Ry,
Well today was graduation.. Which means only two weeks until I head off to Manchester for college.
But, we'll only be a few hours away, right? Just across the little channel, not far, really. We'll be able to get a plane ticket or boat pass quickly from Ireland to England. We can make it work, right?
I mean, I know we're not officially dating yet, but I really do like you. And I hope you like me too... So what's the point of worrying, we'll be fine!
Right?
...I feel like I'm just trying to keep this going...
Truth is, Ryan, I'm scared shitless. I don't want to go back to how I was before. I don't want to have to pretend, I don't want to be cocky, and I'm terrified to start over.
I have faith that if its meant to be, it'll be, but you're so unpredictable that it scares me.
What if I get out there and we lose contact? What if you just stop talking to me? What if we can't handle it? I mean we're both going to be so busy... I don't want to stop talking to you, Ryan.
You've opened up new doors in me and have showed me so much. You've made me realize that there's a lot more to life than just footie and popularity. You've opened my eyes and have dragged me through your world, Ry, and I don't want to leave that...
I don't want to leave you.
What am I supposed to do though? If I turn this down now, my career is in great jeopardy and I'm stuck without a school for the fall, but if I go than I risk giving you up.
I honestly don't know which could be worse...
You mean a lot to me.
You're always there for me and you've helped me through so much. My therapist even smiles when I tell her which is a big deal because I didn't even think the lady knew how to move her face muscles lol
I miss you already and I haven't even left... This is crazy. I'm going crazy.
These letters were supposed to help but I think they're making me go more insane to be completely honest...
I'm coming over Ryan, I need to see you. I don't care how late it is.
-Niall
4/6/15
Ps. You looked super good in your little gradation gown and cap. My mam gave me a picture she took and shit, babe... :D