___________________________________
Chapter 30: Unwanted
"What happened?" His voice quickly questions as soon as I'm in sight.
The marks on my body urge to scream out in pain, but they are not seen under my sweater. I scrunch my eyebrows instead, trying my best to look confused by his quick look over at me, "Huh?"
Can he see what has happened to me?
Does he know I was taken away by that bastard?
He needs to know; I need to tell someone, but at the same time, I can't.
"You were suppose to wait here at Lucy's trailer. Auntie told me you went out for a walk, so I've been waiting here for ten minutes," his arms stretch out for me to come in for an embrace, but I hesitate, feeling my body is disgusting and horrible from earlier.
He can't see anything that I felt earlier. He cannot see the pain I went through in a short amount of time.
I want myself to cry right in front of him; I need him to see the pain I just went through.
Instead of waiting, he pulls me in by tugging on the sleeves of my sweater, wrapping his arms around my body as my head rests against his chest. I feel the comfort of his heat and strength as he squeezes me harder, but at the same time, I feel guilty because someone else has seen my body before Jake.
Hold in your tears, Lara. Everything will be fine.
I inhale the scent of his shirt as my body continues to rest on him; I need this. Even though I can't tell him what has happened, he can still comfort me with his actions. I wrap my arms slowly around his torso, gently before holding onto him with a firm grip. I feel like if I let go, he'll disappear from me forever.
After a moment too long, he holds me out enough for our eyes to lock, "Is there anything wrong, Lara?" I gaze at his eyes for a long time, his eyes holding kindness and love for a girl so weak and vulnerable.
You can say bye-bye to Jake and David's career.
Quinn's sentence repeats in my head, causing me to shake the thought away and force a smile out, "Everything is perfectly fine."
First my mother, now Quinn.
Instead of buying into my lie, he stands his ground, "Marian Lara."
"Nothing. I'm fine! I'm perfectly fine," I conjure up my best attempt into hiding my fear and weakness with a powerful and appreciative voice. "I - I just thought you were - y'know, mad at me because I kept you waiting," I lie right across his face. He smiles at my response, "Babe, you know I'll never get mad at you for that. We have plenty of time," he unhooks his arms from his embrace and wraps one arm around my shoulders, causing me to follow his lead away from the trailer.
He won't be mad right now, but he'll be furious at me for going against him. A man was with me in a damn car. A fucking damn car. Jake will never forgive me. I feel a rush of tears burn my eyes, but I force them back in.
"Now, let's get your dress for tomorrow," I look at him in shock, completely forgetting about the premiere this weekend.
"That's tomorrow?" My eyes bulge out in bewilderment. I don't know what I'm going to do to my hair, and how I'll be doing my makeup, or even how I'm going to go with Cierra and Maia. I feel a new pang of fear come inside of me even though Jake is right beside me.
"Of course, it is," he nods his head while laughing lightly, "Now, let's go to the mall and pick up your dress. I can't wait to see my beautiful girlfriend in that gorgeous dress I chose out."
I don't contradict his statement, knowing how proud he is for making the cashier choose what dress I should wear.
*****
We enter the Armani store with Jake in disguise: a ball cap, shades, Nike slippers, and unmatched clothing that consisted of plaid shorts and a polka-dotted black and red shirt.
All in all, a total mess.
An older woman in her late twenty's instantly recognized Jake and his failed attempt for a costume and pulls us into the runway closet in the back. The woman throws the dress against my chest and pushes me into a curtain door fitting room, telling me to put on the dress for the final fitting and finishing touches.
I don't stare at the mirror at all, my thoughts all distracted by the fine fabric used for me to wear. I remove my sweatshirt and my jeans, and immediately lift the dress on. I can't zip the dress all the way, my arms being too short to pull it all the way up, so I exit through the curtain door and stand in the middle of the runway waiting for the woman to do the rest for me.
Jake isn't in sight, so I felt more comfortable with her zipping it up. She quickly zips it up with no problem before turning me around to see the dress.
Her eyes start from the bottom, looking at the details and slowly moves up until it reaches my collarbone.
Wait, why is she staring at my -
Oh my god.
"What happened here?" Her voice is soft with a little playful tone in it, "Jake did this?" My thoughts flood right back inside my mind and I regret not staring at the mirror before putting on the dress. Her fingers softly brush pass the marks, and I can't help but shiver from the sight she is witnessing.
God damn it.
This is a fucking tube top.
I think of ways to answer, but I don't know what to say. I can't tell her it's not from Jake, or else she'll assume I'm cheating or I'm some whore. I also can't lie that he did do it because she might comment on it if Jake enters into this runway, so instead of actually answering, I stutter and feel the tint in my cheeks, feeling embarrassment run through me.
How pathetic am I?
"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, honey. Jake must have done more than that," she winks at me, her voice continues to speak as my well-being goes further down.
It wasn't Jake who did this though.
She runs off the runway and grabs a laced covering to put on the skin revealed, wrapping it around my body.
"Don't move, I just need to pin this in really quick, and you'll be good to go for tomorrow," she smiles before continuing to do her job. "You'll have to come back with Jake in an hour or two, so the dress can be finalized and picked up." I nod in return, not wanting to speak anymore because my tongue might slip sooner or later.
"Is my girlfriend ready yet?"
I instantly freeze in my position as I hear his voice, but before I can move my arms in attempt to hide any damaged skin, Jake strides in with his hands covering both of his eyes while spinning in circles.
"What are you doing?" I almost giggle, but worry overcomes my system. I quickly put my arms behind my back, realizing that it must be a faint purple color from the man's grip earlier. The scene replays over in my head as he violates and touches me, making me cringe.
Will he see the markings on my skin through this lace cover? Does my back show any sign of injury?
My mind fogs up with fright as Jake stumbles around the runway closet, tripping over couches trying not to see me in my dress.
"I don't want to see you in that dress until it's completely done. You're already perfect, so I know that in that dress, I know I'm gonna fall for you harder," his voice blurts throughout the whole runway closet. It's so simple for him to tell me these things; why can't I be as confident as him.
Why am I so afraid to speak my mind?
Why can't I tell him about earlier?
I let out a faint smile seeing Jake tripping over his own feet since he won't look at me. I'm glad he can't see me in this state.
As the woman sticks needles into the dress, the cold silver pins glide against my skin, I continue to gaze at Jake.
My heart feels like its slowly breaking, knowing that if he finds about earlier, I won't be his anymore. He won't love me the way I love him. He'll think I'm a completely different person.
I let this happen to me.
I let my weakness create this problem for myself.
"Miss, you're honestly the luckiest girl in the world to have a boyfriend like him," the lady breaks my train of tension filled thoughts for me. Before I can acknowledge her comment, Jake interrupts, "No. That's incorrect," Jake smiles even with his eyes covered, "I'm the luckiest man in the world."
My heart drops down to the ground.
I'm a worthless girlfriend. He thinks he's lucky to have me; no, I'm lucky. I'm so fucking grateful that he's mine, yet he thinks that he's lucky to have me. I'm a weakling. I can't keep strong like Jake. I'm the one who should thank him.
"Well, yes sir," the lady chuckles out towards Jake, who is now sitting down on a black leather couch. "Okay, i'll just sew it now and you'll pick it up later," the woman pushes me back into the fitting room where all my belongings are at. I remove the dress carefully, not wanting any of the pins to fall out, and see my body only being covered by my bra, tank top, and underwear. The red marks are vivid and dark, making me slightly more afraid.
What if this won't come out any time soon?
How will I wear clothes with these markings? I need to wear muscle shirts to cover up these marks. I need jeans, leggings, or long socks to cover my ankle and knees. That's the only way for no one to find out. I continue to ponder on what I will have to do while moving my hands against my skin. My wrist is a periwinkle color, the marks evident like fingerprints in a police station.
"Lara, you done?" Jake knocks on the wall, near the curtain door. He is right outside.
"Uh, yea. I just - the dress is difficult to take off because of the pins," I quaver as I respond. It's difficult to lie to him. The guilt is eating me away ever so slowly as the pain heightens more and more.
He responds back, "You want me to help you with that?" I feel a smile crawl up his mouth as he says those words, but I know I have to reject his request. "No. Of course not; you know I'm fine doing this by myself," I look at the patterned curtain as I talk to my boyfriend right behind what is separating us. I put my pants on right away, ignoring my ankle and knees, before struggling to get my head through the crewneck.
"It sounds like you're having difficulties in there," Jake chuckles out, and I can already picture him leaning against the fitting room wall. "No, I'm fine," I finally push my head through the neck hole before slipping one arm, "I'm almost done anyways."
Before I can pull down the shirt all the way, the curtain is flipped and I see Jake with a wide grin on his face. "You're such a slow poke." His face does not remove from my eyes, and I'm glad my shirt isn't seen. He walks into the small area of the dressing room and closes the curtain behind him.
"But your my slowpoke," he pokes my nose before pushing me softly against the wall as he whispers his words.
"Jake, the lady is -"
"Don't worry. She's in the front waiting for you to change. I told her you were slow, so that means..." He doesn't complete his sentence as his face inches closer and closer to my face, and I feel a single tear run down my cheek as I remember what happened with Quinn.
I only need twenty minutes with you.
His voice floods my system as I stand in front of my boyfriend. I slam my eyes shut as Jake's lips touch mine ever so carefully, in complete contrast from Quinn and his rough, hard bites on my body. I feel as if he could sense my fear, and he pulls his face back almost immediately, "Babe. Is there something wrong?" His voice is soft but frantic, searching my eyes for an answer I can't give him.
"N-no. There is nothing wrong."
I wipe the tear on my face and smile at him, "I just - I -" I need a distraction, so he'll get off this trail. He will not find out about my troubles. I can't tell him about that. I instantly push my entirety onto him, making him go on the wall.
His eyes widen from my action, but that doesn't end his search. He holds me with both hands on my hips, making me flinch slightly, but not enough for him to notice. "You're not going to distract me. Tell me what's wrong, Lara."
"Nothing is wro -"
"Marian Lara," his voice booms out loud enough for me to fear him but soft enough for only him and I to hear. His hands tighten on my hips, and I feel a gasp of air escape my system.
Shit. Why does it hurt so bad?
"Marian Lara," his grip suddenly lessens and I place my hands on his chest. "N-nothing is wrong," I force my eyes to look down, knowing tears will brim them if I get the sympathy I need from Jake. He can't know all your problems, or else you'll become too dependent on him. I try to push at his chest, instantly remembering our weight differences, only causing me to move back.
"Don't you dare lie to me," his hand lifts my chin up to face his hard, stern gaze, "Look at me when you say those words." I ponder on his statement.
Lie to him.
Take a deep breath and say it out loud.
Lie to him.
His eyes fill with intensity as I try to keep mine as normal as possible. Everything will be fine. "N-n-nothing. I-is. W-wrong," I choke on my words as I feel his intense stare burning holes into my head. I can't finish my statement as I feel the rush of tears strike my cheeks. His hands barely graze over my skin as I cry and look down to the ground. He pulls me into his chest, not speaking to me as he comforts me.
"I'm sorry, Lara. Please tell me what I did wrong," he whispers into my hair.
This causes more water to form in my eyes. He thinks that he's the one at fault. He thinks he's the problem when he's not. I need to blurt it out; I need to tell him that it was me. I'm the problem. Not him.
"I love you so much, Lara," the pain of my body and his tightening hug constrict my breathing, making me gasp once again, "Please don't cry. I - I know that I'm not the best, but please. I'll do better; I'll make sure of it."
He goes silent as I let out the tears quietly. I push at his chest gently, not knowing what to say. "Jake, let's just - let's just get out of this store and walk around. I'm fine." He stares at me incredulously before nodding.
He doesn't take any longer and pulls me out of the dressing room and walk towards the cash register. "When do we return to pick up our attire?" His voice is patient but hurried.
"In two hours, everything will be ready to go," the woman smiles out while snatching the dress from my hands, "Just get some shoes and accessories while you're at the mall." She leaves us by entering the back room, and Jake takes firm hold of my hand and exits with me.
"Where are we going?" His pacing is quick and I try to catch up to his strides. He doesn't answer nor waste time as he makes us go down the staircase rather than the escalator.
We exit out of the mall, going into his car. Before I can enter the front passenger's seat, he pulls me and opens the back door of his Camaro. I quickly enter and sit down while he closes the door hard. He walks around the front and enters the driver's seat, making him have a bunch of space between us.
"Marian Lara Estrada. We are not leaving this car until I know what's going on," he sighs and leans in his chair as he looks straight out of his window instead of my face.
He knows I don't want to be seen in this vulnerable state,
"Nothing is -"
"Don't you dare say that. I know something is wrong," his voice echoes throughout his car, and I feel myself flinch at the loudness of his voice.
He takes this time to look back at me, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scream. I just really want to know what happened. What did I do to make you cry like that?" He's putting the blame all on himself. He, then, begins to ramble on, and instead of answering, I let him throw out what is on his chest.
After minutes of speaking to the glass window, the emphasis is clear in his voice as he says the one thing I never thought I'd hear, "Lara. Are you not happy with me?" His voice is shaking, and I finally look up to see him staring out the window. "Do you not want to be with me the way I want to be with you?"
I feel pain etch into my heart at his words. Why would he think that?
He finally turns his head around and his eyes meet mine after ten minutes of avoiding glances, "Lara, I need to know."
"Jake," I whisper, but before I can continue, his hands slam down at the steering wheel causing me to jump. "God damn it!" He screams, "I knew I was the one to blame! I'm sorry, Lara! Lara, I love you. You changed my life in the small amount of time I've known you. I know I've said this so many times, but please... Believe me. If you don't love me the way I do, then -"
"Jake. It's me. I'm the one at fault," I shut my eyes and fist my hands. He doesn't speak, and I take this chance to open my eyes. "What," he exits out of the driver's seat and enters the back passenger's seat with me. I feel my blood pumping faster and faster in my system, my heart is beating uncontrollably.
"I-" I don't know how to say it out loud. How do I speak to him without telling him about Quinn. He places his right hand on mine, his eyes searching mine for an answer that I do not want to give. "Baby, you're not the one who should apologize," his smile is soft and his other hand caresses my cheek, coming closer and closer.
Lara, stop him from kissing you. You're not suppose to be pitied by him, my inner thoughts scold me, you don't deserve his sympathy.
His breath inches closer unto my skin, my eyes close in response, and I feel him pushing me against the window slowly. I feel my thoughts wash away little by little from every action he takes.
"Why is it that we're always in the car when this happens," he smiles against my earlobe. He continues to go down, his lips gently grazing down my neck as my head rolls back onto the glass. My body is panicking, the pain from earlier being highlighted with every move he makes.
Stop this now, Lara.
I feel his other hand slide up to my face, and he continues to speak, "I'm glad I got my windows tinted, or else I wouldn't be able to do this," his breath is warm in contrast from the ice-cold window I'm leaning against. Lara, you need to stop.
"Tell me when to stop," Jake's lips touch mine before departing towards my neck. His hands maneuver towards my hips, lifting me up away from the window and laying me back down onto the cushioned seats.
The unwanted scene overcomes my head, making me want to scream as loud as possible, but a lump has formed in my throat like earlier. Quinn's filthy mouth roaming my body, squeezing my skin to the point it pains me to be held. His face appears in my line of sight, and a strong surge pushes me to speak.
"S-stop." My eyes are soaked with stinging tears as I push him off of me, making myself sit up straight. "I can't do this to you." My voice comes out softer and higher than I'd expect it, revealing the nerves inside myself.
"Did I do something -"
"No. I did," I look down at my hands on my lap, my cheeks stained with tears and regret, "I - I'm so sorry, Jake. I'm a horrible person."
He moves his body away from mine, making it even harder for me to speak even though I've been given more space. "I - I can't - I'm so sorry. I promised you that I'd be strong; that I'll be able to take care of myself, but I f-failed you," my breathing is staggered as I try to speak to him. I grab onto my hair and pull at it, "I failed you, Jake. I - I"
"Baby, you are strong. What are you talking about?" His voice interrupts and reveals the confusion I was expecting.
"No!" I shriek, "I am far from strong. I am fucking weak as hell. I'm so weak that I - I," I try to control my pain and emotions trying to escape my body. My hands fall onto the hemline of my sweatshirt, and I hesitate before raising my head up to look at Jake, his eyes focused on nothing but me.
"Jake, I - I can't forgive myself if you keep doing this to me. I'm scared," my vision is blurry as I try to look at him in the face, "I - I want to scream out the pain I'm feeling, but it's not enough to express how much it hurts." He doesn't speak. The only reaction I'm given is an attentive gaze.
"I hate myself, Jake. I hate myself."
Before he can open his mouth and speak, I lift up my shirt, the slap of cold air make the red marks pulse harder. My body screams out in agony as the red marks are finally revealed in the open: my arms painted a faint purple while my skin has splattered pink spots.
"I'm fucking weak," I slam my arms onto my body inflicting more pain, feeling pathetic and heavy, all the troubles pushing down onto my body. "I'm so fucking weak." I cry out and I'm finally screaming out the only thing I know I was.
I'm weak.
I look through my tear-stained eyes and see that Jake is in shock. His eyes scan my body, and he is frozen to his spot. "I'm sorry," I try to wipe my eyes with my hands but they keep falling down like a waterfall, "I am so sorry."
*
Point of View: Jake T. Austin
*
"I am so sorry," her scream is soft, trying to hide in the pain she has failed to keep away from me, "I failed you, Jake. I f-" Before she can continue to destroy herself over this abuse, I grab hold of her and wrap her in my arms.
Why would she hide this from me?
"I'm so weak," her voice croaks out as her tears soak onto my shirt. I want to scream and get my questions answered, but I know this is not the right time. Right now, she needs me as protection; as a person to comfort her in this stage.
"I - I tried - I ran, but he - he -" before she can complete her sentence, she softly pushes against my body and rolls up her jeans, revealing her blood-stained legs that are marked with bruises and scratches.
My eyes bulge out even more seeing the pain inflicted on my girlfriend. How did this happen in the span of time that I wasn't with her. How is this fucking possible?
My hands shakily rest on her ankle, and she flinches in pain by shutting her eyes and grasping onto my shirt. Who was the bastard who did this to my girlfriend? I immediately think it is David, but if it were him, she would have told me right away.
"I - he saw - he -" she tries her best to stop herself from crying by biting her lower lip, "I never felt so exposed."
My mind fogs up with images of Lara being abused and toyed with, the anger seeping like quick sand pulls someone under.
Her hands hold onto her tank top now, and I put my hands on top of hers, wanting to see all of her injuries. I slowly lift up her white tank top, the bruises are evident on her hips and stomach, and I realize her reaction from earlier in the dressing room.
There is a solid midnight violet in the middle of her stomach, the size of a fist, and I don't know how I must react right now. I can't let my anger pour onto Lara, because she is the victim, not the aggressor.
"Lara, were you -" I gently move my hand towards her stomach, and she cries in pain.
This man physically damaged her body. "How did he -"
Her breathing is shaking even faster than ever before, her hands tremble against my chest, "He's stronger than me."
The first thought trails into my head after moments of shock, and I realized she must've been raped. "Lara, don't be afraid to answer me, please. I need to know - were you ra -" but before I can finish my sentence, she shakes her head no, and her hands motion to her marks, "Not that extent." Her short response gave me a wave of relief for a moment, but I knew she was still hurt. "He - he said I'm nothing but shit, but he said -"
Her voice hitches in her throat as if she was about to reveal something I'm not suppose to know, "I - I think I don't want to talk about this anymore." Her head rests against my chest and I instantly put my hand on her head. I want to pull her back and ask questions I need answers to, but her vulnerability shows me that this is a subject that she needs to forget.
"I love you, Jake," her voice whispers. I want her to say it louder, but I know it isn't the time to beg her to do that.
"I love you," I return her response.
"I'm sorry," her voice repeats once again for the hundredth time. "You have nothing to be sorry for," I reply back, "I'm the one who should be apologizing." Her eyes are red from all of the pain she held in and she still defends her apology, "No. It's not your fault I was -" but I did not want to hear it. I lift her up into my lap and plant a kiss above her lip. She needs to stop accusing herself for something she had no control over.
I need to know all the details, but that will come sooner than I know. She'll tell me what is wrong. I'm sure of it.
Lara wraps her arms around my body and after moments, her body relaxes.
Whoever did this to my girlfriend is going to pay.
___________________________
Okay, I know it's slow, but I thought you'd all like some Jake&Lara moments. Jake finally found out, but he does not know who the guy is. The next chapter will finally get some action most likely, but you'll have to wait and see.
JUST ANSWER THE QUESTIONS BELOW AND I'LL UPDATE FASTER (MUST BE AT LEAST EIGHT WORDS FOR A RESPONSE):
How will Jake react when he finds out who did this to his girlfriend? And how will Quinn destroy Jake's career?
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT YOU ALL HAVE GIVEN ME. I LOVE YOU ALL!
Comment - Vote - Share - Follow.