x
She fixed her probably new top and stared at the ground then glanced up at Phil.
"Liz answer me." He demanded. She groaned in reply.
"The websites never tell you what to do with a best friend." She quits her cute act. "Yes Phil okay? You're a rich as fuck youtuber. All the other ones are taken. Besides Danny boy here." She smirked at me.
Phil watched her without really listening. I saw his blue eyes shine with sadness.
"Good job for figuring it out buddy. I'll send someone to give you your clothes back. And take the stupid ring." She chucked it to the door.
Phil stands there no longer aware of anything.
"Philly?" I whispered and grabbed his shoulder to turn him to me. "Hey it's okay."
"It's not. I was ready to get married. Dan I'm nearly thirty and I don't even have a girlfriend now." He stormed back in the house leaving Pj and I outside.
"You can go home if you want." I head inside.
"I'll stay the night okay? Make sure everyone's alright in the morning." He follows me and shuts the door behind us.
Phil's door was closed when we got inside. There was soft sniffing on the other side but I knew I shouldn't bother him. So I said goodnight to Pj and shut my own door.
I'm glad I finally got Liz but now I just have to make Phil happy again.
-
"Want some pancakes Philly?" I called when I saw Phil pass the kitchen. I was wearing his sexy apron to make him laugh. "I put chocolate chips in it because you like them." I added once he entered.
"I'm not really that hungry." He got some water and sat on the counter. "Flip it." He told me.
I had been watching him instead of my pancake and nearly burnt it.
"You sure?" I ask in a high voice trying to persuade him into eating.
"I mean... I'll have one." He picked at the chocolate chips next to him and continued watching me cook.
Pj walked into the kitchen with his shoes on. "I have to get home. Sophie lost my laptop cord and I could possibly die along with it."
"Shit" I whispered in fear, making him chuckle.
"Very realistic Dan." He poked my stomach of the apron.
"Hey you know this is what I look like shirtless." I blushed a little.
"How you feeling Phil?" Pj asked him seriously.
"Fine. Just kind of numb I guess." Phil shrugged in reply. Pj nodded and grabbed a cake from the done pile. He then gave me a side hug.
"Be good." He pointed to Phil, hugging him as well before skipping out. "Text me if you need me!" He called right before the front door shut shaking the house a bit.
Phil and I sat down with the pancakes in front of us ready to eat. I saw in his eyes he was uncomfortable but I was trying to make him happier with all this.
He didn't just eat one. He ate like four. But hey at least he has something in his system.
The Great British Bakeoff was playing on our tv but I couldn't help to watch him. He just had so much going on in his brain and the way he pushed it aside to focus on other things amazed me.
I usually shut down or have a panic attack if so much is happening but he was good.
"Phil?" I asked and turned the tv down so we could talk quickly.
"What?" He started twirling his thumbs, not even looking at me.
"Do you want to go out later? We could see a movie or go into town?" I scooted a little bit closer.
"Um. No I have to do a liveshow. Maybe make a video." He shrugged.
"We could make a video together?" I suggested. "Like more Dan and Phil quizzes... people liked those. Another tumblr tag? That's always fun." I smiled at him.
"Alright." He said simply. He was acting like he did before I knew about Liz.
I studied him closely not freaking him out but trying to figure this out.
"I'm going to shower." He got up and left before I could argue.
While he did so, I picked up what I could around the house just to make it comfortable. Then once he was out I showered as well.
We were both finally ready for the day, at four in the afternoon, and sat down for the video.
"Did you ask anyone to submit anything or are we just going to surprise everyone?" I organized the desk. What is with me and cleaning lately.
"Surprise." He answered simply, turning on the camera. "Hey guys!" He smiled kindly which I always loved. "Today I'm with Dan and oh boy am I nervous."
"It's not like we're reading fan fic." I nudged him jokingly.
"We're doing tumblr tag four!" Phil gaped at the camera excitedly.
We spent a couple minutes looking for good posts and talking about them in a funny way. Some were really gross but others were cute.
After an edit of shrek and I, Phil closed out quickly rubbing his eyes in disbelief.
"You guys are great and all but sometimes... sometimes." He chuckles. "I think that's good no more." He groans.
"What a lovely way to end there Philly." I patted his shoulder. We ended the video and made our way to the living room.
We hung out, watching nothing and scrolling on our laptops until Phil had to do a liveshow. I knew it was coming but I sat there not wanting to be away from him.
I felt so content around him. Like my heart was pumping energy drinks into my blood and my mind was somehow calmer.
"Hey it's almost seven." He mentioned. Damn. " Could you maybe go? I have to do a liveshow." He asked nicely.
"Yeah sorry." I got up and took my laptop with me.
"No need to be sorry Dan." He smiles.
I went straight to my room and put my chair against the door for privacy. For the first five minutes of not being around Phil I felt okay. A little worried but I was fine.
Then ten minutes since I had left, I began to shake my leg anxiously. I don't know what it was lately. I needed Phil. Like something in my body actually needed to feel his presence to be calm.
I began to pace twenty minutes from leaving the lounge. My blood was boring and I felt useless. That's it.
Quickly, I left my room with my laptop and phone then joined Phil again.
"Oh Dan's here." He turned his laptop to me to say hi. "What are you doing?" He asked trying to sound interested but I knew he was more annoyed.
"The wifi in my room was bad." I made up a horrible lie. Truth is, it hasn't been bad for a couple weeks.
"People have asked about you." He scoots near and points the camera at me.
"Hello. How are you? Good? Nice." I say awkwardly then glance at Phil trying to tell him I didn't want to be on.
"We just filmed a video huh?" He smirked at them. "I'll edit it tonight and post it sometime in the next week." He informed them. "Dan sing the llama song said Stacy."
"That was twenty twelve. No." I chuckled and went on my phone.
"Who're ya texting?" Phil asked for the people in the chat.
"I'm playing a game. Me... text someone? Pf." I turned away slightly.
Phil scooted back to his spot after a second of reading random things and making noises with his mouth.
Yeah I felt horrible about invading his time alone but I just couldn't function. So I quietly sat in the corner as he did what he needed to do.
I would always glance up at him during the show. He couldn't do that because he was live but I could because no one saw me.
As it slowly got closer to eight when he was going to leave, I found an escape of being shouted at. 'what should we have for dinner?' I texted him. He ignored it as he was live but I texted again. 'philllyyy I'm hungry'.
"Who the heck is texting me." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at me once he read it. "Hold on." He told the chat to text me back.
'We have stir fry stuff.' He put his phone away and excused it as just a friend.
I started dinner, worried about what he would say to me once he came in. So once I heard the door open, I stirred what was in the pot and then went to peel the carrots.
"Dan." He stood there, arms crossed and concerned face.
"Phil I'm busy." I began chopping them. He took my knife and put it behind him.
"What happened?" He asked. He really cared. It was like the anger he would have had for me not completing a simple task wasn't there.
"Well for one, the peas are burning because I can't add the carrots because you took the knife-"
"Dan you know what I mean." He grabbed my arm gently. I stirred the pan quickly then looked at him straight in the eyes.
"I don't want you to leave me again." I mumbled.
"Dan..." He started.
"No. Phil. You say you want to get married that you're ready and everything but. You can't just move! You can't leave me alone." I felt a tear fall so I wiped it quickly and went back to the pan.
"I don't know what happened with Liz." He sighed and helped cut the carrots. "It was like. I met someone I thought was pretty and just wanted to get my life complete so I could have time... not worrying about it. There would be some times I was with her and I just felt like no I can't do this."
"So...?" I asked and grabbed some of the finished vegetable.
"I pushed it. I left so I could trick myself into doing it. Dan I never really liked her. I was just rushing everything and ignoring every feeling of 'no this is wrong'." He looked at me.
I didn't know what to say so I just turned to him too.
"Thank you for stopping it. I don't know why I've been so sad about her. You made me realize that not only do I need to let life do it's thing but also shitty people like her exist." He chuckled and finished chopping.
For a second when he looked up at me again and met my gaze, I felt my heart skip a beat.
Maybe I needed him because I loved him. More than just a best friend.