42. Josette Winchester: Ex-Hunter, Mother, Wayward Woman
I know I need sleep, but I can't let her go. I don't want to part with her. My little girl, all bundled up in my arms. At least I know she'll sleep, she's out cold. She'd come into this world screaming. Everyone was freaked out when the lights flickered and one of the bulbs shattered. I'll bet that has never happened during a delivery before.
The hospital staff will never know why the lights flickered, but I will. And it wasn't because of demons.
"I can take her, if you want," Cas tells me quietly.
"Now you want to hold her?" I'd offered the chance to Cas when she'd been first born, but he'd declined.
"Like you said, I won't drop her."
I smile. I'd told him that once before, back when he was human, babysitting for a woman he thought he had a chance with. "If you're sure."
"She's my daughter, Josette."
"Alright. Here."
Cas stands up as we exchange our little girl. He sits back down, I see the blankets wiggle a bit. I rest against the bed, feeling my eyes already start to close slightly.
"She's perfect."
"She's ours. Of course she's perfect," I joke. "Our little Fallon."
A knock against the door makes us both turn. Sam looks like hell, but he looks like he's trying to hold it together, for my sake. He looks exhausted and stressed. Once Fallon was born, and once everything was settled, Sam had left the room for a bit. I know why: to grieve for our older brother. Our older brother who would never get to meet his niece, Fallon Celeste Winchester.
I'm glad to see Sam's come back, I was beginning to think he wasn't going to.
"Get some shuteye when you were out there?" I ask Sam.
"Maybe a wink or so." He steps into the room cautiously.
"You should've stayed out there, could've slept better on a couch than one of these uncomfortable chairs."
"Says the woman in the bed."
"My body is sore, Sam. Nothing feels comfortable right now."
"How is she?"
"Sleeping."
"Like her mother should be," Cas scolds me lightly. I stick my tongue out at him. "Once you and the baby are healthy enough, we can get you discharged and..."
I know the word "home" is on the tip of Cas's tongue, but when we look at each other, we know that's not an option right now. Going back to the bunker means going back to the place where echoes of Dean's presence remains. Sam and I aren't ready to go back there. "We'll figure out something."
"I already found your solution," says Sam.
"Did you?"
"Yeah. I got a hold of Jody and told her the news. We talked a little more, and, she offered her place up to you until you find a place of your own."
"Sammy...Thank you."
"Hey, don't thank me, Jody's the one who offered."
Even Sam knows that it's not right for me to return to the bunker. That place isn't baby-proof. A baby shouldn't be there in general. It's not the life that I want for her. "You'll drive me there, right?"
"Of course."
Fallon makes a noise in the blankets, and Cas rocks her lightly in his arms. "If you want to hold her, you might have to fight for her. Cas just took her off my hands."
"I've got all the time in the world to hold her," says Cas, who rises. "She needs to meet her uncle."
Sam edges in closer. I see how big he and Cas are compared to Fallon. I can only imagine how things will be when she gets older. She'll be so fascinated with their height. But she won't get to meet her Uncle Dean.
The sight brings somber thoughts to my mind, but I try to look as though I'm not affected. This is a happy time. Dwell on the sad later. I'm a mom now. Sam's an uncle. Cas is a dad. And I...I'm no longer a hunter. The thought resonates with me for a bit.
I'm out, for good. Fallon is my key out. I can start anew, move in with Jody, Alex, and Claire until I'm on my feet. They're doing me a huge favor, a bigger one than they can ever possibly know. But what about Sam and Cas? What will they do? Can I even bring myself to ask Cas to help me raise Fallon full-time like I will?
Just when I feel like I have things sort of planned out, I don't.
* * *
It's another quiet ride in the Impala as Sam drives us to Jody's place. I've got my newborn daughter in my arms. The nurses almost had to fight me for custody of her when I got discharged. They all wanted to steal her from me out of envy. For once, there's something in my life that people wanted to have.
I breathe deeply. I've got to learn to be a mother. Too bad I didn't have time to read "Motherhood for Dummies". I'm sure there's a book like that, there's a lot of things for dummies.
I can feel Cas's gaze from the mirror up front, Sam's focused on driving. He needs the focus. We all need the good distraction right now. Maybe I can convince Sam to stay too, for a few days. Just until I know he's better. But would he ever be better, now that we both lost our older brother? Dean's really gone this time. A Winchester failed to cheat death. This made the third of us.
We find the familiar sheriff's truck out in the driveway, so we all know Jody is home. At this point, the girls must be out of school and home for the summer. I wonder if Jody told them.
"Cas, we're fine," I chuckle as he hovers, getting the car door open for me. "No need to hover."
"No matter how many times you say that, I still will."
I look at him sadly. "I know." I peek up front, Sam is still in the driver's seat. I tap on the passenger window and startle him. "You coming, Sam?"
"Uh, y-yeah."
I give Cas a worried side glance as we watch my brother get out of the car.
I have to nudge Sam to knock on the door as I've got full arms. Jody is the one to answer the door, not in sheriff getup.
"Did you miss us?" I ask sheepishly.
"That depends on if you're gonna let me hold her." Jody offers me a teasing smile.
"Damn, I knew it. She's irresistible." I sigh dramatically. "Boys are gonna be hell to chase off."
"Josette," Cas scolds me.
"What?" I look at him, confused.
"No foul language in front of the baby."
I roll my eyes. "She can't speak, Cas."
"Not yet."
"She won't remember it."
"You guys can continue the soap opera in the house, you know," says Jody, sidestepping away to let the three of us in. I'm the first inside, with Cas and Sam in tow. "We've been trying to make things more comfortable for the baby, but, I've been so busy, and I don't trust either of the girls with my truck to run out and grab stuff."
"We'll manage," I tell her. "Thank you, for doing this, Jody. Really."
"Ah, why not? I've already opened my home up to two wayward girls, what's another two gonna hurt?" She looks past me at Sam and Cas. "You boys want to stick around for dinner?"
Neither of them answers at first. I plead at them with my eyes. I don't want Sam out of my sight right now, and I don't want Cas to leave yet either.
"Sure," Sam says quietly.
"Is that Jo?" I hear Claire say from a hall. "She get her ass here finally?"
I hear Cas sigh, and I can't help but laugh a little bit.
Alex and Claire come practically running to meet us at the door. Alex gushes over Fallon, Claire and Cas make an awkward exchange of greetings. Sam, meanwhile, remains his detached self. I quickly hand Fallon over to Jody and pull Sam aside.
"You can stay here too, if you want," I offer.
"Not your place to offer, Jo."
"Sam, I don't want you by yourself."
"I won't be. Got a feeling Cas won't leave me alone." He glances at the group who's fawning over the baby. "You made it, Jo."
"Hopefully for good this time," I say. "You can too. I-I know it's the last thing you want to hear right now, but..."
"That's something I'll have to figure out on my own."
"When I find a place, I'm pulling your sorry ass in with me." I smile weakly. "Family's got to stick together." And I don't want you doing anything stupid on my watch.
"You just don't want me at the bunker."
"Look, it may be home, but..." I can't finish the sentence, I don't want to. Saying it out loud makes Dean's death final. Permanent.
"Jo, I've gotten along just fine on my own before."
I quirk my mouth. "I find it very hard to believe. We Winchesters don't take bad things very well, it's just a fact of life. Listen, I'll try and pull some strings to at least buy you a few days here, so you can sober up a bit. Get away from the bunker."
"You can't keep me from going back there."
"Believe me, I wish I could. Some things are just out of my control." I shrug.
"God, babies are so cute," I hear Alex coo.
"Just wait 'til they start screaming," says Claire. "They're not so cute then."
"Like you've been around a screaming baby before."
"At some point we will. It's the ultimate birth control."
"Other than actual birth control," Jody cuts in. "Anyway, you two can get to know her a little better. Jo, want to help me with dinner?"
"Uh, sure." I glance at Sam uneasily.
Cas and Sam branch off with the girls and Fallon while I help Jody out in the kitchen. Claire and Alex's voices are the most that I hear in the other room.
"So, where's Dean?" Jody asks casually. I stop abruptly. "Jo?"
"He, uh..." I sniffle, holding back the tears.
"Honey, what happened?"
"Let's just get dinner fixed, yeah?"
"Jo, hey." Jody grabs my arm, I pull away. "Come here, knucklehead, I'm trying to hug you." She turns me around, and I fall against her, letting the silent sobs shake my body. "I'm so sorry, Jo."
"He went out saving the world," I mumble into her shoulder. "He didn't get to see her. At least he got to know her name." Almost as if on cue, Fallon starts fussing in the other room. "It's sick; she's born, and her other uncle bites it."
"God works in mysterious ways."
I wince. Jody has no idea how true those words are.
"Josette," says Cas. Fallon's cries are louder now. Hastily, I wipe away the tears and leave Jody, finding our daughter crying in her father's arms. He looks panicked, and I'm brought back to the last time he got frustrated over a baby's cry.
"You know what to do," I say softly. "Like the last baby you watched over. Sing to her."
"I-I don't know any songs."
"Yeah, you do. Sing our song."
At first, the lyrics don't calm Fallon down, she continues to wail. But, like me, as she tunes into Cas's soft, off-tune voice, her cries settle. I feel myself relax too. Claire and Alex watch with interest, Claire in slight discomfort. Sam watches with blank interest. Cas is up on his feet now, bouncing Fallon, still crooning to her. I exhale softly.
"You've got a superpower," Claire whispers. "Bet it only works on babies though."
"Just babies," I comment, stepping into the living room. I'll bet Jody's watching the scene from the kitchen. I feel kind of bad leaving her on sole dinner duty.
"Why that song?" asks Sam.
"Hm?"
"That song Cas, uh, sang."
"Think about it, Sammy." I wink.
Claire and Alex look at each other, bewildered. Cas and I exchange a secret smile. I see the realization cross Sam's face, which brings the smallest sad smile out of him.
"You're her...dad?" Alex asks Cas. Claire looks at her, wide-eyed.
"Yes, I am."
"Guess I should've seen that coming," says Claire.
"How so?"
"Just...I don't know, you two seem like you fit together, in the weirdest kind of way."
"We'll take the compliment."
"Get your butts in here before the food gets cold!" comes Jody's demanding voice.
Sam is the first to get into the kitchen, Alex and Claire mutter amongst themselves, which leaves Cas, Fallon, and me in the living room. I go to them, smoothing down her small tuft of dark hair. Her eyes are closed right now.
"I do miss those brown eyes," Cas murmurs.
"I do too," I say forlornly. "Come on, let's go eat."
**IMPORTANT NOTE HERE, PEOPLE: I am diverting away from the rest of the Season 11 finale. So, from here on out, Season 12 will not exist. Cas will not be cast back into Heaven, Sam won't be abducted by that British bitch, and (unfortunately), Jo won't see the return of her mother dearest.
I had contemplated doing Season 12. That would've been possible had I not decided to have Cassette have their baby. The baby was going to determine which book Jo's story would end in. It's a lot I had thought about since Marked and since Season 11. But, alas, this is what's going to happen.
However, there is one thing that will come into play next chapter. It's a pretty big thing for Jo and what's left of the gang. Remember what they think about Dean, how they think he's dead?
Fun fact: originally, way before Season 11 played out how it did, I was gonna have Jo be shipped off to Jody and the girls as her term neared its end, and then Jo would've gone to labor. Jody wouldn't have been around, so Claire and Alex would've had to get Jo to the hospital...
Well, I still wanted to include them, so this chapter was kind of the compromise since my original concept didn't quite fit the story like I wanted.
P.S. There are plenty of Cassette songs, but one that takes place in the books...well, think back to Rogue. Think back to that moment where Josette was still in her original body.**