~Justin's POV~
"I think I'm in love."
I stare at the back of my brother's head as he leans over the open hood of his Mustang. He has a wrench in his hand and is tinkering with the motor, his hands covered in grease. At my words he doesn't even pause, only chuckles and continues to work on the car.
"Noah!" I say, exasperated, "I'm trying to have a conversation with you."
"You know we're brothers right?" Noah says as he looks up at me with a smirk on his face.
I furrow my brow, my mind not following his train of thought. I'm about to ask what that has to do with anything when I finally get his meaning. I punch him in the arm, "Not with you douchebag."
He laughs, straightening from his position over the car and pulling the rag he had in his back pocket out to wipe his stained hands, "Well, then who's the lucky lady? Does she go to our school?"
My heart beat picks up speed and I look away, trying to focus on anything but my big brother. My eyes survey the sparse garage. The only things that inhabit the space are Noah's car and a few shelves that hold the odd tool here and there that Noah has bought whenever they were necessary. A few old boxes reside in one corner full of childhood toys and family albums. Other than that the empty walls are a dirty white color and the cement floor is stained from Noah pouring oil on it constantly.
"Earth to, Justin!" Noah waves the dirty rag in his hand in front of my face and I'm forced to look over at him. He frowns at me, "I thought you wanted to talk?"
I nod and swallow, trying to find my words.
Before I can speak Noah says, "Actually, I'm glad you decided to talk to me. I've been worried about you. If I had known you were love sick I wouldn't have worried so much." He places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes, "I mean, don't get me wrong, being in love is scary but its not the end of the world. So tell me, who is she?"
How my brother knows that love is a scary feeling is beyond me and will take too much effort to think about right now. Taking a deep breath I say, "It's not like that."
"What do you mean? Does she not go to our school or something? Is she from a rival school? Cause dude that's fine just don't let it get to your head."
I shake my head, trying to follow my brother's train of thought, sometimes he goes way off base. Finally, I say, "No, they do belong to our school, just not that gender."
"Is that possible? To not belong to that gender? I mean either you're a girl or you're a girl." Noah scrunches his brow and places the rag back in his jean's back pocket. Sometimes I really wonder if I did get all the brains out of the two of us, he can be so thick sometimes.
"Think about it. If you're not a girl what are you?" I ask as he goes back to inspecting the mechanics of the Mustang.
"I don't get it," he says after a few seconds, while continuing to mess with the car.
Ugh! Is he going to make me spell it out for him? He could at least acknowledge me if he's going to make me spill my guts to him. "Noah," I begin, and wait for him to look at me.
He looks over at me and reads something on my face because he places the wrench on the motor and walks over to me and ruffles my hair, "What's wrong Justin? So you like someone, what's so bad about that?"
"Dude, you better have not gotten grease in my curls." I say flatly. If there's one thing I love it's my hair. My curls are perfect, thank you very much, and they take forever to get just right.
Noah laughs, "Dude, you sound like a girl."
My eyes go wide.
I swallow before taking a deep breath, "Noah, I... I..."
"You.... You... What?" he asks in a light tone of voice. I really hope he stays as calm after I tell him the truth.
"IthinkI'mgay." I say, rushing to get the words out of my mouth and looking at my shoes.
"What?" Noah asks, confusion in his voice, "Did you just say..."
I take a deep breath before looking up at him and saying, "I think I bat for the other team, I think I'm a fairy, a queer, a, a faggot."
I did not expect the next thing to happen, ok maybe I did expect it but not how it happened. You see I expected Noah to get mad and punch me but he slaps me.
Slaps me.
Upside the head.
"Dude what the Hell?" I ask reaching up and rubbing my head.
"How do you feel?"
"Like you just hit me?" I say angrily.
"No, about being gay."
I raise an eyebrow as my confusion starts to disappear. Did he really think he could knock me out of being gay, like I was in a trance or something? Not that I am gay. At lease I'm not one hundred percent sure....yet. Oh, god, what am I gonna do, even I don't believe myself anymore.
"Noah," I say as I put a hand on his shoulder, he doesn't shake me off or look revolted which I take as a good sign, "If I'm gay you can't slap me out of it, ok?" I ask, like I'm talking to a three year old, sometimes I seriously think I am.
Noah smiles crookedly before he pulls me in for a hug. What? I didn't expect this.
"I didn't hit you because you're gay, stupid. I hit you because you looked like I was about to murder you." He pulls back and stares at me intently, "Justin, I'm your brother, I've taken care of you all my life, I'd give anything to see you happy. You being gay, if you are, is no big deal and you should have had enough trust in me to not have been afraid to tell me."
I smile as I pull him into a hug again. He's right, he's my big brother and always protects me. From everything. Even from our parents. Even when it's my fault.
"Thank you." I say as I pull back.
"No problem, now you wanna help me finish up this car?"
"Noah, I don't think a professional could fix this car, it's ancient, it should be in a museum."
"Shut up and help me," he says as he leans over the car again, "So, you gonna tell me who it is?"
His words come out murmured from his position but they still make my stomach churn so I feign ignorance.
"Who who is?" I ask knowing full well who he's talking about.
"Your nose is growing," he says
"What?"
"Oh, sorry, that's Pinocchio who's nose grows when he lies."
I scowl at him, "Fine." I say huffing, "Just don't hate me afterwards, please."
"Dude, what did I just say? Just tell me. Which guy has captured my little brother's heart?" He asks, leaning farther down to get a closer look at the car.
"Isaac Benson."
Noah straightens up so quickly he hits his head on the hood of the car, "Holy Mother-"
"Noah! Are you ok?"
"Isaac?" he says rubbing the back of his head, "As in my best friend Isaac?"
I look away from him and walk over to the mini-fridge and open it grabbing a beer bottle form the ice rack, why Noah likes to 'freeze' his beer is beyond me, it doesn't even freeze. I walk back to where he's standing, looking at me with huge eyes, and rubbing his head.
"Here, put this on your head."
"Thanks." He says as he puts the cold beer can where he hit his head. "Justin, seriously?" he says, a sad look on his face.
I chew on my bottom lip before responding, "Yeah, seriously."
Noah leans his hip against the car and stares at me with a worried frown on his face, "I know you think that I would get mad because he's my best friend, but I'm not. I'm worried."
"Worried?" I ask confused.
"Justin, Isaac is straight, as a pole. He would never look your way. Hell, that boy has more notches on his bed than cupid has arrows."
I frown and say sarcastically, "That makes me feel better, thanks."
Noah sighs, "I'm not trying to make you feel better, little brother. What I'm trying to say is that I don't want you to get hurt. To get your hopes up. Damn it, Justin, everyone thinks you're straighter than a pole too!"
"I know, I thought I was too."
"How did you know? How do you know it's Isaac?"
"I don't want to talk about it." I turn around to go back to the mini-fridge when a hand grabs my arm and Noah pulls me around.
"Tell me." He says, in a commanding voice that even after growing into adolescence I am unable not to follow.
I sigh, "I'm not sure when it happened, exactly. All I know is that one day I saw him making out with a girl and I felt like I was going to throw up and that someone was piercing my chest with something sharp and painful. I can't stop thinking about him and...and...and I just know, ok, Noah? Haven't you ever felt like you would go mad if you couldn't kiss someone? That you would explode if you didn't feel their touch?"
"Wow, you've got it bad don't you?" Noah asks, sadly, there's more to the undertone of his voice and again I wonder if my brother knows more about the way I'm feeling than I he's ever told me.
Is Noah in love with someone?
I can't really focus on this right now so I push it to the back of my mind. Maybe when I've figured out my own problems I'll think about who my brother could be in love with.
"You have no idea." I say with a small shrug.
"Do me a favor Justin?" he asks, while pulling me into another hug, "Don't get hurt."
I look up at him and smile sadly, "Too late for that."
"What do you mean?"
"You don't know how much it hurts to know he'll never feel the same for me."
"I'm sorry bro." He squeezes me harder.
"Don't be, it's not your fault, I'm the one who fell in love with my brother's best friend." I say pulling back from him and raking a hand through my curls.
"Your brother's straight best friend," he clarifies.
I open my mouth to say 'I know, I know' but someone beats me to the punch.
"Damn right I'm straight."
I turn my head to the garage door and see none other than Isaac Benson standing there, face full of fury.
"Oh my fucking God..." I say.
Isaac stares between Noah and me before settling on my brother. His blond locks fall over his eyes but I can still see the anger and disgust. I risk a glance at Noah, he looks ready to murder Isaac.
Overprotective fool.
I take a step to get between him and Isaac but stop mid step at the look on Isaac's face and murmur, "Oh, God."
I take an involuntary step back, almost running into Noah.
How long had Isaac been there? Long enough to know we were talking about him. What did he hear? That I like him, obviously.
Shit.
I can't take my eyes off his face but I hear Noah talking in the background somewhere and I just barely register what he's saying, "Isaac, what are you doing here?"
"I came by to help you with the Mustang, like you asked me to, remember?" I see Noah nodding his head out of the corner of my eye but keep my eyes trained on the blond man in front of me, "But imagine my surprise when I get here to hear that my best friend's little brother is in love with me."
I cringe at the hateful tone of his voice. I didn't want this to happen. Especially not now. I swear I have the worse luck in the world, like that on time when I walked out of the house to go to the mall in my boxers. Yeah, imagine my neighbor Mrs. Dane's face when she saw me almost naked walking outside, not a pretty sight.
"I'm gonna go." I say, finally turning to Noah, pleading with my eyes for him not to make things worse. He gives me an imperceptible nod and I turn towards the door leading to the house.
"Wait." Isaac says and I turn around to look at him.
"Yes?" I can't help the hopeful tinge in my voice.
His face is unreadable as he stares at me, "I don't want my friendship with Noah affected because of this but I don't want you to come anywhere near me."
I take a deep breath to keep the tears I feel building up at bay. Still, I nod and turn back towards the house.
"Isaac." I hear Noah say, his voice is cold as ice, "What the hell? Don't talk to him like that. If you want you can ignore this all happened but don't hurt him like that."
"What do you want from me, Noah? How would you feel if you found out a faggot was into you? And that he was your friend's little brother at that!"
"Don't you fucking call my brother a faggot!" Noah yells as he walks up to Isaac pushing him roughly.
"Noah!" I yell, "Stop!"
"No! He called you a faggot and I won't allow it."
"I called myself a faggot a few minutes ago!" I retort.
This stops him in his tracks as he looks at me, "So?"
I swear that head is so thick I could shoot him out of a cannon and he wouldn't even feel it. Hmm, that's not a bad experiment...
"Justin? JUSTIN?!"
I shake my head to rid myself of images of Noah flying from a cannon, "Just let it go, please."
Noah shakes his head but he stares at me for a minute before nodding, "Fine, just because it's you." I let out my breath in relief, "But," Oh brother. I try to say something to get him to shut up but he beats me to it. Turning to Isaac he says, "Just so you know, if I were you I wouldn't treat gays like you do considering your brother could be one too."
What. The. Hell.
Someone call a doctor, my brother is suicidal.
Especially since Noah has never actually met Isaac's brother, Stephan. He doesn't know if the man is gay, bi, straight or a poodle! All we do know for sure about Stephan is that Isaac loves him as much as Noah loves me. So why would he say something that Isaac would find insulting about his brother?
Cause my brother's crazy!
"What the Hell are you talking about?" Issac demands, "My brother is not, not..."
"Gay?" Noah says, "Well, from my chats with your mom I know that he was one of the most addimant for the Senate to pass the vote to repeal the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' law. So maybe you're wrong there."
"My brother is a soldier in the U.S Army, he's not gay. That makes it impossible." Isaac says, triumphantly.
Seriously? Are all the men in my life complete idiots? Oh, Lordy, Lordy help me now!
"Being a soldier doesn't mean you can't be gay, just that they don't want to acknowledge that you are." I say softly.
"See." Noah says.
"Whatever, it doesn't change the fact that being gay is disgusting." Isaac says.
I raise my eyebrows, "Well, gentlemen, I'll take that as my cue to leave. Noah, we can finish talking later."
I walk forward towards where Isaac is standing, he see me coming and moves to stand by the Mustang, I chuckle under my breath, what does he think I'll do? Jump him like a kangaroo jumps through Australia?
I'm about to walk out of the garage when Isaac speaks up again, "Wait." I stop but don't turn around, I don't trust myself to face him without crying, "I don't want to lose my friendship with Noah, eight years is a lot to let go, so I'll do as he said and pretend that this never happened. Happy? Just don't pretend that things will be the same, I might pretend not to know but I do."
Nodding my head, I say flatly, "Great. Thank you so much for your consideration." I shake my head as I continue walking out the garage, I mumble before walking out, "Asshole."
I hear Noah chuckle and Isaac ask, "Did he just call me an asshole?"
I laugh as I walk down the street towards the nearby park. I let out a giant breath and kick a rock making it fly and hit our mailbox with a loud clang. I look around to see if anyone noticed me making a fool out of myself. Noah walks to the garage entrance and cocks his head at me as if to say 'What the Hell are you doing?' Opps. I wave him off and he goes back into the garage.
Smooth Justin, real smooth.
I continue down the street. As I walk, I turn to see if I can see Noah or Isaac, ok mainly Isaac, but no one is there. I do, however, think I see a flash of raven black curls disappearing into my neighbors yard, but I can't be sure. I stop and focus on the spot but only see the hedges that divide out property with that of our neighbors.
I have no idea what I'm going to do. There is no way that I'll be able to face Isaac again after today. I think I'll just take his advice and leave him the Hell alone. Yeah, I'm a wimp. But what am I supposed to do? There's no way I'm going to allow this to cause problems in Noah and Isaac's friendship and I have no doubt that if I get near Isaac and he says something insulting Noah will cut all ties from his best friend. They've been like brother's for almost eight years. Isaac is right, that is a lot of time and friendship to let go so easily.
My mind keep going around in circles as I get closer to the park. It hurts to know that I'll never be able to look Isaac in those beautiful blue eyes anymore without being embarrassed. It was so hard for me to admit that I do like him but then again who could not like his gorgeous face and sunshine golden hair and his tight muscled body. Crap, just thinking about him is making my body respond in embarrassing ways. I need to stop thinking about him.
I grab an empty swing and sit on it contemplating what to do when my phone rings and startles me enough to almost make me fall off the swing. Grabbing it from my pocket I see it's Noah. Isaac must have left and he's calling to make sure I'm ok. Taking a deep breath I steel myself to make it seem like everything is ok.
"Hello?"
"Hey bro, I need you to come home pronto." Noah says.
"Why? Is Isaac still there? If you want to talk I'm not in the mood today, maybe tomorrow."
"Because I need your help and no he left. We won't talk about what happened, today, if you don't want to but I do need you to come home."
I crinkle my brow, if he doesn't want to talk about Isaac then what does he need?
My curiosity peaked I say, "Okay I'll be home in ten minutes."
I hang up my phone and begin my walk home wondering what the Hell Noah could possibly need. I don't doubt him when he says that if I don't want to talk about Isaac we won't, Noah always respects my decisions and never pushes me. So what does he need?
When I get home I see Noah still under the hood of the car, that boy needs a life. He's hung a lamp to the hood of the car to be able to see in the dark and half his face is in shadows when he looks up at me.
"Noah? What's up?" I ask as I walk into the garage.
"Hey," he says coming out from under the hood, making sure not to hit his head this time, "I need you to do me a favor and please don't say no."
Ok, this didn't sound good. Hesitantly, I ask, "What kind of favor?"
"I need you to go to Virginia Beach with the group in a few weeks." He doesn't look at, his eyes focused on the rag in his hand that he's using to clean the grease from his fingers.
"You're joking right."
He still doesn't look at me and I step closer to him so he has to look at me or take a step back. Sighing he lifts his gaze and I see a pleading look in it. Noah never asks for anything and seeing him like this is something new for me.
Grimacing, he says, "No, I'm not joking. The reason we're going is to play at Faze, the club down there. But a couple minutes after you left I got a call from Zach saying that he had busted his wrist skateboarding and he wasn't gonna be able to play the drums. Justin, you know all the songs from our band, please you have to play."
I sigh, looking at Noah with a pleading look, please don't make me do this. He's right I do know the songs the band plays. Most of them. There are some that only certain members of the group know how to play. Zach, the drummer of the band, has a song that he plays solely with Isaac and if I remember Noah's list of songs to play at Virginia Beach that's one of them.
"What does the rest of your band say to me playing?" I ask, hedging around my real question.
Noah understands my unspoken question, however, and says "Everyone's ok with it...well almost everyone."
I nod knowing exactly who that 'almost' is. Sighing, I ask, "Noah, you know there is one song that I don't know how to play and you have your set list made. How am I supposed to learn the song without his help?"
My brother grimaces, "He will help you learn it. I convinced him that its what's best for the band."
Shaking my head I give a humorless chuckle, "He shouldn't need to be convinced to do anything! I can't do this Noah."
"Please, Justin. You know how much this means to all of us."
Hearing my brother ask for help is not something I'm used to and all I can do it stare at him. He is always the one helping others not the other way around. He's done so much for me and I can't really say no to him.
Turning away from him I say, "Ok, fine! I'll play but I'm only doing this for you, Mark, Seth and Zach."
"I know, thank you, you just saved our asses." He grabs me and gives me a hug.
"Sure, no problem." I say sarcastically.
Noah pulls back and says, "Isaac's agreed to meet with you on Saturdays to help you learn the song he and Zach were working on."
I nod. Great. Just what I need...to spend my next eight Saturdays with the one person who hates me most in this world.