I'm back sorry it took so long. I don't know when the next one will be I have a lot of school stuff going on but it shouldn't take this long.
Xoxo bella
Ch20 Sweeney's POV
I drink until i fall asleep the image of Nellie kissing that man burning in my mind i had go there just in time. Of course i was angry but more than that i was hurt. It was like a burn to my soul and in that moment i just wanted to kill that man. Me and Eleanor may not be on the best of terms but we were getting there day by day then he just had to come and ruin it. I wake up early morning i walk past Nellie's room and look in seeing she's asleep. I walk up to my shop and start to pause a pain in my heart I've only felt twice before.
Some years ago
Walking home from the market with little Johanna in her carriage i stop and buy some flowers for Lucy. Handing one of the fresh days to Johanna who is in her light pink outfit looking so cute. I smile at the precious child as i walk the few blocks home. I look in the the Lovett's pie shop seeing it closed since it's Sunday i set the cart aside and grab Johanna and the flowers.
"You think mummy will like them" i say as she looks at me with her big eye as i head up the stairs.
"So do i" i reply and she giggles at me i open the door to see a man dressed smartly in a suit standing in front of lucy with her pressed against the wall. I make no sudden movement of them seem to have noticed i entered the room. In a moment i notice he's kissing her as she tangles her hands in his hair once i realize this i drop the flowers causing them to break apart.
"Ben um this is just. It's not " she stammers and i stare dumbfounded at the pair the man i recognize as some sort of judge who i'm not all too familiar with. I let out a shaky breath.
"Out" i say glaring at the man and he just smirks at me my temper flaring i set johanna down and slam one of my razors on the table.
"Out i said" i scream lucy jumps a little the man take one last look at my beloved before leaving once gone i sit in my care and lucy comes and nearly in front of my. My heart is pumping fast how could she do this to me.
"Ben i'm so sorry he was just" she starts in a near whisper moving her long golden hair out of the way.
"How long"i ask staring out of the window i keep as calm as i can with johanna in the room she sits there on the floor playing with the flower that had fallen to the ground. Sparse petals scatter the hardwood floor.
"What" she asks not hearing me. I stand up and walk away from her.
"How long have you been seeing him" i say louder this time turning around quickly she backs up a step in reflex. I've never been i harsh or unreasonable man but i'm not as weak she she think i am she's never seen this side of and for good reason i would never want to hurt her i love her after all.
"Bengerman" she says in a sweet voice coming closer to me she lifts her hand to my face but i grab her wrist tightly in anger.
"How long lucy" i yell johanna start to cry in the corner of the room i've never really raised my voice to her sure we've gotten into fights but she's only the yelling i would snap occasionally but never raise my voice that much. I look at my daughter apologetically.
"You're hurting me" lucy cries out but i just stare at her until she finally answers.
"A while after johanna was born" she replied and i drop her hand. That means almost half a year she's been seeing him.
"You hypocrite" i whisper staring at the ground lucy moves to pick up johanna who is crying and huses her softly bouncing her on her hip.
"what " she say a she wipes a fallen tear from her face.
"You're a hypocrite you accuse me of being unfaithful or wanting to leave you but youl... you deceitful bi.." i stop myself looking at my daughter i turn around and run out of our house quickly hearing her calling my name in the distance but i keep walking. I'm not trying to run away from my problems but it's just so hard i can still see the look on that man's face as he put his hands on my lucy. I continue walking i seem to do that a lot lately it helps me think. Eventually i come to the park and sit under a tree and start to cry at my pathetic excuse for a life.
"Sweeney" nellie timid voice calls pulling me from my painful memory then and when i was taken away were the only times i felt such pain that was until yesterday. She looks at me hesitantly and i look away from her.
"I'm sorry" she whispers. Her hand on her swollen stomach as she walks over to me. I stare at the floor trying to keep my expression neutral.
"I thought we were... i thought we were doing well" i whisper with a note of bitterness in my voice. I know it's wrong of me to expect her to forgive me so easily but i thought having the child and all and with her moving back into the shop.
"We were love but... i don't know how i feel about any of it really" she says softly tears pricking in her eyes i hate seeing her cry like this it breaks what left of my heart.
"Do you love him" i ask not looking at her she opens and closes her mouth thinking about her answer carefully. She takes longer to answer then i thought she would which scares me.
"I don't love him, there is something but it isn't love" she says honestly and i let out a small sight it's not love but it is something and by the looks of it it's more than just lust..
"I'm not making any serious decisions while im pregnant" she says and i look up at her she walks closer to me and leans up and kisses my cheek softly.
"You're the only one i ever really loved" she whispers in my ear before walking out. I don't know what she meant exactly but she is as always a bloody wonder.