It was Friday leading us into the start of February and my last day of the week to try and get some answers before the camping trip this weekend. It's not going to be easy and Matthew isn't going to tell me willingly. I don't want him getting into anymore bother with his family, so I will just have to rely on my attention to detail of reading people and body language.
It was another cold, dreary day as Matthew picked me up, I just couldn't stop staring at him. I traced him from head to toe, something that I can't help but do every time I lay eyes on him. It was my way of keeping his image perfect in my mind always, I know my mind will never do him justice but it's all I have when he isn't near. I gazed at his dark brown messy hair which sat so perfectly on his head and didn't move a single inch, it's like he has hero hair. It shines brighter than the sun, it's style so unique, there wasn't a solitary hair out of place. It seems like a timeless hair style that was forgotten by all except Matthew.
His earthly green eyes make me feel like I am running through a field of grass, they make me feel wild and free. I feel like everything else has disappeared and all that's left in that field of grass is me and him. Whenever the light hits them they look like emeralds, which have recently become my favourite stone. I have never met a person with eyes filled with so much emotion. They never contain the same emotion for very long, it's as though they change with Mathew's every mood. They are like a window into his very core, they hide nothing. No matter what it is, bad or good, it's on display for all to see. But, there's very few that look close enough to discover their hidden depths and until now Matthew hasn't let anyone close enough to figure him out.
Those lips are my weakness, they are a luscious red with a wet, slippery, glossy coating. I have never seen a set of lips so smooth and perfectly formed. They seem so moist; I can almost taste the saliva.
His skin is so pale, I sometimes feel like I am looking at a ghost, it's so smooth as though it has been painted on with such care and precision.
Beneath that dark blue t-shirt lie those striking pecks and perfectly formed abs. I would imagine a lot of work went into making them look the way they do. Even under layers of clothing they are still visible, leaving not very much to the imagination. The muscles in his arms were just as sexy, I love the way they seem to pop out when he bends. I could stand and watch him do that all day and most likely drool in the process.
It's hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be real. I'm afraid that he may disappear in a sudden puff of smoke and then I will wake up and realise it was all just a dream. The death of my brother is a nightmare that I will never wake up from. But, Matthew is like a dream come true and I don't ever want to wake up from this.
I was almost drooling as I sat there staring at him, I kept wiping my mouth just to be on the safe side. I couldn't let him see me do something so embarrassing like that. But, I just couldn't help myself, he is just so unbelievably god like, but that wasn't the only reason why I kept staring at him. I was looking for something. Anything that would give me a clue to figuring out that deep, dark secret of his. And that's when I saw it, I can't believe I hadn't noticed this before. He had a tattoo on his neck, it read 666, how strange. If I am not mistaken that is the sign of the devil, is he part of a cult or something, or is it just part of his bad boy image. This will require some thought, but I have time and lots of it.
"What are you staring at?" he asked casually as he turned the wheel.
How to answer the question without revealing my true quest, he couldn't deny me this and it was true after all. I'm sneaky like that I know how to get out of telling the truth, by telling another truth instead. When you are a bad liar, you have to think of other ways to hide the inner truth.
"You, I still can't believe how unbelievably beautiful you are."
He sighed. "This," he looked down at himself with a look of total disgust on his face. A hard edge crept into his voice. "Is not beautiful, you, you are beautiful."
He can never take a compliment, whenever I say anything good about him he just throws it right back in my face. I don't understand and I don't think I want to, but if I am going to discover his secret I might have to read into his self- deprecating ways.
I rolled my eyes. "Loathe yourself as much as you want, just don't expect me to," I said as I folded my arms tightly across my chest.
His eyes were wickedly amused; he knew better than to argue with me I am just as stubborn as I look.
As we arrived at the school, Matthew parked in his usual spot. Before he could even get out of the car, Zac was at his door. He had an unusual sly glint in his eyes as he spoke, "Can I borrow your girl for a few minutes. We need to discuss some things about the camping trip," he grinned and turned to wink at me.
Matthew turned to me, "I'll catch up with you later," his eyes narrowed down into slits. He forced his door open against Zac's legs sending him flying a few feet from the car. I flew open my door and ran over and kneeled down beside Zac. What was with Matthew? He may not like Zac or me talking to him, or maybe he's just jealous but there was no need for that.
"Zac, Zac are you ok?" I asked concerned as I lay my hand lightly on his shoulder. I looked at his arm it was oozing with blood, suddenly I didn't feel so hot. I felt the colour drain from my face, my vision began to blur and I felt my stomach churn and my body begin to wobble.
Suddenly warm arms wrapped around me and picked me up from the ground and dragged me away from the scene. Even with this blurred vision I could find those earthly green eyes, the more I looked into them the better I felt. I felt colour rise up into my cheeks again, the sickness slowly began to disappear and my vision was coming back.
"Faint at the sight of blood, do we?" he said with an uncomfortable edge in his voice, he looked worried.
"Yeah," I finally managed.
"What are we going to do with you," he sighed.
I am a complete walking disaster I can't be ok for more than two minutes. Seriously what does Matthew see in me, I'm a tragedy in every way possible. Nothing is good about me; I have developed every possible trait that can ruin me. I have the whole worlds bad luck on my side.
I turned around to find Zac back up on his feet, he quickly unwrapped his jumper from his waist and wrapped it tightly around his cut. He turned to face Matthew with cold eyes. I could hear the grinding of his teeth and I could smell the anger dripping off him. I could feel the tension flowing through the air.
"What the hell is wrong with you man?"
I looked up at Matthew, his eyes were cold, empty, almost lifeless. His lips were twisted and his head had dropped. Anyone could see he was disappointed in himself. If it wasn't for the disappointment on his face I would have been giving him an earful too. But, he seemed to be beating himself up enough without any contribution from me.
I sighed. "Matthew just doesn't know his own strength," I defended.
"Yeah right," he spat. "Are you ok you looked like you were going to pass out or something?"
I sighed again. "Blood just makes me a little bit woozy," I casually turned back to where Matthew's car sat. Oh, my god how did Zac land all the way across here? We are a long way from the car, we were almost at the school's double doors. I turned back to Matthew he seemed to have followed my gaze. He must have some amount of strength to have done that to Zac.
"How did you do that?"
"I have to get a book from the library I'll catch up with you later." Without another word, he disappeared. I turned to Zac who looked shocked by Matthew's sudden disappearance. I wasn't, I will figure him out one way or another. It's just a matter of putting all the pieces of the puzzle together.
I turned back to Zac and decided to change the subject.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"I need to get this looked at," he moaned.
I would go with him but I don't think I would be able to stand the sight of blood again. He wandered off leaving me standing alone in the courtyard with everyone staring at me. I made my way through the double doors as the bell rang, it wasn't long before Paige was at my back.
She took a deep breath before her words started running out one after the other. "What happened back there? I mean one minute Zac was coming over to talk to you about tomorrow and then next he is on the other side of the courtyard flat on his back."
Oh, great she saw. "What are we in first?" I asked trying to change the subject.
"English. So......" she edged.
Ms Smith, I am actually looking forward to going to her class for once, Paige is always so quiet in that class because she is afraid of Ms Smith's wrath if she catches her talking again. So, I will be free from her questions, for now at least.
I flicked through my mind, finally finding a topic worth discussing. "So, what did Zac want to ask me about the camping trip?"
"Fine don't tell me what is going on," she grumbled.
I gave her an uneasy smile. How can I tell her when I don't even know myself? We arrived at the class and took our seats at the back. I couldn't take my mind off what had happened this morning. How does Matthew have the strength to do what he did? I mean I know people can be strong, but not that strong. It's not right, it's not normal. Not that I know a lot about normal, but I know enough to know that that wasn't it. I covered a piece of paper I was writing on with 666. I kept asking myself the same question over and over, why does Matthew have the symbol of the devil on his neck. I have never seen that on anyone before, I mean didn't the people that gave him It think that it was a little bit weird to get something like that permanently tattooed on yourself. I love Matthew, but there are just so many things that don't seem right about him, so many things that don't add up. And I bet they are all a big part of this secret of his. I can't fully love him if I don't know who he is, and something tells me that this this secret is a big part of him. I need to know before we can take the next step forward in our relationship. At least I hope it's a relationship, he did tell me he loved me after all.
Paige started questioning me again after we left the class, I don't think I will ever be free from her questions.
"What's with this 666 obsession of yours?" she noticed that huh. Why am I not surprised she notices everything, that's probably why her gossip is always so accurate.
"Nothing, I just seen this movie the other night and that was on the cover."
Paige smirked. "Marissa, you are a bad liar I don't even know why you try. What is with you and keeping things to yourself today?"
"Look it's my business what I keep to myself," I snapped.
"Ok don't bite my head off."
My head fell to the floor; I'm not usually this mean I just have a lot on my mind. "Sorry."
"Whatever," she said with a huff as she left me to go to her next class.
I was in chemistry with Matthew, I have so many questions and I know that he won't answer them. As I got to the class he was already sitting there staring at the door way, waiting for me. I locked eyes with him as I crossed the room, his seemed unsettled. His lips were trembling and he was playing with his cuticles. He knew what was coming, there was no way around it.
I sat down next to him. This day has just gone so downhill since this morning, if I could relive the day over I would most definitely consider it. I wouldn't do it as I wouldn't have found out what I did today, but consider it I would.
"How are you?" he mumbled as he bit his lower lip. He casually leaned one arm on my chair and the other sat loosely on the desk.
"How am I?" I said icily. I turned away from him, it hurt me to do it but I had to. He swiftly straightened himself up and pulled himself away from me.
"I'm sorry about this morning, I didn't mean to do what I did."
I turned back around to face him, his eyes were a paler green, as though they had been soaked in water. He was almost in tears; his lips were trembling. He was thoroughly upset with himself about the incident this morning, he was in a lot of pain. I sat my hand on his, he shuddered at my touch but didn't move his hand. I felt the warmth flow through me uncontrollably. Somehow it made me feel better, I don't know why but it did.
"Were you jealous? Because if you were you having nothing to be jealous of. I want you and only you, just please promise me that you won't do anything like that ever again?"
"You are mine and I just don't want anyone else thinking that they can steal you away from me, my temper just got the better of me."
At least he was being honest with me about why he did what he did, that was something. He has far too much power over me with those earthly green eyes, and no matter the reason behind why he was in pain all I wanted to do was take all his pain away no matter the cost. Which got me thinking about what lengths I would go to for Matthew, and honestly, I don't think there was anything I wouldn't do which is kind of scary. But I guess that is what true love is, you go to the ends of the earth for each other, do anything for each other. I never thought that kind of love existed in this world, now I know just how wrong I was about that and I am happy to be proven wrong.
The rest of the day flew by; I still don't quite understand Matthew but I will. As I came out the double doors, I saw him standing across the courtyard with his family. One of his sisters to be specific, I have seen her a few times and all I can see is an aggressive girl. I don't want to dislike her as she is his sister, but it wouldn't kill her to be nice. If she wants respect from me, she must earn it just like everybody else. I don't believe you should get someone's automatic respect, you should have to earn it just like you earn everything else in life.
As far as I can see it doesn't look like a pleasant conversation in the slightest. Matthew was standing up as tall as a tree, he was leaning over her staring her down. I had never realised quite how tall he was, until now. His fists were clenched and his eyes were glued to her, his body was as still as a statue. She didn't look threatened at all, she was standing her ground with him, and with his sudden body movement you could feel the intensity of the words she was unleashing. Her hair was lifted high by the ever-growing winds and thrown forward towards Matthew's face slapping across his skin. I could feel a shiver creep up my spine, making the hairs on my neck stand up. I could feel my feet begin to move towards them, they had a mind of their own these days. As I got closer I could hear my name being mentioned quite a few times.
Did she have a problem with me? If she did I don't know why, it's not like I had ever spoken a single word to her or done anything to her to make her dislike me. But, something tells me she is the kind of girl that can hate someone for no reason at all. She has the look of a queen bitch, I feel bad saying that about Matthew's sister but I can't help but feel that it's true. I don't know whether I should try to befriend her or just hate back. I am not the type of person who hates other people without even trying to get to know them and she is his sister after all. So, I guess I'll have to try to make things work with her.
I saw them both turn towards me in an instant, if I had even blinked for a second I think I would have missed it. Their heads moved faster than I would have thought to be humanly possible. Their eyes sent a chilling feeling through me, they were so black I thought they would consume me. Their eyebrows were scrunched together creasing the skin. Matthew's lips were pursed and I think, no I know that his sister is snarling, but not at him, at me.
He straightened his face as he looked at me, he came to my side and slid his fingers between mine. My mind and heart was sent to planet Matthew as the heat waves from his skin washed over me.
"Jessica leave us. Now." His jaw tightened but he kept his smile in place with some effort. Jessica, so that was her name. I don't know much about Matthew's family but then again, he doesn't know much about mine either. He seems to keep that part of his life hush hush, could It be related to his secret possibly or was his secret his own burden to bear? I suppose he has his reasons like I have mine. The tears started to well up in my eyes, I held them back and tried to force my feelings to the back of my mind where they belong.
"Marissa, are you......"
"Fine," I replied sharply.
He seemed shocked by my sudden reaction, but his attention was turned back to Jessica. Thankfully. Her foot was tapping restlessly against the cold concrete. And a loud, crackly noise escaped from her lips.
Mathew gave her the most terrifying look I have ever seen. "Did you not hear me before? Leave now," he spoke his words as clear as crystal.
She stalked off towards her car, a Lamborghini Gallardo in racing green, now that was a nice car, I would die to have a car just like it. A girl can dream, can't she? Maybe Matthew can borrow it and let me feel what it's like to be behind the wheel of a car like that. Although I don't think Jessica is very happy with him right now and she doesn't like me, so my chances were slim. Can't hurt to ask though, right?
"Do you think you could take me out in that car one day?"
An awkward smile erupted on his face, as he stroked my cheek with his long fingers. "Maybe when Jessica is in a much better mood, whenever that will be."
I guessed from is tone that she isn't happy very often. Shame. You only live one life, so live a happy one. At least that's what Gwen always told me.
"I need to leave you for a moment, I was so busy arguing that I forget to get my assignment, it won't take me long." He kissed me on the forehead and separated his fingers from mine.
I stood waiting on Matthew when I felt someone grip my arm, I turned around to find Zac staring at me. "How can you still talk to him after what he did to me. I told you he was bad news and you didn't listen, now I'm telling you again stay away from him that guy is trouble. You would be better off with........." he trailed off.
"What a guy like you?"
It hurt me to be so mean to him, he had a right not to like Matthew especially after today. But, that doesn't give him the right to demand I feel the same way he does.
"Zac please don't tell me what to do and who to talk to, I love Matthew and I won't give up on him."
I turned away and saw Matthew already gone through the double doors, but I couldn't move Zac's grip was even stronger than before.
"Zac let go of me now," I demanded.
"I can't let you go to him, he is a danger to you and everyone else."
I turned back around, I tried to get free from his grip but I couldn't he was too strong. He has the cheek to criticise Matthew when he is the one hurting me. I don't know how to get away from him, I'm weak and I don't have the power to do it on my own. I would ask for help but I couldn't see any of my friends and Matthew was still away getting his assignment. I kept pulling trying to get free from his grip, I don't know what else to do.
"Let go of her, now."
I looked to my side, Matthew stood there with his assignment gripped tightly in his hand giving Zac a look more chilling than that of the freezing wind. Zac loosened his grip of me immediately without uttering a single word.
How did Matthew get over here so quickly? I looked what felt like a few seconds ago, and he was nowhere in sight. How is he doing this? I just don't understand it at all, is he even human? That's a silly question considering I don't believe in the supernatural. But, nothing else was logical enough to give any other reason to what Matthew was and how he could do things that were out of the ordinary. I want there to be a logical explanation so badly, but I'm afraid that there isn't one.
"And don't ever touch her again or you will live to regret it," he warned as he lightly pushed me behind him as if to protect me.
"I didn't mean to hurt her ok, I just don't want her to be around you," he spat.
Matthews fists clenched so tightly I thought he was going to break his skin with his sharp nails, but no blood came.
"And you think you get to make her decisions for her?"
"Calm down lover boy I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself now," he chuckled conveniently not answering Matthew's question.
Matthew punched him with such force I actually heard his nose break as he fell to the ground, blood started gushing from it instantly. He looked shocked, I don't think he expected Matthew to hit him. I wanted to go to Zac to make sure that he was ok, but blood and I are not a good combination. Before I could even decide what to do next Zac was on his feet and throwing a punch at Matthew, but Matthew was too quick. He moved out of the way and Zac ended up punching me.
I fell to the ground instantly, he could definitely throw a punch there was no doubt about it. My cheek felt like it was on fire, I bruise like a peach my jaw is not going to be a pretty picture tomorrow. I felt tears streaming down my face stinging my cheek as they went. I got a metallic taste as blood spurted out of my lip. The sheer force and the blood made me feel dizzy, everything was spinning and nothing was clear anymore it was one big blur. My eyes were wanting to close and I didn't have the strength to fight them.
I awoke in the nurse's office, my face hurt so much more than it did before I feel like I have just been hit by a truck or something. And my lip stung, I could feel how swollen it was it feels like I've just been to dentist. When they give me a jag to numb me, my lip always feels swollen, except this time I can feel the pain, all of it.
I looked over to find Matthew by side, he wasn't looking at me he was looking down with a broken face. He would blame himself for this, if he hadn't moved out of the way Zac would never have punched me. He would be the one lying here instead of me, but he can't blame himself. Everything happened so quickly, it was an accident. Whenever two boys fight over a girl it never did end well. And I am partly to blame I led Zac on when I agreed to hang out with him some time, I should have stuck to my instincts when I said no the first time. Sometimes I wonder whether I should please people or do the right thing, it isn't always possible to do both. Upsetting someone in the short term can be the best thing in the long term. I won't be making the same mistake twice, I need to be honest and deal with the consequences.
"Matthew," I muttered.
His head flew up so quickly I thought I was seeing things again. He took my hand and moved closer, he searched my eyes looking for answers.
"I'm fine, I'm just a little battered and bruised," I tried to smile to reassure him but it hurt too much.
He took a cold ice pack off the table next to me and lightly held it against my face, god that felt good. I'm sure it will help with the swelling, I still want to go on this camping trip tomorrow battered and bruised or not.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let this happen I'm meant to protect you," he moaned.
I sighed, "Matthew it was an accident, these things happen please don't worry about it. What's done is done, and anyway it's my fault too I led Zac on when I told him that I would hang out with him."
"Did you tell him it would be a date?" he questioned.
"No."
"Then it's not your fault, if he jumps to conclusions then that's his problem not yours. He is right though, you should stay away from me. I took my anger at myself for not staying away from you out on him and I'm sorry for that. He pointed out my weakness and rubbed it in my face, and I lost it."
"Why should you stay away from me?"
"I am dangerous, I am not good for you."
"Don't you think that's for me to decide? It's not Zac's choice and it's not yours either, it's mine."
"I know love, that's why I'm here."
He stroked my face lightly with his fingertips, "As long as you want me, I'll be here."
I took a deep breath and sighed in relief, I was always going to want him and now I know I will never lose him unless I choose to.
I need to speak less, talking hurts way too much right now. I feel like I am talking with my mouth full, at least that is what I think I must sound like to Matthew.
"Please just rest love, we can talk more about this later we need to focus on getting you better," he said as he made a pained smile.
Once I had managed to drink some water and the nurse was sure that wouldn't collapse she allowed us to leave. Matthew took my hand filling me with his heat, I could bask forever in the warmth of his sunshine.
He led me out of the school and across the courtyard to his car, he opened my door and let me slide in before he appeared at my side. He revved the engine and started driving us off down the road.
"Where is Zac, is he ok?"
He sighed, a long, gusty sound, he seemed to be trying to let go of some of his anger.
"He's fine just a broken nose."
"Is he away home or did he have to go to the hospital?"
"What does it matter?" he snapped.
I recoiled away from him, he's never spoken to me like this before. I didn't know what to say, he was scaring me. In times like this I wonder how much of Zac's warning was jealousy and how much of It was true.
He turned around to face me before reverting his eyes back to the road. "I'm sorry I don't mean to be like this, I'm just angry. But, still it's no excuse. He's away to the hospital as far as I know."
"I'll text him later to see if he is still coming tomorrow."
"You're still going?" he asked shocked.
"Of course, I don't want to let my friends down, I'm fine just a little beaten up."
He shuddered at my words. "Please be careful, for me. I couldn't bare it if anything happened to you."
"You know I will."
I tried to sound reassuring I'm always getting myself into situations and getting myself hurt and most of the time it's my own fault that I get hurt.
"And if Zac does go tomorrow, he better be on his best behaviour, or he will have me to answer to."
Matthew is so protective, and don't get me wrong it's a good thing and I do appreciate it, but he needs to calm down a little from what I've seen today he has the tendency to overreact.
I don't want to go home right now; I am too wired and I think a bit of fresh air will do me good. I heard that St Mary's church had computers, I think I have enough clues now to try and help me discover Matthew's secret. I don't know if the web will even help, but it's worth a shot. I can't ask him to drop me off or it would look too suspicious. I will walk there; it can't be that far. The car stopped to a halt as we reached my house.
Again, he left me with the words, "Be safe."
I let a pained smile go. "I'll try."
And with that Matthew jumped out of the car and whirled round to my side to let me out. With one long last look, he jumped back into the car and sped off down the road. I waited for a few seconds before I set off down the street to find the church. A small part of me feels like I am betraying him by doing this, but I must know the truth once and for all. I felt like I had been walking for forever, I crossed the Pont-Y-Pair bridge that had been built in 1468, I followed all of the signs that pointed in the direction of the church, when I eventually came upon it. I walked through the open black gates and found myself in a graveyard. I looked up at the sky the clouds were joining forces, unleashing lashes of wind down on the helpless people below. I had to wrap my cardigan tightly around me, it was getting so cold. I could feel a light drizzle of rain start to come down, I hurried along so as not to get caught in a down pour if it were to follow. My eyes were suddenly drawn to the gravestones, they looked very old, the writing was faded and the stone was cracked. Some leaves had grown from the earth and had started crawling over them, some were rotting away. I could smell nothing; the air was cold and crisp. A sudden chill creeped up my spine, graveyards give me the heebie jeebies. The more I stared at them the more I realised that these graves must have been here for a long, long time. There were a few nearer the church which were not new, but more recent. As I got nearer to them I found a name I recognised, it can't be. The gravestone read – Matthew Halliwell 1913 – 1930.
But how can that be? He's here alive and walking around. Is that part of his secret? Is he on the run? This doesn't make any sense; I need to find answers and I need to find them now. It can't wait any longer, not even a second longer. There is no way that this gravestone being here with his exact name on it is just a coincidence, and anyway I don't believe in coincidences. You may think he must just have a distant relation with the same name, but he has never told me he originated here.
I walked on forward until I got to the top step of the church, it's now or never. I took the final step in towards the church, as I looked inside I saw its true beauty. There were two rows of fine dark wooden seats with a bible sitting upon each and every seat in sight, a row of cream and grey bricked perfectly curved arches stood on either side. As I walked down the centre of the church I stumbled upon a beautifully candle lit alter, the wooden floor creaked below me. Oh, no not another creaky floor, I hear enough creaks in my own bedroom. I looked up and found detailed coloured glass which let a little light fall through down the centre of the church. It is so picturesque and it smells strongly of incense.
Ok I can't get side tracked I need to find those computers, I found them as I crossed over to the other side and turned into one of the little rooms. I placed myself down onto one of the seats and began to surf the net. But what to type in first, I sat deep in thought twiddling my thumbs deep in thought for a moment or two. Eventually I typed in 666 and that's when I found it. I double clicked on every link on the first page. I just couldn't believe what I was reading, but there was no getting away from it they all pointed back to the same conclusion.
I felt like I was looking into a twisting spiral that was pulling me deeper and deeper under its spell. Words were appearing and swirling around me, imprinting themselves upon my brain. I didn't feel like I was in the church computer area anymore. I felt like I was floating in the abyss and I was being sucked into a massive black hole. Every clue I had ever seen started to join with the words in front of my very eyes. Everything began to make sense to me now, or no sense at all if that makes sense.
The hotness that penetrated from his skin, the force he threw Zac at with his car door, when he told me he knew how I felt about him, the way he appeared at my side in a matter of seconds, saving me at Harlech beach, talking about the presence of my soul, the puzzle was complete.
The hot temperature, super hearing, super strength, super speed, sensing souls and......and......I just couldn't bring myself to even think about what came next. I now understand why Matthew kept his distance from people, maybe the presence of their souls was too much to bare. But, if he is evil then why should he care about controlling himself. Then it occurred to me, he did say that it was a secret he was at liberty to reveal. So, being a devil had to be kept a secret from the world. If he lost control his secret would be out and it would create mass panic. Perhaps this is why he doesn't understand why I love him, any sane person would say that you can't love the devil. This is why he thought I wouldn't want to know him if I found out his secret because I would be afraid of him sucking my soul. He didn't accept me calling him my guardian angel or my hero because he was in fact the exact opposite. He knew he was a monster.
Even though I love him more than words I don't think I will ever be able to accept the whole human soul sucking thing. It's too much, but I just can't see or think of Matthew as a murderer. I can't believe it, I finally found someone who can help me move on from my past, someone who I love, someone who I thought to be the other half of me, and they turn out to be a devil. I know everything is telling me that he is evil, that he is dangerous. But, I just can't bring myself to believe. I don't know if it's because I don't want to believe it or because I seem to have found a reason to live in the darkness. I'm happy that he isn't perfect either, but this is a lot to take in.
I always knew that devils existed, there is too much evil in the world for them not to. And if devils exist then so must Satan, he is condemned together with the fallen angels he has created to eternal fire. Fallen angels terrorise the world through evil, they are a divine force that wreck suffering, death, and destruction, who tempt and command humanity into committing mayhem and genocide.
Satan is meant to be the son of God, the Son of the Morning, The Son of the Dawn or as most people know him, Lucifer. God created him from fire, but he never expected that to make his son into what it did. But, when Satan was born it gave the world balance. There was too much good in the world, good needed evil and now it had given evil a home, hell. God expelled Satan from heaven, he made him the first and only true fallen angel.
I believed in God once, but he didn't save the one I loved the most even though I prayed and prayed to him to save his life. On the day, he died I lost all belief in any form of God, what good was belief when it didn't do anything for me. If God does exist, I would like to ask him why, why he let my brother die. I not only lost him that day, I lost my beliefs, I lost myself and only now thanks to Matthew am I finding my way back.
I would be lying if I said that this doesn't scare me, it does. But, my gut tells me that he is worth fighting for and my gut is never wrong. How am I going to face Matthew on Monday? I need time to process all of this, his big, dark secret. My belief in God died when Daniel did, and now Matthew is making m question my beliefs all over again. I don't what to believe anymore, I don't know what's real and what's fictional. I don't even know who I am anymore, I've always been lost but just when I think I know who I am everything is thrown up in the air. I am one big emotional mess, part of me wants to find Matthew right now and have it out with him. The other part of me Is scared of what might happen when I see him. I should wait I can't go in all guns blazing, when I don't even know how I truly feel about all of this. I will wait and speak to him when I'm ready.
I got what I wanted, I thought I would feel a great sigh of relief when I finally found out the truth, I don't. It was one hell of a secret, and I understand why he wanted to keep it.
I now know why he hesitated about me hanging out with him, he didn't want to put me in danger and he didn't want to be a threat to me. I kind of feel better now that I know it wasn't anything to do with me personally. A weird thing to be worrying about right now, but I can't help it. I must put this into a box in the corner of my mind and lock it away until Monday, I have a camping trip to pack for.
I left the church like a shot and sped off down the road towards our little cottage. When I reached the attic, I took my black bag and started to fill it with a selection of things I would need for this camping trip tomorrow. It helped to take my mind off what I had found out in St Mary's church.
Later on, that night Gwen settled Summer down into bed, then we all sat down to have dinner together, it was spaghetti and meatballs tonight. I explained to them everything that happened in school today. Ryan almost phoned both Zac and Matthew's parents when he saw the state of my face. Thankfully, Gwen managed to calm him down she was the more understanding one. I convinced them that I would be ok to go on this camping trip, but they made me promise to have my phone on me at all times and to call if I needed anything. I was just grateful that they were still letting me go, I would do anything to give them piece of mind
"So, are you looking forward to your camping trip tomorrow pumpkin?" Ryan muffled with a mouth full of spaghetti.
"I've never really been camping before, so it will be a new experience," I smiled.
"Who are you going with again?"
"Eh Paige, Danni and Zac and Seth."
Ryan's jaw tightened. "Boys," he retorted. So over protective, that was my dad. "And you tell Zac to keep his fists to himself this time," he moaned.
I sighed. "Two dad and they are just friend's, nothing more and Seth is Danni's boyfriend. Matthew won't be there so I'm pretty sur Zac will be able to keep his fists to himself."
Well I can't speak for Zac as I know that he doesn't just see me as a friend, he wishes that we were something more but, he can keep wishing because nothing and I repeat nothing will ever happen between us.
He relaxed a little bit although I could still see his hand gripped tightly around his fork. "Good keep it that way, you're too young to be dating anyway," he enunciated every word as though he were talking to someone who was deaf.
"Ryan, she is 17 that kind of speech worked when she was 13, 14, it doesn't count for much now," she giggled.
"You can't blame a dad for trying," he moaned. She smiled she knew what he was like just as much as I did. I don't think he thought any guy would ever be good enough for me. Maybe, if he met Matthew he would change his mind. I know he contributed to me getting punched in the face, but it wasn't his fault not completely anyway. Apart from the devil thing, he was the perfect guy in every single way possible. I sighed, that just reminded me how much I wanted to speak with Matthew and find a way to get past this. But, on another note I was dreading it, this is the only thing that has been stopping us from taking that leap further into our relationship, if you could even call it that. I am afraid that once that thing is gone things will get even more complicated. I don't like things being complicated, but if it means getting to be with Matthew then it's a price I shall have to pay. Any sane girl would out now while she still could. But, not me. He has made me want to live again and he has given me a reason to be alive. If I don't have him I will just go back to being an empty shell again and I can't go back to that I won't survive a second time. I will face anything to be with him, and if it costs me my life one day then it was worth the risk.
"Remember to take your phone with you," she reminded me.
"It's already packed mum," I said as I took the last bite of dinner, I stood up from the table and I placed my plate in the sink. "Right I'm off to bed," I said just managing to let a stiff yawn escape.
"Wow that's just hitting nine o'clock, late for you."
I could sense sarcasm in his voice, hanging out with Matthew had definitely taught me a few things. I smiled my irritated smile and left the kitchen. I climbed the stairs two at a time, eager to get some peace and quiet. I would be better off getting plenty of sleep, who knows what time I'll be up until tomorrow night.
I creaked across the floorboards as a soft voice reached my ears. 'Please I need your help, and I need it now.'
I don't understand this, I just don't understand. Who is speaking to me, this is not normal. Then again, I'm not normal. I've never been a great believer in the supernatural, but Matthew is opening my eyes god only knows what else exists out there. If I am meant to figure this out I will, if not then I won't. I am a great believer in fate, if it is meant to be it shall be. Maybe Daniel was meant to die, perhaps it was his fate and nothing could save him from it not even God. But, I just don't believe that it was his time to die he had so much still to offer the world. He was training to become a medic, he was going to save so many lives. Why take the life of someone that was going to save so many more? His death will haunt me until the day I die because I will never be able to make any sense out of it.
That reminded me of something that I used to believe, I believed that you should always be able to sense when a loved one is in danger. If I had before the incident, it would never have happened. I should have felt something, but I didn't and I have blamed myself ever since. We were closer than any two people could ever be, I always felt that we had a strong connection but obviously, it wasn't strong enough. My eyes welled up and tears were rolling down my face, it was my most painful memory and one I shall never forget as long as I live. The pain of my loss was gripping me, I have been fighting this pain for so long I just can't cope with it anymore.
I curled up in my bed, shut my eyes and let my unconscious willingly take me over. Everything went red, Matthew was standing there with horns coming out of his head and he was growling fiercely like a vicious animal. You would think that I would be terrified, but I wasn't. You may call me stupid, but I couldn't help but be a little curious. If it was even possible, I felt drawn to him even more than I had been before. Was I the girl that fell for bad boys, possibly the baddest of them all? No I can't be, Matthew wasn't bad although he may do some not so nice things when I'm not around. My head was all jumbled, I was torn. On one hand Matthew was this beautiful, amazing guy and on the other he was this evil devil that sucked human souls. It didn't seem to matter which one it was, or if it was both, I loved him and that was enough. At least I hoped It would be.
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