Chapter 28
Pity
The celebration party didn't last long mainly, because Nick and Matt didn't plan on it being a party and there wasn't any food.
"Do you want to come over?" I overheard Brian asking Sammy as we walked out to the car.
"Sure," Sammy giggled while twirling a piece of her hair with her finger.
Joey looked down at me with a twinkle in his eye then looked at Joe, Brian, and Sam. "Shot gun! Emily is calling shot gun!" He said sprinting to the car then looking back at me to encourage me to start running. I quickly understood and followed suit as I knew Joe wasn't going to let me take it so easily. Brian and Sam were too preoccupied with each other to care.
Just as I had reached the passenger side I felt hands wrap around my stomach pulling me back. I gasped as whoever it was touched where my scar from Rico was. I looked up to see Joe laughing as he easily lifted me up and placed me away from the car. But, I couldn't laugh. All I could think was Rico.
And the pain.
And the rejection.
"Fuck," I muttered clutching my stomach. The pain was still there, it was always going to be there. Joe's eyebrows furrowed together.
"Sorry, did I hurt you?" He asked looking down at me. I swallowed and shook my head.
"No-no, I'm fine," I took a deep breath with my hands still on my stomach. Brian looked over at me.
"You okay?" Brian asked those two words that always made me break.
"Yeah," my voice cracked and I couldn't help the tears as they weld into my eyes. I wanted to forget, why couldn't I just forget about him?
"What's wrong?" Brian asked forgetting about Sam to investigate. He turned to Joe, "What did you do?" Joe looked back and forth from me to Brian. I ignored their caring eyes and allowed myself to fall to the ground. Joey was beside me in seconds. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me beside him.
"I don't know what happened, she just freaked when I pulled her away from the car," Joe said then looked at me to figure out what he had done to me.
"He-he didn't do anything. It's nothing," I muttered wishing everyone would just leave me. That's what I wanted at the moment. Couldn't they see that? Brian saw my hands on my stomach then gave me a knowing look. He bent down and joined me on the ground with Joey.
"Does it still hurt?" He asked shocked. It had been over a month and I shouldn't still be in pain from it. And I wasn't, physically.
"No," I shook my head. He couldn't know why I was upset and what Azazel did, because he wouldn't understand.
"Does what still hurt?" Joey asked. I gave Brian a nod to tell Joey as I caught my breath and calmed down to Joey's soothing smell and voice.
"When in LA Emily accidentally got stabbed in the stomach and it was a pretty intense wound, she had to get stitches and I was worried that it was still hurting for some crazy reason." I took a deep breath allowing the tears to fall down my cheeks as I recalled that night.
Joey reached out and used his hand to wipe off a tear, but it was useless, because then just another one appeared.
"I'm sorry, I had no idea," Joe said sincerely.
I didn't have the effort to give him a smile, but I said, "It's okay." I slowly pulled myself away from Joey and off the ground. Brian reached out to grab me and keep me steady, but I shrugged him off. I noticed Sammy in the corner of my eyes watching me curiously. Could no one realize how broken I was?
"You can have shot gun," Joe said giving me a kind smile and before I could stop him he climbed into the back seat, but I didn't want his pity. I hated crying in front of people because suddenly I became this fragile girl and everyone treated me as if they had to be careful with what they said, because they were worried it may break me. And it was like it instantly became their job to pull me back up. But, it wasn't their job and I didn't want to be treated differently which just made me want to cry more. And I hated it.
I obliged and sat in the passenger seat and I hated the silence that fell upon us as we drove back to my dorm.
"Do you want to hang out with us? Not out of pity of course, like would you like to hang out with us?" Joey finally spoke as we began nearing my dorm. I gave him a small smile appreciating his efforts, but I didn't want them. I didn't deserve his kindness.
"No, I want to be alone. No offence of course," I added the line at the last second, because I really did want to hang out with him, but I couldn't. At least I couldn't when they all pitied me and I was currently hating myself and they weren't making things any better. No matter how hard they tried, they could never make anything better. Nothing could make it better, but I knew what could.
I needed to release my pain and this was my chance to be alone and I was going to use it.
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A/N:
I didn't really proofread this one too much cause it's been a busy day. So whoops. Hopefully no mistakes.
Anyways DOUBLE UPDATE today!
Cause it's my friend Britnyusa BIRTHDAY TODAY
She comments on my stories all the time and she's just awesome. Also go check out her fanfiction it's pretty good 😏 okay brb gotta go post the next update