"I make it easier for people to leave by making them hate me a little."
-
The next day I woke up by a loud knocking on my door; I opened my eyes slowly as I was adjusting the light that was in the room. I looked around me to find that I actually was at Candice's guest room, being greeted by the most horrible hangover ever. The worst thing is, I don't remember anything from last night or how I ended up sleeping here in the first place. All I can remember is that I was drinking too much and I saw Jack and- wait, I saw Jack?
I must be hallucinating, this can't be true...can it?
The door swung open to reveal Candice with a plate and a cup in her hands as she entered smiling, closing the door behind her.
"Good morning!" she excitedly said, with her normal excitement and I wondered idly how can she always be so excited and happy all the goddamned time?
"Morning," I groaned as I tried to get up. She placed the plate and the cup next to the bed.
"How are you feeling?" she asked me as she sat comfortably on the bed.
"I can't remember anything and I'm having the worst headache ever." I groaned again, rubbing my temples.
"Of course you are, you should've seen yourself last night, I haven't seen you like that since... you know," she was referring to Jack, after we broke up Candice and the girls made me go to a bar and I started to drink like crazy until I blacked out just like last night. I shrugged the memory off immediately.
"C-can I ask you a weird question?" I stuttered.
"Ask while you're eating your breakfast." She said, putting the plate on my lap. I sighed, thinking if I'm gonna regret asking her or not.
"Did I- um, see Jack yesterday?" I said, looking at the plate that was in front of me.
"No...? Why?" she asked with confusion in her voice, I don't know why I asked her she was as drunk as I was the difference is that she is used to it, I wasn't.
"I don't know, I remember talking with him... It must be hallucination, of course it is."
"I was with you the whole party, except for the part that you told me you were going outside, other than that I never saw him." She paused as if she was trying to remember anything remarkable last night then continued, "Maybe you should ask Niall," I raised my eyebrows.
"Why Niall?"
"I'm not dumb, Jade, I knew that he went outside right after you did just to talk to you. Plus, he was the one who brought you here, maybe he saw something I didn't." my heart started to beat faster at the thought about Niall seeing Jack, or bringing me here to this room. I remember nothing, how did he end up bringing me here when the last time I saw was him making out with his girlfriend?
"Okay then, give me his number." I was trying to eat as much as I can from the plate, so that I can get out of the bed and put my shit together. She agreed as she took my phone and saved the number for me then returning it back next to me. I wasn't intending to call him right away; I need some time to think of everything that happened last night and know if I can remember anything.
"I have to go now to take care of the mess we made downstairs, take a shower if you want and wear anything you'd like from my wardrobe, but you will tell me everything after I come back and if you need anything call me." And with that, she gave me a kiss on my cheek and left the room quickly. Everything is so weird today and my headache is making it harder for me to understand anything. I really hope I didn't say something stupid in front of him, since he was the one who was with me. What if I really saw Jack? Or worse, what if he saw Jack? I need an answer and I need it right now.
I left the plate and moved out of the bed to the nearest shower because I looked awful, even more awful than the usual. After I got out I grabbed my phone and Niall's contact appeared on the screen. I hesitated slightly before I dialed his number but I eventually did. A few seconds left until I heard he picked up.
"Hello?" He said as soon as he picked up. He obviously didn't know who's calling him since he doesn't have my number. His voice I somehow missed, and that's something I didn't want to admit but here I am ... this is actually really weird.
"Hey Niall, it's Jade." I snapped myself out of my thoughts quickly to get this over with.
"Oh hi Jade, how are you?"
"I'm fine. Listen, I-uh- just wanted to ask you about last night. I was seriously so drunk I don't remember anything and Candice told me that you were the one who brought me to the room? So I figured you would know," I heard him chuckle from the other line.
"Yeah I know what happened." That's it? That's all he got to say?
"So...?" I asked, becoming impatient.
"I will tell you, in one condition." I may say that I was surprised at his respond.
"Condition?" I thought I was saying it in my mind, but I found myself saying it out loud.
"I'm at the mall now, if you come I'll tell you." I rolled my eyes at his weird condition, I was seriously not in the mood for any meeting ups, but then again, I needed to know what happened last night so there's nothing I can really think about.
"Okay," I hesitantly replied.
"Alright! See you there." And with that we hanged up, I sighed to myself as I took some ripped jeans with loose shirt and vans from Candice's wardrobe.
Few minutes after I left Candice's house, I was in the mall's parking lot where I found him leaning on his car. I was clearly better than earlier, the hangover was slightly gone. I walked a little more further to him, until he noticed me and immediately smiled. I smiled back at him, but couldn't decide if it was a fake one or not. We both exchanged greetings as we entered together the mall. It's still weird that Niall asked me to meet him in the mall to tell me what happened, he could've just answered me on the phone so I can get this over with and move on with my life.
"So where are we exactly going?" I asked, trying to ignore these worrying thoughts that were in my head.
"You'll help me buy something then we will sit and talk." I stopped suddenly as I heard what he said, he stopped too when he felt me stopping. What does he want from me seriously? He made me go to the mall and now this? I don't have time for this shit I just want to know what happened.
"Woah, what? I only agreed to come with you just to know what happened, not to help you buy some shit." I honestly said.
"Come on, you won't lose anything if you just waited until we buy to Chloe something and then I will tell you everything."
Chloe. Of course. But why did he choose me, out of all people, to help him buy a gift for his girlfriend? I stood still, glaring at him while he was looking at me with his puppy eyes and all. It's nothing like I was moved by his puppy eyes, but if I left now he won't tell me.
"Fine." I clenched my teeth together, rolling my eyes. God, this is gonna be a long day. He smiled to me, telling me to follow him and as I did we started to walk again until he stopped in front of jewelry shop. I thought that he was mistaken or something, but he did enter it. The man who was inside immediately greeted Niall the second we stepped in.
"Mr. Horan! What a pleasure to see you, how can I help?" The man kindly asked Niall and I was standing behind him like a bag of potato, what is he going to buy exactly? An engagement ring? Pufft,Yeah right.
"I want you to show me the best engagement rings you got." My eyes couldn't help but to widen at what I heard. Is this a joke or something?
"Y-you're buying an engagement ring?" I tried to hide the surprise from my voice and my face but I know that I failed he could clearly feel that I was surprise as he chuckled.
"Yeah, something's wrong?"
"So why did you choose me to help you buy an engagement ring for your girlfriend?" out of these many questions I wanted to ask, I decided to go with the important one.
"You didn't know me and I've giving us a chance to know each other to be friends," he smiled. I stared at him blankly, not sure what should I say or feel. He's not giving up, whatever I say to him he still wants to 'bond' with me. I decided that I'm not going to protest this time, I'll keep it to myself.
"Show me some rings then." I quietly said. His smile grew wider when I replied as he nodded and excused to see the guy who was greeting us minutes ago. I just stood there, looking around the expensive place. I walked around until my eyes spotted a golden necklace with a butterfly on a stand, it looked really expensive and I doubt that I can afford something like this in my life. It looked really cute, so I reached to touch the necklace, imagining myself wearing it. It was a good feeling, and I barely feel anything but oh how I wished I had someone to buy me things and make me happy.
My thoughts were cut when I felt Niall's presence from behind.
"Try it." He said when I turned to look at him, as he was referring to the necklace that I was watching like a creep for a few minutes. Without protesting, I took the necklace and tried to put it on. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and slowly traced the beautiful necklace, still staring at it like a creep.
"Looks good on you," he smiled. He was staring at me from the mirror as he was still standing behind me and I realized we started to stare at each other.
"Thank you," I smiled but as I remembered that I'm not going to buy that thing anyways my smile faded, looking away. Part of me hoped that he would notice and be a gentleman and buy it to me, another part of me is telling me to stop that crap and put the necklace back on the stand. Why would he buy it to me anyways? I'm not his girlfriend who he's going to propose to.
"What's that?" I heard Niall asking, again cutting my thoughts. I felt his finger trace the side of my neck, sending me shivers but quickly to ignored it as I realized what he was tracing, my tattoo. My half a heart tattoo, it was something only I and Jack shared. He had half a heart tattoo on his neck too, which means that together we complete each other and when we're apart we only have half a heart. It's funny really, the fact that he's now gone. How come I forget something like that? A tattoo?
"I-It's nothing, just a tattoo." I said, covering my tattoo as I took off the necklace, putting it back on the stand. He looked at me curiously as I turned to face him completely, trying to look normal but failing. I can tell that he wanted to ask, but decided not to.
"What do you think of this one?" Niall pointed at a ring, one out of a stand full of rings. It was a diamond ring. I shook my head as a no and my eyes wandered around the stand of rings.
"So you're officially proposing?" I wanted to say it as a stated fact, but it came out as a question. I don't know exactly what to say, especially right now. My eyes were still wandering around the rings as I tried a few rings on my fingers to see how it would fit and how it would look.
"Yeah, I guess I found my soulmate." His eyes light up like a Christmas tree and he smiled so proudly at himself and I didn't see anyone that happy before. I was somehow jealous, both from Niall and from Chloe. From Niall because I've always wanted to be happy, all my life is sorted out, found my soulmate and already planning to marry him! From Chloe because she found herself a guy who loved her as much as she loved him and considered to be faithful to her and only her for the rest of his life. I agreed finally that life is not playing fair with people, but we all already know that. I smiled weakly at him, glancing at the ring, thinking that I am going to find someone better soon...at least I hope so.
"It is beautiful, but will she like it?" I asked, trying to push all those sad thoughts from my head.
"Yeah, I hope so." He stared at the ring some more, as if he was imagining how he's going to propose.
"We're done here?" I impatiently asked. I can't wait another minute without knowing what happened that night. Niall rolled his eyes but nodded after, finally buying the damn ring and I waited for him to finish outside the shop. I paced back and forth starting to get really impatient, until he came out of the place. I stopped pacing, waiting for him to talk.
"Okay, let's find somewhere to sit and talk." I didn't want to wait until we 'sit' even, but I found myself nodding anyways. We started to walk in silence, partly because I didn't know what to say. I never was good at making conversations with people or socializing even.
"I'm gonna tell you everything, but first do you want anything to eat or drink?" he asked as we sat on a table in the food court.
"I need nothing, just start talking already."
"Okay, so..."
*
I was in a room with Chloe, I left to drink some water and then I saw Jade, passed out on the floor, mumbling things I didn't understand. She've must gotten really drunk by the end of the party and as I looked further to check for the rest of the girls I saw that they were all passed out too, but Jade was somehow still awake because when I walked closer to her she opened her eyes and the frown on her face turned to a smile and then she started giggling.
"Jack!" she giggled again, locking her arms around my neck. Jack? Who's Jack?
"I'm so glad you're here, Jack." She mumbled against my chest as I lifted her up and walked upstairs to one of the bedrooms. I gently put her down on the bed, she grabbed my arm as I started to walk away.
"No, Jack, don't go I'm sorry." She said.
"I'm—"
"When did you dye your hair blonde?" she giggled again. I chuckled, shaking my head.
"I still love you okay?" The smile faded from both our faces, her face went to a frown again.
"I just had to be harsh and have some pride, won't you please come back? Can this all be a nightmare and start over like nothing happened?" Tears started to fall from the sides of her eyes, which made me sit next to her on the bed. That must be the reason why she was acting the way she's acting all this time, because of a guy who didn't care about her and left. She must've given everything she had to him to feel all that much pain. She sat straight on the bed and she hugged me hard and started to cry. I felt worse for her, she doesn't deserve all that kind of pain and she felt it all alone with no one to be around to face that pain with. I started to rub her back for comfort and tried to make her stop crying, assuring her that everything's gonna be okay.
"Tell me you love me and don't leave." She said as she stopped crying and started to sob quietly.
"Jack loves you," she hummed against my shoulder and as she stopped sobbing too I figured she's falling asleep, I gently put her back to rest on the pillow and cuddled with her until I was sure that she was asleep.
*
I stared at him with a blank face the whole story and when he finished he was waiting for me to say something, anything, but nothing came out. I can't believe I humiliated myself in front of someone I didn't know, and not only humiliated, but let him tell me he loves me and cuddle with me until I fall asleep! Then it hit me, he was not the one who should be called a creepy weirdo, I was the creepy weirdo. I parted my lips to say anything, but nothing came out. Where do I start? I'm so freakin' embarrassed of myself right now that my cheeks turned red. I broke eye contact with him.
"Oh, God. I'm sorry for putting you in that position and I'm so sorry you had to see this." I finally found my voice but I couldn't try and look at him right now.
"Don't apologize, I understand. Whether you like it or not, I understand. What happened last night made me want to know you even more, to be your friend, not the opposite." He said, reaching for my hand that was resting on the table. He smiled lightly when I glanced at him, and then looked at his hand. It felt nice, feeling his hand over mine, assuring me that it's okay to be weak and fragile. As much as I want to love the feeling that I'm feeling now I don't want to love it, I need to hate it. I don't want to make the same mistake over and over again. But the need to trust him and just give in already is getting bigger and bigger by the second as I saw the look on his face.
"That guy Jack is a fucker for whatever he did. Your soul doesn't deserve to be treated this way." He squeezed my hand that was in his and I still can't come up with anything to say. Part of me wanted to just give in and believe him, and the other half is telling me that I should stop being that naïve girl and start being a cold-hearted bitch who only care about herself.
"This is just- so unreal..." I mumbled, shaking my head.
"It's unreal to you because you want to see it that way." And he proves to me every time he opens his mouth that he's right, he's still giving me more reasons why I should trust him and yet I'm looking for all the reasons why I shouldn't. I think negatively because I know if I believed it, if I trusted him I will feel a lot of pain if it wasn't real and I'm the one who made it all up in my head again.
"I just wanna go home... Please." I decided to shut both of the voices up.
"Okay let's go then," he looked a little disappointed that I didn't reply a proper reply on what he said, but I don't even know how to reply or what to feel, but he agreed anyways as his hand left mine.
We stood up and walked to the car in the same silence we had before as he drove away from the mall. I told him my house's address and stared at the window, repeating what happened in my head all over again. Despite the fact that I didn't want to choose between whether I should believe him or not, I started to think again of giving him a try, to see what he's going to do with it. If he screwed up I won't trust him again.
He stopped the car in front of my house as I told him so; I did nothing for a minute, then turned to look at him.
"How long have you and Chloe been together?" I asked randomly.
"A year or so," he replied.
"I hope it goes well with her." I stared at his eyes and he smiled at me, I smiled back.
"Look, I know that you may think I'm crazy or something, but you say and do things like they're the most normal shit ever. They're not, at least not for me, and the problem is that I know the solution to my problems but I can't do it, so I get my frustration and misery out on you... Just- if you really want us to be friends then can we like, you know, approach things differently?" I talked so fast that I didn't even understand myself, but I just wanted to say everything before I change my mind and say nothing. He chuckled and then nodded.
"I won't let you down, Jade, I promise." I smiled again and went out of the car but before I leave, I looked from the window at him.
"You have my number, text me and let me know how the proposal will go, okay?"
"You'll be the first one to know." I nodded with a light smile and as I was about to turn around he stopped me.
"Jade?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you." I chuckled as I waved a small goodbye for him, he waved back and I left him finally to get back to my sweet home, thinking that today didn't really suck as I thought it would be.
**
A/N: Sorry for the wait .. and also for the short chap ..
comment/vote!