“Are you freaking kidding me? What the hell, Gemma! No treatment?” Jillian yelled at me. “What are you thinking?”
We were currently at my house, where I’d invited Jill and Connor over so I could break the news. I was seated on one of the couches leaning against the arm. Connor sat in the other one, but he was perched at the very edge of the cushion with his elbows on his knees, his fingers interlaced and fisted in front of his mouth. He looked calm, but I could tell his mind was racing. Jillian however, was the exact opposite. From the moment I’d told her I had cancer she’d been pacing the room nonstop, alternating between yelling and crying.
I winced at the shrill volume of her voice. Headaches were quickly becoming a daily fixture now. It had only been one week since my diagnosis, but with how little time I had left, they told me I could expect my health to deteriorate very quickly. Symptoms would be increasing rapidly soon.
“Keep your voice down, Jill,” Connor mumbled quietly, noticing my discomfort.
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the arm of the couch, knowing that would only set her off more. My temples began to throb a little, but it was bearable.
“How am I supposed to do that? I’m sorry I can’t be all calm and cool like you,” she spat sarcastically. “She’s my sister! How else am I supposed to react?”
“Jill, honey, he’s not asking you not to be upset,” I heard my mom say soothingly as she came into the room. “He’s just asking you to lower your voice. You’re hurting Gemma.”
Jill was quiet after that and I opened my eyes to see her looking repentant.
“You want some pain meds, honey?” my mom asked.
“Thanks. That would be good.”
“Sorry,” Jillian said guiltily.
“’S’okay, Jilly Bean,” I gave her a little smile. “I’d be the same way if our roles were reversed.”
My mom walked over to hand me a glass of water and a couple pills.
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“Let me know if you need anything.” She kissed my forehead and left the room again.
Jill finally sat back down on the couch, though she couldn’t seem to stop her hands from fidgeting. “Why won’t you get treatment Gemma?” she said quietly, her eyes pleading with me.
“I don’t want to spend whatever time I have left exhausted and in pain,” I explained.
“You already are in pain,” she pointed out.
“It’s not the same though. This is manageable, at least for now, and I can still go to school, see you guys—live normally. If I did chemo and radiation the side effects would keep me home or maybe even in hospice care until the end.”
“But it would delay the end. Give you more time.”
“There’s no guarantee of that, Jill. The tumor is growing so fast—none of the doctors have been very optimistic about treatment helping much.”
“Is there nothing else they can do?” she begged.
My gaze flickered to Connor, who looked like he was about to speak. I cut him off with a tiny shake of my head. I didn’t know what he was going to say—especially in front of Jillian—but I knew he was thinking of the change.
He scowled at my response and intertwined his fingers in front of his lips again.
“No, there isn’t,” I answered, turning back to Jill.
She looked at me for a second longer before bursting into tears. I smiled sadly at her, but was thankfully able to hold my own tears back. I’d cried enough over the past week. I opened my arms to Jill and she came over to throw her arms around my waist and bury her head in my chest. It was an awkward side hug because of the way I was sitting, but we both needed it.
The three of us sat there for a long time, me comforting a sobbing Jillian while Connor just watched us sadly. Eventually I shook her lightly to get her attention. “Hey, why don’t we pull an all-nighter?” I asked her. “Just hang out, watch a movie marathon, eat tons of junk food?”
I watched her tear-stained face as she considered my proposal. She nodded, looking much like a little girl accepting a bribe from her parents to stop crying.
“Good!” I chirped. “Let me just tell my mom what’s up.” I stood up to go find her.
“You should invite Mark and Rick,” Jill chimed in, sounding a tad more cheerful. “So you have everyone here,” she trailed off in a subdued tone. I knew what she’d been thinking. So I could spend time with everyone I cared about.
I nodded and smiled at her, trying to bring her mood back up. I wanted tonight to be carefree and relaxing, not sad. “Good idea. Connor, you mind calling Rick?” I asked.
He was already pulling his phone from his pocket. “Sure.”
I headed to my mom’s room and found her sitting at her small desk typing away on her laptop. She’d been spending all of her time when she wasn’t with me researching my type of tumor. I think she knew it was pointless, but she needed to do something to keep her busy.
I poked my head into the room. “Hey mom?”
“Yeah?” she looked up with a worried expression. It was one of only two faces she wore now—that and sad.
“We decided to pull an all-nighter,” I informed her.
I was happy to see her smile slightly. “That sounds like a good idea. You want me to go pick up some junk food?”
“Have I told you recently that you’re an awesome mom?”
Her smile warmed, but it still didn’t completely erase the sadness. “Not recently.”
I went over and put my arms around her shoulders, hugging her from behind. “Well you’re the best.”
She rested her hands on my forearms and I held on for a moment longer. “I love you, sweetpea,” she whispered.
Yet again, a tidal wave of tears threatened to burst from my eyes. Somehow I held it back, but it actually hurt to speak past the tightness in my throat. “Love you, too.”
I pulled away and we both took a few deep breaths as if to clear the heaviness in the air.
“Are you going to invite Malcolm?” she asked.
“Yeah, and another friend from school. Do you mind?”
“Of course not. Invite anyone you want.” She grabbed a pen and paper from the side of her desk. “Let me make sure I get the right stuff. Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked, Häagen Dazs Coffee,” she looked up at me questioningly and I nodded in confirmation. “Salt & Vinegar Pringles, the red Doritos, Milk Duds, Reese’s Cups—“
“The big ones,” I interjected and she nodded.
“Kettle Corn, Ginger Ale, Dr. Pepper…anything else?”
I smiled. My mom really was awesome. She knew all of my favorites. Admittedly she wouldn’t normally let me have all of them at once, but this was a unique circumstance.
“Maybe some energy drinks in case we get tired? And Pop Tarts for when we get up?”
“Brown Sugar?” she asked.
I grinned and nodded.
“Sugar fiend,” she teased.
“Always,” I replied before thinking and grimaced when the sad, haunted look took over her features again.
“I’ll leave a card for you on the bar. Go ahead and call in an order for whatever pizzas you guys want.”
“Okay, thanks.” I halted just as I was about leave. “Hey, you should have Tom over. Or go over to his,” I waggled my eyebrows at her. In all honesty I really didn’t want to dwell on that aspect of her life, but she needed some comfort and cheering up and Tom was good at doing that for her.
After a brief look of surprise she gave me a wry smile. “I’ll invite him over. I may be a lenient parent, but I’m not leaving you guys to your own devices all night.”
I gave a satisfied nod and headed back out to the living room, dialing Mal’s number on the way. He picked up on the second ring. “Hello, Gem,” he greeted. His low, warm voice made me shiver and my heart sped up a little.
“Hey, Mal,” I couldn’t help smiling and I noticed Connor roll his eyes at me as I reentered room. “We’re having an all-nighter movie night at my house. You wanna come?”
“Is the grass green?” he asked dryly.
“Jerk,” I muttered, though I was smiling. Since our talk last week we’d been calling and texting each other every day and he was always trying to cheer me up or keep me distracted from my problems. He could actually be quite funny; he just never opened up enough around others for them to see it.
After he told Rick about my condition—which I’d asked him to do as I was too cowardly to face him myself—I’d spoken to him every day as well. Those conversations were a lot harder though. Unlike Mal, Rick refused to accept my decision not to become a vampire. He tried bringing up new arguments each time we talked in order to convince me and it was starting to get on my nerves. I knew he was doing it because he cared about me, which meant a lot, but it was frustrating that he wouldn’t respect my wishes.
Mal drew my thoughts back to the conversation. “Would you like me to pick anything up on the way?”
“No, I think we’re good. My mom’s getting food and we have tons of movies. Thanks though.”
“Alright. I’ll be there in, say, twenty minutes?”
“Okay. See you soon.”
I hung up and resumed my spot on the couch. “Rick coming?” I asked Connor.
“Is the sky blue?” he drawled.
I glared at him. “No wonder you guys are friends.”
“Huh?” he asked, confused.
“Nothing,” I waved him off dismissively. “Jill, you wanna pick the first movie?”
“Duh.”
How did I end up with so many sarcastic friends? I thought. I suppressed a smile though. I was glad to see her usual sparkling personality making its reappearance.
There was a knock on the door and I saw Rick through the glass. “It’s open,” I bellowed.
He came in and closed the door behind him then took in the scene around the living room before coming to sit next to me. I couldn’t tell what type of mood he was in. He’d been angry in a lot of our phone conversations and I was hoping he wouldn’t bring that today.
With my legs folded next to me he apparently couldn’t get as close as he preferred. He forcibly shifted me around so he could unfold my legs, then he placed them across his lap.
“Better?” I asked teasingly.
“Yes,” he replied, with just a hint of defensiveness in his tone.
“Ooh, got it. This one!” Jill exclaimed, pulling her head out of the media cabinet. She held a DVD up in the air excitedly. I couldn’t see what it was, but Connor groaned.
“You’re gonna force us to watch a chick flick?” he whined.
“Which one?” I asked Jill curiously. She flipped the DVD case in my direction so I could see. Dirty Dancing. “Hey, that’s a good one,” I turned to Connor. “Don’t knock it. Maybe you could learn a trick or two.”
“Fish, I already know all the tricks I need to,” he said confidently and scoffed.
“Well just sit back and enjoy the awesome 80s music then, because we’re watching it,” Jill said, loading it into the player. “You can choose some macho action movie when it’s your pick, but this one’s mine.”
“Can I get next pick?” Connor shot me a desperate look.
I rolled my eyes. “Fine. Just no heavy movies,” I ordered. “That goes for everyone’s pick.” Connor and Rick both nodded in agreement.
Another knock sounded on the door and I gestured for Mal to let himself in when he caught my eye through the window.
“You should lock the door, Gem, especially this late at night,” he said as he stepped into the house.
“My mom will lock it for the night when she gets back,” I shrugged.
I had a brief moment of guilt as I thought of the cozy position I was in next to Rick and wondered what Mal would make of it. He glanced over our position briefly, but didn’t seem perturbed, shooting me a warm smile instead as he took a seat on the other side of Rick.
The familiar intro music started playing and Jill went to sit next to Connor. “Wait. Jill, don’t start it yet. We’ve gotta order pizza,” I told her.
“I’ll do it on my phone. One Hawaiian, one veggie and one meat lover’s work for everyone?” she asked the room. “Think we need more?” she asked me. “They’re boys.”
I shook my head. “I think we’ll be fine.” Little did she know that none of the boys needed to eat anymore.
Halfway through the movie the pizza showed up and we paused in order to dig in. Mal declined, saying he wasn’t hungry. Connor looked less than enthusiastic about it, but he took two pieces. Rick’s taste buds hadn’t changed yet, so he was relishing his. I assumed he was thinking along the same lines as me—might as well enjoy it as if it were your last slice, because it just well could be.
Unfortunately my stomach was acting up, so I only got half a slice down before I had to stop. Thankfully it wasn’t bad enough that I felt like I had to throw up though. That would certainly put a damper on the evening.
Annoyingly, everyone seemed to notice how little I ate, but only Rick said anything. “Gemma, you need to eat more than that,” he said gently but reproachfully.
I frowned at him. “I’m too nauseous.”
Rick went to argue again, but Mal cut him off. “Leave her be, Rick,” he sighed. He knew I didn’t want to be coddled. Comforted maybe, but not babied.
Rick glared at him and I sighed. There goes the drama-free evening.
Thankfully Jillian cut in, expertly diffusing the tension. “You can try some more later Gemma. Yeah?” she suggested. I shot her a thankful smile and nodded in agreement. “Okay, intermission over,” she stated, hopping up to turn the movie back on.
I went to put my feet back on Rick’s lap, but he warded me off with a playfully fearful look. “Nu-uh! You kept kicking me during the movie.”
I glowered at him. “I can’t help it. That movie makes me want to dance.” I stood up in a huff and went to sit down at Jilly’s feet.
She opened her knees so I could sit between then and petted my head soothingly. “He’s a boy,” she said, as if that explained everything. “He just doesn’t understand the effect a good dance movie can have on a girl. She started her sentence glaring accusingly at Rick, but turned it onto Connor at the end.
“I’m a boy and I like that movie,” Mal said without embarrassment.
“”You’re a man,” Jill explained. “They’re boys.”
I snickered as both Connor and Rick scowled at her.
“Just hit play so we can finish and get to my movie already,” Connor grumbled. He flung himself back against the couch cushions and crossed his arms. My snicker turned into a full-on laugh at his pouty antics. His eyes flickered to me and he smiled a little.
For the last hour of the movie Jillian played with my hair like we used to do when we were little. As a consequence I’d sat there with my eyes closed, not really watching the last half of the movie. I’d always loved the feeling of someone playing with my hair.
When I opened my eyes at the end of the movie I caught Rick watching me with an inscrutable expression. He smiled when he saw me notice him and I returned it.
“Finally, my turn!” Connor exclaimed, jumping up from the couch to scan the movies.
I hopped up quickly and took his spot on the couch. It was too cold on the floor. When he was done picking and he’d put the movie in, he turned around and spotted me. “Hey!”
“Snooze, you loose,” I taunted.
“You little thief,” he grumbled affectionately.
“Hey!” I shouted as he suddenly he scooped me up from the couch with an arrogant grin. He sat back in his seat and set me down on my side between him and Jillian so my feet were in her lap and my head was on his.
I pouted playfully, shoving one of the smaller couch pillows onto his lap and throwing my head down onto it heavily.
When I heard cheesy 60s music I recognized Connor’s movie choice and I groaned. “Of course you’d pick Austin Powers. I should’ve known.” I wasn’t a huge fan of the movie, but it was actually a really good choice for today’s theme. It was total cheese ball humor. Not a single thing about it was serious or depressing.
I rolled over slightly to look at Connor. “Your idol? I asked jokingly.
“All except for fashion sense,” he drawled, making everyone chuckle.
After 94 minutes of blantant innuendos and good ol’ stupid humor, we broke out the candy and ice cream.
“Mine, mine, mine!” I shouted at Malcolm when he came into the room with the coffee ice cream. My mom had gotten all my favorites, but the Häagen Dazs was my ultimate favorite.
Malcolm raised an eyebrow at me looking both surprised and amused at my childish outburst. “You don’t say?”
“Mine?” I said in a smaller voice.
He smirked as he sat back down, brandishing the carton of ice cream tauntingly. “You can have it if you sit in my lap instead,” he bargained.
Without hesitation I shot out of Connor and Jill’s laps and plopped onto Mal’s. He wrapped his arms around me as he let out the loudest laugh I’d ever heard from him and I noticed everyone else in the room look at him in surprise. Connor looked the most shocked of all, his jaw literally hanging open. I’d been getting used to Mal letting his guard down around me, but the others still hadn’t seen him this relaxed before.
“No shame, this one,” he told Connor jokingly.
“There’s no such thing as shame when it comes to that ice cream,” I said, undaunted by his teasing. “One should be willing do anything to enjoy its creamy goodness,” I huffed.
I swiped my sugary prize and the spoon from his grasp with a proud look and took my time opening the carton with care. This ice cream was an epicurean masterpiece. It deserved to be savored with patience.
Rick laughed, breaking me out of my reverie. “Well while Gemma makes out with her carton of ice cream, I’ll pick the next movie,” he announced.
I stuck my tongue out at him and he smiled widely at me before turning to the DVDs. He took out Dumb & Dumber, making me laugh.
“Wait, if that’s your pick let’s watch mine first,” I suggested. “I don’t think I can take two stupid movies in a row.”
“Hey, you have them in your library,” Rick argued.
“I don’t buy the DVDs,” I quipped.
“Okay, fine,” he sighed. “Because I’m so nice. Which one did you want?”
“Princes Bride,” I ordered. Surprisingly, none of the guys complained.
He smirked. “As you wish,” he said, making me grin and blush.
While he put the movie in, Mal lifted me off his lap easily and set me down next to him so that I was propped up against his arm. When Rick came back I folded my legs in front of me so he could sit down. He rolled his eyes at me and tugged my legs so that they rested on his lap again.
“I thought I was kicking you,” I said acerbically.
“I think I’m safe with this movie,” he said dryly.
Barely a few minutes into the movie I had to stop eating my beloved ice cream. I just couldn’t stomach any more. I stared into the carton with a mixture of anger and sadness. It was silly to get all worked up over such a stupid thing, but it was yet another reminder of my illness—a symbol of all things I was being forced to say goodbye to, one by one.
A warm pair of hands closed around mine, taking the carton from me gently. I looked over at Mal, who gave me a sad, sympathetic smile. He laid a palm against my cheek as he kissed my temple, then he pulled me back firmly so I was lying against his chest. Rick gave one of my calves a supportive squeeze and I shot him a grateful smile.
At least I don’t have to do this alone, I thought. At least I’ve got my friends.
Forcing away the heavy thoughts, I snuggled deeper into Malcolm’s chest feeling cozy, peaceful and well loved.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you all for your patience during this last week with my skipped upload. Hopefully you enjoy this chapter enough to where it makes up for it. Catch y'all next week!