Do you ever feel like you were just not meant for the world right now?
Like you were born in the wrong place and time?
Like you just weren't meant to be here now?
I feel like that a lot.
I may not look like it to most, but that's because I've built the walls up.
So high that overtime I forgot how to take them down.
The only people that knew how to hurt me were my family and friends.
They've said things that they said they didn't really mean, but I took it to heart because I knew deep down that's how they really felt about me.
When they acted like I was no longer needed.
When they seemed to forget I had even existed.
And now I'm the only one that can hurt myself and I do.
I hurt myself mentally, telling myself I'm not good enough.
I scratch at myself because if I cut it'll cause more problems for me.
Because at my school and camp it means you just want attention or something is seriously wrong with you.
And I don't want the looks
Of disgust, pity, sadness, hate,
And simply looking at me like I'm dirty.
I just want to be free of the walls so I can feel other things.
But I'm too scared to leave because I don't want to be hurt anymore.
Every time I figure out how to take them down.
Even a little.
I drown in the hate anger, and sadness I feel from everyone.
I just don't know what to do or feel anymore...
And...
I'm too afraid to try...
So the walls are gonna stay there
Until I'm brave enough to try which is no time soon...