A/N
Yesterday Harry came to me asking if my lovely voters are voting or not.. So please, do me a favor, Vote! X
***
Chapter 16
The moment I saw Harry, it felt as if the whole world had disappeared from my vision, I could just see how consumed he looked, consumed by his thoughts which were disturbing him. Every now and then he was sighing to himself making my heart race even faster by every second.
Maybe Nancy sensed that I had seen Harry because she had never met him before. "It's a cue for me to leave I guess. I'm seeing Jason over there. I'll go with him." Nancy patted my shoulder bringing me back to my senses.
"Oh. Okay. I'll see you around then." I nodded slightly not averting my stare from him.
"If you need me, you always have me." She smiled sympathetically and left.
I'm dead sure I had been staring him for more than what we can say an hour. So finally, his eyes met mine and I had never felt the emotion before that I was feeling right now looking into his eyes.
Numbness.
He didn't let any emotion show about how he felt seeing me by chance there.
I did care for him. He did occupy my thoughts, how can he think so low of me that I didn't care about him?
I forgot every ounce of patience that I had. I forgot that I made a promise to give him space. If he can do what he wanted, I was a human too.
"Had your fair share of alone-time?" I asked a tad-bit irritated.
"What do you need now?" He voice was deep as usual, but had a scratching tone to it as well. Most of all, lacking emotion.
"I want you to drop this Leave-Me-Alone-In-My-Stupid-World act and tell me what's up with you." By now he stood up as well, ready to leave.
"Whatever you are saying, I can't understand that. It's better if you leave or make way for me so that I can." Now his voice contained a bit of hatred.
I still ignored the pang of hurt in my chest.
I blocked his way and he glared at me, "If you expect me to leave you like this then congratulations, you are absolutely wrong. Now tell me why are you avoiding me."
He angrily growled and stood at his complete height in front of me. "You know why am I avoiding you? Because of this, your self-consumed attitude. I am already having tonnes of problem in my life. I don't want to handle your perfect sass right now. Why don't you get that?" By now he was breathing heavily just like me. His face inches away from me, his hands fisted tight on his sides.
Ciara don't cry in front of him. Help him. He side-corners people when he's sad. You know that.
I softened my eyes. "Harry please, don't put me away please. Tell me what is wrong. Maybe I can help you in that. Why don't you fucking believe that I won't judge you? For how long you've lost the trust in me? Tell me Harry. Why are you behaving this way?"
He seethed, "Go away."
I felt tears pricking up my eyes. "Don't even try to control me when you don't have any control on yourself. Harry just because I don't ask doesn't mean that I don't care. I always knew something was wrong with you. When Anne mentioned she's seeing you happy after a long time. When Niall was about to say that too. When we, I mean when you fucking cuddled with me for the first time, the way you were repeatedly saying 'I didn't do this' holding me so tight that I would have even died too." I desperately tried to make an eye contact which he brilliantly avoided, "I never discussed it because I was giving you time. Giving you time to open up. But you didn't. You never did."
I took a deep breath. I wasn't over yet. It was going on for a month.
"When your mom, those four boys know that thing about you so well, why not me? Am I that untrust-worthy?"
Still nothing from him.
"If that is what you want." My voice cracked with full emotions. Maybe he still needed more time, I thought this time he needed his goddamned life. I backed away from him and started walking away. He was staring at me, I knew that. His stare will always burn right through my soul, I'm not going to deny that.
"I don't want any apology from you. I want valid reasons. And I will be waiting for them to come come your mouth. I promise that I will wait. Have been doing this for a month." For the last time I turned to him ending my all confessions that what I've learned about him over a month and a half.
What did I have to feel now? It felt as if all air had been sucked up from my lungs.
I should have been there, with Harry helping him out but no, here I was, walking all by myself.
Once I reached my house, I replayed what had happened in the park and if I could do anything to change it. Could I? No. I couldn't.
I had never done anything wrong with him. I always gave him his piece of space because I thought maybe he'll open up himself.
Right now, I was sitting on the floor against the door with my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wounded around them. This happened to me a year ago, every best friend got away from me for some or the other reason. Mostly, because I shifted my country, because I spoke a lot, because I wasn't not tolerable by anyone for longer period of time. And most importantly, I was too self-conscious.
Whenever someone trusted you and told you their secrets, that feeling was indescribable. You feel that you are being given importance, you feel needed, you feel happy and contended. Well, in my case, it has been a long time since I've felt this, maybe never.
Maybe I'm not made for anyone.
***
Two days later.
Still nothing from Harry. Two days and it felt like two millennium.
The other day in the park, I had asked each and every question in my mind in every damn emotion. Still he didn't say anything. I could go up to his mom or his friends to ask about this. They would tell me willingly too, but I wanted to hear it from him. I wanted to know what is so hurtful to him which I can't take away.
I got a fucking A+ in my test.
Should I feel happy? Should I celebrate? No. Because the correct person to do all of this was not there with me.
Nancy knew what was up with me. She wanted to talk to him, put it in right words. "Let me feed him his balls and know what he wants." That was what she had said. But I refused, when he didn't talk to me properly, how would he talk to her in the first place?
After 2 days, the only pent up emotion that I was witnessing in myself was... Anger. Except this I only saw red in my eyes. So the only thing which helped me in my frustration time was yet my another friend, dear Basketball.
***
"You've been playing rough for quite sometime. Don't you feel this Ciara? Coach has warned you for this." Jason spoke once we were over with our training.
My whole sports bra was drenched in sweat, even my jersey was sweaty too. It was winter time, I knew. But if you played continuously for 2 hours maybe your body lets out a little bit of sweat. All I needed was to go to that changing room, get the hell away from these dirty clothes and sleep away all my tiredness plus anger.
All the people were already abandoning the courts. Many of them had also changed their clothes and left.
"Shit!" I exclaimed once I saw that I had forgotten to bring spare t-shirt with me. "Why does this happen to me always? Why do I feel like this? Why do people make me feel like this?" I hissed to myself getting out of my changing room, closing the door loudly behind me. I always did this when I was angry. Why not now?
I began prancing around the lobby when I saw Jason walking towards me.
He noticed that I still had my dripping jersey on, "Easy there Ciara. Do you need my t-shirt?" Jason kindly offered help, his eyes showing sympathy.
I resented this emotion with every cell of my body.
The only one who had given his clothes to me was my brother Max. I missed him.
"No. Thanks." I offered a half-hearted smile to him and left.
Once I got out from coaching, I realised it was about to rain soon. Clouds were raging an angry, cursing song that wasn't in my playlist to understand. Wow. Any other way to irritate me more?
"Hey." I heard an unfamiliar deep, husky voice behind me. Nothing compared to Harry, his voice will always be the pleasant one to my ears.
Stop thinking about him, just don't. I stopped but didn't turn. Whoever that was, started walking towards me. I felt him moving.
"My angry baby likes to play rough. Doesn't she?" Now I faced the speaker of this stupid cringe-worthy dialogue. The only person who could call me baby or Angry Bird was Harry, no fucking body else.
"Fuck off."
Yes, that was what the person received in response. A dull profanity to back away. He was good looking, one having eyes could see easily. But he was a devil in disguise, one having brain could easily sense that. His blue eyes had certain dark shade which made me feel uncomfortable, I wanted to scratch away his face already.
"Woah. Don't you know my name?" That boy started nearing me. Now I realised that I had seen him. Oh yes, he's that boy from same basketball coaching but I didn't know his name.
"No. I don't and I'm not interested." I started walking with longer strides.
He caught up his steps with me, "Well, by the time girls know, they don't stop saying it and if they don't, I make them." By now his aura had completely changed into the dark one and I saw myself backing away. Not this time.
"Once I asked you to leave, it means leave. Next time, I won't ask." I warned while he was approaching me.
"Let me walk you to your home. This pretty girl deserves a good company. And knowing that you're angry will give me a good fuck." That boy now was completely near to me. His ugly breath was fanning my face and I visibly scoffed. My heart did an unfamiliar churning sensation in my chest, awakening adrenaline in my body.
"Just in case you'll feel too pleasured, my name is Nick."
Slap.
"What the fuck!" He roared with anger caressing the cheek where he was slapped. Man, I really slapped him hard.
Suddenly, he gave me a death glare and pushed me with his one hand attached to my neck to the wall.
I hissed when my back hit the wall ever so painfully.
"When I ask you to come, there is no denial." His grip on my neck tightened. I grunted and kicked him in his groin. I knew it was a hard blow because by now he had already fallen on the ground.
"You bitch! Come here! You fucking don't know who your master is." He held his little glory in his hand yelping with pain.
This dick wanted more.
"When I asked you to back away, I really meant it." I announced once he had recovered from his pain.
"Fine then, play dirty and you'll pay for this once I rip off-" He couldn't complete his sentence when I tried for a punch with my left hand.
He caught it easily. My heart gave a heavy thud because my wrist started aching. But since I had called for it, I had to fight.
I wrapped my fingers around his fist and with my right hand twisted his right hand's wrist. He groaned in pain. But I was not over yet, my three days frustration and this prey can't get away from me, now.
I planted a punch on his nose which now must have gotten a fracture just like his wrist. He again shouted and fell on the ground.
"Ciara! Stop! Don't do that!"
I was about to kick him million times when someone wrapped their arms around me.
That was Jason.
***
A/N
One question,
Is Ciara strong?
Until next time,
Much love,
Mohika Arya.