Ren Walker
Elektra drove for five hours, leading us to the nearest airport and stopping in a vacant lot. The moon is bright and causes shadows to shift and stretch against the potholed streets and cracked sidewalks. "This is it," she grumbles, eyes heavy with exhaustion. "We're sleeping in here tonight, everyone. Deal with it." With that, she shuts her light green eyes and leans back in her seat, locking her door, crossing her arms, and slouching.
"It's not ideal," Sarah hesitantly admits, shuffling a bit and leaning her head on Leo's shoulder. "But it's a lot better than spending another night in Asylum." She nestles against him and rests her frail hands in her tiny lap, shutting her lavender eyes.
Leo looks a bit shocked at the action and his cheeks flush as red as the ends of my hair. Nevertheless, he wraps an arm around her dainty shoulders and leans his cheek against her head. "Yeah," he agrees, eyes already closing. "A hell of a lot better."
Behind me, Kya gently smiles at the two, leans against the door, and looks out the window.
I'm exhausted, but I doubt I'll be able to sleep. I feel like my mind is about to split. After talking with Kya, I made it evident that I would go to Japan with the group of misfits and see how I feel about staying with them when the time comes. Sure, I usually figure out things on the fly, but this has to do with my entire life; one wrong move and I could be back in Asylum's clutches. Asylum, who is undoubtedly hunting us right now.
If I stay with this group, will my chances of being caught increase or decrease? With a strong character like Elektra, there's a decent chance of being able to fend off Asylum maniacs if they intercept us. Then again, there's Leo, who needs to be monitored at all times or else he would find a way to freeze hell over. But I think if we try, we can all blend in like normal human beings.
On a more personal level, there's the issue of staying at the dojo again. There's nothing but awful memories in that place and just thinking about thinking about it makes my stomach churn. Could I really go back there and live the rest of my life happily? No, not happily...I ruined that chance after betraying my family. I guess the question I should be asking is if I'll be able to live with myself if I go back there.
All this debating gets my nerves worked up, and being a sun descendant, I get all hotblooded and sweaty. Sighing, I get out of the car, and silently shut the door behind me. The cool air feels refreshing and I strip off my jacket, carrying it with me and laying it in front of the car on the ground, where I sit on top of it and lean against the vehicle. The sky is remarkably clear of clouds and eerie night fog, and the stars dot the darkness with bright smiles. Closing my eyes, I find comfort in the silence which contrasts the noise in my head.
Suddenly, all my senses are stimulated with a placid calm. My thoughts are expelled, my nerves stabilize, and I feel my body de-tense. The scent of vanilla wafts over and floods my nose and I find myself taking a deep breath, unsure of where this relaxation is coming from but not questioning its origins. I let myself be consumed in the euphoria before I hear a voice right next to me, and I rocket out of my ease.
"Don't tell me you've developed insomnia, too," Kya halfheartedly jokes, crossing her legs at the ankle and crossing her arms as she coolly leans against the car. "I'll have to deal with you all day and night."
"I just needed fresh air," I answer, shooting her a glare. "Fresh air which you polluted with your presence..." Yeah, your vanilla-y, oddly calming presence. I can only assume she carries such an atmosphere because she's a water bender.
"What's on your mind?" she questions, gray eyes vacantly scanning the area.
"Nothing," I lie, nonchalantly shrugging and splaying a palm open for a small flame. It's getting colder now that I've calmed down, and I also want to take my mind off the matter of Japan. "How are you feeling since the café?"
Kya sits up a bit and examines me with a scientist's eye. "Who are you and where's Ren?"
"What?" I ask, disgusted.
"You've never asked if I'm okay," she answers, looking at me like a Jack in the Box; like I'm a ticking time bomb waiting to burst...per usual.
"I could do it less often, if you point it out," I bite, feeling awkward and staring at the fire in my gloved hand.
"It's fine," she quickly dismisses, solemnity in her tone. "I know you were just trying to change the subject, anyways."
"What if I wasn't?" I challenge, trying to get some sort of reaction out of Kya like I did when we first met. "What if I actually cared?" However, it's hard to look at her the same after she risked herself and froze all those bullets in her ice dome, or when she always seems to know what bothers me without pressing me for information, or how I push her away all the time and she just comes back around, ready to give me another chance. It's difficult to view her as someone to just toy with...at least, for now...no promises about in the future when she does something inevitably dumb.
Scanning my expression, she shrugs. "Then I'd say I feel fine, as long as you do; I think the swap makes me sensitive to your energy ranges, so –"
Waving her off, I roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah...I've heard this before, moon girl."
"Psh," she sounds. "Hothead."
A chuckle creeps up and surprises me, the noise almost foreign. Shooting Kya a sidelong glance, I study her face while she closes her eyes. Dark shadows dance across her light skin as the fire in my palm wavers. An odd feeling starts to swell up inside of me and I don't know what to do with it, or even what it is. Grunting, I stand up, beat off my jacket, bunch it into a ball, and chuck it at Kya. Startled, she flinches and glowers my way with those light, light eyes. "Hey!" she shouts.
"You can catch a cold out here, genius." Before I do anything else impulsive, I abruptly turn on my heels and retreat to the car, where Leo snores and drool drips down his chin. Elektra grimaces in her sleep, as if she's scowling at everyone even in her dreams. Or, nightmares, rather. I get the feeling that Elektra doesn't have dreams.
"Ren?" a small voice whispers from the backseat. Adjusting, I turn to Sarah, who is careful not to move and disturb Leo. "Did you convince her to stay?"
I shrug a shoulder. "Uhh...no," I admit. But to myself, I think: in fact, I might be the one who was convinced...
With Kya's head just barely peeking over the hood of the vehicle, I take one more look around the car. I glance at Elektra, Sarah, and Leo, and the first thought that pops into my head startles me. I almost...feel at home. And the last home I had, I tore apart.
Reluctantly, I realize that these are good people who don't deserve to have some asshole integrate himself in their group and rip them apart. For the first time, I find myself wanting to leave because I care about someone – not just because I care about myself. And for some reason, that scares me.
Closing my eyes, I try to sleep in a dreamless subconscious, but my past doesn't allow it.
"You're just a curse," Father tells me; the same thing he's been telling me ever since I could understand English. "Nothing good comes from your power."
"Dad, please," my older brother coos, pushing my father aside. "He's still family, and he couldn't even harm a fly." In this time, my brother has both his eyes.
"He's toxic. He ruins everything he touches," Father responds, although more calmly. He's always favored his oldest son, and his oldest son has always held my dad in the highest regards. Even despite how poorly he treated me. "Including Claudia." Claudia, my mother, who died in child birth because I was externally 120.8 degrees Fahrenheit the day I was born.
"He doesn't mean to!" my youngest brother voices. "Dad, leave Ren alone."
My father spits at me. "I hate you. You're not my son."
"I'll make you accept me one day!" I plead, tearstained. "I'll make you love me."
The dream fades out, and transports me to the training pavilion at the Japan dojo. I hear the soft sound of falling water as if it's right next to me as I sleep. In my dream, it's sunny and cloudless – a beautiful beginning to the worst day of my life.
Father and I train with katanas, and I occasionally use my ability to keep him on his toes, as the Energy Sages have instructed me. "Weak!" he shouts at me as I use small flames. Father's game has been off today, and I don't want to do anything large and risk injuring him. "Give me more, you pathetic excuse of a son. Don't make me want to kill you more than I already do. Your mother would be so disappointed in your lack of strength."
I've always carried the burden of killing my mother, despite how clearly unintentional it was. I can't help but think how better my father's and brothers' lives would be if I were never born. "Don't talk about her that way!" I shout, punching at the air. Geysers of fire shoot out from my fist, and because he's been slow, my father takes on third-degree burns and ends up in critical condition.
The Energy Sages care for him in his room. My oldest brother, Xavier, has been crying over Father's bed for hours. Hours turn to days and days to weeks. Once my father finally passed, I remember how horrifically he screamed. His voice could be heard through all of the dojo, and I instantly broke down in tears, knowing what I had done. I murdered my parents and gave agonizing, excruciating anguish to the brother who made sure to feed me when Father wouldn't, who shared a bed with me because Father gave me no room, who bought me clothes because Father tore mine to shreds, who lulled me to sleep every night and promised me I was nothing like Father said. After all Xavier did to me, I stabbed him in the back.
Xavier came out of Father's room a new person. He was ghostly pale, his eyes were heavily set and lacking of light, and he lost a lot of weight. He carried Father's katana, and unsheathed, he screeched, "REN!"
Fearfully, I ran to him and crouched on my knees, sobbing and hysterically shouting. I begged for forgiveness and gave him all my sorry's. However, the empathetic and loving brother I loved with all my heart, and saw more as a father than my own Dad, was killed the second my birth-father was murdered at my hand.
Seething, Xavier glowered down at me. "You insolent fool. You conniving traitor...what have you done? You're a stain to this family. I wish you died instead of father!" he shouted as he swung his katana, aiming for my heart.
"Brother!" I shout, rocketing awake in the car. Sweat beads my forehead and my heartbeat makes me dizzy. Looking around to see if I woke anyone up, I realize the car is empty. For a split second, I worry I'm still in the dream realm, and some form of my father or Xavier will appear. But the smell of spicy chilly cheese dogs brings me to my senses.
Outside, Elektra spreads a map over the hood of this black Camaro. Together, her and Kya study routes to take to the airport, while Leo reminds them that we need passports. Sarah pitches in that she read a book on forging documents, and that she can create fake passports with pictures and someplace as simple as a public library.
Leo makes some dumb joke, per usual, and the group laughs and smiles. They're perfectly happy without me. Would it really make a difference if I left or not? Perhaps Kya exaggerated when she said everyone liked me?
"Hey, Renny-poo's awake!" Leo cheers, slapping the hood and waving at me. "Rise and shine, funshine! Time to hit the road."
Elektra grins and nods my way, Sarah beams as she and Leo enter the backseat, and Kya gives me a meaningful look, like she's trying to say she's thankful for me staying.
I don't want to hurt these people. There's a great chance that I'll just end up hurting them and putting them in danger. Father's voice echoes in the back of my mind, telling me I destroy everything I touch. Including Claudia...
I've told anyone who asked that my mother had moved and was out of the picture. But that's not the least bit true. Anything having to deal with my family is a sensitive topic for me, but my mother's death was the catalyst for the destruction of my family. I find it hard to speak about her passing more than others, for some reason. Perhaps because it's always made me feel the way that my father made me – cursed. My mother died because I came into existence. My very birth was a bad omen.
As everyone packs inside the car, bustling with excitement of getting one step closer to Japan and safety, I can't help but wonder if I'm being selfish. I think I genuinely like these people. I enjoy spending time with them, every now and then. So, is it selfish of me to stay with them while knowingly putting them at risk?
"You ready?" Elektra asks as she backs up and peels out of the parking lot for the hell of it.
I nod, and even Elektra smiles.
"I hate to be the killjoy, but do you think Asylum is on our tail?" Kya proposes.
The car grows heavy and silent. Elektra sighs before speaking. "Most likely," she confirms. "And if we get to Japan in time and without much of a trail, I doubt they'll follow us halfway across the world."
"But what if they do?" Leo asks, leaning forwards and slinging his twiggy arms around the backs of our seats. "What if they think we're too dangerous to live, and they hunt us down?"
"We fight," I unexpectedly respond. Looking in the review mirror and meeting the eyes of everyone in the car, I feel my lips quirk into a faint smile. "Together. All of us."
Leo flexes all the muscle he doesn't have. "We won't have to fight when Asylum gets a load of these babies. I'll send 'em running before they even fire a gun."
Kya smiles like she's proud of me, and for some reason, that means a lot. I don't know why exactly...maybe because she reminds me of the good version of Xavier, maybe because I see parts of myself in her and with Kya being happy, I feel like I can feel happy about myself, too. We lock eyes for too long and my cheeks grow hot for no reason. Casting my glance at the road ahead of me, I wonder what caused this strange sensation.
One thing is certain: my brother and I never made me blush...