart that I could stop it all.'' Suga held Jiae's hand. ''I'm sorry for not being here on time, I'm sorry for not being able to stop the abortion.''
''Sorry doesn't mean anything, you were too late.'' Jiae pulled her hand away from him.
''Please Jiae, I love you....'' Suga looked at her with pain in his eyes.
''That doesn't mean anything now. That died the second I walked out of that door and you didn't stop me from leaving.'' Jiae got up from the bed and tried to walk away from him.
Fool, stupid, I now know it's all my fault
''Hear what I have to say, please Jiae!'' Suga demanded as he grabbed her arm and pulled her back to stand in front of him. ''I'm sorry for everything and I truly mean what I'm saying right now, I know it's all my fault! I know I'm stupid, an idiot, a dumbass, a damn fool! I know I know but I've really regret not being with you for the past few days! If I could turn back everything and undo all that I did wrong to you then trust me, I would but unfortunately I can't however that doesn't mean I want things between us to end! I've fucked up now but please be with me, I really can't imagine not being with you! I've done that for the past few days and trust me, it was a living hell.''
Suga looked down before he got down on both of his knees, pleading in front of Jiae by folding his hands together whereas Jiae was surprised to see the guy in this state. Was he really that sorry?
''I'm sorry for not being able to save our baby, I'm sorry for not being there for you at a time when you need me. That is the only regret I have for the rest of my life but I still ask you to give me one more chance.'' Suga didn't care if he looked weak or broken in front of her. ''I want to be with you and if you will then please let me, at least, prove it to you that I mean it by giving me this one chance.''
It's me who pushed you away
*Is he crying?* Jiae's eyes went wider as she heard Suga sounding like he was going to break down any second now.
''Even if it takes forever for you to trust me like before, I still want to wait for you and show you that I mean everything that I said right now.'' Suga spoke out what he felt. ''I want to---''
''Stop!'' Jiae held his hand and picked him up so he could stand.
''Please Jiae, please give me one more---'' Jiae interrupted him before he could say more.
''Before you continue, at least let me tell you the truth.'' Jiae confessed to him.
''The truth.....'' Suga blinked his eyes, dumbfounded by what she was talking about.
You used to dazzle and now you're far away
Jiae took a deep breath as she felt the cold stethoscope's diaphragm on her belly, she felt extremely nervous and sad that this was the last few minutes of her baby's living days. In a matter of minutes, not only was this going to end but her relationship and all the history she had with Suga was going to be inexistent. If only he could prove himself to her like she wished, if only he could come here on time and end this all like she hoped.
''Alright Miss. Jiae, if you look at the screen then you can see that baby is really small, it's size is no bigger than a size of a olive while this part of the screen shows the baby's heartbeat, which is going at a normal rate. Both the baby and you are at a healthy state.'' The doctor told her what was necessary for her to know. ''We're all set for the abortion to take place. Are you absolutely sure you still want to continue this abortion?''
Jiae stared at the heartbeat monitor, looking at the heartbeat going normally, before her eyes looked at the screen, which was showing her how big her baby was looking. Her eyes started to water when she noticed how small her little baby was and in just a matter of months, it was going to grow and be out in the world if she chose not to do the abortion but now she was here and her baby was going to be non-existent, did she want that for her baby?
Jiae was starting to realise that her decision for the baby relied so much on Suga, the man who didn't even want the child but why was she relying so much on him? He's not the one who has to deal with the guilt that she destroyed a life, he's not one who has to carry the baby inside for nine months, he's not the one who has to be the main support for the child once they have grown out in the world so why did him not willing to be responsible for the baby even affect her whole decision on what she should do with it? Clearly being a single mother was going to be hard and twice the work but she's not the first one in the world to be one and if all the single mothers can do it then why can't she?
''No! I don't want to continue with the procedure!'' Jiae wanted to be the best mother for her baby, she promised that she will give the baby twice the love so it never felt the lack of the father not being there. 'I want to give birth to my child, I want to keep it!''
Oh I was a fool, oh baby I was a fool
''My baby's safe and still here with me!'' Jiae placed her hand on her belly. ''I can't let go of it!''
''Oh my god!! Oh my god! Oh my god!'' Suga had the biggest smile on his face as he gasped with joy before kneeling down on his knees. ''Our baby is still alive, oh my god this is the greatest news! I promise to help you and take good care of it! I want to be there for our baby!''
''Are you sure?'' Jiae looked at him with skepticism. ''You can't just opt in and opt out whenever you want in a baby's life besides how do I know that you won't run away like you did the last time?''
''I know I won't run away from our baby, these last few days have made me realise that I do want to be with you and I do want the baby in our life!'' Suga held Jiae's hand. ''Please give me one more chance so I can prove it to you! Please let me show you that I do want to be there for both you and our baby! Please let me take care of you and be there for you during your pregnancy and let me be there to watch our child grow up.''
''I still love you Suga so I don't want one bad moment to affect our whole relationship but understand that I can't just forget it all and just trust you completely like before.'' Jiae sighed. ''You really hurt me.''
''I understand but I ask that you let me be with you and even if it takes time, let us start everything once again.'' Suga requested as he held her hands once again. ''If we take it slow from today and build all the trust and love that the few days have ruin then I'm sure when our baby comes into the world then it will see it's umma and appa are so in love and happy just like how a family should be.''
''I would like that.'' Jiae smiled as she held Suga's hands back.
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Author-Nim=Thank you very much for reading the 44th drabble of the BangLyz drabbles series dedicated to SugAe!
This chapter was inspired by the song ''Fool'' by Winner.
Please do vote and comment any requests
Thank you very much for reading,voting and commenting <3