" is this what you call friends? "
friends by ed sheeran
•••••
KIM
" Hey, Cyd, thanks for being there for me always. Since nung nagbreak kami, you're always there and thank you for comforting me when I'm down. I'm lucky to have you in my life. So lucky. "
" Kim, okay lang, noh. I'm always here whenever you need me. That's what friends are for right? "
That's what they are. FRIENDS. But why does Kim's heart tell her otherwise?
•••••
Kim woke up to the beeping of her phone. It was only 6am but quite frankly, she couldn't sleep because of the noise. She grabbed her phone from the night stand when someone spoke.
"Huy, Ate Kimmy! Yung phone mo! Ang aga aga. " Dawn mumbled while trying to go back to sleep. She was in her room kasi with her roommates, Dawn, Ara and Carol.
" Sorry. " She said, apologising while opening her phone.
As she did that, she got up from her bed and headed towards the kitchen of their dorm. Wala pang gising sa lady spikers kung 'di siya. Eh, sino ba naman magigising ng 6am sa rest day.
Wearing only her loose shirt and pyjamas, also her cute bunny slippers (Cyd gave it to her as a birthday gift), she sat down on one of the kitchen tools while scrolling on twitter.
It was her twitter notifications that were making the noise. Eh, kasi naman, nakalimutan i-silent. She was checking her news feed first, not yet her notifications. Kim was still sleepy but she couldn't go back to sleep. She got up from the stool she was seating, still scrolling on twitter, and opened the fridge.
Sandali munang binulsa ni Kim ang phone since she pulled out the carton of milk from the fridge. She got a glass and went back to sitting down while pouring herself a drink.
She got her phone again and checked her notifications na. It was flooded. By fans who were wild about the picture she posted. Sobra silang kinilig. No wonder why sabog notifications niya.
Exiting her notifcations, she went to her profile and clicked on the tweet she sent yesterday that made the fans go crazy.
It was a picture of Kim and Cyd's mother, Tita Imelda. The picture was taken last night, when she, Kianna, Cyd and Tita Imelda went to the spa. Kung titingnan mo, walang issue yung pic. But the fact that it was Cyd's mother, the mother of the lady she's being shipped to...well.
Kim was contemplating whether she should delete the photo since it caused an uproar to the fans which would make Tin jealous. Yes, Tin. Friend of Mika Reyes, also known as the girl na liniligawan niya. They've known each other for quite a while now. They've gone out to dinners and parties together, and she's not sure whether Tin is the one or not. It's just a matter of time.
Minding her own business, she suddenly heard the footsteps of a certain girl, Cyd. Cyd was still looking sleepy. Hair messy and eyes half closed. Cyd was too busy yawning while going to the fridge to notice Kim. Cyd was wearing her "i love cebu" shirt and Kim finds it cute.
When Cyd went to sat down infront of Kim while holding her glass of milk, that's when the girl took notice of the captain. Cyd was surprised, but she gave Kim a sleepy smile. She drank her glass of milk before speaking.
" Huy, Kimmy, gising ka na pala. Ang aga naman. " Cyd mumbled while grabbing an apple across from her.
Kim was about to answer when her phone beeped, indicating a meesage.
From: Tin 💐
Morning Kim! Have a great day today! I miss you na 😌😕.
Kim smiled when Cyd gave her a questioning look.
" Sino yan? "
Kim replied first before answering Cyd, leaving the cebuana to frown.
To: Tin 💐
Morning Tiny! Haha! Ingat ka ah, miss na rin kita eh. 😭😥💘
Kim closed her phone before going back to answering the cebuana, " Si Tin. "
Cyd frowned and Kim noticed it. She have her a questioning look when Cyd asked her.
" Siya yung liniligawan mo diba? Yung friend ni Mika? " Cyd asked while stirring her milk with the spoon as if she was bored of the conversation.
Morning mood swings lang yan, isip ni Kim.
" Uh, oo. "
" Musta naman kayo? "
Kim was taken aback by Cyd. Cyd was never the one to ask her about Tin. It would always be Mika, Ara and Kianna and maybe even their other teammates but never Cyd. Umagang umaga, isip ni Kim.
" Ayun, okay naman. Hang out dito, hang out doon. I like her. " Kim answered, before standing up to grab a bowl because she was thinking of eating cereal.
When she was about to grab it from the cupboard, she was stopped by Cyd's next question.
" Masaya ka ba? "
What the hell?
She turned around to look at Cyd who was just looking at her glass, frowning as if something was bothering her. Kim was getting irritated. Sure, she and Cyd were close but this was just a surprise to Kim and she didn't like the time of Cyd.
" Oo, Cyd. Bakit ba? " Mataray naman na sinagot ni Kim.
That's when Cyd looked up from Kim and narrowed her eyes. This wasn't like them. This was never them.
" Concerned lang naman ako kasi nga diba, super friends tayo? Ayaw lang kitang masaktan. " Cyd spoke each word with such anger and sharpness that it made Kim flinched.
So they're going back there? When Kim said that they were just 'super friends' ? Kim didn't know why it bothered Cyd so much. Triny niyang iconfront but all Cyd did was shrugged and ignored her. Imposible naman na gusto siya ni Cyd, diba? Friends, that's what they are and all that they will ever be.
" Cyd..." Kim spoke out, both a warning and apology to Cyd.
" Sabagay, dapat di ako nangengeelam. Di naman ako yung girlfriend mo, eh. " Cyd muttered, before getting up, just in time when Kianna was about to enter the kitchen.
Cyd stopped to greet Kianna before going up back to her room. Kianna raised her eyebrows at Kim, as if challenging her. Kim just rolled her eyes and sat down again at one of the stools, a bowl in her hand.
Kianna sat down where Cyd sat before smiling innocently at Cyd.
" Bakit? " Kim asked, irritated.
" Grabe ka, Kaf. Gwapo ka na sana, manhid nga lang. "
~~~~~~
It was afternoon and after that encounter with Cyd, Kim felt guilty. She wanted to apologise pero wala na si Cyd sa kwarto niya nung hinanap niya ito. She asked Kianna but she said she doesn't know where she went. So here was Kim, in Starbucks somewhere near their dorm, with the one and only....Tin.
They planned to grab a snack here and go to the mall later, since parehas naman sila walang gagawin. It was half past twelve, and the lovebirds were sitting down sa may window side ng Starbucks. They were making small talk, and telling jokes, just like what friends este a couple would do. But somehow, Tin noticed that Kim was not her usual bubbly self.
" Huy, Kim, ayos lang ba tayo? " Tin asked worried.
Kim gave her a small smiled before answering, " Oo naman, Tin. "
Tin smiled and held the hand of Kim that was on the table. Normally, kikiligin siya, but right now she feels.....empty.
Kim removed her hand and put it on her lap, making Tin frown at her and ask her what's wrong.
" Wala lang, ano kasi, masakit ulo ko. " She lied.
Tin was not buying it.
" Ano ba talaga? You can tell me naman eh. "
Well, she could always tell Tin, right? She would always give Kim the advices she needs so maybe this is what she needed.
" I feel guilty. " She started off.
" Saan naman? "
Kim thought of the events that happened earlier sa dorm nila and a frowned appeared.
" Kay Cyd. "
At the mention of Cyd's name, she notice Tin took a seat back and furrowed her eyebrows.
" Bakit naman? "
" We fought...about us, you and me, our relationship. She was concerned kasi and I didn't see that. Kaya yun, naiinis ako sa kanya konte and I know it hurt her. "
Tin smiled sadly at Kim before saying some words that made Kim feel surprised.
" Concerned sayo or baka naman gusto ka niya. " Tin said.
Huh? Gusto ako ni Cyd, Kim thought. That's impossible. The thought of the cebuana liking her was funny. Kim laughed, obviously finding it amusing, pero si Tin, seryoso ng mukha lang. And that's when Kim stopped. So serious pala siya.
" But, gusto kita. " Kim said stupidly.
Tin laughed before saying, " Di ko naman sinabi na dito mo ako gusto eh. What I'm saying is she likes you. "
" But we're friends! "
" But you guys don't treat each other as friends. You guys are so touchy, clingy din. And protective sa isa't isa. Para nga kayong couple eh. Sa una, oo, nainggit ako. But when you told me you like me, I was happy. But you can't deny the fact na may chance na gusto ka ni Cyd, right? After all, parang pinaasa mo na din siya. "
~~~~~
Kim was confused. Cyd likes her? But why? They're just friends, they've established that. And yung sinabi ni Tin na pinaasa niya si Cyd? Was that true? Sure, touchy sila and clingy and they act like a couple, but they both know naman na walang malisya diba? And it was normal for her to be sweet to Cyd?
Kim was lying on her bed, just confused, when suddenly a knock came on the door.
" Ate Kimmy! Tama na drama, karaoke night ngayon! " Noreen said after opening Kim's door.
Oo nga pala, it's a Saturday night which mean't karaoke night for them. She told Noreen that she'll be down in a bit. She walked towards the mirror and frowned. Imposible na gusto siya ni Cyd....diba? She hasn't seen Cyd since she came home and no one knows where she is. They tried calling her but she only texted Kianna that she'll be back soon. That was an hour ago, and normally, Cyd was the one to inform Kim about her whereabouts. Kim felt guilty.
When she went down, she immediately went to where everyone was and was surprised when Cyd was there, beside Kianna. When did she come home? Everyone was busy sitting down and preparing the karaoke when Cyd looked at her and stared. Kim smiled at her but all Cyd did was look the other direction. She needs to talk to her.
" Okay! Karaoke night today! Uulan bukas, charot. " Mika joked while standing infront of everyone.
Kim sat beside Ara, who was sitting on the floor and Ara gave her a smile. As soon as the first song played, Torete, eveyone was singing, kahit na kay Ara and Mika yung mic. Everyone was having fun and taking turns. Kim even sang Decode by Paramore. Duet sila ni Kianna. It has been an hour when it was Cyd's turn to sing. She was to duet with Noreen and Cyd was to pick the song.
While browsing the song book, Cyd suddenly glanced at Kim and smiled as if she was planning something. She whispered something to Noreen and the rookie nodded before pressing the numbers. And who would've thought. The song was....
Friends by Ed Sheeran.
Everyone teasing Cyd saying " Uy, para kanino yan! " but Cyd just laughed it off and she and Noreen took center stage and as soon as the first note hit, the first lyric was sung, and Cyd's gaze never left hers, she knew.
We're not, no we're not friends, nor have we ever been.
We just try to keep those secrets in a lie,
And if they find out, will it all go wrong?
And Heaven knows, no one wants it to.
So I could take the back road
But your eyes will lead me straight back home.
And if you know me like I know you
You should love me, you should know.
Friends just sleep in another bed,
And friends don't treat me like you do.
Well I know that there's a limit to everything,
But my friends won't love me like you.
No, my friends won't love me like you.
We're not friends, we could be anything.
If we try to keep those secrets safe.
No one will find out if it all went wrong.
They'll never know what we've been through.
So I could take the back road,
But your eyes'll lead me straight back home.
And if you know me like I know you,
You should love me, you should know.
Friends just sleep in another bed,
And friends don't treat me like you do.
Well I know that there's a limit to everything,
But my friends won't love me like you.
No, my friends won't love me like you.
But then again, if we're not friends,
Someone else might love you too.
And then again, if we're not friends,
There'd be nothing I could do, and that's why
Friends should sleep in other beds.
And friends shouldn't kiss me like you do.
And I know that there's a limit to everything.
But my friends won't love me like you.
No, your friends won't love you like I do.
Fuck, that last lyric change. Everyone was quiet after it. They didn't see it coming and Kim herself didn't see it coming. After the song ended Cyd acted like as if nothing changed in the song and went to high five Noreen who was grinning because of their performance. Soon, the silence broke and everyone adored them both.
" Uy, grabe Nors! May hidden talent ka pala! "
" Ate Cyd ah, lalim ng pinanghugutan! "
" Concert na this! "
Everyone was laughing and smiling. All except Kim. She didn't understand. She can't understand. So she went to Cyd, who was still standing but was now about to take a seat, but Kim stopped her by grabbing her shoulders.
" Cyd. Pwede ba tayo mag usap? "
" Maya na, Kim. " Cyd whispered, not looking at her.
" Ngayon na, please. " Kim said desperately.
And for the first time tonight, Cyd looked at her and she looked tired. Kim hated it.
Cyd just sighed and stood up before following Kim outside. Buti na lang busy yung iba sa kantahan.
~~~~~
Where were they? Well, sa daming lugar na pwedeng dalhin ni Kim si Cyd, sa rooftop pa talaga. She just needed answers and she needed privacy with Kim. As soon as they were alone, Cyd sighed and faced Kim. The night was beautiful, the stars are out, and soon, feelings will be, too.
" Ano, Kim? " Cyd asked like she was tired.
" Do you like me? "
Wow grabe Kim, straight forward. But she needs answers, now.
" Huh? " Cyd asked as if she was hearing things.
" Gusto mo ba ako? "
And then there was silence. Neither of them spoke. All that you can hear were the evening breeze and the two beating hearts that were never meant for each other.
The silence was killing Kim. Buti na lang nagsalita si Cyd.
" Oo. "
And something inside Kim burst. Maybe it was happiness, or sadness, or maybe even fondness. She doesn't know what she's feeling right now.
" Bakit? "
Cyd smiled and it made Kim's heart skip a beat.
" Bakit? Well, unang una, kilala mo ako, and you're always there for me. I also like the way you smile, na parang nakakamatay. Also, tuwing nastrestress ka na, you look so cute pag frustrated ka na. When you tell jokes, like how you light up my day. And tuwing yinayakap mo ako, hindi mo alam kung gaano kasarap yun, " Cyd paused for a while, smiling as if she was remembering a faint memory.
Kim wanted to cry. She never heard someone talk so fondly of her. She didn't deserve Cyd.
" There's a million things why I like you, Kim. But mostly, I like you because you remind me why my heart is still beating. You give me a sense of warmth, hope, peace and home. " Cyd finished of smiling, as if she wasn't hurting of the fact that she knows Kim likes another.
Kim wanted to thank Cyd. Cyd was all those things to her, too. But less of what Cud thinks of her.
" Cyd, " Kim started remembering what Tin said. " Pinaasa ba kita? "
Cyd was looking at the stars and Kim looked at them too, the question still hanging.
" No. Di mo ako pinaasa. I mean I understand naman eh, that you like her. But before that? Maybe misleading lang. But it's okay. Ako naman yung tanga dito na akala na mahal mo din ako dati before her. " Cyd said, her voice cracking at the end.
Kim stood dumbfounded. She wanted to apologize, with every single word out there that meant sorry. But before she could, Cyd turned to look at her and smiled.
" Pero Kim, you don't need to say sorry. It's not your fault, " Cyd started.
" And I hope you're happy with her. Kasi you deserve to be happy. Even though hindi ako, as long as you're happy, that's fine by me. Saktan mo ako hangga't minamahal kita, okay lang, masaya ka eh. Wala rin akong magawa, friends lang tingin mo sa akin eh. "
Cyd smiled sadly at Kim who was almost in tears. Kim was hurting Cyd, yet here was Cyd loving her unconditionally. Cyd hugged Kim so tight and they stayed like that, like the world wasn't cruel, like nothing was wrong, like they were inlove.
Like they were Cyd and Kim, what they are supposed to be in another lifetime.