Chapter 4
The weekend went by in a drag for both women. Stef was struggling with her own personal battles. She knew that she should stay away from Lena but she couldn't help but think about her all weekend. She would lay in bed slightly longer, just imagining what it would be like to share a bed with her. What it would be like to wake up early or go to sleep late just to watch her sleep. Every time that light beamed in Mike's eyes when he talked about Ana she thought about how much joy she would gain from having a connection like theirs, or to have someone to go home every night to. Yet she couldn't bring herself to reach out to her for some strange reason and it was driving her crazy.
Lena wasn't doing any better. Mason came back home once again ready to pick a fight. So the whole weekend she tried to find ways to keep herself, busy but nothing seemed to make time move any faster. She called to check on Mariana and was relieved to find that she was still alright after what happened with Mason. She wasn't so lucky when it came to Stef however. She couldn't bring herself to call her just because she was too embarrassed by the whole situation. Plus, she knew that Stef really wouldn't want to be near her. Especially since she hasn't reached out to her either.
But luckily for her it was Monday, the first day of school for Anchor Beach. She loved when school was in session because there were so many reason she could find to stay late or come in early to avoid being home.
So far Lena's 4th grade class was wonderful. She was thankful that her classroom was facing the beach. She was gazing out of the window as she had a few hours of free time. Her kids were out for lunch and recess, then off to their arts and humanities classes.
She heard the door creek open and had a pretty good guess as to who it was. "Lena?" Mariana poked her head in the door. She wore a yellow and white poke a dotted dress and a wide smile as she ran up to her. Lena wrapped her in a hug and sat her on top of the desk. "How are you doing my sweet girl?" Mariana opened up her brown paper bag and began to take out her lunch. "Oh I'm great now". She looked up at Lena's amused look as she took a bite of her sandwich. "Is it ok if I eat lunch with you again this year"? Lena laughed as she took out her own lunch. "Of course, but only as long as you promise to go out for recess and make some friends". Mariana just nodded her head as she continued to eat.
"I actually have a surprise for you". Lena opened one of the side drawers of her desk and pulled out a pink box that housed the adorable doll that she saw Mariana looking at in the store. Mariana's eyes glossed over as she reached out to grab the doll, completely speechless. "I saw how you were looking at it the other day. I could tell that you really wanted it". Tears began to rush down the child's face as she looked down at the doll and then back up at Lena when she felt her hand on her cheek wiping away the tears. "What's wrong Mari?" Mariana just shook her head as she looked back down. "Before she died, my mommy promised she would buy it for me...thank you".
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Surprisingly, Stef was in a pretty serene mood for it to be a Monday. Today was the first day of school for most of the charter schools there in San Diego. For police officers this was the week where extra security was required because of the amount of new students, parents, and people in general in the area. Stef and a few of the others were assigned to Anchor Beach.
They spent the first part of the morning monitoring students and parents as they came in. Then as people moved around before and after classes. It was about noon, and while some of the officers were on as the kids played and went to lunch, Stef was done until the time that school was scheduled to let out.
She wanted to walk around the beautiful school on the beach. She couldn't imagine how anyone got anything done with a school like this. She began to wander when she found herself in the younger section of the school as she saw the small desks and chairs in the brightly colored class rooms. "Stef?"
She casually turned around, not even completely sure if she actually heard her name. But couldn't help the smile that spread itself across her face as she saw who it was. "Lena? Wait, this is the school that you work at?" Lena stood there smiling in shock and disbelief as the cop's expression and excitement warmed her heart.
She was initially on her way to bring Mariana outside with the rest of her class, when she saw a very familiar women in uniform. "Yeah, I do. Wow. What are you doing here"? Lena wanted to just run up and hug her, she was so excited inside, but she thought against it. "I'm with the extra security for the first week".
Stef bent down to the little girl who was hiding slightly behind Lena. "I take it that you are Mariana. I've heard so many things about you. I'm Stephanie, but you can call me Stef". She smiled as the little girl stepped from behind Lena. "Nice to meet you. Are you Miss Adams's friend? Because she needs more nice people besides me". Stef busted out laughing while Lena put her hand to her forehead, embarrassed. "Well I think we are still friends. I need more nice friends like you two as well".
"Ok missy, time for you to get outside". Mariana turned to Lena and smiled. "Ok but I can get there by myself. You can stay and talk with your friend. She started to walk away as she turned and said, "Bye Stef". "Bye Miss Thang".
Stef stood up and looked to Lena, "Cute kid". Lena smiled but didn't say a word. "Look, Lena, I'm sorry that I acted the way that I did. I was just shocked and...mad," Stef spoke truthfully. "I was expecting that. I think that's why I didn't tell you. It's hard to keep anyone around with him. I didn't want you to be mad at me or hate me". Stef stepped closer to Lena placing her hands on her shoulders and looking in her eyes. "I couldn't hate you. And I wasn't mad at you love. I was mad that you were with him because you deserve so much more".
Another teacher started down the hall and both Stef and Lena took a slight step back. Lena looked out one of the windows and spoke as the teacher turned the corner. "I have some time before I start up class again. Do you want to take a walk with me?" Stef followed her gaze and smiled. "Oh you bet I do".
The two slipped out through one of the side doors and headed towards the beach. Right before they were able to get far enough Stef heard Lena's breathing hitch. She turned to see her eyes glued to her police belt. Handcuffs, mace, taser gun, baton, and gun. It was the last one that Stef knew sent an involuntary chill through Lena. "Follow me for a second," Stef said leading her over to her police car. She stood inside of the passenger door and removed her belt to lock it in the glove compartment. She then proceeded to unbutton her police shirt and threw it on the chair, exposing her black V-neck t-shirt. "You don't have to do that," Lena said feeling bad. "I'd rather you not be afraid to come near me," Stef winked, "besides, it gets really hot wearing all of that stuff". She locked the door and they once again made their way to the beach.
They each held their shoes as they tread through the warm sand. "I would love to work over here. It's way better than that stuffy building or sitting at the end of some sketchy street. Luckily I'm here for the week". Stef bumped into her smiling. "I'm the lucky one. This place is great. I try to stay here as long as I can. It's the one place where I don't feel weird going alone"
"Why are you engaged if you still feel alone"? Stef knew the topic would make Lena uncomfortable but there were things that she just needed to know. "It's a lot more complicated than it seems". Stef watched her face expression carefully, knowing she could push a little more. "How so?" Lena stopped walking and sat on a bench still looking out into the water. "I had a lot of financial problems coming out of college with school and my family...He was a different guy then. Everyone is different in the beginning I suppose. Or I was just really young and naïve. Before I graduated my mom was diagnosed with cancer. There were a few complications here and there and the medical bills were rolling in. But I had nothing. Neither did my father. He agreed to help pay them off. But after a while I couldn't see her anymore or talk to her. Or else he would stop. I don't know if she's better or if she's worse. I don't even know if she's alive. But in the case that she is I need him to continue to pay. I'd rather live in hell then let her suffer". Stef began to stroke Lena's knee. "I'm sorry love. But there has to be another way. I'm sure she would rather you be happy and be able to see you".
"I can't think of any other way". They sat in silence for a bit. Lena wasn't in love. Stef couldn't help but smile on the inside. But Lena was also in a very bad situation. Lena pulled her legs up onto the bench as Stef reached over and grabbed then and placed them across her lap. She dusted the sand off of her feet as Lena rested her head sideways on the back of the bench just watching her.
"How's Alicia?" Stef finished dusting the last of the sand, admiring her cute little purple painted toe nails. "Who's Alicia, love?" Lena sat up slightly furrowing her brow. "Ally cat, your girlfriend". Stef couldn't help looking up and laughing. "Oh God no. I forgot that you answered that call. But she is definitely not my girlfriend. I will admit, I have not been the most innocent since coming out. But she has just been one of those spur of the moment flings for those lonely nights. But we've never dated or had deep conversation. Hell, she doesn't even know that I'm a cop or where I live. I even made it clear that nothing serious would come from it. But I've never had a girlfriend. I just never found someone special enough. Besides, the one person I do find special is forbidden fruit. But I do like a bit of danger". Lena felt her heart flutter as she smiled at Stef who continued to massage her feet.
"So you weren't always out"? Lena asked wanting to know more about her. "No, actually, not until a few years ago. Mike and I actually dated for years before I accepted who I was. But as you can see he's very supportive and protective. But until recently I still felt a bit empty and I can't even explain why". Both were silent now as their thoughts and day dreams took over.
Stef looked down at her watch to see that a whole hour has gone by. "I should get you back. Can't have the teacher playing hookie". Lena moved her legs from Stef and stood grabbing her shoes. "I guess you are right". Stef stood and stretched looking out into the ocean. If she could, she would stay there with her all day. But she knew that she couldn't be selfish. Stef grabbed Lena's hand and intertwined their fingers as they began walking.
"So you will be here for the rest of the week?" Lena asked.
"Seems that way," Stef smiled, "Are you free this time every day?"
"Seems that way," Lena laughed.
As they got closer and closer to the school Lena's anxiety began to pick up. She stopped walking and pulled on Stef's hand. "Wait". Stef turned around to face her. "What's wrong?" Lena stepped close to Stef and pulled her hips bringing her even closer to her. She looked into Stef's hazel eyes for any sign of protest or rejection then looked down at her lips. Stef knew what Lena was about to do but she didn't want it to be for the wrong reason or to add any obstacles. "Lena are you ..."
"Shh. Please stop talking," she whispered. Stef wrapped her arms around her waist forcing Lena to do the same around her neck. Finally Lena bent in and kissed her. As they pulled away slightly they looked at each other and smiled as their hearts raced. They leaned in again less hesitant and allowed their lips to press and graze against each other. Stef began to deepen the kiss as she hugged Lena tighter. After a few minutes went by they pulled away, lips red and faces flushed.
Stef lead her back to the cruiser hand in hand. She sat in the passenger side seat with her legs still out as she pulled Lena to stand between them. "This has been the best day of work I've ever had," she said rubbing the sides of Lena's legs slightly beneath the hem of her dress.
Lena wanted to cry so badly but she didn't want to seem weak and too submissive. But as great as this day has been she knew that once she got home reality would sink in. But Stef could tell as she watched her eyes water over that something was wrong. "What's wrong? Love, tell me what I could do to make the sad go away". Stef said as her heart ached for Lena. "Don't let me go home tonight". Stef nodded her head as Lena wiped away a couple of fallen tears. "Ok, love". She brought her into a hug as Lena sat on her lap and melted into her, "Ok".