First Impression: cute cover!
Congratulations on finishing the book! You have a great start and you show the internal conflict that goes on in Sidney's mind throughout the story. I like how you show each character's personalities very well, and I can tell who they are. I also really liked the plot twist! You had me sitting there with my mouth open! I advise all writers to make sure to go through their story and do some general editing, because I did find some little mistakes here and there, and you can catch those when you go back and read it. I do think that the dialogue between the characters is kind of childish for high school students, especially since Sidney sometimes speaks very immaturely. On the same topic, did you ever establish their grade or their age? A lot of the chapters are just plot, and there's not a lot of action going on, which causes the story to slow down and be boring. I think that you should definitely introduce Kevin and Hayley earlier in the story, because it seemed abrupt to introduce them out of nowhere in Chapter 8. You could add them in the beginning, like a small interaction that makes the reader think they are minor characters, but then bring them back in Chapter 8. It will flow better that way. Also, I suggest not having the time stamps, like "2 weeks before prom." Just show us that it's two weeks before prom through your writing, and don't explicitly post it out there. Make sure to watch your verb tense throughout the story. I suggest having sentence variety in Ed's point of view, because the one chapter has a lot of short sentences that make it seem choppy. I was a little sad that I didn't get to see any more interaction between Sidney and her father near the end of the book, now that she knows. Her mother could've also shown up as well, to talk with her. All in all, this is a really well thought out and planned story!
Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)
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- bluecrayonlady