Wait... what???
She likes me? That seems impossible since I'm really ugly and awkward.
I just stare at her and stiffen.
Why?
Why me? I'm a loser.
Why me? I'm ugly.
I can't find the exact words to say to her, "I...uh...I...w-why..."
She shoots me a glance, "Yo! Stop stuttering!"
"W-why me? I'm a l-lo--"
"An open lesbian, you're exactly what I need," she cuts me off. "Just sit."
I immediately did what she told me to. My mind is out of thoughts. I cannot think of anything but ask, why me.
I gaze at her for a moment, studying her face, till I catch her dark eyes, then I immediately withdraw mine, pretending to gaze outside the glass walls. This is really awkward, I tell myself. I put my arms on the table and pout my lips while rocking my head like I am listening to music. I wait for her to say something to me. She seems to be studying the environment. "I love this McDonald's branch," she starts talking, thank god. "It isn't crowded. Unlike all the other stupid branches I've been to. I hate crowded places."
"But, aren't you a cheerleader? You perform to the crowd." I tell her.
"I hate everyone. I- hate- the- crowd." She emphasizes each word whilst gazing to my eyes, looking really serious and hot at the same time. I just shut my mouth.
"Eat. I bought this for us. I hope you like big macs." The cheerleader grabs the coke and drinks it all the way down then burps inelegantly loud. "Sorry," she beams at me. I slightly open my mouth, surprised by what I just witnessed. I grab my big mac, since I am hungry myself, and devour it little by little.
"So?" I ask while she consumes her big mac so fast.
"Alright," Melissa or Miranda or Melinda something speaks while her mouth is full, bits of food are falling from it then she wipes them with her black handkerchief. She then eventually talks properly, "By the way, I'm pretty sure you already know my name because I am really popular in school---"
"I don't." I tell her honestly. She widens her eyes and I got scared. "Actually, I do know your name. He, he. I was kidding." I fake giggle.
She raises an eyebrow, "Not funny. I know you don't know my name. Just admit it." She stares at me like I'm some kid who just got caught of doing something wrong.
"I forgot! I'm sorry."
"It's Melissa," she rolls her eyes. "Seriously? What planet do you live on? You don't even know who I am? The former captain of the cheerleading squad, the president of the Latin students club, the---I used to be a Red Cross volunteer---president of the---club---society," blah, blah, blah.
How snobbish. I really don't care about her achievements in life. So I interrupt her, "Okay, whatever, Melissa. It's just that I forgot your name. I was thinking about the names; Melissa, which is correct by the way, or Miranda or Melinda some---"
"Okay, okay. Whatever! Here's the thing," Melissa finished her burger. Wow, that fast? "I'm sure you've heard the rumors ---" she hesitates a little, "about me, right?"
I knitted my eyebrows and stare at her in silence.
"You've never heard?" she asks me and I shake my head. "What the hell?" She then sighs frustratingly. "Okay. Everyone at school spreads this crap about me being a lesbian."
"Well, are you?" I ask, looking surprised.
She gazes at me in silence and she looks down. Then, she utters the words, "Yes, I am."
"Oh," is the only word that comes from my half-open mouth. I cannot believe what I just heard. Well, I guess, I'm no longer the only openly lesbian in school then.
"So okay, now you know my secret since forever, here's the thing," Melissa pauses, "the way you look at her, the new girl, it's obvious that you like her."
How did she even know that? "Yeah? So?"
"Do you want her?" Melissa asks.
"I do, but she's not... gay." I tell her openly.
"How do you know she's not gay? Have you asked her? Have you observed her actions and ways carefully? Does she watch lesbian films? What kind of makeup does she wear? How long are her fingernails? Have you checked her shoes? Do you think she likes---"
"I DON'T KNOW!" I raise my voice, annoyed. "Melissa, you just ask so many questions. It's kinda annoying," I pause. "I like Rachel. I want her, okay? What does this have to do with your proposition?"
Melissa sighs, "OK. I am sure you know Anna Barbera, right? Please don't tell me you don't know her."
"I know who she is. She's your best friend," I answer briefly.
"Alright," Melissa shrugs. "Anna has been my best friend since forever. Eight years ago, Anna told me she was a bisexual, I didn't like it, it was weird. But sooner, I accepted her because--- she is my fuckin' best friend. And then, one night, we went to this Black Eyed Peas concert--- and after the concert we got too fuckin' drunk, I had fake IDs back then. Then, we played truth or dare. Again, I was drunk, for a moment there, I got attracted to her, I dared her to kiss me, and she did. After that, I fell in love with her--- until now."
"Eight years ago? Wouldn't you be like... nine or ten back then? And you were allowed to drink? How old are you anyway?" I ask curiously, forgetting about the main topic, Anna.
"I'm twenty-one."
"Oh. I thought you were still 18 or 19. Did you---"
"I keep flunking," Melissa looks away. "Pay attention," she turns back to look at me, "Anna has a boyfriend at the moment, the quarterback, by the way. I hate that guy, he always hurts her. She keeps crying! Look--- I fuckin' love Anna, okay? I already told her that--- but she wants to be with that cunt. She said she loves me too, but she loves her stupid boyfriend more. That is why, I am here, asking you to be my pretend lesbian lover--- to make her jealous, to make her realize things that she's supposed to realize a long, long time ago."
Is the popular former head cheerleader asking me this? Is she serious? Is she out of her mind?
"I don't know." I tell her honestly.
"Look, Santiago, this will make your girl jealous too---" Melissa convinces me.
"Rachel is not gay." I tell her hesitantly.
"I will help you with Spanish!"
"Uhhhhhh---No, thanks!" hmmm, but this seems interesting. "How did you even know that I am failing in Spanish class?"
"I have eyes everywhere. Anyway, come on, what if your Rachel is gay? She will get jealous and she will realize that she loves you... and only wants to be with you... and wants to touch you... and have babies with you and---"
"Don't be ridiculous!" I giggle. "Scientifically speaking, a woman to woman fornication won't make babies. You need sperm cells---"
"What I meant was---" Melissa interrupts and giggles, "will you be my pretend girlfriend? It will benefit both of us. I'm sure you won't regret it. It's a win-win situation," she then smiles.
"Look, Melissa, even if Rachel is gay. I'm not gonna lie to her again. I have been lying about watching Pretty Little Liars to impress her even if I don't," I tell her.
"Wait. She watches that show?"
I nod.
"Does she like that Mitchell girl?"
I nod again. "How did you even know?" I raise my eyebrow.
"I can't believe this," Melissa giggles. "Look, if she adores that Mitchell girl, she's probably gay."
"I don't get it."
"That Mitchell girl plays as a lesbian in that show. Hello? That show is really popular. Lesbians love her," Melissa cocks her eyebrows and it reminds me of my shaved one, it still hasn't grown yet, it's tormenting.
"That's just stupid. How did you even know that?"
"Because... almost all the people I have chatted with about the show are lesbians who love her."
"That's not even accurate." I say. "You're gay, you probably even know more lesbian people than heterosexual ones."
"No, I don't. That's a stupid stereotype," she frowns.
"What's your proof then?" I cross my arms.
"Okay, crap. I don't know. But she is gay. I know it."
There was silence for a moment. Maybe I should give this a try... or not!
"So?" she leans in closer, tormenting me again, she might notice my shaved eyebrow and might mock me.
"I don't know." I say.
Melissa widens her dark brown eyes, "Come on!" I unexpectedly shriek mentally. Her entire existence scares the crap out of me. So, I'm forced to say, "Okay, okay, I'll do it," even if my decision isn't really final.