(((August 11, 2016)))
Nicole's POV
It had been almost three days since Parker and I have actually had a conversation that didn't involve us getting angry with each other.
"Did you want me to make you lunch, Parker?" I said into the radio as I was sitting on the couch in the trailer.
"That'd be nice." Parker radioed back.
"Okay, I'll bring it out to you then." I replied.
"Alright." Parker said.
The man still had to eat.
I sighed as I stood up and walked out of the trailer, going to the kitchen where the leftover prime rib was from last night. I looked down at my blue skinny jeans and my flip flops that shown out my red painted toes as I walked.
After I had made his sandwich, I walked to his truck that was by where he was operating an excavator, the dogs following me.
"Dozer, how much you wanna bet that me and your daddy will get in an argument again?" I asked him as he looked up at me while he was walking beside me.
I sat on the tailgate of his truck with the sandwiches and radioed him.
"Parker." I said.
"I see you. I'm coming." Parker radioed back.
A couple minutes later, I saw the excavator stop and Parker jump out of it. He came and sit beside me and grabbed a sandwich off the plate. I picked mine up and we started eating in silence.
"You got something to drink?" Parker asked me after he had taken a few bites.
"Oh, yeah." I said as I reached beside me and grabbed the water bottle I had brought. "Here." I handed it to him.
"Thanks." He replied dryly as he took it and twisted the cap off.
I went back to eating my sandwich and he set the water in between us. Bear started licking my toes and I laughed before putting them up on the tailgate, sitting criss-cross. Parker smirked down at Bear for a second before taking another bite of his sandwich.
When we had finished eating in an awkward silence, he got off the tailgate.
"See you at dinner." Parker said as he grabbed his hard hat.
"Yeah." I said as I watched him put the hat on as he walked away.
"Well, guys," I looked down at the dogs who were laying down on the ground. "At least we didn't argue about anything."
I looked up and saw Parker climbing back in the excavator. I sighed as I slid off the tailgate.
***
"So me and Parker kinda haven't been talking that much." I said to Hannah who was on the other end of the phone I was holding up to my ear.
"What? Why? Why haven't I heard about this before? How long has this been going on?" Hannah bombarded me with questions.
"Since Monday night." I said.
"And it's Thursday!" Hannah said. "What happened?"
"He wanted to have sex and I said no." I said plainly.
"So you said no one time out of all the times. Why's he so mad about that?" Hannah said.
"He thinks he can fix it but he can't. I told him that I didn't want to because of losing the baby and I was still sad about it and he's like, 'don't give me that shit.'" I explained.
"Wow." Hannah said. "Just wow. Talk about inconsiderate."
"Yeah, I just don't feel up to it, you know? I mean, I love him with all my heart, but something just doesn't feel right." I admitted. "I don't know what to do."
"I've never known you not to want to love on Parker." Hannah said.
"I know, it's weird. I don't know, I guess I feel like I'm not good enough for him anymore. I mean, I lost his baby." I admitted.
"It wasn't your fault, you know that." Hannah said.
"If I would've told him about how I was feeling maybe the doctor would've came before the baby died and-" I started sobbing. "It wouldn't be like this."
"Nick, calm down." Hannah said comfortingly. "It's alright. There was nothing you or the doctor could do."
"I don't know how Parker can stand to look at me." I sobbed. "I can't even carry a baby."
"Nicole, just because you lost one baby doesn't mean that you can't have a baby. You and Parker could have one right now if you wanted to." Hannah said. "I mean, it only took one time before." Hannah chuckled slightly.
I chuckled through my tears. "It's not that I want to have another baby, it's just-"
"You feel like you're not good enough because you lost the baby." Hannah finished.
"Yeah." I sniffled as I wiped my tears. "And I'm so fuckin hormonal. And every time I think about the baby I just cry. It sucks."
"I bet it does." Hannah said. "Look, Parker needs to realize what you're going through and make you feel like you're good enough. Him being an asshole isn't going to get him anywhere."
"I know that, but he doesn't seem to realize it." I said.
"Well, sooner or later he will." Hannah said.
"I hope so." I sniffled.
***
Dinner came and went like it had for the past couple days, Parker and Rick and the rest of them talking about Indian River and stuff while I sit there and ate a few bites of my food before going to put it up. I took my drink from the table and walked back to the trailer leaving Parker to talk for however long he wanted to.
I was already changed into my night clothes and sitting on the edge of the bed. I had been texting Hannah and Kayleigh on and off, and the television was playing quietly in the background. Then Parker came in.
"So you just leave me in there?" Parker asked as he set his hat on the dresser along with all the things in his pockets.
"I just wanted to get changed." I said as I typed on my phone.
"Yeah, sure you did." Parker said as he took his shirt off. "It had absolutely nothing to do with you ignoring me for the past three days."
"Like you haven't been ignoring me." I said as I threw my phone on the table.
"I tried to make things right, Nicole." He stated as he dropped his pants and stepped out of them. "You're the one that wouldn't talk to me."
"Maybe I would if you weren't so hateful about it."
"Alright, how about when I get out of the shower, I ask you and you tell me what's wrong."
"I will if you won't be such an asshole about it." I stated.
"Fine." Parker said as he walked into the bathroom.
I was laying in the bed watching American Pickers when Parker came out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel. I looked over at him with his wet hair and the towel hanging from his hips. I bit my lip as he turned around to face away from me and dropped the towel.
"I see your heiny! It's white and shiny!" I chuckled as he was putting on his boxers.
"Nothing you haven't seen before." Parker smirked as he walked over and got in the bed with me.
"Ew, your hair's still wet!" I chuckled as he wrapped his arms around my waist and put his head on my shoulder.
"Now what's wrong?" He asked me as he rested his chin on my shoulder and looked at me.
"I don't know, Parker." I sighed. "I guess-it's just-god, it sounds so stupid if I say it to you."
"I don't care how stupid it is." Parker said.
"I'm not good enough for you anymore." I said as I looked at the television.
"What do you mean you're not good enough for me? Of course you are. If anything you're too good for me." Parker told me.
"I lost the baby." I frowned. "I couldn't even have your baby. How can you still love me?" I frowned and I put my hand over my mouth to hide my pouted lip.
"Nick." Parker said as he turned my head to face him. "Don't you ever think that I don't love you. I will always love you. I will always want to be with you and love you."
"But-" I frowned as a tear ran down my cheek.
"Shhh." Parker shushed as he wiped the tear away with his thumb. "You lost the baby. That doesn't mean that I blame you. You shouldn't blame yourself. It's nobody's fault. We've been over this before."
"I know, but I guess I just thought about it more, and-"
"Don't think about it." Parker told me. "We're trying to move past it. And it'd be a lot easier if we were together in this."
"I don't deserve you." I frowned as my voice faltered.
"Yes you do." Parker said as he wiped away another tear from my cheek. "You deserve a lot more than just me."
"Nothing's better than you." I said as I ran my fingers through his damp hair. "Not to me."
"Nothing in this world is better than you, Nick." Parker said as he put his arms under my shirt and rubbed my back. "I'm sorry that you felt any different. I should have been more understanding about what you're going through."
"That's what Hannah said earlier." I chuckled.
"What do you know? She was actually right about something." Parker smirked.
I laughed. "I missed you holding me while I slept."
"Me too." Parker smirked as he pulled me closer to him, and I buried my head in his chest.
"You smell so good." I smiled against his skin.
"It's that body wash you got me." Parker chuckled as one of his hands moved down to my leg.
"I'll need to make sure you don't run out of that." I smiled.
"Nick, we don't have to if you don't want to." Parker said.
"Thank you, baby." I said.
Parker kissed the top of my head and I snuggled up closer to him. After a couple whispered "I love you"'s, we both fell asleep.