Heaven Knows OST: ♫ Like a Knife by Secondhand Serenade ♫
Chapter 21: Dominic
I’ve been terrorized by MATH Syndrome. Mental Abuse To Humans Syndrome. So my heart took me in. And look; now it’s poorly contaminated with so much pain.
Sometimes when I’m reminding Anna I’ve thought if she ever wanted to be reminded of me. I’ve thought if she did, will she smile at the memory or cry. I didn’t want to think that I was being played at. I just wanted to be happy but it cost too much. Anna was the price to pay.
I wanted to tell my parents that I don’t want to go to Julliard. I wanted to tell them that I wanted to be with Anna—that going would mean I’d get lesser months to help her remember me. I wanted to tell them that I don’t want to break my promise to her.
But the moment I tried, I caught them talking about my future. They’ve been blabbering about it like proud parents—which they are. It was our dream to get into a prestigious music school like Julliard. It was a once in a life time offer. It was not only their dream, but it was also mine. Anna’s my YOLO kind of girl and like my dream; it’s hard to let her go.
As I paid more attention, I realized that it was all a different world to me like stepping into a different dimension. But I stepped out of it. I wandered around, I got lost but I found Anna. If I return to that old world of mine that would mean I will have to leave Anna behind. Everything about her will be lost. My future as my parents had talked about was all about the dream—the music—me. There was no Anna.
I went back to my room thinking about it. A future without Anna was like being lost in a maze. I was afraid of the outcome. I might not survive. If I let her go I would surely regret it. If I don’t, I’d lose everything I’ve worked hard for years. Before I could even formulate an answer to any of my questions, sweet stupor beckoned.
***
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain had said. I just can’t find the why inside my friggin’ head.
Was I born to be a musician or was I born for Anna? Stupid, stupid brain. Poor aching heart. My post apocalyptic love life.
My parents hosted a party for me which I didn’t like at all. I was wearing a goody-goody suit, more fine than the one I wore on my recital and a masked of unrecognizable me facing the whole neighborhood with their cheers and congratulations.
But all I wanted was to be with Anna.
She came just in time before I lose my sanity.
She was in a beautiful white dress designed with intricate shapes at the front. It made my heart bounce like a ball.
“I’m glad you made it.” I kissed her cheek.
“Well, I should.” She pouted her lips at me. “I don’t want too much pressure inside my head thinking about you the whole day. It could cause a severe headache or worse, a seizure.” She narrowed her eyes at me teasingly.
I reached for her hand; it felt as soft as a pillow and as light as air. “I don’t want that to happen.” I planted a kiss inside her palm and I leaned into it.
“Tell me what’s bothering you.” she said.
I forced out a smile. “I missed you. Every second my heart breaks. It was once a single continent before you came along.”
She snickered. “The world was meant to break. It wouldn’t be the world if it’s not in pieces.”
She stood on her tiptoes and she kissed me on the lips. “This is your party. You should celebrate.”
I sighed. “I just want to be with you.”
She smiled. “I am here.”
I looked at her and I couldn’t find the keys to let her go. I couldn’t set her aside. She had also become my dream.
“Well hello you lovebirds!” Scott placed his arms above our shoulders. His head dangled low like a hung man. He smells of hot and heavy liquor.
I pulled back Scott’s collar. “Go find someone else to bother, Scott. I’m not in the mood for your games.”
“Ooooh.” He crooned. He pointed a finger at me and his signature smirk perched at his lips like a raven. “I’ve been considering that too. But for some reason all the folks here are too old for me. And I can’t find that red head girl lurking around your yard. How big is your yard, Dom? How many hectares to grow a garden?”
“Get over with it, Scott. Rose doesn’t like you.” I told him and he broke into a cackle.
“The more reason I should taunt her.”
He gave a gracious gentleman bow at Anna before disappearing into the crowd.
“Will he be all right?” Anna turned to me. “He looks drunk.”
“He already is.” I prompted. “Good luck to Rose. I hope she’s hiding very well.”
Anna laughed. She turned to my grim face and she pinched both of my cheeks.
“Smile. You look good in that suit. Don’t ruin it.”
“I don’t want to take the risk. You might have a heart attack.” I said and she giggled.
***
There’s an invisible line between Anna and me. There’s time traveling between our hands—it’s fast ticking. There’s a heartbeat between our breaths. It’s not wild to tame but it’s something wild to run with. There’s something about her that just won’t let me give her up.
Every time I held her hand, I was close to letting her go. Every time she smiled at me, I was close to tears. And every time she breathed, I wished I share a dose of it.
There’s a battle inside of me but I want her to feel… I want her to know that I am willing to give up everything for her.
“Let’s play a game.” She said when we both settled on a love seat.
“What game?”
“It’s called Finding Rose Garner.” There’s that wicked gleam in her eyes and that made me smile.
“What?” she narrowed her eyes at me. “She has been lost since I got here.”
I stopped laughing. “Okay. But first to find her gets a kiss.”
She leered at me. “Well, I can’t complain. I think we can both benefit on that under reckless circumstances.”
I turned to start looking for Rose. From my periphery, I could see Anna smile before she inclined her head and begin her search.
My eyes immediately found my best friend who happens to be flirting with another Music Major. I recognized her as one of those cello players who played on the recital for Julliard. He caught me looking and he acknowledged me with a simper. I shook my head as it ricocheted into another area.
And then I found her.
She was standing on our patio near my mother’s favorite wisteria wall. I approached her slyly like a Cheshire Cat. With a snarky ulterior motive, I leaned in to blow at her ear. Immediately she leaped to her defense. Karate position. I had to suppress a laugh.
“The damsel in hiding had just been found.”I said.
She put a hand to her chest. “You came to save me from being a wallpaper?”
“No. I came to say that my mom’s not very fond of roses on the wall.”
“Oh.”
“Oh.” I mimicked her and she scowled at me. “Hiding from someone?”
She sighed and nodded.
“Someone named Scott Orson?”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Can I leave now?”
“It’s my party and I just found you like a few heartbeats ago then you’re leaving? Ouch.”
She hit my arm gently. “It’s not that. I just hated the way your best friend treats me. He’s not very amusing at all. It’s bloody irritating.”
“Then don’t mind him.” I prompted. She turned to look at Scott’s direction, who luckily hasn’t found her yet. “He’s not the only friend you have in here.”
She smiled up at me. “Thanks, Dom. I wish…” she sighed as she let the words trail away. “Anna’s so lucky to have you.”
That hit my heart like a dart.
“He’s coming this way.” She said as panic rose up to her face. I tried to turn around but she held both of my arms. “Pretend you’re dancing with me.”
I gaped at her. I glanced back at Anna who seemed to be enjoying the show. All she needed was a box of cheesy popcorn.
“Oh-kay.” I said as I waved my hand to the dance floor of swaying bodies.
“I’m sorry, Anna. Let me borrow your boyfriend.” She murmured and I chuckled. She awkwardly wrapped her arms around my neck and I tentatively placed my arms around her waist.
“I’m sorry.” she told me.
“Don’t make it the word of the day.” I smirked at her. “So, did he disappear?”
She looked behind me and her eyes narrowed into thin slits.
“No. He’s lurking like a sniveling, mange hyena.”
I laughed. “So you do like him.”
She gave me the famous WTF look. “No. The hell with it. I like someone else.”
“Really?” I raised an intrigue eyebrow and she avoided my eyes.
“Ye-ah.” She waved a hand of dismissal. “It just turns out that Scott is always available and he likes pestering me.”
“I get it.” I said as I turned to Scott who downed his tequila.
Her eyebrows rose. “Really? You do?”
I nodded. “Yup. You don’t want to do transfer-al.”
She snorted and I returned a grin at her.
“I really mean it. Anna is so lucky.”
“We have lesser time together.” I finally opened up to her. “With Julliard on the way and her life span deadline…” I sighed.
“Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity.” She said.
“You know, Scott is not entirely pure evil.” I made my eyes do the quotation marks. She giggled. “I’m not lying. We teach people how to treat us. Teach him that.”
“It’s like training a dog how to speak Latin.” She snickered. But then her smile faded like smoke, combining with the air to nowhere. “There’s no elevator to love, Dom. You have to take the stairs. Scott is one New York Empire State building that I don’t want to risk falling. Climbing would be tiring—”
“Mind if I get in?” we both turned to Scott who was back with his grace and poise. It felt like a magic remote had pushed a button to keep him out of drunkenness.
Rose gawked from Scott to me. A big H-E-L-P flashed on top of her head. I shrugged off as I handed him Rose’s hand. He grinned at me like a little devil as he took his place while I went back to my girl.
“You like what you’re seeing?” I asked her. She was leaning her head on the palm of her hand.
She smiled tiredly. “Yes.”
I sunk on the seat beside her. “I just realized something.”
“What is it?”
“You have lips. I have lips.”
She leered at me. “Interesting. What do you propose we should do we them?”
I watched her lips as they moved with every word. “Can I get that kiss now?”
She smiled as she leaned in, cupped my face and dropped that precious kiss on top of my longing lips.
“I realized something too.” She said as she pulled away and leaned back on her seat.
I raised an eyebrow at her.
She took a deep breath as her eyes sauntered at the dance floor. “She likes you.”
I turned to see that she’s looking at Rose.
“No, she doesn’t. We’re just friends.”
“I know she does.” Her tone made me feel like I was hearing a nightingale’s last song.
“Are you jealous?”
She nodded. “But I understand.”
My eyes searched for her but I couldn’t reach for her anymore. “I don’t see her that way, Anna.”
“I know.” She said as she turned to me. “I wish you do.”
***
Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart and trusting them never to pull the trigger. Well, whoever said that line, he or she is right. Because everything that falls gets broken. I died (literally).
Heaven had ventured into Silent Hill.
I was left outside the city without protection with the sirens ringing—waiting for the monsters to come out and skin me alive.
I told you this story’s going to pulp fiction if the pain continues. I do hope people’s stomachs are strong enough to keep in one piece.
Every time I reached out to her she steps away from me.
My heart was collecting rifle bullets and they punctured my poor heart to bleed. Only when I walked her home did she let me held her hand. But she still kept her silence and distance from me like a purse.
“Good night.” she said as she turned her back. I pulled her back to me.
“Anna, is there something I should be worried about us?”
She took a deep, steady breath before her eyes bore into me. They were filled with unspoken sadness. “There are countless of things, Dom.”
I cupped her face with one hand and she looked down at her shoes.
“Anna, we’re gonna face this together until the end. You can’t give up now. We’re only just beginning.”
“Together?” tears started to fill her eyes. “You’ll be facing this alone, Dom. I won’t be there to watch my own self buried on the ground. I’d be someplace else!” she burst her own fury at the world. “Somewhere you won’t be.”
“Is that why you’re posting accusations at Rose?” I demanded.
Her jaw tightened. “You’re better off with her—”
“Anna, will you please stop it?” I shouted at her and her own shock brought her a few steps farther from me. “Will you stop pushing me away? You are still here! Goddamnit! You are still here!” I emphasized every word until my lungs couldn’t take the air in me anymore. I ran a hand through my hair. “I am still here.” I told her. “Don’t give me away.”
She burst into a sob. “I’m sorry, Dom. I don’t know what else to do.”
I felt the rain clouds reached me.
“Then just love me, Anna.” The air fell silent around me. “Love me for the rest of your remaining days. That’s all I ask of you.”
Before I even knew what I was doing,
I was leaving her.