Floating. That's what it felt like. The blackness had already taken hold of me and now I was just suspended. In what? The air? I didn't know, but I was somewhere and it was just nothingness. There was no cold, no heat, no light. It should have been overwhelming. I should have been terrified, but I felt more at peace than I had in a long time because there was also no pain.
My head felt clear. I could actually form a coherent thought. For the first time in six months my body, my mind, was free.
Are you free, Ava?
It was a voice from within the darkness or was it in my head? I turned my head from side to side, but it was pitch black, there was no way I could see anything.
Do you want to stay here? Here in all of this black?
Who are you? Where are you? Where am I?
It's nice here away from the light isn't it?
I...I don't hurt. It feels...good.
Good enough to stay?
I...I don't know what you mean.
The voice was raspy, but I couldn't make out if it were male or female. It sounded far away, but it was hard to tell since it bounced off the walls of this place, whatever it was. The way its voice echoed, it made me think I was in some sort of cave.
There was something picking at the peace that had settled over my consciousness. It's claw like fingers, digging until it hurt, digging until I realized how uncomfortable I truly was.
That's it. You see it now. You see it for what it really is, don't you?
Who are you?
Don't give in, Ava. You're stronger than...
Nothing. The voice just stopped talking. For a while I remained silent, wondering where it could have gone. I listened until I couldn't take the silence any longer.
Hello? Are you still there? How do I get out of here? Hello? Hello!
There was a rustling sound in the distance that made my entire body freeze. I don't even think I was breathing. It sounded like a bug, with thousand of tiny hairy legs, scurrying across a stone floor. I shivered, goose bumps forming all along my body.
For a while the silence had taken back over. It lasted so long that I was starting to believe I had imagined the sound all together. Then, a bit closer, I heard it again. This time I knew it wasn't just a trick my mind was playing on me; there was someone or something in here with me.
This once peaceful rest was now a thing of nightmares. I had no idea where I was or how to get out. My hands and feet could feel nothing. The only thing I could feel was the sensation of a light breeze across my face.
Again, I heard rustling in the distance, each noise sounded closer and closer. The nearer it got, the clearer the sound became. Deep within me I knew it was someone. It was that same someone who had found me lying helpless on the locker room floor. I had to get out of here, but I was at a complete as to how.
Over here.
The voice was back. I jerked my head around, tyring to find it.
Hello? What do I do? You have to help me.
I can't.
Then why are you here?
You have to help yourself.
How?
Don't give in to the shadows. Don't find comfort in the darkness. Open your eyes.
They are open! I can't see anything!
No, Ava, open your eyes. Wake up!
What?
Wake up!
Suddenly, a scream reverberated off of the cavernous walls. The blood in my veins seemed to freeze in place. Every hair on my body stood on end. Then, I heard pounding, like thunder that never ended. That was when I realized that something was running at me.
Wake up, Ava! Open your eyes!
My eyes jerked open and I was instantly blinded by a brilliant light. There were muffled voices and I think I heard someone say my name, but I wasn't sure. Slowly, faces began to take shape above me. There was a mess of black hair, the smell of leather, and a black tattoo.
"She's coming to," I heard someone say.
"Step aside, young man," another person said.
When I could finally see, I focused on a pair of intense grey eyes.
"Gabriel?" I questioned. "Why are you in the girl's locker room?"
Really, Ava? That's what you're going to ask?
He looked back at me, an odd expression on his face, one that I couldn't really read. It was probably because I was still a bit loopy, but I was almost certain he looked angry. I began noticing more faces around me; Kira and Coach Nelson were there. To my horror so was Frankie.
She had the most intense sneer on her face. I wasn't a mind reader, but I was almost certain what was going through her mind, "There goes Ava again, acting like she's dying. She's such a Drama Queen."
Why did this have to happen here? Why did it have to happen in front of her? This was just ammunition and I handed it right over to her on a silver platter.
The paramedic was securing a brace around my neck.
"I don't need that," I told him.
"It's procedure, honey," he responded.
I figured it was better not to argue or resist. The last thing I wanted to do was give Frankie and her goons anymore juicy gossip to carry back to the rest of the school. So, I remained silent when they put me on a stretcher, strapped me down, and lifted me onto the gurney.
There was only one way out of the locker room and that was through the gym. The paramedics rolled me out to a group of whispering onlookers. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at them. It was that mantra that you told yourself when you were little and afraid of the dark, "If I can't see them, they can't see me."
The truth was, I didn't want them to see me. I wanted them to see me for who I was, what I was going through. If I could force them to sit down and listen to what I had to say, I would. Maybe then they would be kinder. Maybe then I wouldn't have to feel like a freak. I wanted them to understand, but Life is a jerk and it doesn't care what you want.
I took a glace as they lifted me up into the ambulance and saw Gabriel towering over the other students, that same intense glare on his face. It was like he was angry at me for passing out, as if I had any control over it. The thought really upset me, but more than anything, it freaked me out.
I was at the hospital for the entire night. I was hoping that it would just be a few hours, but my family doctor, Dr. Hester, wasn't hearing of it.
"Ava, this is a very serious matter," she told me. "We need to do a number of tests and if I'm not happy with what I see then you may have to stay an additional day. No arguments, young lady. We have to make sure that we take good care of you."
My parents agreed. I was stuck here until I was cleared by the doctor. For hours we sat in the hospital room, mom reading, dad answering work emails, and me pretending I was asleep. If I were awake, Mom would be hovering and right now I couldn't stand it.
My mind was too busy with scenarios of Frankie trying to make my life more of a living hell. I'm sure she had something amazing up her sleeve.
There was a knock, breaking my train of thought. I could hear Mom's shoes clicking on the white, tile floor as she made her way to the door.
"Hi," the British accent hit my ears like a musical note. "I'm Kira, a friend of your daughter's. Well, we actually just met today. Um, these are for her."
My eyes shot open and I watched as Kira hand my mom a bouquet of sunflowers. They were gorgeous and happened to be my favorite flower.
"She's sleeping right now, but..."
"I'm awake," I announced, my voice cracking in a way that made me sound a bit more pitiful than I was.
"Oh, well," Mom started, giving me a look that said, "You should be resting."
"It's OK, Mom," I told her, sitting up. "I could use some company."
"Alright, but just for a while," she smiled, sweetly.
She moved aside and let Kira enter. Kira gave Mom a mesmerizing smile in return and gingerly walked over to me, but still embraced me in a warm hug.
"How are you?" she asked.
"Oh, I'm alright," I shrugged and tried not to flinch at the pain in my head that the movement caused.
"Honey, why don't we go and grab something to eat?" Mom prodded Dad with her foot. "Would you girls like anything?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine, Mrs. Black," Kira told her. "My host family made a really large dinner."
"Your host family? You're an exchange student?" Dad raised an eyebrow.
"Hence the accent," Kira giggled. "I'm here from London on a cheerleading scholarship."
"Oh," Mom looked worried.
"It's alright, Mom," I jumped in. "Kira is cool."
Mom looked at her and then at Dad. He was still staring at Kira as though trying to determine if he could trust leaving her with his daughter. After a moment he grabbed Mom by the hand.
"We'll be right back," he said, kissing my forehead and then they left the room.
Once they were gone, I relaxed immediately. I didn't even realize I was so tense. I loved my parents, but sometimes they acted like I might break. It could be overwhelming.
Kira sat in the chair my dad had just occupied and looked over me. It was funny, but even though I literally just met her I felt very comfortable around her.
"So, how are you really feeling?" she cut her bright blue eyes at me.
Kira wasn't stupid. I didn't think my parents were either, but she and I were the same age. It was easier to talk to your friends about certain things.
"Like I about died," I confessed.
"It's OK to feel bad, you know," she said in a tender voice. "We're only human, Ava. We're not built to hold it all inside."
I nodded my head in agreement and for some reason, I just broke down crying. Kira rushed over and hugged me to her chest, letting me get tears all over her pretty black shirt.
Why was I breaking down in front of this girl? I didn't even know her. Sure, she was nice and seemed to be reaching out to me, but I've never been one to be so open. I felt this weight on my shoulders and having her come here to check on me just seemed to be that one last piece to have it all come crashing down.
"I'm sorry," I tell her as I wipe my eyes dry. "I don't know where that came from."
"Don't worry," she hugged me one more time. "It's what friends are for."
I smiled, felling better than I had in a long time. It felt good to have a friend. Still, there was a slight fear in me. Kira was my friend now, but I couldn't help wondering how long it would last. Frankie had a way of convincing people to believe just about anything. Kira seemed like a strong-willed girl, but there weren't many people who could resist Frankie's charms.
Kira stayed even after my parents came back. Before long she had them convinced she hung the moon and stars. Even though she was new to all of us, Kira just had something about her that pulled you in and you couldn't help but want to be near her. There was something bright about her presence that made me feel like I needed her to be here right at this moment.
Near the end of visiting hours she stood up and announced she really needed to get back before her host family thought she had ran away back to London. Mom and Dad were actually sad to see her go, but none more than me.
Kira came back each day I was in the hospital and I was there for five days. Apparently, Dr. Hester thought I needed every test that medical professionals had ever created.
Kira was kind enough to bring me homework I was missing so I wouldn't get behind. She also snuck me in my favorite Sonic drink. We made sure to discreetly dispose of the cups so Dr. Hester wouldn't have a come apart. She had put me on a strict diet, but let me tell you something, a girl cannot live on tuna and apples alone!
She kept me up to date on the happenings at school while we pretended I was eating tuna and making half attempts at History homework. As I predicted, Frankie was telling everyone I had overdosed on my "migraine" meds. Kira didn't want to tell me at first, but after some convincing she revealed to me what had been spreading around campus like a wildfire.
"You really shouldn't let it get to you, Ava," Kira tried comforting me. "You know what really happened. Frankie is a vile girl and eventually, she'll get what's coming to her."
"Yeah, but in the meantime, I do have to worry about it," I sighed.
"Well, you don't have to face it alone," she told me with a pat on my hand.
"Thanks, Kira," I smiled. "You really are my only friend."
"Truly? What about Gabriel?" she wondered with a raised eyebrow, seeming really confused.
"Gabriel?" I questioned, the image of his angry face flashing in my mind's eye.
"Yes, I figured you two were friends," she shrugged her shoulders. "He's been asking me about you every day. I assumed he couldn't visit you himself seeing as how your father might not take too kindly to such a...brooding figure coming to call on his daughter."
"Well, that's nice of him, to ask," I told her. "But Gabriel Matthews and I are not friends. We've hardly had just a handful of conversations. To be honest, he sort of creeps me out."
"Are we talking about the same Gabriel Matthews?" she looked shocked. "Because the dudes hot."
"You can be creepy and hot," I pointed out.
"True," she giggled in that musical tone of hers. "He did sort of rescue you though."
"Rescue me?" I felt left out of something.
"Yes. What, has no one told you?" Kira looked shocked. "When you started convulsing, you were screaming. Gabriel apparently heard you from the gym. He came rushing in and found you on the floor and held you so you wouldn't hurt yourself. He also had the wit to put his pocketknife, which we all know is a no-no, and forced it into your mouth so you wouldn't bite your tongue off. It was like he was right there, waiting in the wings to save you. He nearly was suspended for the pocketknife, but Coach Nelson came to his defense."
"Oh, I didn't know," I really couldn't think of anything else to say.
That was end of our conversation about Gabriel, but that didn't mean I stopped thinking about him. He did come to my "rescue", but I still felt like there was just something really odd about him. We weren't friends so why was he asking Kira about me?
I told myself that I wouldn't think about it anymore, that Gabriel Matthews would just fade from my mind if I concentrated on Math. Who was I kidding? His face was there, haunting me, as I was trying to figure out what 36 times 3 was. It took me a full 10 minutes to realize I had it wrong and that's why I had to do the problem over four times.
Kira had to get back to her host family, Mom was at work, so was Dad, so that left me in my hospital room for another few hours by myself. I threw my pencil down, knowing I wasn't going to get more work done.
Why couldn't I stop thinking about Gabriel? He was never on my radar and here I was, thinking about him and that strange look he gave me. Sighing, I got out of the bed and headed for the door. My doctor wanted me to walk around the hospital a few times a day and I had yet to get in one round around the ward.
I pulled on my favorite sweater and a pair of gray yoga pants, and then pulled my hair into a bun on top my head. Not even attempting to look in the mirror, I walked out of the room and started down the hall.
The lights were nearly blinding compared to my dark room. My eyes burned; tearing up the further I walked. I blinked a few times to try and settle them, but I'm sure all I was able to do was convince the nurses that I was about to have another seizure so I stopped. The last thing I wanted was to stay in the hospital any longer than necessary. Fake it until you make it, you know.
I was on my third round of the ward when I suddenly started feeling a bit dizzy. Knowing that I had expensed my energy for the day, I headed back to my room. To say I was irritated would be an understatement. I was furious. How could a young, teenage girl get to this point? This was supposed to be the time of my life where I had all the energy in the world, but no, that just wasn't going to happen for me.
I was angry with myself. The doctors said that it was nothing I had done or could do, but I was still pointing the finger at me. In my mind, only I, through sheer willpower, could overcome this illness. So, screw going back to the room. Come hell or high water I was going to make one more trip around this godforsaken hospital floor!
Putting one foot in front of the other, I marched my happy little self around the next corner. I was on my corridor; the hall that was going to pass my room so if I really wanted to I could just stop, give up, and lay down in the bed and turn on the TV. However, I was determined. Even if it killed me, I was going to do this.
You know how you make plans and then nothing turns out the way you want them to? Yeah, well, that's the story of my life. As I neared my room, my breath became heavier and I had to grip the wall for support. I couldn't tell you why I suddenly felt this drained. Sure, I was tired, but I had a sudden burst of determination. Why did I feel like my body was about to give out?
The door to my room opened; I expected to find my parents looking for me or maybe a nurse. Instead, it was Gabriel. I stopped in my tracks. He looked one way and then the other. When our eyes met, my heart did a certain dance that I had no name for and honestly, didn't want to name it. Naming it terrified me. Actually, the intense color of his eyes terrified me.
"Ava," he said in that deep voice that I wasn't accustomed to.
"Uh," I started. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you," he handed me a teddy bear and a card.
The bear was something you'd never find in nature and definitely not something I ever dreamed Gabriel would be carrying around in his strong, muscular arms. The fur was purple, the paws were sea green, and it had "Get Well" stitched into the abdomen. I took the contents in his hands and just stared at him.
"Everyone signed the card," he told me.
Everyone? Who was everyone? I had no friends.
"Oh," I managed to say and then to my surprise. "Would you like to sit down?"
"Sure, of course," he lead me back into my room.
Gabriel took the seat next to my bed. His grey eyes watched my every move as I got into my bed, sitting on one leg, and letting the other hang off the side. I held the multicolored teddy bear in one hand and the card in the other.
He didn't say anything as he watched. It seemed he was expecting me to open the card, so I did.
I didn't know what to expect, really. My friend's list had almost dwindled down to nothing for the past several months so it would surprise me to find more than Gabriel's name on this card. However, it was full of signatures and well wishes.
Get better, Ava!-Tiff
We miss you at school! Get back here soon!-Maria
It's not the same here without you walking down the halls with your earbuds in! Hurry and get well!-Trevor
I knew these people. They had been my friends. Why were they suddenly talking to me? I'm sure their intentions were to cheer me up, but instead it really ticked me off. All this time and they were just now showing any concern for me? Maybe they finally believed me instead of Frankie, just maybe.
Apparently, I was gripping the card with all my might because Gabriel gently took it from my hands and set it on the nightstand beside me. My eyes darted in his direction and I couldn't tell if he were looking at me in concern or amusement.
"It was Kira's idea," he explained. "She wanted to let you know that people were thinking about you."
"Why didn't she bring it?" I said more forcefully than I meant to.
He smiled at me. In that way that guys smile, one side of their mouth pulled up just a bit higher than the other, the smile that made girl's stomachs do summersaults. I had to admit; Gabriel made my stomach do all sorts of things. Still, there was that part of me that sensed something dangerous about him.
"I brought it because her host family has church tonight," his voice smooth. "And I volunteered."
"Why?" I blurted. "We don't know each other."
"Do you have to know someone to show compassion?" he raised an eyebrow. "And maybe I want us to get to know each other."
My stomach did that flip thing again. There was a silence in the room between us. He had taken me completely off guard with how easy it was for him to flirt. Was he flirting? Maybe he meant he wanted to get to know me as a friend. Yes, that had to be it. He just needed a friend. I don't think he really had any, except Trevor, who followed Gabriel like he was his shadow. Most people were a little afraid of the near 6'4, dark and brooding figure that walked down the halls, clearing a path.
Was I afraid of him? Heck yes! There were fears that I couldn't even name when I looked at Gabriel. Still, there was also that part of me that enjoyed how afraid I was. I wanted to know him too.
"Well, thank you," I told him. "For bringing this and being...um...well, nice to me."
"Are you not used to someone being nice to you?" he grinned.
"I'm not used to you being nice to me," I pointed out. "We've gone to school together our entire lives practically and you've never said anything to me until now."
"For one, I'm surprised you noticed me at all," he rested his arms on his knees as he leaned forward. "Also, you've never spoken to me either, so, I think we're even."
I didn't say anything to that. He was right. I was too busy trying to be someone I wasn't and not caring who I hurt along the way. His words shocked me, cut me to the core, and well, slapped me in the face. I wasn't accustomed to guys calling me out on my crap.
A few months ago, I had most of the guys I knew wrapped around my pinky. I was Ava Black, a hot cheerleader, rich, and with a lot of pull around campus. I could bat my eyes and get what I wanted. Looking at Gabriel, I knew he wouldn't be that easy to manipulate. He was too strong willed.
To me, that was intriguing for a number of reasons. He was all sorts of fascinating, but before I could get lost in the mystery that was Gabriel Matthews, I reminded myself of that feeling in the pit of stomach. The one that sort of freaked me out.
"I think I interrupted your walk," he stood up. "I'll let you get back to it."
"You can join me," I offered before I realized what I had said. "I mean, if you want."
"Sure," he smiled. "And if you get the urge to use my arm as support, I won't mind."
"Ha," I laughed nervously. "I'll keep that in mind."
We started out of the door and I made sure to stick close to the wall and leave a wide gap between Gabriel and myself. He glanced over with a wide grin on his face. He knew he made me nervous. Dang it! Where is that confident girl that I was a few months ago? Was she still in there somewhere?
Oh man, and I looked like total cow dung. I remembered what I was wearing and how my hair was like an old ladies bun on top of my head. Great.
"Let's go outside," he told me. "You could use a little sun."
"Excuse you," I gawked at him in disbelief. "What are you saying?"
"That you could use some sun," he laughed and it sounded like a rumble that came from deep in his chest. "Besides, a little Vitamin D is good for the soul."
"Unless you're a vampire," I pointed out.
"Do I need to worry about you biting into my neck, Ava Black?" he cut his grey eyes at me.
"What?" my heart did a little flip in my chest. "Um, no."
He laughed again, that deep sound making goose bumps form on my arms. Gabriel led the way out into the courtyard. It wasn't exactly warm, but at least Alabama had bi-polar weather and October wasn't freezing cold yet. I wrapped my long sweater tightly around my body. There was still a slight chill in the air.
The sky was overcast, but every now and then the sun would peak out through the clouds. We sat on a bench after making a few rounds of the pretty garden. There were leaves that covered the path. A few were damp and tried to cling to my shoes. Yellow and maroon mums were placed here and there, along with bright orange pumpkins.
Leaning back in on the bench, I took in a deep breath, feeling like the cool, crisp air was pure energy. I was smiling and I realized how much I missed this. I missed just being with people, with friends. Looking over at Gabriel, his eyes looking up in a tree as he watched two birds dance from branch to branch, I wondered if he were really a friend. He had no trouble flirting with me, but what were his true intentions?
"Ava," I heard my father's voice to my left.
I turned to him and saw that he had on his "Dad Face." Here his daughter sat with a very interesting looking boy, a boy would towered over his 5'11 frame.
"Hey, Daddy," I stood up and hugged him.
"What are you doing out here?" he looked from me to Gabriel. "It's cold."
"I'm just hanging out with Gabriel," I explained.
"Mr. Black," Gabriel stuck his hand out to shake my dad's hand. "Gabriel Matthews. I go to school with Ava. I brought her a Get Well gift from the other students in our class."
"Is that so?" Dad cocked an eyebrow. "What grade are you in?"
"I'm a senior, sir," Gabriel said.
"Gabriel is sure to be our Valedictorian," I told Dad, hoping to ease the tention.
"Maybe," Gabriel smiled. "That's if Andie Baker doesn't beat me out of it. We've been in competition since grade school."
"Well, that's impressive," Dad shook his hand, finally. "Any college prospects?"
"A few, but it really depends on my grades," Gabriel stated. "My parents want me to follow their footsteps, take over the family business."
"And what do you want?" Dad wondered.
"I'm fascinated with History, Greek Mythology, any mythology really, always have been," Gabriel's eyes seemed to light up at the mention of the past. "I have a knack for research. I'd really like to do something that involves both."
"Wow, that's...that's amazing, Gabriel," Dad really didn't seem to know what to say.
Here was this tattooed, biker looking rebel, and he was talking about researching ancient belief systems. I had to suppress a giggle because it was rare that my dad was ever surprised.
"Uh, we're eating here in a moment," Dad offered. "You're welcome to join us. Nothing too fancy, just some Sushi in a hospital room."
"Dad? You're letting me cheat on my diet?" I looked at him in surprise.
"I can't stand watching you force yourself to eat tuna and apples one more night," he winked at me. "Besides, you're eating fish so that has to count, right?"
"Oh, Daddy, I love you!" I hugged him.
"Well, Gabriel," Dad looked at him.
"Sushi, breaking the doctor's orders, how could I refuse?" he smiled and just like that we were headed back inside.
We ate until we couldn't anymore. Just like Dad, Mom was automatically entranced with Gabriel. The nurse came to administer my nightly medication. I was slightly embarrassed that Gabriel was here to witness it. The worst part was that the medication didn't take long to take effect, even with a belly full of food. My eyes grew heavy and tried my best to not yawn.
It didn't matter though. I leaned back on the bed and before I knew it I was startled awake by laughter. My parents and Gabriel were looking at me with an amused expression on their face.
"Whatever!" I laughed despite being a bit upset. "It's the medicine."
"I think that's my queue to leave," Gabriel laughed at me. "It was great meeting you Mr. and Mrs. Black. Thank you for letting me have dinner with you."
"You'll have to come over for dinner when we get home too, Gabriel," Mom hugged him. "Not to brag, but I'm an excellent cook."
"I would love that," he gave her that million-watt smile and then walked over to me.
What was he doing? Why was he coming this way? I couldn't take my eyes off of him and I felt my body tense up. Gabriel leaned over and I almost thought he was going to hug me in front of my parents. Instead, he grabbed a pen and paper and wrote something down.
"My number," he told me. "In case you need anything."
He said another goodbye to my parents and then left, leaving me feeling quite strange. For a long time I was locked away in my own shell and now I had two new friends. Things in my life seemed to be looking up, at least people were speaking to me and it seemed as though there were a few more at school who might be willing to. Maybe, just maybe, there was new light in my life and I prayed it would outshine the darkness.