After asking what he wanted from me...
Travis tranquilized my lips with his own.
For the slightest second, something made me luxuriate it (only briefly) as soon as I realised what was happening I considered the idea that I only felt that way due to the consternation which had built within his arrival. Alas no, I didn't resist the turmoil he pursued upon me but that's only because I ebulliently thought he was the same boy I had fell in love with when we first met. But in taking myself back when he finished, I realised: he wasn't. He would never be. Any ounce of decency had been drained from his soul years ago.
For so long I had thought that he was what I wanted. Those years in school when I was just fifteen, before I knew Connor. Travis was the guy who I had always wanted to be with, oh how pitifully puerile I was to want someone like that. Even then, at a young age Travis Bullington had shown human defaults through his aggressive behaviour and perfidious personality. The bad boy type. I didn't know that he would turn out this way. Not like this. A retched monster. Satan's sidekick. The devil's right hand man.
In the moment he pulled back from me, I remembered something. A memory of actual love. One which I couldn't lose over something as foolish as this...
Our first November night. When it was rocketing down with rain and I found myself outside in the downpour with a lad I barely even knew. My Romeo. Connor. I should have known then what would happen if I didn't pursue what I actually wanted. There is no denying that if I had accepted Connor's help back then that I wouldn't have wasted away with my decency. Let alone mourn over a child that was never even born.
Yet, here I was at twenty one...
Having finally been away from the regret and the repressed memory of what this miscreant put me through. Engaged to a man I loved more than anything in the world. And somehow, I didn't feel guilty for letting Travis kiss me. It was hard to not pain at the longing for his old self but I knew fully well that that burned in the ashes along with our child. Either way, this kiss was staged. Travis planted this seed on purpose.
He came onto me.
But then the knife came to his lips again like an unsung melody calving holes in its own silence. Travis rebuked, "I know that you still love me Gwen." That's how I knew that this wasn't over. I couldn't help but shudder at the knowledge of what was written in that letter. That preposterous letter!
I didn't even know at the time that I was being blackmailed into anything. Naive and gullible bigoted Gwen. I was wrong to trust him.
He wouldn't let this go. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then he mentioned the ring. Christ, how did he know about that?
He wasn't meant to see. I only took it off so that he wouldn't suspect that I was seeing anyone. If he knew that I was seeing someone...
If he knew about Connor...
I knew that Travis was capable of blackmail but to continue it for this long was disgusting, pitiful even for a worthless wrench like him. I felt myself crumble, "Travis I can't-"
But he cut me off. Mimicking me like he did when we were young, "Yes you can. You can do anything you want." And then that smile. That false hope smile. Its bickering flash of fiery fangs.
Instantly I prayed for a way out.
I had to kiss him.
It was the only way. The thought repulsed me and made me bleed with guilt. I was so thankful that Connor was upstairs incapable of seeing this – I wouldn't be able to explain the reasoning to him if he did.
I knew that if I didn't do something like that that Travis would get something else- he'd do things to me which I couldn't prevent.
So I did it.
I made out with him just as he wanted.
I was a dog on a chain.
Trying to stay unpunished.
When we pulled back I resisted the temptation to vomit. He however licked his lips like some filthy animal.
He made his way out to the door – I made sure to check that Connor hadn't been listening from the stairs.
Phew. No sign of him.
At the door, I went to ram it, but then he muttered the last words which would become ink stains to my ears. "Oh and Kitten?" he looked me up and down, "This isn't over. You know what happens if you lie. Next time though, I want more than that."
Statue like, I stood. Motionless in the fear of what he would do. I thought he got what he wanted so why was he planning on coming back...
Connor's POV:
She kissed him...
I slumped against the table leg. Pondering over what the fuck I just witnessed. As they moved to the stairs, I came out. From the table I stood. My heart like ice in my robot chest.
Where was the ring?
Skimming the worktops, I found it. Sure enough I found it. On the side cabinet. Taken off and left aside. Like it meant nothing to her.
Like I meant nothing to her...
I couldn't... I didn't want to... what happened?
From the distance I heard the door shut. Great. He was gone. But the traitor was still here.
Lifting the ring, I moved to the seat in the corner of the dining room. I didn't know what I was going to do. I was on the borderline of murder. Worst thing is, I wasn't sure who I wanted to kill first. After what I surrendered to, it was obvious. She clearly didn't love me.
Gwen's POV:
I remained at the door. Checking that he left.
Over his shoulder he blew a toxic kiss – engraved in the odour of betrayal - before seating himself inside his untarnished Mercedes-Benz (bought by his rich father) which was parked two houses away in amongst beaten cars not of his price range. Rearing out of the spot, I kept my eye on him – making sure that he drove away – I feared him turning back around.
When I was certain that he wouldn't turn back, I thought it safe to re-enter the house. As I did, I peered to the stairs but Connor hadn't come down yet (I assumed he would be pacing around unaware that Bullington had left) it only took a second to then recall that I wasn't wearing my engagement ring. Lightly, I stepped back into the dining room to where I had left it.
Upon reaching the cabinet however, I found that it wasn't there. I frantically searched the cabinet in hope that I had just knocked it further along. It wasn't on the floor either.
Travis had to have stolen it! Shit, how was I to get that back now?
I told myself it wasn't true and turned back to looking. But as I did...
"Lost something?"
Connor's POV:
She stiffened. Clearly hadn't seen me sat there across the room. Leaning forward in the chair, already feeling my blood thicken in rage. But I had to stay calm and find out why she did it.
"Lost something Miss Colby?" I bitterly questioned using her maiden name. Standing from my position, she turned to face me. Her eyes were wide at the bewilderment of me being there but she obviously didn't know that I had the ring. Maybe she didn't think I even knew about it. Or the betrayal for that matter.
Her hands were strapped to her sides hiding away the evidence; if I couldn't see her hands then I wouldn't see that she wasn't wearing it. That was obviously her logic. She thought I was oblivious to the truth. Already, I knew.
Pathetically, she continued her innocent act, "I didn't hear you come down," she held out a charming smile but I struck it with my cold glare, "How long have-"
"What were you trying to find?" I forthrightly asked, avoiding the question. My words so sharp that even my tongue felt cut into by them.
Within my question, she didn't meet my glance, then when she did at last it was gifted with an absent minded smile, "Oh I just..." she took a step toward me. I took one back. "What is-"
Erupting, I raised my voice, "If you move any closer to me I won't be responsible for what happens." I snapped at her in a quickened tone.
"Connor," she breathed. Confused.
"This huh?" I showed her the ring.
Gasping she looked down. Trying to save herself, "I couldn't let him see it."
"Why not eh? Because then you wouldn't have been able to fucking make out with him?! To enjoy him on your body?" I was shouting now.
"You want him instead of me! Is that it?" I vociferated
The space between us had collapsed and the ring reached out to her face but she wouldn't take it. I snatched her hand causing her to whimper, I crammed it into her palm, "Was I just a replacement because he up and left you? If you didn't want it. If you didn't want us then you should have said no! Not lead me on and make me feel like I mean something to you!" I screamed spit hitting her face causing her to flinch.
"You promised you would stay upstairs," she cried. The veins across her forehead attempting to flee from my psychotic screams.
Her hand clenched around the exorbitant trash.
Releasing my vengeance, I continued yelling.
"Oh and let your deceit be hidden from me? I don't think so Gwen! I'm glad I came down. I finally got to see who you are! Even after everything that he did to you and everything I have done for you. You still want him."
"No I don't!"
"Fuck off Gwen. I don't want you. I don't need you. If you want to go off with him yet again then go ahead I will not stop you. I promise you that. Even if I care for you it's clear to me now that I mean nothing to you!" I swung at her but missed dismally.
I screeched, throwing myself toward her, she ducked. I caught the back of the dressing gown. Behind her neck. Along with a bundle of her hair. Her face outfacing, open to me. "If I did mean anything then he wouldn't have even turned up here! You invited him! You wanted him. Even when he forced you into an abortion! Which you named after me. Bet that's a lie too isn't it? All you care about is him, Mr bloody Bullington! You pissing want-"
"He's blackmailing me!" her screech so loud it stung my ears like sharpened blades cutting open a live baby. I loosened grip on the gown, some hair strands running free as I did.
"What?" I questioned still pulsing in rage.
"I was never able to leave because of what he would do if-"
"Boo hoo!" I snarled, pushing her, "Emotional blackmail Guinevere. You know that I can protect you from that by... well he has muscles now... But still you know that-"
"No," she spoke, "he will always get what he wants and I can't stop him because he knows that."
"If you wanted him gone you should have just made him leave! You didn't need to kiss him to do that!"
"But you know what he is like, he doesn't leave"
"You're scared of him right?"
"Yes"
"Then next time don't act like you enjoy it so much when you kiss him!"
"Listen!" she turned to me, "when I got pregnant he gave me a choice. Him or the baby. At first I thought that was normal. I grew to realise it wasn't. I chose him over Taylor. Only at first! I knew that i would leave him. I couldn't have his child because I was petrified that she would turn out like him! So after the abortion I asked him to leave. I made him leave because I didn't want to live with a monster! But he has does things to me, not just the violence but the insistent fondling. The rape." From her eyes came water.
Sobbing.
Her eyes swollen, "I didn't know he was going to turn up! But he did text me last night out of the blue... I didn't think he would act upon it. It was so random I just... I didn't want to respond but I.... Then this morning when I saw him outside, I panicked! I didn't want him to come in. I didn't want it to end how it did but I know that he wouldn't leave if I didn't make him. I thought that he might molester me again. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry for what happened. What you had to see. But I didn't want to do it!" she yearned.
I knew that I should have asked first...
Fallacious.
She only kissed him because she knew that it would get him away. She was too scared of him to get him to leave any other way. She believed that he would hurt her again, like he did at the party. And ways which I didn't know about but could only guess...
For a second I watched her cry.
She didn't move.
Her whaling pain and agony was aimed at me. Her out hung mouth trembling for me to comfort her. In the end, I gave in.
Only because I cared.
Not because I forgave her.
I came to her and wrapped my arms around her. She continued sniffling but other than that went silent. I didn't look at her or show any emotion. Regardless of what she told me, how she made it clear that it wasn't by choice I still felt lacerated.
"I just wish you had told me. About Taylor. How he made you abort her."
I let go of her and moved back. In monotone I continued, "But it doesn't give you any reason to do that. He would have left eventually. Surely you understand that... You don't kiss me like that."
She tried to take my hands but I pushed her further away.
"I can't even look at you right now Guinevere."
"Please Connor! You have to believe me! You know what he's-"
"That kiss was real."
"No it wasn't! It was to get him out-"
I scrunched up my face, "Is there anything else you want to tell me then?" I turned to her for the first time in several minutes. She looked like shit.
The dressing gown was off at one shoulder. Her hair was messy, a tight not from where I had grabbed - slumped in every direction dishevelled. Snot traipsing down her nose. Her eyes blistering with black bags. Forehead veins squeezed tight with her eyes. Acidic tears padding her cheeks with stains of raspberry shame.
Repulsive.
"No." she echoed, through the lower half of her quivering lip.
"Really?" I questioned turning my body fully away from her, blanking her changed form from my mind, "I can't seem to believe you".
"That's it I promise you!" her hand latched onto my back and was followed with her forehead, "Please Connor. Believe me!"
"I can't right now okay? Now get off. I need some space"
"What? No..."
"Need to get-"
"Connor, please hear me out-"
"You're a fucking cheater Guinevere!" I stepped forward, her frame falling to the ground in the absence of my body. I didn't turn back to see her facing me. "Keep the pissing ring. Not that it means anything anymore, and here," I took the promise ring from around my neck and threw it to the ground where she was as I turned to finally see the dismal painting smudged across her face. "Rings show a covenant not earthy broken. But your true lover is clearly Satan so I understand why you broke the circle," We both watched it plummet like our love, to the ground – dying with a shaky rattle.
With the final rotation, the cheap piece of crap snapped in two.
Torn apart like the shards of my heart.