Diane
I am at a loss for words after hearing Ethan tell me how my family has suffered the past six months. It feels strange saying 'my family' but that's who they are to me, and it's time for me to live my life. When I think of what I have lost because someone carelessly got behind the wheel of his car drunk, I want to lash out and hurt him. It makes me even angrier to know my children suffered because of what happened to me. I lost precious time with my kids, time that I will never get back. I already see a change in Kellie. My daughter has grown a few inches since I've been sick. I wonder what Joey will look like when I see him later this morning.
I cannot think about what I've lost, because if my mind goes to that dark place, I will go insane. It also angers me that my parents acted so horribly not only towards me but also to Ethan and Jerry. I remember what Ethan told me about the surgery and their accusations. God, it scares me knowing I almost died during the operation. You take life for granted, and you just don't realize that in the blink of an eye, your entire world could end. When I think about it, I want to cry. Today is not the day for sad memories. Today is a day for celebrating life. I don't want to live with the dark memories. However, they flood my mind constantly since I woke up. I remember how it felt to be entrenched in total darkness, with no hope of light. Ethan's voice breaks through the sadness.
"What is on your mind sweetheart?"
"What am I not thinking about? My mind is a whirlwind of memories, and most of them are not good ones. I know I will need some type of counseling, and I'll do whatever it takes to live with these memories. I want you to come with me."
"I think we could both benefit from counseling. You see, I also have bad memories, and we can't push them aside. We must face them to get past them. Now, let's get you out of bed and dressed before Joey comes home. We should get some food into your stomach. Do you feel hungry?"
"Yes, I'm starving, but how can I eat?"
"I have that covered my darling. Mom went shopping early this morning and bought a ton of baby food. Also, I can make you a protein drink, but first I need to show you how to swallow while we wait for your first therapy appointment. It's simple really. Because the esophagus branches off in three different directions, we must be careful that you do not aspirate liquids. Therefore, when you have something in your mouth as I showed you earlier, lower your head until your chin touches your chest, then swallow. This way, the liquid goes up over the larynx, and into your stomach, rather than your lungs. We'll work on this honey. Don't worry about anything. I'll be with you for all meals. I also have a box of Thicken that Craig gave me. You need liquids, and this will add bulk to whatever you drink, which will also help you to not aspirate."
"This is a lot to take in Ethan. I'm a little scared."
"Don't be honey. You have me, and I'll take care of you."
"What would I do without you? I'm a mess."
I laugh at her description, "Well, yes, you are, but you're my mess, and I love you madly."
"Oh Ethan, I don't know what I would do without you. I hope one day to return those words to you."
"I know baby. You are the other half of my heart. I am nothing without you, and I will wait for however long it takes for you to say those words to me."
"Stop before you make me cry. There has been enough crying in this house to last a lifetime. I want today to be a happy day."
"I can almost guarantee more crying when Joey gets home in a few hours."
"Well then, I need to look good for my son. Help me get dressed, and ask Catherine to come up and help me with my makeup. I don't want to look sick when Joey gets home."
Thirty minutes later, Diane is dressed in a comfortable pair of sweats and a loose-fitting sweatshirt. "Sit tight, and I'll get Mom for you. And, by the way, you look beautiful, with or without makeup."
Ethan
The house smells fantastic with the scent of turkey cooking in the oven. I feel sorry that Diane will not be able to share dinner with us, but it's not about the food, it's about the people who share this day with you. I sneak up on my mom and plant a kiss on her neck. She screeches and almost hits me with a spatula.
"What the hell are you doing sneaking up on an old woman? Do you want to give me a freaking heart attack?"
"No Mom, sorry if I scared you. Do you have a few minutes to help Diane? She wants to put on some makeup for Joey. She wants to look good for him."
My mom's eyes fill with tears. God, I wish everyone would stop crying. My heart can't take it much longer. "Please Mom, no more tears. We must put this behind us. I know it will be difficult, but I want us to have a positive vibe around Diane. She's already apprehensive. Can you do that for me, and for Diane?"
"Of course I can. I'm just so happy to have Diane home again. I can't promise I won't cry today, but I'll put a cork in it if it makes Diane feel less nervous."
"She needs some time to relax and absorb everything. We are in for a few tough months, as she comes to grips with what happened to her. I want you and Dad to keep an eye out, and if you see something's not right, I need to know about it as soon as possible."
"I will watch over her son, and I know Dad will keep an eye on her. We've missed her terribly, and I expect we'll be all over her for a few weeks. Dad is very perceptive to this type of issue. I know he'll be looking for any signs of PTSD. We both will, I promise."
"Thanks, Mom. I don't know what I would have done the past few months without the two of you helping me. I'll never be able to tell you how much I love both of you."
My mother throws herself into my chest and holds me tight. I wrap my arms around her and breathe in the familiar scent of her perfume. When I hear a throat clearing, I look over to see my dad standing by the kitchen door. He walks over to us and wraps my mother and me in a bear hug. We stay like this for a few minutes until I hear Kellie come into the room.
"Why is everyone hugging? Can I get a hug too?"
I release my mom and bend down to pick up my daughter. When Kellie's arms go around my neck, I hold my daughter like my life depended on it. I think she senses something in me. I see my mom leave the room, and at that moment, I feel a sense of total peace.
*****
I receive a frantic call from my son at approximately eleven eighteen in the morning. Joey waited exactly three minutes to place the call.
"Dad, why is Uncle Jerry picking me up at the train station? Why aren't you here? Is something wrong with Mom?"
"Ok, son, back up a minute. First, Uncle Jerry volunteered, and I accepted his offer. Second, there is nothing wrong with Mom. I wanted to sleep a little late this morning and took him up on his offer. You can cool your jets and get your ass home son."
"God, I was so nervous Dad. Are you sure everything is ok?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Granny cleaned your room the other day, and we are ready and waiting for you to come home. She also made your favorite dessert, mince pie."
"Yeah, I was hoping she would make that for me. We'll be home in a little over an hour. There is a lot of traffic from the train station."
"Tell your Uncle to drive safe. He is carrying precious cargo."
"Give it a rest, Dad. I'll see you soon."
"Love you, Joey."
"I know, I love you too Dad. Ask Granny to warm up a piece of pie for me. I can't wait until after dinner."
"No worries son. She made three pies just for you."
"Damn, I love her. We'll be home soon. Uncle Jerry is on I-95 now."
*****
After ending the call with Joey, I run up to our bedroom, and my heart almost stops when I see Diane sitting on the edge of the bed. She looks like a little girl in some ways. Her body has shown signs of her illness. I can see that she's lost weight, and her limbs look too thin. It will take months for her to regain muscle tone, but I know she can do it because I also see the determination in her eyes. I shove down the emotions and walk over to her. When she looks up at me, she smiles.
"I look pretty good, don't I? Catherine did an excellent job with the makeup. At least I don't look sick."
"Honey, all of us knows what you've been through, and you don't have to cover up how you feel around us. We understand and want to help you. Promise me that you will always tell Mom, Dad, or me, how you feel, because it is the only way you will recover. Holding in your emotions is not healthy. And one more thing, you look stunning to me. You always have, and nothing will ever change how I see you, or how my heart feels about you. We are in this together, and it doesn't matter if you look like an old hag! I'll still love you."
Diane lowers her head, and I see her hands trembling. "What did I ever do to deserve such a beautiful, loving, and caring husband?"
"Um, you said yes?"
"I wish I could remember our wedding. I'm so tired of trying to force myself to remember. If it never happens, I'll have to live with it, and after what I've been through, I'm just happy to be alive. Now, I think it's time you carry me downstairs. Joey will be home soon, and I can't wait to see him."
I lift Diane into my arms and carry her down to the living room. She feels so light in my arms. When I help her get comfortable on the sofa, I walk into the family room and bring in the wheelchair. I place it next to her, and when she looks over at it, I can see the sadness cloud her face. I lean in and whisper, "It's only for a short time honey. The nurses will help you get your strength back."
Diane nods her head yes and takes a deep breath. Before she says anything, Kellie runs into the room and sits next to her. She is overly excited, and she needs to calm down. I sit next to her.
"Kellie honey, I need you to calm down, you'll make yourself sick."
"Sorry Daddy. I'm excited to see Joey. He is going to be so happy to see Mommy."
She gets up and runs to the bay window at least a dozen times before she sees Jerry's SUV coming up the driveway.
"He's here," she screams as she runs for the door. I chase after her and pick her up, but her legs continue to move.
"Go into the kitchen and help Granny make the rolls for dinner, sweetheart."
"Ok, but I don't like it."
I laugh. "I know Kellie. Do it for your brother."
"Ok, ok. I'm going."
Diane
I am holding my breath as I wait for the front door to open. It feels like forever since I've seen Joey, but I know it's only been a few short months. How much has he changed since I last saw him? I want to scream to open the damn door already. Ethan gets up, walks towards the door, and opens it. I know what he is doing. He wants to block Joey's view of me. Oh, god, I hear my son's voice, and its music to my ears. It feels strange calling him my son, but I like how it feels.
"Hey Dad, it's good to be home."
"Damn right it is Joey. I am so happy you're home."
I see Ethan turn around, so he is facing me, and not Joey. He winks at me. I can't hear what he is saying to my son.
"Listen, I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes until you get into the house. I'll lead you, and do not open your eyes until I tell you."
"What is it, a coming home present?"
"Um, yes, you can say that. I know you will love it."
"Ok, now I'm curious. Lead the way Dad."
I see Joey cover his eyes with his hands as Ethan leads him into the room, and walks him over to where I am sitting. I'm so excited I almost say something. My throat feels better that it did this morning. I want to reach out and touch my son. Steve, Catherine, and Kellie walk out of the kitchen, and I raise my finger to my lips, imploring my sweet child to be quiet. Steve solves the problem by covering her mouth with his hand.
"Before you open your eyes, I want you to know that I love you with all that I am, and I am beyond happy having you home again. I am so proud of the young man you've become, and I couldn't be more pleased with your career choice."
"Ok, Dad, you are scaring me. What is it? Can I uncover my eyes now?"
I nod my head yes to Ethan.
"Ok son, look at your surprise!"
My son is staring at me with shock in his eyes. I know of only one thing to say that will convince him that I remember. I raise my arms to him and say, "Can I give you a hug, Joey?" I feel like I'm watching a scene in slow motion. Joey doesn't say anything. He doesn't move from the spot he is standing in. Joey is looking at me and blinking furiously. It takes a few seconds before comprehension sinks in, and in a matter of seconds, my son is on his knees with his hands covering his face, and he is crying. Ethan kneels next to him, and Joey collapses into his father. His sobs echo around the room. I want so much to get off the sofa and hold my son, but my legs are so weak, I'm afraid to move.
"Am I dreaming Dad? Is this really happening?"
"You're not dreaming, Joey. Mom woke up last night, and the first thing she asked for was a picture of you and your sister. She held onto that picture all night."
"I can't believe it. I can't believe it!"
"Believe it son. Why don't you hug your mother? She's been waiting all morning to see you."
Joey looks up at me with tears streaming down his beautiful face, and when I open my arms to him, he leaps off the floor and comes over to sit next to me. One strong arm wraps around me, and I finally feel like I am home. I sigh and lean into him. I feel his lips kiss my temple, and I can no longer hold back the tears.
"I've missed you so much, Mom. I never expected this when I got on the train this morning. Uncle Jerry can keep a good secret."
I sniffle and laugh at the same time. "I wanted it to be a surprise. I want you to know that I still do not have my memories, but it no longer matters to me. I am home where I belong with all of you."
"Oh, Mom, you'll never know how much I missed talking to you. This is the happiest day of my life because my best friend came back to me."
Ok, that got to all of us, and when I look up, everyone is crying, even Kellie. I reach out to her, and she sits on my left. I finally have my two children in my arms, and it feels wonderful. When I look up at Ethan, his father has his arms around his son, and I can see his tear stained face. Will he ever tell me just how difficult the past six months was for him? I intend to ask him tonight, and I want him to tell me the truth. However, for the rest of the day, there will be no tears, only laughter.