Lauren had often been given the chance to choose to be happy and it was just a matter of unabashedly taking it or not amid the shadowy, gray crevice that was her new life.
Then again, it was never really a mere yes or no question.
Life was a tad more complicated than that. With emotions and lessons of the past involved, it was one heck of a concoction - one that could just screw a person over and then some.
Choices often come with pros and cons, and most times, they don't just end there. Door A could look significantly brighter than Door B but who's to say it wasn't rigged with traps - granting, it wasn't already an illusion that would collapse immediately after taking the first step.
Besides, treacherous beginnings could be concealing incredible journeys and the cowards would only be missing out on the time of their lives by choosing the easier route.
And as far as Camila was concerned, Lauren was expected to choose between betraying her principles and ending what would rightfully be called her misery.
Under normal circumstances, being involved with a married woman was out of the question.
But it was Camila and that alone was enough of a reason for Lauren to explore what would be called...decadent; sinful and debauched.
At that point, Lauren wished there was some small yellow book on how to navigate life for dummies, much like a new driver's manual with all the road signs to keep you steadily cruising down the lane. But of course, everyone has their own journey to traverse and nobody really learns from another person's mistakes.
Not really.
No one can experience the full extent of tragedy and compel them to avert their blunders unless they were drenched in it firsthand.
There wasn't any fun in living vicariously, anyway.
It'd be a shame to only witness unbridled love instead of being inebriated by it.
And if the choice was between Camila and everything else, Lauren needed conviction and resolution. Because Camila came with a lot of things; some that she might not be ready for.
And Lauren wasn't the kind of person who would carelessly shrug consequences; she considers them.
But right in that moment, while holding Camila in her arms, her perturbed thoughts had been momentarily cloaked by the warmth of the professor's touch. They were not permanently erased but at times, temporary was all it took to focus on the present and experience happiness in its entirety without anything to hinder it.
In one of the most important days of her life, Camila sought comfort in Lauren and it was a surreal that she could.
Camila's grip around Lauren's neck was firm and purposeful, and the way she nuzzled her face beneath her ex-girlfriend's jaw, breathing her scent, was unmistakably deliberate. It was as if she was seeking to congregate the broken shards of her heart, igniting the process of putting them back together a piece at a time and Lauren would be the adhesive that would stick them in place.
It would take more than just a hug but they were running after progress, and progress was what they got.
But Lauren feared that it'll fade.
She feared that as soon as they let go, whatever was built in their embrace would loudly shatter like glass and the noise would make her cringe. She could almost picture those cold chocolate pools piercing her skin despite how misplaced they might be considering brown had always been a warm color.
She wasn't looking forward to the chills of the "respectable distance" that Camila would create - the excruciating plummet of her longing heart or the biting cold fangs of dread that would freeze her skin over.
The kind of pain she endured was devastating and there's only so much she could take.
But Lauren was wrong. And it was one of those instances that she didn't mind being incorrect.
When Camila pulled away, she was in an odd state of gratification that maladroit was the last of her concerns. It was odd but her lips tugged to portray a smile; playful and innocent, one that Lauren had not been graced with for far too long. The glint in those brown eyes embodied admiration and utmost delight.
And they were definitely aimed at the psychologist.
For a moment, Lauren felt as if it was warranted to lean in and to a degree, seal the deal, whatever the hell it was, but she caught herself just in time. And still, that didn't mean she didn't want to. It was too tempting and whatever barrier that hindered it seemed to have been extinguished; heightening her craving.
In essence, Lauren could have if she wanted to.
Oddly enough, she saw the same conflict flash in Camila's eyes. Lauren could easily tell how the professor had been calculating their situation and going through every possible scenario the kiss would precede.
And because of that, Lauren couldn't decide if it was a good thing or not; that her mind hadn't been completely debilitated.
Ultimately, she decided it was because her kiss could have been the poison that would consume the oddly illogical light in Camila's eyes.
She could not risk it.
Although, Dinah may have been right. Sexual intimacy may have improved Camila's temperament and with that assumption, Lauren's mind wandered to trifling possibilities of them winding up in bed again or her feeling Camila's lips again.
The thought alone set the psychologist's skin on fire, prickling her scalp and up to the tips of her fingers and toes. She consciously took a deep breath as her lungs began demanding for air as soon as her heart decided to join a marathon and leave everything with its dust, including her own body.
All the while, Lauren momentarily forgot that Camila had Luca, and Luca was married to Camila.
But Dinah had only managed to scratch the surface because even if they'd shared a wondrous night together, it was the news of Lauren's annulment that brought inexplicable bliss to settle upon her body. It seemed to have been a malevolent soul's sentiment but Camila would have been remorseful had Lauren appeared dejected.
And it was apparent that Lauren was anything but miserable.
While Lauren was dumbly returning the gesture with a lopsided smile, stunned and high off of her bliss to even speak, Camila told her ex-girlfriend that she was to get going if she did not wish to miss her presentation. She promised to send Lauren a detailed text message pertaining to the address of her foster son's school and how she could fetch him without a glitch.
She ended up sending another text, informing the psychologist that Elf's car seat was in her office.
And with that, Camila pressed her lips against Lauren's cheek and left a lingering kiss before turning her back on her.
"Hey, Lauren." She suddenly called, trapped within the small crack of the door that she held with her hands; body tipped to the side as her hair draped freely. Upon receiving a very perplexed yet inquisitive look, she grinned and continued speaking. "Until later?"
"Until then, Camila." Lauren confirmed despite the disbelief riddling her grin.
To Lauren's great relief, her fear never turned into a real life nightmare. Unlike the last few times, Camila didn't take all the colors along with her.
And for some odd reason, a piece of nirvana lingered even after the door closed.
-
It was a nice day. Actually, it was a beautiful one.
Spring was a little more persistent and it was beginning to revive those that have been hypnotized into slumber during autumn and lasted over the course of the winter. It was only a matter of time until leaves would poke out of the trees and grass would sprout from the ground, and with it, the bees and butterflies would reemerge.
Puddles and melting clumps of ice were the only remnants left of the mild snow storm that began to drizzle the streets late Saturday night and kept Lauren trapped in her apartment that Sunday.
Spring was a splendor to behold.
But apparently, their chunk of the United States wasn't the only thing warmed by the heat of the sun; it had penetrated skin and bones.
Lauren's heart was warm and cozy, nestled in the same old chest cavity that had been barren far too long. And for the first time in a long while, Lauren could feel the fire of their love in her skin and it would seep into her veins until it lit up her bones.
It was safe to say Camila felt it, too.
And maybe, just maybe, their love might be headed to spring as well, gearing up for what would become a blazing summer.
At least, Lauren hoped.
But Camila was married, she had to remind herself and at the moment, she had to repeat it several times for the message to sink in.
The candle of hope had been lit and this time, it was a little more indomitable and grittier - it could even be defiant that a mere breeze could not extinguish it.
As soon as Robert reemerged with his niece, Lauren shot up from her seat and approached them, subsequently informing the boy of the arrangements. There weren't any sort of protests. Pebble squealed in her glee upon hearing Elf's name while Rob thanked the psychologist for the umpteenth time, promising to call for the child at dinner time and was on his way.
It wasn't much later when Lauren and Pebble walked out into the parking lot hand in hand with Elf's car seat in her free one. She had already packed her personal items and arranged her desk just in case she decided on taking half the day off. They did have to return for Pebble's belongings later on, though.
After going through a tedious process of informing security of Camila's orders and what she had undertaken to ensure the overpriced and, in Dinah's words, snotty ass school that she was to pick a child up, Lauren was close to losing her patience. As much as she'd like to just glare at the supposedly respectable man in uniform before her, she made sure she was not about to lose her temper because a still bundled up Pebble was with her.
The other set of choices weren't quite as appealing and would portray her as a monster.
That didn't mean her rage did not flare, though and it would have taken a severely oblivious idiot to not acknowledge her speaking through gritted teeth and vicious scowl, which were thankfully concealed from the toddler's perspective. Pebble's gaze had been glued onto the colors and to her, that place was a wonderland.
Lauren did understand that it was for the safety of the children enrolled in the school but did she really appear to be capable of abducting a child? She looked like her pictures on her three driver's licenses from Florida, Pennsylvania and Indiana, she was sure of it and she could not quite understand what security wanted from her.
Security measures were too tight, she barely slipped through the meager crack she forcefully pried herself. She wasn't even dressed like a grungy backyard rock star with wild hair and holes in her jeans. And she did look like it on other occasions but it wasn't the point. In fact, she looked like a classy woman in her high-waist pencil skirt and cream blouse. Her stilettos were high enough, pointy enough and her hair was polished like the polished woman she was.
Her grasp on Pebble's much smaller hand wasn't even that tight that the child could have easily shaken her grip off and scream bloody murder to ask for help.
Clearly, she couldn't see the problem on her end.
There was no way to suppress the sigh that barraged out of her mouth when the man relented and gave her directions to an indoor playground, which was supposedly on the ground floor and in the middle of the building.
Narrowing her green eyes at the young security personnel, Lauren sent him a disapproving look before she gently tugged on Pebble's hand to lead the toddler towards their destination. She realized she was being childish but he had ruined her day and stubbornness was a trait she unfortunately possessed.
However, Lauren soon realized how daunting of a challenge it was to maintain her grouch fest just as her eyes focused on the brightly-colored walls that fascinated Pebble. Most were covered in murals portraying children, animals and foliage; even rainbows and balloons.
It was a trap, really; to be venturing into hallways that were meant to pick up her crestfallen temperament.
Her irritation flared the moment she realized the colors had already manipulated her mind but she could not quite restrain the pacification from bubbling within.
But she knew. Despite all the positive attributes or intentions the school envisioned in its ambience, Lauren knew the negative aspect of those colors that they might not be aware of or were hoping to suppress.
It was all an intricate operation to reinforce the efficacy of placebos in psychology just as pills are typically orange and red as they are effective stimulants, or that the food industry avoided blue because they weren't appetizing. But it was the very reason why her office had been powder blue, which would encourage communication and trust. And she hoped they'd ignored the coldness and inhospitality that tainted that particular color.
"Mauwen, look!" Pebble excitedly pointed to the painted picture; propelled to stand on her toes. "Balloons!" She looked adorable in her thick pink jacket that Lauren didn't take off, assuming they wouldn't take long.
"I see it, baby." Lauren chuckled as she recalled how the little girl used to adorably call those plastic spheres "bloons".
Her vision zeroed in on a bundle of inflated elastic and immediately, her mind decided to recall the lessons on the psychology behind colors. The enticing warmth of orange could go from warmth to passion but it could also mean deprivation and immaturity. The calming essence of purple brings out truth and authenticity, but of course, it had inferiority and suppression tagged to its shade.
Regardless, color and light often radiate positivity, and had been used to drastically decrease crime rates in neighborhoods. And places like schools needed all the help it could get to stimulate learning and promote a positive outlook.
And by the looks of Pebble alone, Lauren deemed it effective.
The little girl was quite simply amazed and it was due to the fact that children seek colors that are comforting and pleasant, and it seemed as if a plethora of them did the trick.
And that was what mattered.
"Can we get one?" She asked in a hopeful tone, somehow managing to crumple her features in a pitiful frown. Hesitation rippled in her tiny voice, one that Lauren had been acquainted with considering Pebble never asked for much.
"I promise to buy you one." Lauren lifted her free hand to reinforce her oath, which still clung to her phone; the device she used as evidence of Camila's request while her identification cards were wedged between the back of it and the rubber case. She made a point of exaggerating her smile, widening her eyes to hype her little companion up albeit completely superfluous. "But right now, we have to go get Elf. Aren't you excited to see him?"
"Yes! So excited!" Pebble retorted with such passion, Lauren could feel her eager hand squeeze hers.
Lauren chuckled through a seemingly perpetual smile at the sight of the blissful child. And she was happy because Pebble was. It was the kind of vicarious glee that could probably be greater than its source.
It was the most gratifying.
Leisurely, the pair continued to follow the path until the distant commotion of shrill laughs and shrieks reverberated through the walls.
Excitement had oozed into her own veins at the thought of Elf's smile. She just knew that the boy would be ecstatic to see both her and Pebble sooner. She could just picture him running towards them with that bright grin that she had grown to love in such a short time.
But of all the things Lauren expected to see, she did not think she'd have a front row seat of a dreadful scene she hoped she never had to witness.
Close to a ball pit was a fearful child unearthing out of the beautiful little boy that Lauren never wished to have the displeasure of meeting, and his light brown eyes were brimming with tears that he bravely kept at bay. And yet, he held his arms protectively close to his chest as his lips trembled and with it, rocked the ground Lauren was standing on.
Elf was painfully shy, but never fearful. He may have been intimidated by Camila but he had longing in those creamy brown pools, a hopefulness that the mighty professor would love him as much as everyone he loved did.
A much taller, pudgy boy loomed over the five-year-old, staring him down. His hands were in tight, paling fists and his features were menacingly creased that may have reflected an evil in the world. He seemed to have been disgusted by Elf's presence alone.
It was horrifying to learn that Elf hadn't done anything wrong to the other boy; he was just a victim of unreasonable and unprecedented hate.
It was a cruel world out there. No one just expects to learn that the lessons would start coming in at childhood; at least, they hoped it wouldn't.
"Nobody likes you here, Leslie!" He spat as if poison radiated out of his tongue, and the name had been too bitter that he couldn't stand for it to linger on his taste buds. Not satisfied, he raised an accusatory finger to couple with the ominous scowl that shouldn't have found place in those juvenile features. "You're gay!"
The boy raised his hands and as quickly as he did, he pushed Elf down to the padded ground, dragging Lauren's heart along with a loud thud. Her skin crawled with such disdain that it rippled all throughout, igniting chills to wreak havoc upon her apprehensive body. Heat had risen up to her face and her cheeks were reddening with her own indignation.
Camila's foster child had landed on the red, padded mat on his bottom and then his shoulder, which was oddly symbolic. The glowing blaze of strength and warmth had easily showed its second face, portraying aggression and defiance, and Lauren hated that Elf was forced to become a victim of it.
It was then that Lauren realized the bully was why Elf begged to have a haircut and his insistence on being called by the nickname Milo had given him instead of his first name.
Still, the boy was passionate about his education.
But because of it, guilt riddled Lauren's chest, not being able to pick up on any signs and having only realized Elf had much shorter hair since the party. She wondered if she was even a good counselor then, not being able to pick up on her loved ones' distress.
Then again, Elf had only been genuinely overjoyed in Lauren's presence; seeing the woman as the sun that would take the darkness away.
"Hey!" Lauren yelled loud enough for the entire room to hear, expelling it out of her pained chest. Her voice had been strangulated as the pressure in her throat built up in her raging emotions.
And with that, the ruckus she had created commanded all of their attention, even teachers and parents, who were giving her a mixture of reactions. Most if not all had contorted into sympathetic frowns as they found where her gaze had been devoted to.
Dragging a visibly shaken Pebble, she marched towards the scene, foreboding scowl never faltering from where it was set, on the head of the monster that preyed on Elf.
In the short journey Lauren spent huffing and puffing, she took the fleeting moment to regain herself. She was aware that she could have controlled her temper but the look of horror in Elf's face fueled her anger. And as she remained in the harrowing clutches of her rage, she hadn't realized she had already frightened the wrong child.
Pebble was petrified, already startled by Lauren's voice. There was a hesitation to allow the psychologist to bring her to the scene but she quickly realized how she wasn't strong enough to even loosen Lauren's grip.
Meanwhile, the other boy didn't look remorseful or a tad bit intimidated by the psychologist's fury. And before they could come face to face, he had scampered away to a teacher, who seemed to have sent him off without so much as a word.
Without the bully in the way, Lauren got down on her knees and aided Elf to his feet with Pebble close by. It was then that she realized how relieved she was that the other boy had ran away. She didn't know the extent of the punishment she would have delivered upon him had he stayed in place.
Lauren may not raise a hand on him but she was well aware that words were sharper and far more potent that knives. She could very well traumatize him, and that was worse than an irritated handprint on his full cheek.
"Are you okay? Does anything hurt?" She tenderly asked as she brushed stray strands of his much shorter hair away from his slightly reddened face. Her tensed, hooded gaze flitted all over his young, fragile body, searching for areas of concern.
"I'm okay, Miss Lauren." Elf mumbled quietly, shamefully looking down and averting those affectionate green eyes. He felt as though he failed her and that he was disappointing Lauren but it was never the case. "I'm okay." He reaffirmed albeit fruitlessly.
Elf was blatantly lying and Lauren didn't have a heart to call him out on it. His using Lauren's proper name instead of the childish version Pebble taught him was trembling her resolve. The pain in her chest had been an odd blend of compelling torture. She could withstand her own agony but she quickly found that experiencing Elf's was unspeakable.
"Are you sure, buddy?" Lauren forced to keep her voice from wavering to provide the boy with a steady figure to lean on. Her question was answered by a timid nod and if she wasn't paying attention, she would have missed it.
His response didn't matter, though. What mattered was how he stood his ground, or attempted to and Lauren admired the boy for it.
Because regardless of what Lauren thought at the time, Elf just wanted to be brave; just like Mrs. Claus.
And as much as Lauren would like to soothe Elf, she needed something from him and he had to be truthful about it.
"I have a question to ask. Can you be honest with me?" Lauren paused to swallow the lump quickly forming in her throat as she observed the boy nod once again. She set her hands on his heated cheeks, gently caressing the soft skin with the pads of her thumbs. "How long has this been going on?"
"Long time..." Elf choked the answer out in a higher register, drawing a shaky breath in that quivered his shoulders.
Lauren closed her eyes as she yearned to regain her composure. Her heart was enduring one of the tightest knots it had even been thrown into as her chest tautened. She had braced for every kind of answer but she had begged not to hear what Elf had just told her. To her, no one should have to endure any sort of oppression from anybody; especially, not a little, defenseless creature as Elf.
She wondered if his foster parents knew and if they had done anything. But a significant part of her was aware that if Camila had been brought into the conversation, she would have plucked her kid away.
Of course, after delivering an onslaught of words formulated with utmost eloquence that would have completely devastated its victim.
"Does your teacher know?" She asked again, receiving the same unenthusiastic nod that had been beating her heart into severe torture. "Did they do anything?"
"They talked to him but he still doesn't like me, Miss Lauren." Elf sniffled, lifting a hand to conceal his watering eyes. His frown had dug deeper and his little lower lip had poked out, showing just how upset he was.
Of all the things he could say, his words were disparaging against himself and not the other boy. It was a remarkable trait, one that Lauren wished every single child possessed.
Yet, at the time, it was a little misplaced.
But that was it, Lauren had had enough. Elf's tears had brimmed, gracefully journeying down his cheeks and every bead that drenched Lauren's hand felt like lava, burking her skin.
"Oh, honey." She planted a tender peck upon his forehead and drew him into a hug. Vigorously rubbing his back, she blinked rapidly to rid her own eyes of moisture. "It's okay. Miss Lauren is here. I'll protect you."
"I'm sorry, Miss Lauren." Elf sobbed and every undulation of his erratic voice poked knives at Lauren's heart. He clung to the woman as if she'd be his saving grace, sinking his face deeper into the crook of her neck. "I didn't mean to get in trouble."
"No. No, no." Lauren reassured him, holding him tighter. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing. Do you hear me?"
Upon the question, she felt the boy vigorously nod against her as he sighed a breath of relief albeit significantly rickety.
It wasn't long before another small body came to encompass Lauren and Elf in her own arms, or at least, tried to. Lauren adjusted slightly to wrap her arm around Pebble as well, including her in their embrace.
At the time, she was unaware of the child's need for comfort.
She took her time to console the boy, offering little words, telling him that he was brave and that nothing was his fault as Pebble listened on as if they were directed at her. Lauren's words had encouraged tears to spring from both children's eyes. And she tried - she tried to keep herself from falling apart and she had reinforced the dams with whatever kind of adhesive but water was mighty, a formidable foe.
Admittedly, she shed tears because it hurt that her kids were crying out of pain. She cried because she was severely frustrated and she needed to seek out the evil that was behind the child who was apparently bullying Elf.
Ultimately, that had been the reason she disintegrated the hug.
"Hey, buddy." Lauren gently pulled back, consciously portraying a decent enough smile so as not to startle the kids. Her hands were on the children's shoulders, extending her protectiveness over them after wiping their cheeks and her own - somehow abandoning her phone on the floor. "I need you to watch each other for me, okay? Play?" Sniffling, she glanced at two pairs of wary eyes with a hopeful glint in her green hues, practically asking for their permission to leave. "I'll just talk to your teacher."
Talk was a safe word. It's cheap and easily dispensable.
But talking wasn't what Lauren intended to do. She was going to reprimand somebody and she didn't care if it was a child, a parent, a teacher or all of the above.
Lauren was just about to push herself up when her children latched onto her again, clinging onto her tightly and preventing her from leaving.
It was a bittersweet feeling to be loved and needed by two innocent souls who only saw the good in her. She'd done her fair share of ill-made choices and grave mistakes but it seemed as if her dignity had been restored because of those children.
And yet, she couldn't wallow in their affectionate warmth because they needed her to take away the demons.
Elf was in an odd state of fright, relief and gratitude. It had been quite a long time since being in that school brought him peace of mind. Then again, Lauren may have saved him on that day but he wasn't too sure how he'd fair during the subsequent ones. Luca had already stepped in but it seemed as if he hadn't negotiated an enduring solution with the faculty.
Somehow, he felt that Lauren could.
For a moment, the psychologist attempted to focus on her breathing and for once, settle her demanding and purposeful rhythm of her heart. However, her attempt at attaining tranquility was thwarted by a quiet voice and words she thought would originate from Elf.
"I'm scared." Pebble whimpered as if she was enduring physical discomfort. She tightened her grip on Lauren, managing to ball the fabric of her blouse over her shoulder. "You scared me, Mauwen."
Lauren used to smile when the little girl told her how frightened she was just because she used to mumble "I scawed" with a heartwarming and adorable pout. At one point, it morphed into "Pebbwe scawed" until the adults around her convinced her developing mind to use proper English.
But in all of those times, Lauren hadn't been the source of fear.
Her heart dropped upon the realization as Pebble's rickety voice delivered a devastating storm within her chest. She had to level her breathing still, making sure she didn't startle the little girl with her huffing and puffing despite the urgency in her lungs.
Lauren was instantaneously disappointed and this time, she had seen herself as the culprit. She was in too deep with her ire and desire to be at Elf's side that she'd momentarily forgotten the three-year-old.
"I'm sorry, baby. Miss Lauren didn't want Elf getting hurt. I'm so sorry." She expressed, gently removing herself from the mess of arms that were encasing her. Her gaze was soft and completely harmless as she stared at the frowning toddler. "Are you still scared of me?"
Pebble shook her head despite the uncertainty. Her little mind had been working on her comprehend Lauren's words. She quickly decided that Elf needed her Mauwen and deemed it appropriate albeit being startled by the small outburst that she had never witnessed in the year that she'd known the psychologist.
Lauren was grateful that forgiving was second nature to children, a little behind unending acceptance and love. It was such a shame that any form of discrimination would be taught by the people around them; making it seem natural to hate and it was what she saw in the bully.
"You know I love you, right?" She set a finger beneath Pebble's chin, smiling affectionately, which the toddler mirrored easily.
"I love you!" Pebble enthusiastically retorted with the bright grin Lauren desperately needed to see.
But of course, she didn't forget the young Clausnitzer.
"I love you, Elf."
"I love you, Miss Lauren." Elf bowed his head down timidly as his lips slowly stretched into a bashful smile, like he'd been flattered.
He liked knowing he was loved by the woman he loved as much as a child could love a mother.
It warmed Lauren's heart enough that she'd been propelled to plant tender kisses upon the youngsters' cheeks and encompass them in another warm yet briefer hug.
"Okay, go play in the ball pit. Miss Lauren will be right back. Is that okay?" Lauren decided she needed to ask if her actions were appropriate. She was never one to leave shaken children by themselves but she wasn't quite sure they'd be thrilled to witness their beloved psychologist lose it.
Thankfully, they nodded.
"Be safe and take care of each other." She reminded them, mostly staring at Elf as if to give him permission to take charge should anything happen as she blindly reached for her phone. "Don't wander away, okay?"
"Promise!" Pebble eagerly raised her arm to reinforce her words but was halted when she didn't hear anything from her male companion. And by the looks of it, she seemed to have been appalled that Elf remained quiet. "You have to say promise, too, Elf." She persuaded with a disapproving frown.
"I promise." The boy adhered, cautiously lifting his gaze to meet Lauren's much to the toddler's delight. He reached for Pebble's hand, signaling that he got it and that he would be brave for her, making the psychologist smile adoringly.
Lauren was hesitant to leave for a moment but it was critical that she did so. She did keep a watchful eye on her kids, grateful that Elf hadn't been traumatized when she noticed that he'd dragged Pebble to the pool of colorful plastic balls as if nothing had happened. She wasn't sure she had the strength to even turn her back on them after what she had just witnessed.
That was until she found a harsh gaze, setting her skin on fire with judgement.
Up ahead, it seemed as though a teacher about her age - if not, slightly older, had already been anticipating Lauren. Upon her features was a stern look that the psychologist was aching to erase, compelling her to tighten her fists to avert the probability of losing control.
To a degree, Lauren hoped for an adversary in the form of an educator; particularly the lenient one who allowed the bully to escape.
"Are you Miss Annie?" Lauren sternly queried upon marching towards the teacher with an air of haughtiness coloring her stride. She had recalled that name in one of Camila's text messages. "Prof. Clausnitzer asked me to look for her."
Expecting a smile and a protective aura around her, Lauren would have been severely disappointed in Miss Annie if the woman before her was in fact, Elf's supposedly beloved advisor. And if that was the case, she would have to perform tests on both Luca and Camila, and she intended on asking them how they even assessed their child's teacher; how could they have been so wrong.
"Good morning." The woman shot pointedly, an attempt at correcting what she deemed to have be disrespectful. She instantaneously reckoned that Lauren was irresponsible just because she did not offer a simple greeting, which was to be expected from the children enrolled in their allegedly prestigious institution. "And no, Miss Annie is off assisting parents with the children's belongings. Are you related to the Claustnitzers in any way? I've never seen you around here before."
Lauren assumed she had tipped her chin high enough to beam her superiority but she was proven wrong. The woman crossed her arms and craned her neck to be able to look down on the psychologist even the slightest despite being shorter than Lauren in those heels.
Regardless, Lauren was definitely relieved to have found that the Clausnitzers weren't as insane as her anxious mind assumed just moments prior.
However, manners were the least of Lauren's concerns and she bet Camila would understand. She would normally spare some time for pleasantries to appraise the other person but she had enough to paint an accurate picture of the teacher.
"Did you know?" She accusingly queried with a bite to her tone, narrowing her intimidating eyes.
And still, the woman wasn't fazed by her advances; in turn, feeding to Lauren's irritation, which was probably...worse.
"Yes, Miss..."
"Jauregui. I'm a friend of the family." Lauren decided she could offer the most minimum justification that she was fit to collect Elf. And just when the teacher was about to respond, she immediately seized her from undulating words; lifting her free hand to silence her. "I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here. What did you do? After seeing something like that, what did you do?"
"We've reprimanded Josh about his actions and asked him to apologize to Elf in the past, and he did-"
"It didn't work." Lauren interrupted, shrugging her own principles in dealing with disagreements.
It had been a while since she'd been on another corner, battling it out with an opponent despite the court hearings. She didn't care about Sean Tremaine enough to even argue with him. However, all train of thought had been ceased when she recalled the night Camila had followed her to the bathroom and sent some heartfelt grouses careening her way.
"And just now, you just...stood here like you didn't see anything."
Lauren would have attempted to conjure up her annoyingly calm psychologist face but it was just that it was hard to be professional when her heart already sympathized with the kids. It was in those times that it was significantly challenging to distinguish the boundary that kept her professionalism intact.
She was perplexed and severely appalled that the teacher spoke so casually, expressing how miniscule and irrelevant the issue was to her. Her demeanor and her words were like firewood being fed to a growing and almost uncontrollable blaze. And if they were in another environment, Lauren couldn't imagine controlling the deep urge to expel some earnest profanity that would most definitely alleviate the pressure in her skull.
Lauren caught the woman's gaze, following Josh as he walked up to what looked to be his father - tall, sharply dressed and chin held high. There was a conflict in her; wondering if she should have just walked up to the parent directly and demand for an apology and promises to reform his child. She would consider extending professional help but she figured that making the father admit culpability would have easily been the greatest hurdle.
From the looks alone, Lauren had already segregated him along with the parents who would raise problematic children as they value their pride more than anything. It bothered her that in recent years, parents have been blaming teachers for their child's repugnant grades and attitude when nature and nurture in their own home had been a disheveled mess.
But again, she was reminded that she still had a challenger who had already been judging her based on the one word she yelled to shoo Josh away from Elf.
"Well, I'm sorry, Miss Jauregui but we can't just give the boy corporal punishment. He's just a boy." She mocked despite uttering a word of apology that she blatantly never meant. It was only to appease the fuming psychologist. But of all the things that she could say, what she said next was probably the most idiotic; jerking the pin out of an agitated grenade. "Please don't teach us how to run the school."
There was a patronizing smile on her face that almost looked wicked and her features were painted with satisfaction as she noticed that beat of silence that Lauren took to congregate her composure. It was the difference between deep red aggression, and she was only aiming for defiance.
If the teacher knew any better, she would have known that she had no victory to celebrate.
Lauren was hyperaware of the environment and it was what kept from setting her off. But if she was to list her pet peeves, that condescending and superior smile would top the list and it was gnawing at what little self-control she had.
Her meticulously nude-painted lips parted to reveal a sardonic grin as she shook her head in disbelief, even scoffing at the teacher's ridiculous words.
Unfortunately, it was only the foreboding warning and the worst was yet to come for the educator because Lauren was going to deliver an onslaught albeit calmly - or as calm as possible.
The poor teacher had never witnessed a smile so sinister that it instantly drew all the blood from her ashen face and prompted her skin to crawl with chills. She limply dropped her chilling and tingling hands to her sides, not quite sure what to do with them but she had the deep urge to step back to avert Lauren and the possibility of a smartphone being chucked at her head.
"You're right. He's just a boy. But it starts there and if you don't stop him, he will feel like he's in control of the whole universe. You have given him permission, power to do whatever he wants, and he will think that he's right to torment another child but it will only get worse from there. If the parents are horrible at rearing their young children, you can help prevent a brat from unearthing." Lauren expressed with a painfully blatant sarcastic tone as she grit her teeth, almost growling her words out. Her blazing eyes were wide and expressive, throwing daggers and shooting them with a precise hit to debilitate the teacher.
"And I sure as hell can teach you how to run this f...this school."
Lauren was already frustrated by what she had witnessed, the distraught looks that crossed both her kids' faces and just how the teacher handled the situation. It was only exacerbated by the fact the she could not freely spew profanities and she was just so close to dropping a bomb that would have most definitely scandalized the entire school.
Ideally, she would have only been concerned about the children; fearing that she'd exemplified how not to act around their teachers. But in that case, both Luca and Camila's names were at stake. In a way, she was their responsibility and they trusted her to be cordial.
"I don't brag about my job, Miss whoever-you-are but I've worked in human resources far too long that there's only so little I haven't heard and less that I haven't resolved. And this..." She circled her hand haphazardly around to demonstrate where they were, nodding resolutely. There was an overconfident aura that embraced Lauren from then on, which she deemed necessary for the situation. "What you have in here is a rudimentary problem that would have been solved easier if you weren't so lenient about it.
"School is supposed to be a fun place for children. They should look forward to learning, seeing their friends and not hide behind their parents' backs. If that kid has problems in his home, talk to his parents. You could even report them to child services if you don't deem them fit to raise their children after warnings have been issued.
"Do something more than just stand and watch these children hurt each other. You didn't even blink after witnessing Josh push my kid, and you know he wasn't the slightest remorseful for what he did. In fact, he looked proud and I don't think I have to tell you that it's wrong."
Lauren was moving dangerously close to the teacher. There was inexplicable satisfaction when it felt as if their distance was permanent considering she had intimidated her into taking a corresponding step back. She was inebriated with her anger that she'd been pushed into a stupor that would protect her from her own conscience; stifling it even.
Suddenly, it didn't matter that she could not curse at the teacher. She had already embedded herself in her veins; taunted her into possibly never underestimating a "disrespectful family friend" who could very well be a leather jacket-wearing, badass psychologist.
"And because you already talked to a problematic child once doesn't mean you can pretend that that's enough, and because it wasn't, you should be worried. You should care more. These kids are your responsibility while they're within school grounds and I wouldn't even be having this conversation with you if Elf was at fault. I would have been reprimanding him.
"There's always a way. And you should believe that I am going to raise this issue up beyond the school board if that Josh kid isn't reformed soon, and you better know that I can. They're not going to go after him, they will go after you and trust me, I have my own connections. Fix this before I step in. I don't think you'd have 'the best school' reputation after my little chat with them. And believe it or not, I'd want it done in due process because you see, I'm not really out to get you."
It was the teacher's hasty assumption that parents of children enrolled in the school would be significantly collected and would not even allow a vein to pop out with their anger. Nobody had silenced her in the past and every single one of their grievances had a corresponding know-it-all excuse ready to tackle them.
And it was necessary to note that nobody had threatened her in the way that Lauren had. They may have respectable names to uphold or people they could control but none of them had any expertise to brag about the ability discipline a child.
It was almost unthinkable but the educator's knees were trembling with fear, already consumed by the threats that had been laid out to her. She was already too terrified to call Lauren's bluff, and unfortunately, there was none.
Lauren was easily pushing her to the color black; oppressed and enshroud in the dark - only left to absorb the psychologist's sharp and precise words.
"I love that kid. I love Elf and right now, I'm his care provider. It hurts to see him so distraught. I need you to remember that he has been through hell and he knows that, and yet you allow these kids to make him feel worse. He is a child, too and because of that, your pathetic excuse has been inadequate. And I know that you know how good of a child Elf is." Lauren breathed earnestly; significantly calmer now that she'd been able to spew so many words freely and without interruptions. Well, there's also the part where she had successfully stupefied the teacher, reducing her into a nodding and inaudible puppet. "These things get embedded in their minds and their hearts, and it'll mess with my kid's self-worth and respect, which is already being stomped on by the fact that his biological parents didn't want him and I'm sure that you know that. They don't call their age formative years for nothing, and you should never waste even a second of it."
Lauren was passionate about her distaste for injustice and when innocent and beautiful souls were involved, the blaze of her brave heart would only intensify. She already had a soft spot for little Elf and she felt as if she owed it to him for not being present in the first five years of his life, of her inability to fight for him and his right to a family.
And despite the temper, Lauren was grateful the boy had Camila. She was confident that the professor would fight for him fiercely.
"If I'm such a nuisance to you, I can assure you you wouldn't want to mess with his mother." Lauren warned as she took a single step closer; this time, hypnotizing the teacher into staying on the spot. "Do we understand each other?" She menacingly raised her brows until her challenger nodded her head incessantly.
"You have until Friday." She continued, aloof and cold; portraying the negative side of the shade of blue. Her façade quickly crumbled as she remembered the first words spoken to her by the educator, which was quite offensive. And so, before Lauren turned on her pointy heels, she smirked. "Good riddance."
At least, it was a greeting of some sort.
Lauren hurriedly bounded over to her two little companions, surprised to have found a blonde woman with soft, apologetic hazel eyes and Elf's possessions in her hands. She easily assumed it was Miss Annie by the way the jacket-clad boy stood close to her and how her presence had erased the tension in his body, allowing him to drop his shoulders.
She assumed the teacher had been responsible for that as well.
She didn't have much energy to speak but tried to offer a grateful smile and a courteous nod as she accepted Pebble's quiet request to be lifted up to her arms. The little girl immediately slung her arms around Lauren's neck and rested her cheek against her shoulder.
Lauren would pay more attention to Elf's advisor but she was severely distracted and preoccupied with thinking of ways to appease the two children she was supposed to watch for the day.
Miss Annie took the autonomy to assist Elf with the straps of his Jurassic World backpack and what Lauren assumed to be a lunch box in his hand. She looked up at the same time the young boy did, still greeted by Lauren's reflective temperament.
"Thank you." Lauren mouthed to the teacher and reached for Elf's free hand, ready to take him away from the depressing walls of the school.
"You're welcome, Miss Lauren." Miss Annie observed the shock unfold in Lauren's eyes. She figured the psychologist had had enough of a bad day that she decided to offer an explanation. "Professor C sent me an e-mail with your name on it and Elf could not stop talking about you." Glancing down at Elf, she chuckled as the boy dropped his head in embarrassment.
Lauren's gaze flitted to Elf, who could not quite look at her in the eyes. A smile blossomed upon her lips, gently jerking their intertwined hands to prompt his attention towards her but both adults quickly realized it was futile.
She decided it was time to go, thanking Miss Annie again before bidding her goodbye.
As Lauren walked through the almost impermeable doors the second time, drenched in sunlight, Lauren decided she could take care of the two kids. She could handle them, she was well-educated and they loved her.
How hard could it be?
Either way, Lauren had a list of things they could do, and bothering Camila and taking her focus away from her presentation was not one of them. She decided to send her ex-girlfriend a text message, informing her that she'd send half-hourly updates on their whereabouts.
That was step one.
Step two was to take her children to a pizza shop and judging by the look on their gloomy faces, she deemed it necessary. Lauren decided, in her professional opinion, that it was appropriate to give kids some junk food for lunch. When she announced it to her quiet bunch, she swore there was a little celebration in her beast of a car.
On a much serious note, with regards to her expertise, she didn't feel that it was the right time to coax Elf into storytelling despite yearning to be given the avenue to lull his worries. She figured the shaken boy wasn't fit for a heart to heart at the time. He was just a kid after all. He deserved a break and enough time to just...have the time of his life.
Unfortunately, the step hindering fun was to head back to her office and see if she could obtain permission to skip the rest of the afternoon as she originally planned. The rebel in her chastised her for failing to pack Pebble's things and bringing them to her car before heading to Elf's school.
She could have easily faked a stomach bug. Nothing she hadn't done before.
-
Almost immediately after Lauren shut her laptop off to make sure she had the rest of the day "free" without added responsibilities, Ida Greene flew into her office bearing a couple of documents that were addressed to the psychologist and an impish grin upon her features that was still for Lauren.
Yes, she forwent knocking...as always.
Ida may have been an intruder but she was a source of light and airy happiness, which reminded Lauren of Ally. She decided that she needed those kinds of people in her life when she could have easily fallen down an austere, treacherous rabbit hole and wallow in her misery.
"Journals for the gorgeous psychologist." Ida merrily announced, moseying her way towards Lauren with a bounce to her light stride. She set the glossy stack of papers and magazines onto the neat table and proceeded to push her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "I'm glad I'm not handing you any more jobs to do. I felt bad doing it."
"It's okay. Part of the job." Shooting to her feet, Lauren waved her friend off and shook her head. "Thanks, Ida." She dropped her gaze to the desk, searching for something she might have missed.
"You'd make a hot momma, Miss Lauren." Ida noted knowingly in a manner that Lauren couldn't distinguish to be a joke or not.
She was staring at the half open door to the adjacent room where her vision only found a determined Pebble, coloring a book atop the adult-sized round table with a mess of paper and crayons before her. It warmed her heart when she noted that the child was perched atop two large hand-bound books to elevate her. The toddler had furrowed her brows in her concentration, poking her tongue between her tensed lips.
Ida was quite surprised that the little girl wasn't situated in what was rightfully her miniature desk. But in the end, she concluded that the plastic contraption just lacked space.
An artist should not be confined within a box; they sure as hell shouldn't be restricted to only using a small table.
"Thanks?" Lauren apprehensively mumbled, hesitant to even glance at her friend with the way her cheeks and ears had been flushed red.
"I'm still wondering why Pebble doesn't call you 'mom' or something." Ida bemused with a shrug in her pensive temperament.
"That's 'cause I'm not her mom?" Lauren refuted a little too hastily, prompting her passionately curious coworker to swivel back to face her.
The movement swooshed Ida's curly tresses gracefully but smacking against her cheek as soon as she focused her gaze on the psychologist. Still, it did not deter her spirit. There was only so much Lauren could do to suppress her friend's shenanigans and she wasn't quite sure if she wanted to, either.
"I know but she loves you, Miss Lauren. She admires you and looks up to you."
"I know she does but I still am not her mother, Miss Greene." Lauren insisted defiantly, observing Ida's eyes narrow but it went as swiftly as it came.
Unfortunately, it only meant that she found a loophole and wasn't quite giving the issue a rest.
"It's funny how we have a day care thing set up for our students and faculty, and some still choose to leave their kids to you." Ida noted and reminded her, chuckling when she found Lauren dumbly opening and closing her mouth, scrambling to stutter a rebuttal. "There's something special in Mauwen, you know."
"I care about them, Ida." Lauren grumbled, resting both of her hands atop her desk and leaned on them to propel her body closer to her coworker as she delivered an unimpressed look.
She hoped it'd be intimidating with the proximity, thankfully it worked. Although, it was most likely out of sympathy on Ida's end that she decided to appease the younger woman.
It didn't need years learning about the complexities of the human mind in college to figure out that Lauren appeared troubled.
"I know, Miss Lauren."
It was only a second or two later when they heard the unmistakable sound of a chair being pushed back with significant struggle, attracting both women's attention. With strict instruction, Pebble was to remain in her seat, which led Lauren to assume that it would have been Elf, who was causing the noise.
The thought of Ida being acquainted with the fact that Elf was Camila's had prompted Lauren to conceal her eyes as if she'd find guts in the darkness, where she'd like Ida to remain in. She also sought anonymity and solace in it but real life couldn't wait to just shatter her little illusion.
Alas, Elf appeared beneath the doorway with his hands tucked behind, rocking himself shyly on heels of his feet. Ida's hand found refuge in the middle of her chest, clutching it as she tenderly studied the bashful boy.
"15 minutes already?" Lauren exaggerated her surprise, even gasping and received a proud nod from the young Clausnitzer, metaphorically patting himself on the back for his punctuality. "May I have five more please?" She chuckled when she found him eagerly rock his head once more. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." He grinned happily, reducing his wide eyes into slits. He had always loved being appreciated and Lauren never failed to show him just how much she did.
"Come meet Miss Ida, buddy." Lauren smiled softly and motioned for Elf to come closer with a wave, which he adhered to easily. She rounded her table to be at the boy's side just in case he needed support.
It surprised them when they found a tiny and trembling hand extended towards Ida, which the woman gently took in utmost awe. The adults' hearts were swelling and brimming at the precious display of courtesy, compelling Lauren to yearn to commend his foster parents for it.
"I'm Elf." The boy all but squeaked as he bravely looked into Ida's affectionate eyes. "It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am."
"Hi, Elf. You're such a gentleman." Crouching down, Ida squeezed his hand gently before releasing it. "You should know I'm very happy to have met you."
Elf sought Lauren's gaze to make sure that the woman had witnessed what had just unfolded, smile broadening when he found her nodding approvingly.
Lauren would have assumed it was the cheese pizza that magically put the smile back on his face but she knew better. The boy relished in the ratification he secured from his parents, Darnell, Miss Annie and now, Lauren and Dinah.
"Hey, bud. Can you please help Pebble gather her things?" She asked as she ruffled his neat hair, feeling him nod against her palm. "Thank you again, buddy."
"You're welcome again, Miss Lauren." Elf retorted knowingly and scampered away while announcing to Pebble that they were to tidy things up as ordered by Miss Lauren.
"Wow...that's one well-mannered kid." Ida nodded incessantly to reaffirm that she did witness everything and she wasn't dreaming it up. "Whose is he? One of our students'?"
And there it was; the magic question.
Lauren would have contemplated on lying had Ida been a tad less kind to her. The woman had been her confidant for several years and she had never let Lauren down. She even briefly gave the psychologist a roof over her head when she found herself homeless after leaving her then husband.
It was with a heavy heart that Lauren concluded that yes, she did owe it to Ida to be truthful. She was a friend when every other person she met in Indiana were strangers, save for Sean.
Despite having her own almost-daily-chronicles regarding the latest gossip in the college, Ida had been safekeeping Lauren's secrets. In the same way, Lauren had been Ida's reprieve. She could say whatever she wanted and she'd be given a friendly advice or a professional opinion upon request, and neither would come from a condescending mouth.
In an odd way, they were best friends and sisters, and at times, surrogate mother and daughter.
Because of that, Lauren had already braced for an onslaught of meaningful looks, little impish comments and probably prodding.
"Professor...C's." Lauren released through a huff, already concealing her guilty green eyes before she could purse her lips.
"Oh...no wonder?" Ida mumbled, dumbfounded and at a loss for words.
"Hey! Be nice!" Lauren scolded, pointing a stern finger at the older woman, who raised her hands quickly in surrender.
Unfortunately, it was when a smirk surfaced that had been obscured by a hand that propped her glasses back up the bridge of her nose despite it being completely unnecessary.
"You're warming up to the kid to go to the mom?" Ida rocked her brows evocatively, prompting for chills to ravage Lauren's spine as heat settled upon her head. "I knew you wanted her al dente!"
Lauren's jaw dropped at an impressive speed that if it had collided against the floor, it would have shattered. Her green eyes were wide and appalled, scandalized as if she hadn't slept with Camila not too many nights ago.
But in her defense, she hadn't had time to really ponder about it. Her post coital bliss was anything but ephemeral and it's vestige had a strong grip on Lauren, making it a challenge to disintegrate and thrown into the bin of distant memories.
"I told you we were old...friends." Lauren whined pathetically, protruding her bottom lip to beg Ida to stop talking. "Besides, I don't support infidelity or cheating. In case you forgot, she's married!" She whispered vehemently to make sure her voice had been suppressed enough for the kids to be kept oblivious by their conversation.
"For now." Ida shot knowingly, crossing her arms to express her pride as she watched Lauren struggle with what to do with her clenched hands.
Lauren crashed down on the seat closest to her as she took a deep breath in to relieve the tension within her, cupping her face as she shook her head. She was too embarrassed to even expose her deep red cheeks and giving her friend another reason to deliver an onslaught of childish teasing as Ida was left to bite her lips, desperately containing her amusement.
Lauren hadn't even contemplated on the probability of being Camila's dirty little secret but chastised herself for disregarding her ex-girlfriend's marriage, her husband, and her child - her family into the things she had to consider. It had lambasted her own principles, her pride and she wasn't quite certain if she could stop.
Because even if she would have decided on suppressing the fire of hope that was fueled by her binding love, the grip of her conclusion would have loosened in every instance that Camila would materialize before her eyes.
Admittedly, she treated the situation as if Camila wasn't wearing another person's name but it was too tempting to play the oblivious card than be riddled by guilt.
"Do you think Stowers would let me take the rest of the day off?" She mumbled, only parting her palms enough for her to speak audibly. She was still pathetically shaking her head, still stubbornly denying Ida's claims which have been embedded in her head. "I promised the kids I would spend the afternoon with them."
"I think so, yeah." Ida answered, deciding on forgoing with the teasing and that Lauren had had enough of it for the day. "You deserve a break, Miss Lauren."
"Can I?" Lauren looked to her friend hopefully as if the woman had all the answers in the world. To a degree, she hoped that Ida was a genie who could grant her wishes related to her job.
"Oh, you bet." Ida expressed with such conviction that Lauren was forced to believe her because she, too, needed a break.
And she was right to.
As it turned out, Stowers was also a lenient educator. Well, not exactly. The chairman had been a witness to everybody's hard work and he did expect too much from Lauren, well beyond her responsibilities. He'd asked her to come to school on her days off and in recent weeks, needed her aid with the new positions opened.
He easily deemed the afternoon off reasonable.
-
Ideally, Lauren would spend an ample amount of her time with Pebble tutoring the toddler and getting her ready for her impending time spent in school. The toddler loved learning, which was an added bonus. But the psychologist was more than willing to make exceptions and their collective bad day was definitely a valid enough reason to omit lessons from the agenda.
So, Lauren took them to an indoor children's activity center, where Pebble and Elf were too fascinated by fire truck and police car play areas, miniature kitchen and produce stalls, as well as magnanimous slides and the most generous amount of toys.
She promptly sent Camila the name and address of the establishment, even taking pictures of it just in case she didn't know where it was.
As it turned out, entertaining children wasn't as challenging. It was just...extremely exhausting.
Between running around in little games of tag - which she had to remind her children and the others to be careful - and crouching down to fit in crevices while making sure she didn't flash her underwear to innocent souls, Lauren was worn out after spending three hours in the activity center. It was significantly challenging to say with utmost conviction that her fatigue was well worth it when she found those sparkling pairs of eyes that have forgotten their troubles.
At the end of their adventure, Lauren was almost compelled to her knees and thank the heavens when she found spare shirts and hand towels in the kids' knapsacks. She admittedly forgot that children running around would mean children drenched in their own sweat.
Lauren made sure to dig the tips of her fingers against their torso as she wiped beads, eliciting shrieks and giggles that were reddening little faces that exuded exuberance and unbridled joy.
Lauren hoped they'd stay that way, happy and untroubled.
A little over 4:00 in the afternoon, she strapped two sprightly little kids who could not contain their excitement about their favorite feature of the activity center and just how much fun they had. Lauren could tell that their energy levels had been consumed by the way they put effort into keeping their eyes open.
Luckily, they were headed to Lauren's apartment.
Lauren bounded over to the driver's seat, strapped herself in and checked for any messages from Camila for the umpteenth time. Truthfully, she wasn't expecting anything considering the hectic day for the professor but Lauren wanted to extend her courtesy by delivering a prompt reply should Camila have concerns, and apparently, she had none.
Camila had only responded to her first text about being in the parking lot of Elf's school with both kids in the backseat and the intention of having some pizza. "Elf will love that. He can devour an entire thing if you'd let him. Thank you, Lauren!" she wrote and concluded it with three smiling blobs of yellow that elicited a grin from the psychologist as well.
It was 7:29 when Lauren had finished washing dirty dishes, and Pebble and Elf had changed and finished getting ready for bed. Elf had to make do with his khaki pants to sleep in. He was too drained to argue that his parents wouldn't approve. At least, he had another fresh shirt on.
The problem regarding the small bed was solved by pushing the living room couch against it, creating more space. Lauren had to make sure Elf did not fall off and the floor wasn't comfortable to sleep on, especially after plummeting painfully to it.
It was an eventful couple of hours and the next time Lauren blinked, she was wedged between the two children. Elf was cuddled up to Lauren with his leg over her stomach while Pebble was right beside the wall, lying on her belly as drool dribbled from the corner of her gaped mouth.
Lauren didn't even have to read them a bedtime story.
They all had wound up in bed after the kids devoured mac and cheese, which Lauren prepared while she left them to finish their coloring on the coffee table due to their insistence. She didn't fail to acknowledge that Pebble had obtained her drawn picture of Camila, which looked nothing like the woman. Elf must have informed her of the arrangements, she assumed.
There was a dance party that ensued as soon as Lauren set the glass baking dish filled with bright yellow pasta in the oven, depleting what was left of their energy.
If it weren't for her anticipation of Camila's calls or text messages, Lauren would have been out like a light. Then again, she hadn't had dinner just yet and her stomach would appreciate being fed.
"I didn't do anything to Josh, Miss Lauren." Elf's small voice tumbled out of his lips, startling Lauren, who assumed he had fallen to the clutches of slumber.
It wrung her heart the same way as the first time the boy expressed his concerns. Lauren could explain the reason behind the disparity in the two boys' predisposition; Elf's being acceptance and Josh aggression but that never quite banished agony away from her chest.
Just when Lauren thought she didn't have enough energy to even get up and drag her feet to the kitchen, she was proven wrong when her entire body felt as though she'd been through hard labor under the sun for eight-straight hours. Emotional pain had wrung her dry.
At least, Elf had finally opened up to her. He had always trusted her, Lauren knew that. She also knew that the boy had just needed to overcome shame and fear before he could even speak about it freely.
"I know, buddy. I'm proud of you, you know that?" Lauren stroked his back soothingly and planted a tender kiss over his head. She felt him nod against her chest and as much as she dreaded her next question, she knew it was necessary but her heart was racing at a tremendous pace, and Elf could feel it. "Did he hit you before? Kick?"
"No." Elf retorted quietly, much to Lauren's great relief. "He only pushed me. He takes my food."
"What do you do then?"
"My best friend, Jacob gives me some cookies." Elf perked up at the mention of the other boy. He and Jacob had sat next to each other since his first day in school. Since then, they have been inseparable.
"That's nice of him." Lauren commended, grateful to have learned that Elf had a good friend. She let out a warranted sigh. At least, not everyone was evil. "Does Miss Annie know this?"
"Yes. She talked to him. He's mean when Miss Annie isn't there."
"Did you tell Miss Annie?"
"No. He said he will hit me if I do." Elf regretfully informed, unconsciously clinging to the woman who was too dumfounded to speak as she tried to grasp the situation. His voice began to tremble as he fought to breathe his tears in. "Why doesn't he like me? Is there something wrong with me?"
"No. Nothing is wrong with you, okay?" Lauren choked out, already sensing her looming sympathetic tears that would have been riddled with frustrations with the limited things she could do to aid the boy. She wrapped her arms tighter around her, protectively keeping him close. "It's not your fault he's mean."
"Okay." Elf adjusted his head against Lauren's chest, accepting the woman's answers easily.
To him, Miss Lauren knew everything.
But it wasn't fair.
While Josh paraded his repulsive behavior, Elf had been contemplating on his inadequacies and faults, even to the point of doubting the person he was. The thought of that belligerent child and the know-it-all of a teacher stirred her acidic stomach, seething with absolute abhorrence. In the back of her mind, she'd wish that the school will have failed to make a turn in Josh's behavior just so she could see the terrorized look in the teacher.
However, for Elf's happiness, she wished they'd have wands and hats to make a perfect kid out of Josh.
Elf needed to see a rainbow, the sign that the storm had ended.
Every puzzle piece she uncovered in the young Clausnitzer's situation made her aching head spin to the point that she had to reach up and rub her temples. Lauren was hungry and she suddenly craved red that came in a dark bottle and 12% alcohol.
"Thanks for saving me, Miss Lauren." Elf suddenly informed, ceasing her reeling mind and put it in an odd state of peace.
It was a reassurance, a guarantee that Lauren did her job and she did it well.
However, tranquility never dawdled long enough for Lauren to be able to savor it as a distant memory came barreling down to choke her. Her first day in John H. Roth High, in an orange music room and their teacher Miss Peterson had just assigned Camila to help her with homework. It was then that Lauren thought of that one word that resonated to her, the one word that described who Camila was to her.
Whatever grip Lauren had had been pried off, one finger at a time and she was feeling quite hopeless. She was going crazy.
She really needed some wine to just slow her mind down seeing as her body was doing fine being a vegetable for the night.
"Anytime, buddy." Lauren told him affectionately, at least, she hoped. She was in a stupor but her cognizance fought valiantly to assure the boy that she was still there for him. "Go to sleep."
"Good night, Miss Lauren."
"Good night, buddy."
-
Lauren let out a frustrated huff as soon as she stepped out of her crowded room and it had never been warmer - she had never felt warmer in a long time. But she was famished and her stomach was beginning to show its protests with low gurgling sounds as it churned.
It was odd but the more her brain continued to scramble to comprehend Elf's predicaments and her own, the hungrier she became. Her fatigue had somehow concealed thoughts pertaining to Camila's unknown whereabouts and how she hadn't dropped by to pick up her son.
Lauren sluggishly sauntered over to the kitchen and took out the dish of mac and cheese, which she set in the refrigerator before she tucked the kids in bed. She decided to pop it in the microwave oven, not caring about its quality - she just needed to eat.
Lauren was just about to reach for some wine when a quiet knock stole her attention.
Suddenly, she was wide awake and was racing to the door, careful not to stomp like an ungainly giant.
An explosion rattled her chest as graceful insects with colorful kaleidoscope wings stuffed themselves within the crevice of her torso.
It didn't matter that she was late and that Lauren had spent a couple of long hours wondering where she was. Nothing ever did when the equation involved the two of them.
And as Lauren yanked the door open and found those shy brown pools she'd longed to see, whatever kind of vow she would have made to create a respectable gap between her and the person before her would have disappeared.
It would not be missed. In fact, it would seem as if it never even existed unlike the love that withstood distance, uncertainty and torment.
And every color, even those that she never knew existed flourished with just that one look.
"Camila. Come in."
***I'm sorry this took ages. Real life is demanding and being a perfectionist slash lazy $ucks balls. haha!